Q4W: Are you more attracted to a "naturally" attractive man than the one who "learned" to become attractive?

anon018274031 · 2023-03-28T07:05:12+00:00

Depends.

Has he just grown up and gained confidence and life skills through experience, and that general increased comfort with your quirks you learn to accept with age. Has he worked on his insecurities like going to the gym, or public speaking at uni or finding a hobby that increases his confidence.

Or has he gained confidence through learning to be manipulative from online videos or paid courses by assholes.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2023-03-28T07:06:44+00:00

The problem isn't the "learned" the problem is... Can he keep it up?

Outgoing girls who want an outgoing guy.... If going to want the guy to keep being outgoing

If you're introverted and shy are you going to keep il Being outgoing for the next year? Two years? Ten years?

That's not going to hold. And you know it.

Shy or introverted guys should look for the shy introverted girls who won't expect them to stay outgoing for a long time.

Flashy-Country-800 · 2023-03-28T13:12:32+00:00

I’m near exclusively attracted to the “natural” type. It’s very apparent when someone just has it in his genes. They also tend to have far fewer emotional scars, and less baggage to hide. I’ve found the natural type also treats women better with fewer hang ups.

I’ve found that I exclusively dated attractive, low n-count “naturals” (low n because they were relationship and family oriented), and married one.

JNRoberts42 · 2023-03-28T05:39:56+00:00

Natural. I feel like most people can tell when someone is acting, it comes across as insincere. And I don’t really see a purpose in pretending to be someone else because eventually the mask drops and two people will be unhappy.

It’s great to get over shyness and learn to communicate with people, but if he actually dislikes people or worse, dislikes the men he’s emulating, the conflict is going to eat at him.

TermAggravating8043 · 2023-03-28T06:59:59+00:00

Always naturally good with chatting and comfortable in his own skin

SweetPoisonGodess · 2023-03-28T09:37:15+00:00

Its shy and awkward for me. Idk i always find it cute. Confidence is good but if overdone becomes such a turnoff.

ivyleaguehoodrat · 2023-03-28T10:33:17+00:00

The natural, every time.

It’s like a boob job - you can always tell, and there’s always some artifice.

satisfiedmind- · 2023-03-28T14:56:28+00:00

So I’m a lesbian and don’t experience attraction to men BUT the most fulfilling sex I had with a guy was with someone who didn’t lose his virginity until age 26. Only a year prior to meeting me he was a virgin. But we slept together within 2 dates, can’t remember if it was first or second.
He might have been autistic which would explain why we got on so well. He explained that he changed his style and got in shape and worked on himself loads.

That__EST · 2023-03-28T15:45:06+00:00

It all depends on how he treats people from his past from "before". Does he treat them like he's better than them now or is he nice and still on good terms with them?

MistyMaisel · 2023-03-28T19:43:52+00:00

I'd say the natural dude. He sounds like a normal human being who doesn't see me as a slot machine or game to be played for sex. Sounds like he probably gets people in general and is a naturally neat dude.

The other guy sounds like someone who isn't actually charming, fun, or likely to treat me well, but is a faker doing a good job of pretending. He's done just enough homework and bullshit to pass the initial tests, but having handled and dated this guy a few times, he always falls apart once the real stuff is needed. He doesn't have the gas in the tank to take him further than slightly past the initial barriers.

It's like asking if I want to own the real Mona Lisa or a very compelling forgery. The real deal is what I want, not a convincing enough fake.

whitehack · 2023-03-28T06:01:38+00:00

Man… SOOO many false dichotomies on this group it’s no wonder some of you guys struggle.

In case the specific location of the dichotomy isn’t quite obvious yet… naturally attractive normally means… handsome.

One other thing possibly worth pointing out… you can ask the question that you did: as long as you realise at some point that it’s virtually entirely academic.

IF you actually learn good flirting and attraction (flirting per se is really only a small PART of it, physical touch eg making out, escalating prior to the make out…) is distinct) skills, then women shouldn’t actually be ABLE to tell the difference really and in my case, when my mood and emotional state has been rocking, they haven’t been able to tell at all. They’ve said this in different ways.

WYenginerdWY · 2023-03-28T06:25:11+00:00

has worked hard on learning the act of seduction. Maybe read a pick-up book or two

Blech, instant turnoff. I wouldn't want to date a guy who learned how to be a manipulator from other manipulators.

uwuskincare · 2023-03-28T07:11:08+00:00

I'd be more attracted to the previously shy/awkward guy because he put more work/effort in. It's like the difference between a self made rich person and a nepo baby.

ChadChasingB · 2023-03-28T12:32:28+00:00

Someone that has learned game or techniques is not going to have the same outgoing nature or charm that goes along in the rest of their life outside of trying to meet women. I want someone that is naturally social and good with ALL of those situations.

Midaycarehere · 2023-03-28T15:53:47+00:00

If you’re asking for long term I would want the partner that worked to improve himself. He has more life experience and would realize how to please me, put more effort in. The natural one would most likely have a high body count and could be prone to cheating.

Novadina · 2023-03-28T06:13:32+00:00

I’m attracted to nerdy men who are similar to me, have similar interests, have an attractive face, is not obese, and is larger than me. I especially like shy guys whose kinkiness comes out when you get them to open up.

Someone who has been teasing girls since middle school or who studied “seduction” don’t sound like my type. I suppose if I had to choose then the first, someone purposely learning how to “seduce” sounds like someone more obsessed with getting any woman for sex than what I tend to prefer, which is a man that specifically likes me, enough to break out of his shell and pursue me.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-03-28T08:48:46+00:00

"Attractive", to me, is about "getting" me, not women in general, and is closer to the shy and awkward man you dismiss as unattractive. I vastly prefer someone's personality to be their real one rather than some act they think will impress me. Maybe you can "learn" some things and genuinely adopt those personality traits, but in general what you naturally are is going to be much more sustainable.

EulenWatcher · 2023-03-28T06:19:02+00:00

I don’t have an answer because I rarely feel attraction to people overall, so I’m not sure about intricate details of natural vs learnt behavior not I don’t think I’ve ever met a man who has specifically learnt the things you’ve mentioned. But I have a question for you - why does it matter?

I can give you a perfectly theoretical answer that I probably would prefer a natural just because he has lower chances to have been harboring resentment towards women from his lack of dating success or get into TRP kind of stuff.

87AudreyHorne · 2023-03-28T07:25:06+00:00

Naturally for sure. The learned behavior is off putting

Having said that I don't think your description of the naturally attractive guy is the same as mine, I don't like flirts or huge extroverts, and I'm ok with a more withdrawn, thoughtful and introverted guys as long as he has no interest in changing and following these idiotic tips

I'm also confused about the premise because your title made me think you're talking about looks, where again I'd choose natural any time because I don't like men who put a lot of effort in their looks. I don't think it needs to be explained why physically attractive is attractive though

Popular_Accountant60 · 2023-03-28T14:37:31+00:00

My husband is naturally charismatic and just a great person to be around and I choose that personality over someone trying too hard to get women any day. Yes he’s the rizzler for sure, But that doesn’t make him a ‘player’, actually he’s an amazing human being and partner. Just because he has natural charm doesn’t mean he doesn’t “deserve” the attention he gets, he definitely does for being so awesome.

lle-ell · 2023-03-28T15:52:16+00:00

Doesn't matter. I tend to prefer intellectual and somewhat introverted over the typical sales guy.

Safinated · 2023-03-28T16:00:02+00:00

I want a functional adult who wants my company, not my body or labor. They are less common than one might think, since plenty of men here think women are shallow, boring, tedious, unpleasant, selfish, greedy, entitled, dumb and frivolous

Theheros_journey · 2023-03-28T19:31:37+00:00

Damn reading the comments, you really can’t win as a loser guy 😔

QtPieGrahamsCrust · 2023-03-28T20:10:35+00:00

Wait ..we love shy guys. Girl can dream right? "A guy who WAS shy but saw me and HAD to say something🥵"

I_DRINK_ANARCHY · 2023-03-29T05:51:47+00:00

Not a single dude I ever dated seriously took any kind of class or read any kind of PUA crap. Some of them WERE a bit awkward and nerdy while we were together. But I mean, I'm an oddball chick, I literally met my college boyfriend by singing the lyrics of an 80's cartoon to him and a group of his friends when they were trying to remember the words. I've never been interested in the super slick, overly polished popular dudes, I preferred more down to Earth, relaxed guys who were content to live their lives and let whoever wanted to join them do so.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2023-03-30T15:33:15+00:00

That's not the right question honey, the question is how successful is he - the results

StarTrippinn · 2023-03-28T07:29:52+00:00

Im attracted to people who are genuine and true to themselves. Even the so called "natural" guy could be putting on some type of show. You may see it as natural but if you talk to those guys intimately, a lot of them have just as many insecurities and problems as the second guy.

I rarely get attracted to the life of the party. He may be fun but those people can sometimes thrive off of attention and they have no sense of self. Not all of them but a good amount of them are compensating for something else.

The second guy, reading a pick up book? Immediate no. I'd much prefer a guy who accepts himself for the way the way that he is while working to become better every day. Yes both things can be true at the same time.

People really have a hard time hearing that they don't have to change who they are and that someone will like them for them but its true. Like a guy who watches anime, there are more women getting into anime every day. A gym bro can find a gym sis(?). Find your people. Find YOUR people. Then its true and genuine and will actually fill your needs.

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Fancy-Respect8729 · 2023-03-28T06:44:18+00:00

How do you know the difference?

raldabos · 2023-03-28T15:58:18+00:00

Jesus, these "Q4W" never gives you real answers, but you never learn.

SDinAsia · 2023-03-28T16:02:04+00:00

[permanently deleted]

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-03-28T17:10:53+00:00

Depends. If the shy guy just gained more confidence as he grew because he got out more, found more friends, joined more hobbies, and learned to love himself through his experiences and just grew up, they're pretty equal. I don't think I'd date someone who read pick-up books or paid for one of those ''how to bullshit a woman in 10 days'' courses. That tells me he didn't really become more confident and he didn't really better himself, all the self-improvement is just window dressing and he is still that awkward dude, he's just wearing a mask and that will drop at some point.

Boxisteph · 2023-03-31T00:30:09+00:00

The natural normally has sisters and spent their lives surrounding themselves with women for female company where as the other guy probably has more of a focus on getting women for sex and status, especially if they've spent time in incel groups and learnt from PUA assholes.

Even though they share the same goal their view of women is normally different and women will prefer the man who enjoys their company and can treat them as people to the man who enjoys their status and sees them as trophies.

Depends on if you made that switch

BigEdsBun · 2023-04-01T12:29:13+00:00

The naturals I know don't put women down in any way (all these manosphere buzzwords like 'negging', 'disqualifying', 'push-pull', 'give an emotional rollercoastsr', etc).

They banter back and forth with women, but it's light, fun and reciprocal. They are happy within themselves, so there's no obsessive attempt to 'elevate' themselves above the woman/make her insecure.

Title	Q4W: Are you more attracted to a "naturally" attractive man than the one who "learned" to become attractive?
Author	SDinAsia
Upvotes	13
Comments	207
Date	March 28, 2023 5:26 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/124ebxw/q4w_are_you_more_attracted_to_a_naturally/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-are-you-more-attracted-to-a-naturally.1207691 https://theredarchive.com/post/1207691

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