After your divorce did you realize that women added little or a lot to your life?

SkeptiCynical · 2024-01-28T17:56:15+00:00

Locking. I approved the post because it was an opportunity to inspect the benefits of stoic living. Too many of you took the bait.

Don't post baiting questions like this here. It's only going to fill the mod queue and attract the attention of trolls and admins.

FlyingSaucer51 · 2024-01-28T08:53:52+00:00

She added value when she was kind, caring, and wonderful.

She subtracted value when she was unkind, uncaring, and nasty.

I miss who she was and can’t stand who she became.

I’m sad being alone and wish I could have my ORIGINAL girl back. But her PTSD and COVID destroyed that. Then her expressed paranoia and inability to communicate finished us off.

S7ven_ · 2024-01-28T06:53:27+00:00

I learned that people in general vary. Some will add a lot. Some very little. Others will subtract from it. What matters is weeding out the latter, and having the wisdom to know when you have the ones that add to it.

albertabest1 · 2024-01-28T06:38:52+00:00

A little to nothing ! Way better off without the dead weight.

dragonballfan4 · 2024-01-28T05:39:06+00:00

Marriage is a scam. Women in these times add more stress and absolutely is cheaper to find relief online than deal with dating.

heartless_monk · 2024-01-28T04:07:30+00:00

the right woman will add a lot to your life.

the wrong woman will detract from your life, and/or provide very little positive to your life.

TheFizzardofWas · 2024-01-28T03:41:07+00:00

There is something to be gained by having a partner in life. Positive interaction and support from a composed person who you can share goals with. I did the glow-up sleep around thing right after splitting with my ex and realized I’d take an empty bed over someone I can’t hang out with the next day. You’re gonna have specific individual issues to overcome based on why you got divorced but if you can settle all that, I think it’s a reasonable conclusion that having a partner in life beats doing it solo. There is a satisfaction, an intimacy in romantic partnership that can’t be substituted with even the best friendships or hobbies and self confidence.

Of course, I am speaking speculatively. This is what I’m still working on, not something I’ve accomplished.

8888eightyeight · 2024-01-28T02:34:42+00:00

Not only did they add no value to my life, they took away from my life.

TadpoleNo9258 · 2024-01-28T01:31:54+00:00

Men need woman and wonsn need men that's how gd created us. Finding the right one is the key to your question. A good woman can add ally to your life and a bad one can ruin your life GD bless

boltmaker12 · 2024-01-28T00:46:52+00:00

If you treat a women like they add little value and could be replaced in a very short time, they will work hard and add great value to your life.

If you treat women as though they add great value to your life, they will do nothing for you, drag you down and grow apart.

Men find joy in the accomplishment of a journey while women find joy in the journey towards an accomplishment.

We are two very different people and we do not think a like. This is why you are better off treating them like they are a little bit lower than you on every level.

Also remember the never mean what they say or say what the y mean.

Before someone goes off and say that I'm a pig who probably deserved to be divorced, I will say that I was that super nice guy who put my wife on a pedestal. All she could do in return was cut me down every day. My gentle personality is what gave her no fear of Reprocution when she decided to sleep around.

I questioned myself years later wondering if I was too nice to her. I then found a really nice women who was the opposite of my ex. Very slowly this new women began to treat me in a similar way that my ex did. I knew it was because I was being too nice. I changed for the better and turned her around d back into the wonderful nice lady she was when I met her.

Nice guys finish last.

yosemitesam00 · 2024-01-28T00:01:37+00:00

I have a successful career, beautiful children, a handful of lifetime best friends, a pastor, counselor, lawyer and accountant that I have in my life. After my divorce I find very little that a woman can bring me outside of sex that I don't already have trusted people in their domains of expertise in my life. For me the cost to benefit ratio is so far imbalanced in the wrong direction I see no reason to introduce the risk of a relationship with a woman again. I'll just be the best dad for my kids, and best man for myself and friends that I can be.

anon4hlp · 2024-01-27T22:56:37+00:00

I'm better off alone than in a bad relationship. But then again, being in a good relationship is better than being alone. It's just hard to find

JD-Anderson · 2024-01-27T22:55:05+00:00

Romantically not anything I can’t live without.

ABBucsfan · 2024-01-27T22:38:07+00:00

I'm sure id you choose carefully and wisely some value can be added. Im just bit convinced it's enough to offset the risk of everything going to crap if she changes or was hiding her true self for a while. I don't know anyone where I really wish I had what they have. More like hey they seem to work alright as a team and don't get in each other's way too much

Solid-Phase-1655 · 2024-01-27T22:33:37+00:00

Found my exwife added very little for alot of years. She added drama and huge expenses. Now sharing custody,paying child support it's still cheaper and calmer than living with her. There was no peace in the marital home. I have since purchased a much nicer home and my time with child is fun and peaceful. Then I accidentally met a woman that completely changed my prospective of women. This woman adds value to everyone she is around and a hard worker. I'm not rushing this, but sure is great to met such a wonderful person. I'm almost 2 years out. Didn't date for the first year. Good luck men.

FastEdge · 2024-01-27T22:24:41+00:00

I realized all my potential had been sapped by her.

Classic_Dill · 2024-01-27T22:04:30+00:00

I think it would be silly to say that a good woman can’t add to your life, of course they can. But you need to be fine all by yourself, you always need to be your own B plan! That’s probably the most important thing, that way you won’t stay in a crappy relationship you shouldn’t be in, because you already know what the future is, it’s you! But of course a good woman can add something to your life. But be aware, finding the deep, deep compatibility in a partner to have a really good relationship is extremely rare, they’re out there, but it takes a long time to find them. And probably better if you don’t look at all, most of the time you’ll just fall into it.

Think-Bench5665 · 2024-01-27T21:53:50+00:00

No value. Still going through divorce and yeah, she added no value. All I need is myself and my daughters.

Agreeable_Safety3255 · 2024-01-27T21:52:16+00:00

Little, I realized I did most of the things and she offered very little other then sex and that was even average

aerials287 · 2024-01-27T21:35:10+00:00

She taught me what I don't want in my next relationship, that was her only value added.

SkeptiCynical · 2024-01-27T21:33:57+00:00

I chose poorly for my first marriage and waited far too long to exit. She remains the most despicable, dishonest and morally repugnant person I've ever known.

But I've never thought for a moment that I didn't want a good woman by my side. I dated a bit once we were separated, and quickly found the perfect woman. She's smart, works her ass off, has a great relationship with everyone in her family, has a healthy set of hobbies, laughs at my jokes and celebrity impressions, admires me when I take my shirt off, and the sex is simply outstanding.

I can't imagine this new life if I'd ever adopted a mentality of "women don't add much to my life". I may have fucked up when I got married the first time, but I hit the jackpot when I got married the second time.

FUMoney · 2024-01-27T21:09:25+00:00

You are going to receive a lot of appropriately biased answers. A lot of truly vile, lying, thieving females devoid of skills, logic, or loyalty roam this planet.

But good women are out there. A precious few are hardworking, loyal, will be devoted to your health, success, well-being, and will be at your side whether high success or interminable failure. For lack of a better term, you need to find the quirky one: not obsessed with shit “social media,” knows how to keep her mouth shut and keep private stuff private (meaning no talking about your business to others), is interested in your health and well-being, understands the value of saved currency, compound interest, and long-term investments instead of buying worthless shit (especially jewelry and cars, both of which are depreciating fucking garbage). Very, very difficult to find today. But they are out there.

Is your lady all about that big ring and expensive wedding? Are instagram photos her second career? Does she take behavioral queues from The Real Housewives series? Stay the fuck away.

New-Amoeba9042 · 2024-01-27T20:22:39+00:00

Outside the obvious, she had a great sense of style for all things. Like, our house she picked out is on a great location, it’s decorated very classy, the outfits she picked out for me still get me complimented today.

Companionship in general was good, as well as the concept of a future adding meaning to each day

IllustriousCry672 · 2024-01-27T20:01:17+00:00

Well, folks will talk around it, but it's pretty much sex and children. That's why we're in relationships. The rest is hoping to not be a negative, but those are the reasons for romantic relationships.

Yes, my ex wife had many fine qualities that helped in my life, but none would be worth the commitment of marriage. It's like that for everyone.

Mavik52 · 2024-01-27T19:13:11+00:00

After my divorce I sat down and took a long hard look at how I relate to intimate relationships. What are my expectations. What compliments the life I want and what detracts from it. Then I went to work with creating a road map going forward of what I want, and what I was not willing to accept.

It doesn't matter if your ex was bat shit crazy or just a lazy nag. All men are responsible for leading in a relationship (assuming we are referencing a traditional m/f relationship). We all played a part in the failure of the marriage. You either learn from your mistakes and correct them going forward or you accept responsibility for a repeat of the past. Own your part, commit to holding yourself to a higher standard, or choose to go at it alone. Either way, we all have a choice and are responsible for the outcome.

Saucypanda208 · 2024-01-27T18:17:00+00:00

Honestly now that we’re officially through with each other I feel a sense of relief/freedom. she neither added or took away anything to the meaning of my existence, before it was like walking on eggshells with that bitch… all the time. we have one child together and in no way shape or form would I ever call him a mistake he is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me, and his mom and me seperating is the second best thing. aside from all my heath issues from dealing with a crazy woman for 12yrs high blood pressure, prehypertension and had one stroke that affected my cerebellum and prefrontal cortex aside from all that and everything inbetween I don’t even wanna get started on, yeah…. I’d say she added little to nothing to my life/existence

warrior_up · 2024-01-27T17:51:00+00:00

My children - the greatest gift my high blood pressure and future heart failure- the cost

rubix_fucked · 2024-01-27T17:28:05+00:00

They offer little aside from unnecessary complications and drama.

RedWineStrat · 2024-01-27T17:11:58+00:00

She really was a dime when it was good. Things went south and we never recovered. Things just got worse and worse.

Given where we are now I've started to have doubts about the past and what her intent was, but it's really hard to say. I'm partly to blame for sure. She may not even fully understand herself and the trajectory either. She is currently on medication which has me speculating a lot of things. Ultimately I've given up.

I'd be careful on what you read here. This is in the "extreme" territory and is likely laced with many flat out lies and/or half truths from others.

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2024-01-27T16:35:42+00:00

Let’s see barely had sex, barely cooked barely clean, didn’t contribute to finances, owed more on taxes, switched jobs almost every year because she didn’t like how she was being treated, so yes didn’t make my life any better being married

mrk177 · 2024-01-27T16:23:56+00:00

The sex was good. She was good at handling the finances and organizing our paper work. Outside of that nothing is missed. Women I’ve dated after divorce have brought little to nothing to the table other than sex.

darweter_DPI · 2024-01-27T16:10:47+00:00

Besides kids - very little. But kids per se are a lot.

gorillavstiger · 2024-01-27T16:03:28+00:00

At the end my ex provided absolutely nothing of value, though it really depends on the woman. She was a SAHM and was constantly spending far too much money and spent less time with the kids.

I am happy remarried (prenup, to avoid the financial pitfalls again) and my new wife is completely different. Helps financially, is great with my kids, is funny, affectionate, everything I could want.

fireight · 2024-01-27T15:58:54+00:00

The added a lot, just not what I thought they did.

With my new partner... I still like sex, I like being loved, shared emotions, and time we spend together. These are normal needs and no need to cut them out or deny.

Earlier, before the proverbial hit the fan, I had thought there was tenderness, care, safety. Now I grew up and I do not need them from my parter.

mateo8888 · 2024-01-27T15:37:03+00:00

We used to have great sex. Good cook. Once that diminished just stress and anxiety. Hush that drama. Seek peace.

reddit_1999 · 2024-01-27T15:29:59+00:00

An anvil around my neck.

TechnicalAd5152 · 2024-01-27T15:25:28+00:00

Very very very little, in fact she took so much of my energy and time

Alright_So · 2024-01-27T14:49:28+00:00

I didn’t make any generic decision around women in general. My ex took a lot and didn’t add enough so she is now out of my life.

Kwen_Oellogg · 2024-01-27T14:43:19+00:00

She added absolutely nothing of value.

But she subtracted a lot of resources.

TheWritePrimate · 2024-01-27T14:41:03+00:00

Women add a lot…of stress. I’m all seriousness, men and women are good at different things and we should compliment each other. The push for “equality” has been detrimental in my opinion. Yes, we should have equal rights and all that stuff, but we aren’t the same, and that used to be a good thing.

We evolve or we go extinct. Let’s see how this plays out cotton.

fishingforthought · 2024-01-27T14:37:14+00:00

A little frustrating and a lot of debt.

Title	After your divorce did you realize that women added little or a lot to your life?
Author	Protomize
Upvotes	43
Comments	84
Date	January 27, 2024 2:21 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1acbune/after_your_divorce_did_you_realize_that_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/after-your-divorce-did-you-realize-that-women.1243928 https://theredarchive.com/post/1243928

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