So, I have been doing some self-therapy for the past month, the results of which have given me a profound break through: shifting my thinking of “what if this or that happens” to “what would happen?”. When you realise there is more to world than you currently understand it to be, your anxiousness turns to wonder. Why is that relevant? Because, like many men I am terrified-although not so much anymore-going up to women in public. I am afraid of being perceived as creepy or such other unflattering ego destroying self-confirming labels-partly because I am not conventionally attractive.

In my mind I anticipate: I go up, try to say something, even before I can get the words out I get shunned or given a look or called names, and then I leave embarrassed. Yet, I have not had this play out. All of my attempts have been positive.

I have compliment serval girls (and ladies) now at shopping mall, library, reception, trains and park. I approached a girl going through the self checkout next to me. I have found her to be pretty so I approached her as I was leaving. I told her “excuse me, sorry to bother you. I just wanted to say, you look very pretty today”. She was taken a bit of guard, but then cracked into a beautiful smile and said “thank you”, and I responded “no worries, enjoy the rest of your day” and left.

Few other times, when I was feeling anxious and got stuck in a vicious loop of catastrophic images and thoughts, I have asked them for a small chat. Just going “Hi, sorry to interrupt you, can I ask for a small favour, I am feeling a bit anxious at the moment, would you be up for a small chat? It would help me take my mind of things.” Again, they are taken a back ( rational reaction) and agree but mention they might not be of much help. I reassure them just simply have a honest authentic conversation is enough, and we can stop whenever they like. After this, we proceed to have a interesting deep meaningful conversation. These have been long conversations 45 minutes to 1hr amend half. Typically these happen at the library where we both study, so we end up exchanging numbers and stuff.

I guess it’s not so bad. Curious about you guy’s experiences. Also advise on lines or ways of approaching girls in public would be nice.