Women don’t care if you’re sensitive, women don’t like or appreciate men expressing their emotions or showing any vulnerability when it comes to relationships

wtknight · 2021-09-16T23:17:39+00:00

Removed. No woe-is-me posts.

cupcakegensis · 2021-09-16T19:47:38+00:00

I'm going to honest with you and probably a little blunt, but when was the last time in a newly buding relationship has a woman broke down in tears crying on you about her depression? If you're American then our culture isn't one that rewards sensitivity. Male female heck even children get told to tough it out. It sucks and I can understand you are upset. There is an old saying don't let your crazy out all at once. What that means is we all have baggage, we all know everyone has baggage, but it's off putting if someone unloads it to fast. Men are called sissies and women are called crazy if they show strong emotions. In a relationship it becomes a point of intimacy to show your inner feelings because in my culture those feelings are hidden to 99% of the population. You can't whip your dick out on the first date and same with personal strong emotions. For the money question look up average salaries for people in your age range you will realize most of us live pretty dang poor.

WestsideMoonWalker · 2021-09-16T19:42:01+00:00

I'll speak to at least my own experience, since it seems to differ greatly from yours.

I feel women judge men for being short, being poor or low income etc, things women are rarely ever judged for.

I'm sure women are more attuned to these things, but I also often see men actively hostile to the suggestion that they should judge women on these traits as well. Arguably, I'd say it's a positive to be more selective about a woman's career than not, but PPD world seems to disagree with me there.

I’ve found that women frankly do not care for men showing emotions and vulnerability, they get weirded out if you cry and think you’re a drain or annoying if you’re depressed. As men are expected to never show pain or sadness, we’re told that our partners are not therapists and need to deal with it privately in actual therapy, women don’t want to deal with men struggling any sort of emotional issues.

My experience here also differs, and I think this statement lacks nuance. Having been in a long LTR, and having dealt with my own mental health ailments, I've had to discuss these things with my partner, invariably, and I wouldn't say it has had an impact on our relationship. The reason my interactions on this are positive though, is because I discuss these things with a plan in mind for how I need to deal with them. I'm not just vomiting up every thought and feeling I have for her to have to parse through. Even then, my girlfriend has had her own issues as well and I have pushed her to go to therapy as well, because frankly, just being someone's partner doesn't make you equipped to handle someone else's issues on your own. She too, approaches me with a plan for how to approach issues she faces, and because of that, we can have productive exchanges even on difficult topics, especially ones of personal importance.

Women are fine with men doing any of that in platonic relationships, but when it comes to romantic ones they act so fucking weird about men crying or expressing any sort of pain and insecurity, it’s an instant turn off to them and then complain that their bf is emotionally distant and immature and can’t express how he feels

IME this depends on the woman, but I wouldn't say my experience here is particularly negative either. I had a job that literally caused me to have nervous breakdowns at some point because of how awful the hours/management/working environment were, and that was a tough year for me. My girlfriend was nothing but supportive at the time. I had a lot of anxiety related to my career between the time I graduated college and the previous job that I had, and I found that while it wasn't ideal, it didn't really cause any issues in our relationship either. (and in fact, she was actually extremely helpful and supportive, and was instrumental is getting to where I am at now).

Being sensitive and supportive and loving are great things in a relationship, but those aren't things that are explicitly attractive either. Attraction + male expression of emotion don't necessarily even need to be linked imo. However, expressing emotion in ways that are off-putting IS unattractive, but a woman just emotion vomiting is really unattractive to me as a man as well. Just seems like someone dumping their emotions on you in general would suck.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2021-09-16T19:42:45+00:00

I’m a 31 year old man that’s never dated, never had a relationship and never had sex,

Then how, pray tell, can you even pretend to have an informed opinion on what women do or do not like or want within a relationship?

There is a massive difference between a man having a weak moment and a man having pervasive chronic emotional or mental issues. No one wants a damaged partner whether that damage is in the form of severe depression or whether it's past trauma, PTSD, etc. In the vacuum, theyll get rejected more than the average.

But that literally has no bearing on showing vulnerability in a relationship; that's so much further beyond being vulnerable.

I see myself as sensitive and loving and it feels like those traits aren’t important to women

I will tell you right now that that is not a negative trait in dating. It's not a panacea either, and if you use being caring as a crutch or as a reason that you deserve a partner then you'll remain partnerless. You must self improve in other facets of life, and, sadly, if you're 31 and not had any experience you pretty surely need to reduce the quality of women for which you aim.

Extreme damage in men is a NEGATIVE

Openness and vulnerability in men is a NEUTRAL.

richard_golbes · 2021-09-16T19:38:14+00:00

Women are fine with men doing any of that in platonic relationships, but when it comes to romantic ones they act so fucking weird about men crying or expressing any sort of pain and insecurity, it’s an instant turn off to them and then complain that their bf is emotionally distant and immature and can’t express how he feels

On what information are you basing this idea?

vial_of_music · 2021-09-16T20:58:45+00:00

I stopped reading when you said you never have had any basic interaction with women. Your entire opinion you have formed of women- but you haven’t even had any kind of relationship with one? Your basis is just.. everyone else’s experiences?

My boyfriend is a crier and I am just so absolutely grateful I have a man who is proud to be in tune with his emotions. The problems you are describing it’s literally, toxic masculinity.

xFallacyx69 · 2021-09-16T19:23:01+00:00

Prolly gonna be changed to CMV but yeah I mostly agree. I can tell you anecdotally that the only people who have ever made me feel like shit for showing emotions are women… and that goes double for my average bro friends.

xQueen-Bx · 2021-09-16T20:54:40+00:00

they get weirded out if you cry and think you’re a drain or annoying if you’re depressed.

guess what, everyone feels this way about crybaby loser depressives, not just "women"

banalchenal · 2021-09-16T20:44:37+00:00

Straight women are biologically attracted to masculinity. That's just a fact. This doesn't mean she'll automatically be turned off at the odd display of sadness if you're otherwise pretty manly, but being a sensitive sadsack is unattractive yeah.

If you want to date women you'll need to either find a weird outlier, or toughen up and build some resilience.

KikiYuyu · 2021-09-16T20:51:48+00:00

I'm like, exclusively attracted to men who are sensitive and vulnerable. I really enjoy the idea of giving someone I love comfort and support.

06534956 · 2021-09-16T20:55:45+00:00

There is a time and a place for men to be emotional, and get help from their woman in processing them. That’s usually after therapy, cause most women are not trained and certified therapists.

Timing is important, and having a larger/zoomed out perspective about it.

If you’re emotionally unstable, it shows. It’s a giant red flag to people and women who are more emotionally stable than you are.

NockerJoe · 2021-09-16T19:24:38+00:00

I mean by your own estimate you have no experience. I've been lucky to have women who support me but I will agree it's rare.

IHaveSalesQuestions · 2021-09-16T19:35:14+00:00

Listen, you said you’ve never dated or been in a relationship. How can you know?

This stuff is nuanced. It’s not black and white. Good girls are okay with emotions if you handle them like a man. Ho’s are not okay with emotions. You went after them because the sex was good and you wanted to fuck them. They accepted you because that’s what they want and most likely material things. They don’t like you for who you are. Why would they care if you cry?

Take some fucking responsibility for what you get back.

chingness · 2021-09-16T20:06:03+00:00

To be fair if you’re being hyper emotional with women you aren’t close to, and likely a specific sort of woman (I know NONE of my friends would laugh at a man crying unless it was like an awkward nervous reaction) then perhaps the issue lies within and you need some therapy?

I’m absolutely sure there’s some asshole women out there but in real life I really don’t know any how you describe and often we are trying to get men to feel like they can open up to us more. I’ve felt super close to my partner when he’s been vulnerable with me - it’s an intimate moment.

It’s fine to not feel comfortable sharing but it would be useful to know the circumstances in which you are crying in front of women that’s led to team calling you a total wimp or laughing.

januaryphilosopher · 2021-09-16T20:52:29+00:00

If you don't share emotions, quite frankly that's not a relationship. Expression of love and desire is kind of a requirement to form an attachment to someone. And quite frankly, if someone doesn't support their partner when they're down they're a bad partner, there's no gendered justification about it, they're just not a great person. (Also, what anecdotes are you even talking from if you've never been in a relationship?)

WilliamWyattD · 2021-09-16T19:46:08+00:00

Way too many things in the OP that are framed in an overly binary or absolute way.

But I'll address one core point that is implied, and very true. Perhaps the biggest mistake of the most influential feminist narrative is that it never aligned what women say they want out of men with what women will sexually select for. You cannot tell men to be one way, and then prefer to bed men who act the other way. This will never work out.

To be as charitable as possible, I think this type of feminist thought truly believed that if men changed women would also change, i.e. that given time, women would select for the male traits and behaviors that were being suggested. That said, it really is not looking like this theory is going to pan out. We are way past needing a course correction based on evidence here.

That said, things work both ways. Yes, there are different standards for me. But also for women. Has he tried aiming at very physically unattractive women? Sure, they won't like his more feminized traits, but they may be willing to overlook them since they do not have that many options. In general, the OP may not understand the realities of female sexual selectivity.

superlurkage · 2021-09-16T19:27:25+00:00

Oh definitely untrue.

One of the best ways to hook an emotionally or mentally dependent person is to reciprocate with emotional vomit

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2021-09-16T20:09:12+00:00

My husband wasn't a very sensitive man when we first got together, he was very assertive and abrupt in the beginning, but as we've been together through the years, growing closer, he has become more sensitive ,and has emotionally opened up to me expressing how he feels about our relationship and the dynamics of it, we talk about everything, and I feel like we're closer now than we've ever been as a couple . My husband is truly my best friend.

qthrowaway111 · 2021-09-16T20:27:41+00:00

Speaking only for myself, but I would say a man that doesn't express emotions in a relationship would be a huge red flag for me. I don't get weirded out over men being depressed or crying. There are women like that, but they are not the average. Neither are men. Supportive partners are a catch, not the norm.

But I think it also depends on what said men are doing about those issues. Women typically disperse their support system amongst mainly people and are more likely to seek professional help. What happens a lot of time is that men make their girlfriend their main source of support/therapy, which is pretty burdensome and detrimental to a healthy relationship. I think we should encourage men to seek therapy, and to open up about emotional issue to their partner, but also family members and close friends, the way women do. Build a network of support, rather than relying on a single individual.

jiimmyyy · 2021-09-16T20:54:57+00:00

Evidence.

dres_sler · 2021-09-16T21:23:51+00:00

To be honest I think if you are that inexperienced with women I don’t think you can accurately give any conclusions about them.

No offence of course.

CloudBerryPunch · 2021-09-16T21:38:41+00:00

Men don't seek therapy enough. They need to.

PMmeareasontolive · 2021-09-16T22:07:17+00:00

I’ve found that women frankly do not care for men showing emotions and vulnerability, they get weirded out if you cry and think you’re a drain or annoying if you’re depressed.

If you've never had a relationship then how do you know these things? That would be a lot to spring on someone you are getting to know - I think heavy emotions right out of the gait would be a red flag for men or women.

I agree with you that as a guy you are expected to present a stoic appearance. But I think you can actually have emotions, you just can't show them in a histrionic manner. You have to present them in a dispassionate "in control" manner, for better or worse. I don't think it's quite as bad as it seems. It's worse when you are young and have PTSD from the social or family dynamic so that you freeze when you experience "unacceptable" (unmanly) emotions. Once you learn how to talk about them it's not all as bad as it seems though.

Orange_Paisley · 2021-09-16T22:15:36+00:00

Wrong, many women do want a man we’re in love with to be sensitive and show emotions. That’s why writers, musicians, actors, artists are revered by so many women. We live for that shit.

Everybody has their limits though. Nobody of either gender should be constantly crying about things that most people would consider minor. That is unhealthy and it will make people not take you as seriously at work or school or everywhere really.

CatchPhraze · 2021-09-16T22:17:32+00:00

Men don't enjoy it in women either? Like you support your partner to be a good partner. Not because it turns you on. Man what the fuck do these dudes think relationships are.

justgirliethingies · 2021-09-16T22:34:25+00:00

Hate to say this but I’m gonna bet you feel this way precisely because you don’t have experience with women. My last relationship was with a sensitive little emo boy (tall though!) that cried in front of me multiple times. I found it endearing and loved that I could be the one to comfort him a bit. He is a sweetheart. You, on the other hand, sound like a drain. I imagine your conversations with these new friends develop into a spiral of negativity. I have a friend like this and while I’m glad to listen to his troubles once in a while, I wouldn’t date him.

lagavenger · 2021-09-16T19:47:31+00:00

Toxic masculinity isn’t just reinforced by men.

I do think there needs to be a balance though. You show too much weakness and it’s only understandable that you’re perceived as being weak.

There’s some truth to RP when they say that many women want to feel secure and protected by men. And if you’re an emotional wreck, you don’t put off a sense of stability. I wouldn’t date an emotionally unstable woman (again).

HumanNumber348 · 2021-09-16T20:22:41+00:00

I feel you. Women do perpetuate toxic masculinity A LOT. Feminists need to acknowledge this more often.

Rfupon · 2021-09-16T19:28:23+00:00

women frankly do not care for men showing emotions and vulnerability

But they do care, a lot. As you said it yourself, if they think you have emotions, they stop thinking of you as a "male", and treat you as a lesser person-thing

hentaipolice · 2021-09-16T19:48:10+00:00

Definitely true. In my experience women hate it when men show any weakness or emotion. I learned very quickly to never do any of that stuff in front of women and my interactions with women have gotten better because of it. You do have to kinda bottle your emotions up when interacting with women, but if you have some really awesome bros that's who will help you out.

reconfinement_acc · 2021-09-16T19:55:34+00:00

OP is right about me at least. Lemme begin by saying I changed the way I see myself as time goes by. I really did think I have compassion for male vulnerability and emotions. Even went to the inc** sub to try to help them out for a while, but they told me I was virtual signaling. And boy they were right. I was so insecure about not having a nice personality.

Today I took a hard look at myself and went through multiple dating subs and stuff, read rants and strangers' frustration. I can't help but feel disgusted at the men who struggle with mental problems, even though I go through exactly that myself. Men being poor, afraid of failures, afraid of taking risks, etc. Their weakness and helplessness disgust me, even for just a quick moment, but I caught that sentiment. And it fcked my evening up.

This account is my way of recording the honest and dark side of me, as in the shadow I never dare to admit, and the behavior I can't afford to display IRL. However, just so you know, I dislike seeing all these things in men, because I absolutely loathe the part of me that is even much more miserable than them - always have been, even weaker, hate that I am a huge coward who dare not take risks, dare not be vulnerable, dare not cry, dare not admit failure, etc. I hate the weakness I saw in men that reminds me of the inadequacies I have in myself.

End of rant. Fck you men and your problems. Find a therapist

Cimorene86 · 2021-09-16T19:57:16+00:00

I'm sympathetic to this view, and I'm sorry it's been your experience so far. Fwiw, I grew up taught that the only "good" emotion for a woman to have is happiness. Sadness was to be kept inside and dealt with when you're alone. Frustration was unladylike. Anger is not something a woman should express. And children are to be seen, not heard.

I do agree that men are told this in harsher ways and for longer periods of time than women are, at least outside of conservative religious communities. But nowadays nobody is supposed to feel "bad"...or at least that's the idea I see pushed in society. People in general don't know how to comfort a stranger, and a lot of people would just hurry past instead of listen or help.

Men do experience it more often, but society as a nebulous whole is largely apathetic to individual men and women. If you're hurting its rare to find people who actually give a shit. Which is not healthy for anyone.

A healthy relationship, on the other hand, is one where both people can lean on the other when needed, not be judged for showing negative emotions, and supported.

Competitive_Pen2282 · 2021-09-16T19:57:58+00:00

Women don't appreciate when expressing your emotions means nagging, manipulating, or complaining how all women are evil bitches and don't give you sex you deserve.

Overall women are way more empathetic and compassionate and supportive than men. Look who works in charities helping homeless men.

In healthy relationships its normal to show your emotions including sadness and crying however if iys gets one sided that's a burden for other partner. When woman has a play a role of emotional tampon when you are not even in relationships with her it is indeed not romantic.

Jonesw16 · 2021-09-16T20:47:50+00:00

Women who say they want men to vent their emotions are merely shit testing you. They want you to expose your vulnerabilities so they can use them against you and lose respect for you.

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heyitsjeape · 2021-09-16T19:29:35+00:00

I have no experience either and haven’t had the opportunity to share these kinds of things although I would have liked to and would still like to. I think someone asked this question not that long ago and I wondered whether females are maybe just neutral about it. Another possibility is that if they like you, they like it but if they don’t like you , they don’t like it. I wonder if females find themselves in situations where males they don’t like are kind of, “pouring their hearts out,” so to speak?

LePengwino · 2021-09-16T20:17:07+00:00

I wonder if some people just haven't been exposed to negative emotions very much, whether it's in a consolatory role, or self-experience with said emotions. Maybe these girls just never saw much strong negative emotion, and don't know how to handle it in general. It might not even be a romantic thing, it might be deeper than that. Just a theory, though.

old_wise_man_ · 2021-09-16T20:18:20+00:00

I have to disagree based on my previous relationship. In fact my ex was more pissed when I didn’t show any emotions than when I did. She were always telling me that I need to show my emotions and that she didn’t want to date a robot.

That said, from what I have seen from my bro’s relationships and other women talking, I have to agree with you.

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-09-16T20:59:16+00:00

I can’t know for sure if I’m an anomaly or not, but personally I can’t fall for a guy who doesn’t show some emotion and vulnerability. There’s just not that human element to connect with. Of course there comes a point where it’s too much, most people male or female are eventually exhausted by someone who’s just constant emotional drama. But a man crying during a sad time or sharing something that’s bothering him isn’t a turnoff to me. I like to know I’m with a real person who has normal emotional reactions to things. The only time it becomes a problem is when there is no reciprocation for my emotions, it’s all about him, or when it’s all drama all the time. Which I have experienced.

SaBahRub · 2021-09-16T21:02:47+00:00

Codependents, mommy rescuers and mrs fixits don’t mind or even prefer emotional wrecks

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-09-16T21:03:47+00:00

I think the more accurate claim is that most responses to emotions from male partners by women is all damage control.

The play by play - "He's emotional: How does it affect me?"

"Am I in danger?"

If yes, try to console him or make arrangements for safe escape out of relationship.
If no,

"Will my comfort and security be affected?"

If yes, try to console him or make arrangements for safe escape out of relationship.
If no,

"How does this affect me?"

Refer to Step 2.

Ohms2North · 2021-09-16T21:14:14+00:00

Never show fear, sadness or anxiety unless you also have a plan to deal with it

Sleepyjosh · 2021-09-16T21:31:32+00:00

No dating experience? Blessings to you man.

Playful_Art_5364 · 2021-09-16T22:13:44+00:00

Some really do. Like I’m at traditional as it gets. But some women maybe like 10% will absolutely go for that type. They’re the ones who are the mother hens of a group taking care of their friends.

The other 90% hate it. Like almost a nauseating amount.

The reason why you hear about men who run into the cold “she made me open up and then dipped” type is because the ones who run into the former. Get married. And are happily quiet.

jawnzoo · 2021-09-16T22:31:02+00:00

I’m a 31 year old man that’s never dated, never had a relationship and never had sex

you can't blame an entire gender for your own faults, men also don't care lol.

sorry but that's just how the world is, no one cares unless you have something they want. whether that be friendship/money/looks/etc

that being said, you need to work on yourself and create an awesome life so that people will naturally want to be apart of it.

Lateralanouncer · 2021-09-16T20:16:17+00:00

Firstly every relationship is different. The main aspect of female sexuality is hypergamy. She must look up to you and think you are the shit. (Hence your height being an issue you can still make yourself stronger). Your also broke are you a video gamer/wanker if so sort your shit out.

An event happens and you brake down based on your personality you will have one of 2 frames and she will reflect that frame.

Frame one. You brake down emotionally like a child (if your mother over nurtured you growing up) She needs to nurture and look after you (like a mother)She is now above you and attraction is lost. Ice cream and a chick flick kind of guy

Frame 2. You brake down but didn’t lean on her this should be natural if brought up by a man. She will see her man is having a temporary issue and is pushing you back up. You temporarily lost strength and she knows you will get back up. You then get back up and get on with life.

On a serious not are you mentally okay.

helloiamheretohelp · 2021-09-16T21:20:59+00:00

Workers aren’t meant to expect their employer to deal with their sadnesses and frustrations. They’re meant to serve the company until they outlive their usefulness.

aquamanouttawater · 2021-09-16T21:38:23+00:00

I think the major difference here is how women rate a man’s emotional responses to a woman’s emotional responses. They’re less lenient with men than they are with women. What they call “emotional dumping” from men is “venting” when it comes to their female friends. I wouldn’t say being a full on stoic is preferred, but keeping all negative emotions to yourself seems to be what women expect from men so you’re stable enough to deal with their problems/their “venting”

moosemc · 2021-09-16T21:39:35+00:00

Pushy women are continually on the hunt for men they can boss around. Perhaps you'll meet one of them.

LadyM2 · 2021-09-16T23:14:38+00:00

You should have seen divorced guys whining about their ex wives. It’s hilarious. Yeah we don’t like it, because we know it’s full of lies. When I see a divorced guy accusing his ex wife of abusing him, I just want to laugh. What a pathetic bastard. That guy could barely keep sober for a whole day. And he had the audacity to say he never cheated. Totally a loser who does nothing except lying all day around.

Title	Women don’t care if you’re sensitive, women don’t like or appreciate men expressing their emotions or showing any vulnerability when it comes to relationships
Author	GhibliHime
Upvotes	29
Comments	187
Date	September 16, 2021 7:14 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ppjxm1/women_dont_care_if_youre_sensitive_women_dont/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-dont-care-if-youre-sensitive-women-dont-like.1070087 https://theredarchive.com/post/1070087

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