What is your perception and view of women in general after your experience being married?

derelictherds · 2022-10-08T18:22:03+00:00

These seem like bait questions but I'll bite anyway. I was married for 16 years and have been divorced for ~4. My ex is a piece of shit human and I was aware of (but in denial about) this long before my divorce happened. That's on me. I don't think all women are shit because my ex- wife is a piece of shit.

I've learned more about people(including myself) in the last 3 years than at any other point of my adult life. I believe true connections are hard to come by because of the combined issues of the pool of people seeking those connections (at least in the mid-30s to mid-40s age range).

TipHeftyMan · 2022-10-08T18:18:47+00:00

I recognise that faults in me lead to me not sufficiently vetting or taking my time to really get to know the women that I married. All the signs were there had I wanted to see them.

I believe I now make far better choices in my relationships.

However due to the way family law works, I would only consider marriage or cohabitation with someone with similar or more assets than myself.

warrior_up · 2022-10-08T17:20:38+00:00

Most of them are like that today, and female nature is relative with the times. 2022 however, family law has provided a platform that rewards women for breaking their marriage contracts, which skews the data further into AWALT and/or all women are like that.

Johnny Depp to you local manger at Best Buy we’re all being extorted for our financial resources.

James1933-75 · 2022-10-08T19:49:14+00:00

Lack of infidelity laws, biased rewards in family court, also zero recognition of mental and emotional abuse.

Social media, over sexualization of youth, and the almost cultic implementation of the positivity movement have made a quagmire. There is an air of narc about.

I will not remarry, I already told my current gf twice. If she brings it up, the answer is no. If she becomes unhappy, I'll help her pack. I've done 14+ tours, won't allow myself into that again.

My ex has BPD and bipolar 1. It was always bad, and continued to spiral worse. The doctors always said she'd get better, and she only ever got worse.

I don't believe AWALT, but damn near close. My gf shows no signs of BPD, so that is positive.

Edit: clarity

chichinfu · 2022-10-08T20:35:24+00:00

They’re more attractive when you don’t live with them

theowawayforme555 · 2022-10-08T18:15:06+00:00

If I was the only divorced person I knew I’d think it’s me. However the statistics speak for themselves. More than 50% divorce rate and more than 85% initiated by women. They only have to gain from divorce. Why stay if you can leave and get paid to do it?!

GrumpyFacedNinny22 · 2022-10-08T19:09:01+00:00

Right now while I'm still hurting from recently consulting 2 different divorce attorney's and finding that my wife almost never working for our 25 years and virtually living a retired lifestyle only helped her, I'm pretty bitter on women and the marriage system in the US right now.

She got to live essentially retired her entire adult life and now I'll be on the hook for very near if not half of my pay permanently (unless she remarried some gullible dope) for her, half my retirement funds, half of everything, and the cherry on top, since she also has medical problems that require regular meds but doesn't qualify her for any type of Medicare, I'm probably going to be on the hook to provide her with medical insurance until she hits Medicare age. I'm still trying to find out how that works, because in the US I don't think I can have her on my work medical insurance if we divorce, but a private plan could put me in the 'need a second job to survive' category.

And on top of all of this, if I don't keep it to myself and pretend and she starts cheating, the courts don't give a shit, she can cheat all she wants and still take half.

So being that it seems possible I could be on the hook for never retiring early like I've saved for and letting her live like she's retired all these years after I've been working full time so since the age of 14, and to do this I'll struggle to even maintain a lifestyle equal to hers while she just sits back and enjoys life on my hard work, I'm extremely bitter on women right now.

I know this isn't all women, or probably even the norm, but I can't reason with it right now.

ColdHandGee · 2022-10-08T19:51:00+00:00

Women=financial and emotional VAMPIRES!

Mountain_Collar_7620 · 2022-10-08T17:52:20+00:00

(Pft.. Pft.. Pft. works pump hard to reinflate his inflatable Mate) sorry what was the question again ?

CB33isGMC · 2022-10-09T01:33:16+00:00

Was too young to know what I really should have been looking for in a wife. Made some big mistakes during marriage (read: cheating), but truly believe the outcome would have been the same regardless.

Living with a woman is a huge pain in the ass and today’s women don’t justify the imposition. Remarriage for me is a hell no.

Why marry? Used to be courtship and marriage were what women required in order to get past first base. Now they fuck random dudes off the internet on the first date. Not gonna risk my life’s work again for something as worthless as that.

NgoloC · 2022-10-08T18:02:17+00:00

My STBXW when I met her and for along time was the most wonderful woman I had ever met, beautiful and the most caring kind hearted person. But about 6months after our first child she started to change she wanted to be a party girl, so after a few months of going off the rails she finally went and got help. Soon after the woman I fell in love with was back again. We got married had our son after then about 20months later she's back to being off the rails. I am pretty sure she has BPD also. But I feel social media is a major problem with relationships, people can make their lives seem perfect but are in misery behind the scenes but it fools others and causes questions, also it gives unbelievable opportunities for infidelity. During lockdown I went 16months with a proper old school phone only texts and calls and it did amazing things for me, STBXW bought me a smartphone for my birthday after but I don't use fb, twitter or snapchat anymore and my screen time is just below 3hours a day and feel much happier than I did before when I spent hours flicking over the same pointless posts on fb. I actually watched my STBXW go on to Tiktok one night and I watched her face and could see the dopamine release and told her she had an addiction to it she agreed but it's not something she wants to fix. Definitely if I was to ever marry again social media would be a no no or if it is such a big thing for them mutual full access to one another's socials it saves a lot of pain and paranoia

Jasey_Cones · 2022-10-08T18:06:26+00:00

My view is that most of them are full of shit.

ColdHandGee · 2022-10-08T19:54:51+00:00

Have you noticed? Most of us here who are divorced married women who have Borderline Personality Disorder.

I hope 1 day i can find someone who will love desire respect me for me but i am not holding my breathe...

JuneCleaversMudFlaps · 2022-10-08T17:01:19+00:00

My wife had borderline personality disorder and gave me trauma that I’m still recovering from. Lots of therapy, medication, working out, etc…. I still struggle immensely. That being said it didn’t deter me and I now have an absolutely wonderful woman in my life that is supportive, kind, sets and follows boundaries, and showers me with love. Not love bombing, but real adult love. There are good women out there, but if you’re chasing nothing but 10s in the looks department, you could end up really bitter. Find someone and fall in love with them as a person. It changes everything.

aerial_coitus · 2022-10-08T20:20:38+00:00

I’m a straight guy but after my experience being married and divorced and my eyes being opened I have absolutely zero desire to ever date or be in any relationship ever again for the rest of my life. I’m done with it all. MGTOW

TheYankeeFist · 2022-10-09T00:17:23+00:00

Jerk off and buy a dog.

Future_Ad8467 · 2022-10-09T00:01:56+00:00

I feel like I wasted time believing in marriage. She destroyed that thought. I just think it's harder to meet women now. Easier access, yes, but online creates too many options. In some ways it's overwhelming. I want companionship, but I don't think I can share myself the same way again and I don't really want to. At my age, everyone is broken, so that creates another level. I don't think it's all women, but she definitely had a fucked up idea of what love is and the grass being greener on the other side.

Dakeddit · 2022-10-08T18:54:19+00:00

The more religious they are, the more crazy they will be. As long as they have a god on their side, they can do no wrong. Marrying a "trad" wife was the worst decision of my life other than our beautiful son.

sleeze02 · 2022-10-09T00:16:00+00:00

Oh they are just awful horrid creatures

Circa1902 · 2022-10-08T19:15:25+00:00

My wife seems to be some sort of old-timey caricature of what wives and marriages are. Nagging, frigid. It does make me think that all the horrible stereotypes are true. I still can't bring myself to believe it though. Or perhaps it's just what happens in marriage and it's not the fault of my wife, or women, or men.

I suppose I'll find out if I ever get free. I do know I won't be getting married again.

traveller1976 · 2022-10-08T20:08:04+00:00

Essentially this, never become a simp. My wife expects me to be a untamed stallion with a mind of my own. And a cock to go with it.

But overall a good woman helps you grow, avoid mistakes and stay on the side of good. Provided she continues to respect you, which you have to earn.

ramboton · 2022-10-08T22:49:11+00:00

After 3 failed relationships I have a difficult time trusting women. The first one found drugs, we divorced and I took the kids. The 2nd one I did not marry but we lived together for 5 years. She mentally abused my kids until she left. The 3rd one said she wanted to be a nurse, I thought finally a professional, we married and she dropped out of school and has bounced from one worthless job to another making me support her, and she has cheated on me.

gnackered · 2022-10-08T19:31:40+00:00

Still married and conflicted. My wife is honest and loyal. She is also prone to negativity, won't work, fairly controlling and wired different than me. The sex sucks right now too. I am not perfect either, far from it. We are in a HCOL area and its some what easier to stay married than to split. I am not sure if it will get easier as the kids go along and/or move out. I think in general she is better than average. If I get divorced, I am never remarrying but wouldn't write off women entirely.

Then again, given that I haven't divorced her, I have not yet met her at her worst.

BurnDownTheMission68 · 2022-10-08T21:13:10+00:00

AWALT

Plebe-Uchiha · 2022-10-09T04:14:17+00:00

My perception barely changed. The only thing that’s changed is the idea that morals must be discovered before you marry. Moreover, the sad truth is, there are people (women and men) who will lie about their moral values because it’s convenient to do so.

I’ve meet many happily married women who will not post pictures of themselves alone on social media. All their pictures are of their kids and their husband with them. They want to avoid temptation because unity in the home is more important than self satisfaction.

I’ve seen women who claimed to love their husband’s move on very quickly and file for divorce because they found someone better. That’s life.

Someone will only love you because you are their best option at the time. Someone will only stay with you because they care about their kids. Someone will genuinely love you to pieces and never leave because the rush of new romance isn’t enticing enough for them.

That’s just life.

I’m not angry anymore. I understand. I even accept it because that’s just life.

I’m more selective now and I’m not worried about my future as I once was. Because no matter what happens, I’ll handle it [+]

WartimeDad · 2022-10-08T19:03:34+00:00

Western culture done some damage to both men and women. Unfortunately many women here believe, truly believe, they are to be treated like princesses. It’s very common that they do not take responsibility for anything. A woman can be literally obese and yet still will not take responsibility of their own health, and expect men to be worship them. It’s shockingly common that women will hold their feelings and emotions as a stronger measure of “truth” than facts and logic. They commonly blame men for their own insecurities and shortcomings rather than do what it takes to better themselves.

That being said men have similarly distorted views in various ways. It’s also true that there are good women and men out there. The question requires generalization. And on a person to person basis the generalization doesn’t hold.

mrbill1234 · 2022-10-08T21:10:57+00:00

Parasites

lordgoofus1 · 2022-10-09T02:02:50+00:00

I want to believe there are still women out there that are age appropriate for me, that have the natural baggage that comes with being middle aged but are able to manage it in a healthy manner, and have realistic expectations about the value they could bring to a relationship and thus realistic standards for what they require in a man. But... I'm yet to find one.

Younger woman (30 or below) from what I've seen live on another planet where narcissism seems to be the predominant culture. Large swaths of their identity are completely fake to paint a rosy picture of them being far more lovable, successful and popular than they actually are. I do wonder how much of it is a byproduct of social media/bastardized concept of "personal branding" where your own identity is seen as a product (late stage consumerism), and how much is their way of over compensating for the deep rooted loneliness and a lacking sense of belonging that they feel. To be fair, younger men seem to be suffering from this as well, but not quite to the extent that younger woman are.

Gattsama · 2022-10-09T06:15:19+00:00

First all women are like that. Yes rare individuals exist. The issue is one of culture. The modern western women lives in a culture that is pure crap for stable relationships. The culture encourages riding the cock carousel, hypergamy, rewards divorce, has removed all consequences and shame from divorce, tells women that men are: scum, not needed, predators, stupid, untrustworthy, unreliable and violent.

If you go overseas, women are still hypergamous. But the culture is different, keeping it in check. It's a nunbers game. Just pulling nunbers out of my ass, maybe 5% of western women are fit for marriage. While in SEA (south east asia) maybe 30% are.

Think of it this way. Most men would gladly fuck lots if women IF they could. But either lack the opportunity or choose not too. That's true of all / most men.

Women are hypergamous and want to fuck up, and never stop looking for better. But most lacl access to better or choose not too.

Modern western women has been so protected and are now so entitled, that they can not settle for the average guy. They are all chasing the same top 20% of guys, because they all think they deserve and can get them. Then one day, bam! Hit the wall and it's a slow crawl to 50 and being indivisible.

They then are forced to settle and choose an average guy. But they don't want him, they still want that top guy and foolishly think they can get him; aka alpha widowed. So problems are unavoidable. You can do everything right as man; and she will still end the relationship.

Remember 80% of divorces are filed by women. And rhe nunber one reason is they are unhappy. Not cheating, abuse, drugs, etc. Unhappy. Nearly 50% of women our 50 are on a psychotropic medication. Again, due to our culture.

Again there are rare expecting in the west (maybe 5% 🤷‍♂️). But yes, all women are like that.

therightsidehustle · 2022-10-09T07:22:09+00:00

I think its the time, we all have more options. in the 50s people stayed toghether even thru hell, that is gone? Is that good or bad? I think both.

This is also a western society thing, check like eastern european countries, they have like diffrent values culturell and they have way less divorces because its bad to have one in the first place. SO society plays a role aswell.

Am i Angry that my marriage failed (due to me beeing gone and her being unfaithful) yes i am but is it because all women are shitty human beings NOPE

softinvest · 2022-10-08T18:50:37+00:00

The answers you receive here are going to be mostly biased toward men getting the short end of the stick. I do think, however, that financially and custody wise, women typically win more in court. I hope Johnny Depps trial helps shed light on this but, sadly, there are so many yes men that will get walked over and abused and then made out to look like the perpetrator. I don’t care to ever marry again and allow a judge to decide how much of what I worked for am I entitled to. My wife refused to work and contribute to the marry because it was too stressful etc etc. I’d love to have a partner who I can trust and one who doesn’t take advantage of me and I’d love to provide the same thing back. I will however, never put myself in a position again that allows a third party to determine my future. I want to be in charge of my future so I will not do anything that will risk that. Any future partner will see that on my profile and if no one likes it then I’m not meant to have a partner

MoronLoserF · 2022-10-09T14:07:25+00:00

Like others have said. My ex was crazy and I knew it. A lot of red flags I overlooked and also I thought I could change her and make her better. She is very beautiful and with her initial talks I just sank in and thought to my self she is my soul mate and even though I thought about ending it during the week of our wedding I still went through with it because I just didn’t want to create the biggest drama and 6 years and 2 kids later I decided to leave this piece of shit human being alone. I don’t think she is capable of being in a relationship. She has issues with her behaviour and anger. She is very delusional. Who ever ends up with her I feel very very sorry for that soul.

I definitely know there are women that are respectable, and calm. All you need is a women to do is really to respect you as a man. Rest of it just follows. You cannot show love to a disrespectful, selfish, retarded, shit of a bitch.

JohnnyMnemo · 2022-10-08T21:08:18+00:00

I am cynical in the general but generally happy with the specific.

I tell myself that my cynicism is a useful tool to watch for red flag traits in women of interest, this time, but I might just be a sexist. Some of my friends have recoiled from some of my grossest generalizations.

I dunno. It's probably not healthy but I give myself some latitude to be scarred by my divorce.

For one thing, I have no patience for the victimization myth that seems to be prevalent among the vast majority of women. Being a women has it's disadvantages, but a great many have no idea how much the system is set up to support them too. I think the same is true for men, but we're being pilloried for it.

notconvinced780 · 2022-10-09T06:59:16+00:00

After a twenty-three year marriage, I'm getting divorced fairly amicably. That doesn't mean I am happy with the terms being negotiated, but that's just stuff. It's clear that we aren't right for each other. I am sad that the relationship is over, but am not "angry" at my future ex-wife. She asked to terminate the relationship. She shared a list of reasons why we shouldn't be together any more. I hope she finds her bliss. None of this makes her a bad person. We just aren't the right people for each other. She was/is right that we aren't right for each other. I hope she finds the person who is right for her. I hope I find I person who is right for me. While I know it isn't over till its over, I am optimistic that we can get through this without being hurtful to each other. I don't need our story to have a villain. I hope she doesn't either.

ZombieJetPilot · 2022-10-08T17:41:36+00:00

Do you think she just got unlucky or are all men like that?

There's two sides to every equation. Two people may not be a good fit or they grow in two different directions that at some point just shouldn't be together anymore. It's just part of life

I'm excited to find someone else at some point that works a little better with who I am today and im sure my ex feels the same way. I'll always have a good relationship with my ex though as we have kids together. Hell, I just bought them a bunch of clothes for her place yesterday.

stiff_muffins · 2022-10-08T18:23:09+00:00

I put the responsibility for the failed marriage on myself. We both stopped communicating, it festered for years and turned into resentment for both of us.

I knew it needed help, she offered and I was too proud to go to therapy. Fast forward, therapy is fucking amazing. You get out what you put in. If we had done it sooner I think we’d be in a much different story line.

The experience does not change my perception of women, it did however change how I view myself, the short comings I never realized and how to be a better man moving forward.

Freefaller6 · 2022-10-08T22:10:07+00:00

Most are dogs on the apps, but there are a few good ones. Date as much as you but drop the dogs as soon as your BS detector goes off.

And at least you’ll get laid while you figure it out 😀.

jalopkoala · 2022-10-08T23:29:49+00:00

Broad generalizations are dangerous. I would say for me: pre-marriage, during marriage, and post-marriage some of my very best friends have been and remain women.

Romantically, not only is marriage not for me, monogamy isn’t for me. Polyamory seems to attract interesting people. And the communication skills required man the connections are deeper, even if sometimes difficult or fleeting.

Eagleseekr · 2022-10-08T17:28:06+00:00

Listen to Andrew Tate and you'll learn a lot....

SecretDoctor8121 · 2022-10-09T06:40:48+00:00

Never again.....had 1 relationship which is ended up 8 yrs togheter...I think im done for life either way. Why would I gave up my freedom and ofc Financially absolutely fucked for 14 yrs more..so no thanks..I'm good on my own. Plus nowdays if you are a single dad its almost impossible anyway...

Spodee5 · 2022-10-09T06:58:11+00:00

The technology exposed whats always been going on. Just easier for people to get caught

I got unlucky with my choice. She chose to lie and hide her true nature from the very beginning. Thats on her not on me. She was a lesbian for 40 years and no one not even people in her family knew.

I think theres always hope for a true connection in the future.

Seemedlikefun · 2022-10-09T16:21:16+00:00

I married a childhood sexual abuse survivor. She turned out to not be the person I thought I was marrying. We were young and I had no clue what a red flag was. She hid her trauma behaviors well..... until she didn't need to anymore. Several men have mentioned their ex having BPD. I believe that pathology is involved a lot more than any of us are aware, or the family court system wants commonly known. 1 in 4 females, and 1 in 6 males are victims of abuse, according to studies, yet the current statistics indicate that there is a much deeper and more inherent brokenness at the root, of the behavior of modern women.

JD-Anderson · 2022-10-09T20:42:16+00:00

We were young and stupid when we got married and if I would have met her at the age I am now, I wouldn’t even date her. That doesn’t mean all women are like her, they are not. I’ve dated some great women over the years.

With that said, I don’t plan on getting married again because I spent a big chunk of my adulthood being chained to someone else. I have now gotten used to the freedom of not being married. Plus, I do not think the state has any reason to be in my personal life. I’m gonna do what I can to make sure I stay out of the “family” court system from now on.

pk2at · 2022-10-09T21:34:40+00:00

I think the fault is with men not women. They give up all their advantages too easily and sign on to terms no one in their right mind would. For example get married and file for legal separation after a month as part of your honeymoon, continue to co-habit and call yourself a married couple for decades. Walk out if you don't like it and keep all your assets, yet hardly any men do this. Men oscillate between extremes of not marrying or marrying blind and signing a biased marriage contract on hope.

Title	What is your perception and view of women in general after your experience being married?
Author	throwaway37738383846
Upvotes	30
Comments	85
Date	October 8, 2022 4:57 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/xyxorh/what_is_your_perception_and_view_of_women_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-is-your-perception-and-view-of-women-in.1134588 https://theredarchive.com/post/1134588

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