Introverts and extroverts

LiftSushiDallas · 2021-10-28T19:18:27+00:00

Boyfriend and I are both INTJs. It's amazing.

Extroverted men annoy me. They are like dogs and needy in my view (I know this isn't universal). I only date introverted men.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-10-28T18:27:03+00:00

My husband is more introverted than I am. I just socialize without him. Couples don't have to be together 24/7.

OldSimpsonsisbetter · 2021-10-29T06:53:17+00:00

Extroverted man, introverted woman - does work

Introverted man, extroverted woman - rarely ever works

Women look for men who are on the same level or above them. An extroverted woman will see an introverted man as below her socially, so she won't have attraction and/or lose attraction for him.

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-10-28T18:31:14+00:00

Sure it can work. If they are on extreme ends of the spectrum, probably not, but most people are somewhere in between. Personally I’m fairly introverted and like to date someone who’s a bit more extroverted than me because it helps me stay social. Super extroverts annoy and tire me, but so do super introverts who are total homebodies. A slight extrovert to my slight introvert is a good balance.

quiditplomb · 2021-10-28T19:31:56+00:00

it’s possible but usually leads to incompatibility, at least in my experience. i’m an introverted female and every time i’ve dated an extroverted female/male, i’ve been shamed into constantly going out with them. i’m comfortable with 1-2 times a week, but when you’re constantly nagging me to go to events with you and we can’t even have downtime or alone time together, it’s a no from me, thanks.

gofigure62 · 2021-10-28T21:10:50+00:00

I believe that many people confuse being a recluse with being introverted. Many people who claim to be introverted are just recluses. Many of these people that claim to be introverted don't like being around people or near people at all or going outside at all, that isn't the definition of being introverted.

I consider myself an ambivert. I enjoy being by myself from time to time or socializing with small groups, but I also don't have a problem venturing out into the real world and meeting new people.

Diamond-Breath · 2021-10-29T01:37:09+00:00

My boyfriend is an extrovert and I'm an introvert. Works perfect for us, I respect him as a leader and he always guides the conversations. I think it fits well with the complimentary energies of masculine and feminine.

youarockandnothing · 2021-10-28T17:59:18+00:00

An introverted man is self-mate-guarding, so as long as he's highly desirable, a lot of women will appreciate that.

However I would guess that introverted women do better in dating than introverted men since men are expected to approach women. So extroverted men are preferred by most women.

goatismycopilot · 2021-10-28T17:59:56+00:00

I think most people are on a scale or gradient of introversion and extroversion and may present as either in different scenarios and a minority people are purely one or the other and most who are purely one or the other also struggle with mental illness that they tend not to manage well.

I am not a big opposites attract believer. You do not wantxto date your mirror self and your opposite is often annoying as fuck.

Kentucky_Supreme · 2021-10-28T20:06:07+00:00

An extroverted woman is probably going to have a ton more sexual experience than an introverted guy. They probably wouldn't last long after she found out about his inexperience.

A_Single_Gent · 2021-10-28T17:56:24+00:00

I think it’s totally manageable if each can be a little flexible at times.

MrBiggs- · 2021-10-28T20:55:54+00:00

If imagine introverted men struggle with dating since they probably would tend to be more quiet, unless they are top 20% type attractive. The more men talk and are outgoing the more successful they are in dating. If not it’s typically a negative that women hate.

pearllovespink · 2021-10-28T21:38:26+00:00

I’m an extroverted female that always gets stuck with introverted men. I have to say I always feel unfulfilled. Like I’m missing out on something.

I finally got paired up with an extroverted guy. I knew the relationship wouldn’t last but it’s felt so good to be with such an exciting person. He always made me happy and we were never bored with each other. It was the best relationship I’ve ever been in. It’s too bad he had too many problems going on in his personal life. I would’ve married him.

Unlikely-Ad4820 · 2021-10-29T21:32:29+00:00

From my experience as an introverted woman, extroverted women tend to stay in drama and need a lot of attention(from you or other people). Me and my fiance are both introverted and I'm glad for it. I can deal with extroverted men but I dont prefer them. Somebody who wants to go out and have people around all the time just gives me anxiety thinking about it. Oddly enough though they tend to be easier to befreind

superlurkage · 2021-10-28T18:08:46+00:00

Some people do and some people don’t

Some people will and some people won’t

Aka, the answer to 90% of the questions here

VasiliyZaitzev · 2021-10-28T20:49:46+00:00

Extroverted Man, Introverted Woman: This can work VERY well - there is a "balance of power" b/w them, as both have "automatic" dread working for them. Also such women generally find such men entertaining and also introvert girls tend not to engage in attention-seeking behavior. Source: Is an extroverted man who dates primarily introverted girls.

Introverted Man, Extroverted Woman: Typically, this ends in DISASTER. She will seek attention and he will withdraw into himself. Oddly, my parents were EW and IM, but my mom was 100% committed to the marriage, which is why it worked.

SirTruffleberry · 2021-10-28T20:00:01+00:00

Introversion and extroversion only matter early in the dating phase. Introverts aren't shy and reserved around people they know well.

Karmanger · 2021-10-28T20:57:31+00:00

Introvert and extrovert are just how people spend and recharge energy. If you are an introvert that just means you get tired more easily going out, where an extrovert recharges more by going out.

That being said, It can work for the short term. The issue that will arise is that when the extrovert is a female, she will expect her introverted partner to be outgoing and always have something planned for them to do. If the Introverted male doesn't have as much energy or tends to be on the side of being anti-social that will cause problems.

I'm an introverted man who has dated extroverted women, if the woman really really likes you then she'll put up with not going out as much. My current relationship though is with another introverted woman we get along great.

sublimemongrel · 2021-10-28T21:12:21+00:00

Me and my husband are this to a T. We make it work although now that we have kids I’m more of a homebody anyway. I do get annoyed when I make plans like only two to four times a YEAR that involves both of us and he tries to guilt trip me and back out like an hour beforehand. But mostly it’s not a big deal.

I’ve seen people on this sub perpetuate some weird ideas about both intros and extros that I personally cannot relate to, I think most of us can find a happy medium to make mis-matched type relationships work. I will say when you’re two busy full time working adults with kids there’s just less time and less motivation to go out of your way to socialize anyway (unless it’s kid related), even if you are for sure an extro like me.

death_by_1000_cats · 2021-10-28T21:35:46+00:00

I'm an introvert. I've dated 3 introverts and 1 extrovert. There are upsides and downsides to both, and so much of it depends on the individual person because not everyone's intro/extroversion manifests the same way, and one person can even change throughout their life in terms of how intro/extro they are.

My college bf was wayyyy too extroverted for me. He pretty much needed to be interacting with another human any time he was awake. If we were together, he wanted to be ACTIVELY involved in a shared activity. We couldn't just chill doing our own thing in the same room; if he was playing a video game, I couldn't read a book at the same time, I had to watch him play the game and comment and talk about it with him. It was severely exhausting.

On the other hand with the introverts I've dated we ran into the opposite problem of kind of ignoring each other because we were doing our own thing. You spend a lot of time at home together but quality time is another story, especially when neither person cares to plan any special activities. It can be easy for two introverts to fall into a rut.

My husband and I are both introverts (ISFJ/ISTP) but we met in our early 20s in the party/live music scene. We were both partying and going out a LOT during that time, but as soon as we got together we literally became hermits overnight. About a year into our relationship we moved into the spare room of our EXTREMELY extroverted friend who introduced us, and he expressed frustration that two people who had been so social when single no longer wanted to go out and do anything anymore. My husband was like, "Well yeah, all the going out you do when you're single is to meet someone. Once you meet them what's the point of going out anymore?" I had never really thought about it that way but it's so true, I didn't even realize it at the time but all my going out and partying was just me subconsciously "putting myself out there" to meet my person.

Now that we have a son though we want to make it a point to be more social because we don't think two parents who veg out in front of the computer all the time is the best example to set for a kid.

Anyway, I do think any combo can work and it mostly depends on the individuals. I've known I/E pairings as well as E/E and I/I who made it work. Each one comes with its own challenges.

NoMarriageNoKids · 2021-10-28T22:13:12+00:00

I'm an extrovert and my latest LTR was an introvert. Worked great.

AngelxEyez · 2021-10-28T22:26:14+00:00

My boyfriend is quiet, shy and introverted. He has 2-3 friends and they are guys he works with

I’m outgoing, bubbly and have 6 main girlfriends who hangout together and and extended coed group that sometimes join in

He comes to fires, minigolf, movie night etc with me and my group of friends, he said hes never done so many activities in his life. He’s normally home playing video games lol He is pretty quiet around them but my guy friends will get him talking about 4 wheelers or ski doos or something like that when they can!

I talk to the hostess at restaurants, and make appointments for him, I make sure to introduce him to anyone new cuz I know he wont do it himself.

I enjoy writing , reading and crafting. I do my quiet activities while he games. It works out perfectly for both of us.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2021-10-28T22:31:12+00:00

Depends on where they fall on the spectrum

Two people on opposite ends probably not.

But I lean Pretty extrovert and my old high-school bf was a bit more introverted.

It's fine because we worked out that I just went to things alone if he didn't want to. Also meant that sometimes he'd leave a gathering before I did. Say we'd go to a friends party. He'd leave after a couple hours and I might be there most of the night.

I'm saying that it could only really work if:

the extrovert is willing to go to stuff alome/ have their partner leave early if they wanted to
the introvert is okay with their partner being out more

I find the dynamic becomes hard if the extrovert wants to force the introvert to socialise (and pisses off the introvert) or if the introvert wants to limit the extroverts socialisation (and causes resentment eg why are you holding me back/stopping me from living my life?)

PMmeareasontolive · 2021-10-29T00:16:20+00:00

I'm an introverted male and I've dated extremely extroverted women a few times. It was fine because they had a lot of friends that they could do stuff with so I didn't have to be their only social outlet. On the other hand, one I'm pretty sure cheated on me, another wanted to go poly while we were dating, etc. They also had substance abuse issues (alcohol, weed) which seem related to their discomfort with being by themselves, but those issues never affected us when we were together.

LePengwino · 2021-10-29T13:44:26+00:00

If the introvert isn't otherwise asocial or neurotic, they're probably okay. Life selects for being social, and below a certain line if you're not, you're probably going to struggle with dating/relationships and making friends.

ResponsibleSetting35 · 2021-10-29T16:20:49+00:00

My boyfriend is an INTJ tho only 19% introverted while I’m ENFP (88% extroverted). Our relationship is probably the best one I have ever had in my life at (35). We communicate heavily when he needs alone time and many nights if I need more social and he isn’t up to it that night I will go with friends but make sure I’m back early enough that we have time.

Fabulous-Housing102 · 2021-10-29T17:33:01+00:00

My husband is reserved, certainly more introverted than I am but he enjoys socialising a lot. I am outgoing. It works well

back_in_blyat · 2021-10-28T18:41:41+00:00

From my personal observations women prefer men with their level of extroversion +1. Introverted women want still introverted but slightly less so than them men, super extroverted women need a rockstar.

cowfishAreReal · 2021-10-28T17:57:05+00:00

If they have similar values and interests then i don't see an issue. If one of them wants to party every night and the other never wants to live the house then that's probably not gonna work

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-10-28T17:57:51+00:00

It can work, I've seen it work, and I'd say to an extent I'm in that kind of relationship now where I'm a little more introverted and while she's not a full-blown extrovert she's definitely more so than myself.

But I may not have the statistics behind it oh, I know Opposites attract in certain aspects of relationships but this is one of those that I feel maybe generally speaking is better if you're on the same page but to make it work there just has to be a lot of true communication an understanding and balance

Orange_Paisley · 2021-10-28T17:58:16+00:00

I'm an introvert and my partner is an extrovert. In many ways we balance each other out. Also though he is an extrovert, putting that energy on full force takes a lot out of him so he's happy enough to chill at home instead of going out and being the life of the party all the time. To be totally honest, his extroversion sometimes exhausts me too. But mostly we're a good yin to each other's yang.

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-10-28T18:16:33+00:00

Anything is manageable as long as both people try and want to accommodate their partners. I can't say that any one pairing is better than another but I will say that introverted men have a harder time dating because women like extroverted men more.

Estimator1313 · 2021-10-28T18:23:39+00:00

Depends on how much of an introvert/extrovert. If on the extreme side, I doubt it work.

However, if they steer more towards being an ambivert, I’d like to think there are options available.

januaryphilosopher · 2021-10-28T18:46:52+00:00

I'm an extrovert dating an introvert. I think the two can balance each other out quite well but they need to be accommodating of each other - there needs to be a balance between the introvert's openness to spending time socialising, the extrovert's openness to spending time alone and their mutual openness to spending time apart. With extreme cases I'd say it wouldn't work out too well.

sine120 · 2021-10-28T18:55:39+00:00

It's a point of friction best case, worst case it causes jealousy from the introvert and resentment from the extrovert. If you're in a committed LTR your social circles will blend and people will wonder why a partner is sitting one out. Extroverted women are mistaken as flirtatious.

CimZim · 2021-10-28T18:57:29+00:00

You want someone who is like...25% of what you are.

Like I'm 75% introverted and 25% extroverted, most of which I use up for my job. I prefer staying home, but do enjoy traveling a couple times a year.

My guy is 75% extroverted, 25% extroverted, which is good because he teaches wild elementary school kids but can appreciate just relaxing at home and not needing to be out all the time.

If I was more extroverted, I think we'd get on each other's nerves. If he was more introverted, we'd probably get bored. Our personalities are pretty evenly complementary.

i_have_a_semicolon · 2021-10-28T19:06:06+00:00

My husband is an extroverted introvert and I'm an introverted extrovert. The Combo works.

SonicBackScratcher · 2021-10-28T19:41:34+00:00

Two extroverts, good chance of going to jail at some point.

Two introverts, good chance of being dead three months before someone checks where they went.

I'm more extroverted than my wife. She keeps me out of jail, I keep her from being a soccer mom (figuratively, none of my children play kickball).

I find this dynamic quite common out there.

IJUSTWANTTOLEARN__ · 2021-10-28T19:42:00+00:00

It depends on if you want to be more extroverted but just naturally aren't, or if you don't want to be that social.

To me a more extroverted partner has been a good thing, has helped to break me out of my shell and meet lots of new people and even advance career wise.

CFinCanada · 2021-10-28T19:49:53+00:00

We're both extroverts and I find that works way better for me.

I've dated antisocial dudes it was always a disaster.

Siukslinis_acc · 2021-10-28T21:41:01+00:00

Depends on the level of extroversion/introversion and if they are able/willing to do things separately.

Example: she goes to various events every saturday. They compromise that once a month he will go to an event with her (they could also discuss to what event) and once a month she will stay at home and do something for the two of them (co-op game, board game, jigsaw, some chore (like both go to repaint the fence). The two saturdays of the month she goes to an event without him (solo or with friends).

Hard_Thruster · 2021-10-29T03:20:51+00:00

Do you have similar goals, values, interests? Then sure, it can work.

Prismatic_Symphony · 2021-10-29T08:27:47+00:00

Extroverted woman/introverted man is more problematic than the reverse, in my opinion. Women tend to like a man who takes up space, physically and socially. But either way can potentially work as long as they communicate and make compromises. The extroverted person has to understand that the introvert's need for alone time isn't a personal attack on them and give them that space when need be.

otter6461a · 2021-10-29T09:12:29+00:00

Reminds me of the one-liner, “we KNOW your an introvert, stop TELLING us”

kyjolski · 2021-10-29T18:23:28+00:00

I prefer extroverted female partners, being more introverted myself. It usually works well - she's a chaotic force while I'm a calming influence.

I'm okay with and decent at socializing though, it's just not something I need often and go out of my way to pursue. My social battery can drain pretty quick, although with the right people I can also thrive.

I was in a LTR with an introverted girl once and it wasn't a good time - we basically spiralled down into a mundane abyss. Ugh.

I guess I have an extroverted side in me (I like doing stuff, traveling, activities), but I need the right kind of person to unleash it and make it work.

heyitsjeape · 2021-10-29T18:30:55+00:00

No thoughts. Those things are situational anyway.

Papplebeast · 2021-11-03T14:52:37+00:00

There’s way more that matters than introversion and extroversion.

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Title	Introverts and extroverts
Author	jessi387
Upvotes	20
Comments	158
Date	October 28, 2021 5:51 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/qhsiyn/introverts_and_extroverts/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/introverts-and-extroverts.1081308 https://theredarchive.com/post/1081308

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