Married people give crappy dating advice

demedermidimi · 2023-10-14T13:36:49+00:00

which group of people gives good dating advice then? if you want to get married, your best bet is to listen to and observe happily married people

Lift_and_Lurk · 2023-10-14T13:36:34+00:00

So the only people that should give advice are the young men in direct competition with you? Why would they have any incentive to help? Or the best advice comes from the men just as inexperienced and an clueless. Or does The best advice comes from the internet where everything is true and there is no monetary incentive for people to lie, (don’t forget to like and subscribe!)?

Maybe people don’t like hearing the advice of people that pulled LTRs cause they don’t want to actually do any of those things? Might force them out if their comfort zone. Way easier to just read a pill post and download a swipe app.

Zabadoodude · 2023-10-14T15:37:59+00:00

The people that give the best advice are the ones that got the life you want. If you want a commited relationship, that's people in happy committed relationships. The ones that have been married for 40 years probably have some outdated advice, but If they met less then 10 years ago, that was already the tinder and social media Era.

It always makes me laugh when red pill gurus are like "Every woman I dated has been a manipulative psycho. The woman I thought was the love of my life cheated on me and left with the kids, but here's some advice so you can be as successful at dating as me!" No thanks bro. I don't want your life.

ornamentalwallpaper · 2023-10-14T15:28:34+00:00

Log off from the dating apps and their advice will suddenly become more relevant.

BatemaninAccounting · 2023-10-14T16:59:15+00:00

By definition they give good enough advice to get the type of partner they got. Which, if you like their partner's looks/attitude/status, then that'll tell you what you need to know to get a similar person with similar tastes and ideas.

Dagenius1 · 2023-10-15T01:28:30+00:00

I’m a big believer that this is cope. Single people always say “married people don’t give good advice”

A portion of single people just don’t want to hear it. So yeah, why not dismiss the advice of people who actually did what you want to do.

If you think the advice is outdated, talk to a person getting married now. But of course there will be an excuse for that

Rainbowdark96 · 2023-10-14T13:55:08+00:00

I hate words like "market," "high value," "game." Lmao, the whole idea and discussion about "dating" is that the whole thing is some kind of game. What's funny is that the same people complaining that women aren't genuine, chase chads, and only value materialistic things.

KikiYuyu · 2023-10-14T23:14:27+00:00

I don't see why I shouldn't take advice from the people who have succeeded at my ultimate goal.

The things that matter in a long lasting relationship don't update every decade. Anything that does is just superficial details.

toasterchild · 2023-10-14T15:24:06+00:00

Most dating advice you get from people who you know is going to be crap. Most people don't have to actively think about dating and put a lot of effort into it, it just happens for them. They generally aren't qualified to give advice to the 30 percent who really struggle no matter what.

I have some guesses about why my friends who are older virgins are still virgins but they are just guesses. I do not want the weight on my shoulders of becoming the friend whose job it is to fix them. If it doesn't work then I suck and we probably aren't friends anymore.

Men need to stop looking to others to fix their personal problems, hire a professional coach or something if you need external help.

Asatmaya · 2023-10-14T13:41:28+00:00

Well, who gives decent dating advice?

I think the majority of the problem is that there are different ways of making relationships work, and that just because you are your partner found a way that works for you is no guarantee that it will work for any other couple.

Fit_Kiwi9703 · 2023-10-14T21:51:20+00:00

The advice of married people is only useful if you also plan on getting married. Otherwise, find people with the same outcome as the one you would like to achieve.

People have been “dating”/mating for over 10,000 years. The fundamentals haven’t changed much, just the logistics.

Icy_Ordinary2025 · 2023-10-14T16:25:17+00:00

Or is it that there are some single people just not willing to hear advice that requires them to take self accountability?

Married people don't give bad advice. They give advice from a married perspective.

If you don't want a relationship of course you're not going to like their advice.

If you want advice on how to have sex with as many women as possible.... well, that's gross, but there's concasts (podcasts by con artists) who have a bridge to sell you.

velvetalocasia · 2023-10-14T13:55:45+00:00

What dating advice would have been relevant 10 years ago but is no longer relevant today?

Mr_Chad_Thunderpenis · 2023-10-14T15:56:49+00:00

Depends on how recently married. 5 years? Alright. 20 years? Yeah, not the people to ask for advice. We barely had internet back then.

AdLow_3 · 2023-10-14T16:22:40+00:00

Depends on what end result that you wish for. Do you want to be good at dating? Or do you wish to get married?

MxMaster9907 · 2023-10-14T17:10:20+00:00

Married people give bad advice, women give bad advice. Jesus man, keep listening to incels then, i am sure they give better advice than people with actual partners💀

Relative_Bee8356 · 2023-10-14T20:46:47+00:00

What "bad advice" have married people given you, specifically?

Every time I hear "X group gives bad advice" they just describe the kind of meaningless platitudes people spout when they don't really know what to say. Often it's not even wrong, just not particularly actionable. Or it's actually pretty solid advice that requires effort and doesn't guarantee speedy results, like "expand your social circle."

What kind of advice are people giving you that wouldn't fly 10 years ago? Again, specifically.

ETA: deeply unsurprised this didn't get a response.

MidoriEgg · 2023-10-14T22:44:49+00:00

I think the issue with a lot of dating advice, is that what works for one person might not work for another, because we all have our own constellation of looks, temperament, personality, status etc

Whiskeyjack1982 · 2023-10-14T23:04:53+00:00

Married boomers are the worst with their 1970's dating advice.

Purplepillthrowaway0 · 2023-10-14T16:48:26+00:00

A married person can give good dating advice, but it's not always a guarantee. I do agree with you, bc some of the worst advice I got was from married women. They can project what works for them- but it might not work for another woman. I have met recently divorced women tell me that they were overwhelmed with jerks on dating apps. They didn't know what red flags to look for, bc they were spending 20 years not dating.

I do have a single male friend who gives excellent dating advice. I think it's because he's a man and really perceptive. He is good at reading some of the guys I have dated. If I didn't listen to him, I would have let some good guys go.

This may sound rude, but my dating life got much better since I stopped listening to women (I am a woman). Men (both single and married), for some reason, gave me more effective dating advice

Willow-girl · 2023-10-14T17:34:27+00:00

Because human nature changes radically in 10 years. LOL

2023-10-14T20:12:10+00:00

No one ever bows out from giving advice on anything. Most everyone loves to hear themselves talk.

You’re going to often get better advice online from people that have the same set of interests and hurdles as you do versus people IRL. I never go to my family for advice anymore. They never left rural living or the 1990s, and wouldn’t get a clue if it was handed to them on a silver platter.

purplish_possum · 2023-10-14T20:12:38+00:00

advice that was relevant 10 years ago.

As if anything has changed other than greater awareness by unattractive guys.

Back in 1943 women liked to fuck hot guys.

In 1963 women liked to fuck hot guys.

In 1983 women like to fuck hot guys.

In 2003 women like to fuck hot guys.

And, today -- same thing.

eveleaf · 2023-10-15T05:16:07+00:00

As a married woman, I've come to at least partially agree with you, but for different reasons.

The "dating pool" I had, is not the same dating pool you have. Not so much because of OLD, or the rise of social media, though I won't deny those had some impact. The pool is drastically different, because we're not in it.

Every year that goes by, smart, decent, emotionally stable people, people with a strong desire for a lifetime bond, good social and relationship skills and reasonable "standards", pair off and leave the dating pool. The number of great choices in "the pool" at age 18, is obviously much higher than at age 28.

And every year that goes by, more of that "pool" will be made up with, you know, some rejects. Maybe too picky, or too ugly, too annoying, too instable, too socially stunted, too angry, too unreliable. Whatever.

There are some FANTASTIC single people, yes, and for all I know you're one of them. But a lot of people are also single for fairly good reasons. And those reasons keep them in the pool. The older you get, statistically, the more "the pool" will be made up of either 1) people so picky no one is good enough for them, and 2) people no one else wanted. There might be some great gems in the mix...but they're going to be harder and harder to find.

I have come to realize I don't give the best advice here. Not because I don't want to help (I do), but at the end of the day, the advice I can give is just what would have attracted me. That's what I know best...what works on me. But I'm not in your pool. None of us are. What works on us, isn't terribly useful to you.

bioh4ckdr · 2023-10-15T05:28:54+00:00

I am married, my opinion is that today’s dating scene is a begging contest. It’s just fucking exhausting and people are delusional.

uterine_blackmail · 2023-10-15T06:40:17+00:00

Married people give crappy advice, but I have noticed that usually older people (above 35) give terrible advice. They cannot comprehend that the world is not what they were led to believe through the comforting lies. Finally, younger people are waking up. But yes, married people give terrible advice, but older people in general.

kvakerok · 2023-10-15T10:29:14+00:00

LoL, terminally married, cockblocked Blue Pill ones? Definitely.

SoooDisappointed · 2023-10-14T17:15:36+00:00

As someone who's been out of the "market" for 10 years, I'm confident that my advice is timeless although directed to men:

Don't date/stop dating people who hate your gender out of desperation for fucking sake. Stop getting baited into thinking that men-hating shit screamed out loud IRL are harmless because "misandry never raped or murdered anyone". Those who do it make themselves very obvious nowadays so they're not at all hard to filter, so stop rewarding mysandry, else you got no right of accusing women of rewarding "bad boys".
Never give up on your standards out of desperation, specially personality-wise, because that will probably lead to an actual unhappier life, but shape it within actual good reasoning. Maybe weight shouldn't be a standard for example, supposing you are attracted to fat women, and it's trivial for you that she doesn't have control over her body, or maybe it should because you know you won't be able to deal with her insecurities.
Control your sexual impulses with anaphrodysiacs and medicine if you're having a hard time finding anyone that passes through your filter and having problems with your sex drive not letting you think straight and is forcing you to "accept anything". This will help you to get the agency we typically attribute to women, to focus on something else, and also if you decide to just quit.
Take the decision of quitting the "market" entirely if you find it too exhausting and it proves impossible to find someone who meets your criteria. Go live a comfortable, independent life.
Learn to accept that not everyone can have everything, and turn your loneliness into solitude. In order to do that, you will need to let go of your pride and any obsession with "fairness".
Similarly, It's crucial to accept that some/many people will have a good time on the "market" and will achieve some or all things that you wanted but could not. Don't obsess over it, and enjoy what you achieved instead.

And remember, if "80/20" is really a thing, men's typical desperation/simpery is much more at fault than women themselves. No type of talk about how "spoiled" women are in the "market" has ever decreased the number of simps making weird moves, just check the internet: guys sending dick pics, paying money on twitch to random half-naked women just for existing, etc. Now go read medieval literature, and check how acknowledged men being controlled by their dicks already was, making themselves easy targets for manipulation while also providing justification. They are very unlikely to ever cease to exist, as men are even more encouraged to let their prefrontal cortex go blank, so the "market" will hardly get any better.

TenaciousVillain · 2023-10-14T18:21:44+00:00

Considering the high number of marriages that fail and the many more that are toxic and miserable but pretending, this generality simply does not work. Married people don’t give bad advice. They’re the canaries in the coal mine. They’re telling you all the twisted shit they had to do to be ready for their tour of duty / prison sentence - not to mention what they have to continue to do to survive it. They romanticize it because who wants to sound unhappy about a regretful choice they made? Hello - pride, duh!

Married people give the advice that enables you to couple in the way that they have and many are often hiding the bad parts.

Marriage (as we know it) is not intrinsically good. This is something most of you never stop to consider while you’re killing yourselves to achieve, defend, save and overvalue it. Lol

In case you’re still not getting it: Is it really the advice that is bad, or the structure of marriage as we do it today that simply creates and demands dysfunction?

In other words, you have to break and destroy yourself and sometimes the other person so you can both comfortably fit into this fairytale box some fictional sky dude decided was “the way.” And that breaking is sold to you as something wholesome and necessary, that once attained, magically makes you better than others.

But does it really??

They shouldn’t bow out. Those aren’t celebratory wedding bells they’re sounding. It’s an alarm. You just need to listen closer. 😏

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CasseroleTruck · 2023-10-14T16:12:27+00:00

~~Married~~ people give crappy dating advice

ftfy

Not just this sub, basically everywhere. People seriously lack observational competence and skills of perception.

Title	Married people give crappy dating advice
Author	penndelnj
Upvotes	54
Comments	175
Date	October 14, 2023 1:30 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/177ploi/married_people_give_crappy_dating_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/married-people-give-crappy-dating-advice.1235099 https://theredarchive.com/post/1235099

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