Got cheated on, feel like a simp.

Smooth-Sheepherder86 · 2024-02-17T19:38:38+00:00

I totally hear you and have had some of those perspectives* She remains a slut indeed. Unfortunately it is the slut that I have to coparent with, and that makes it tough to move on. Been 20-months on this nightmare and it hasn’t got much better. The one thing that I think is good and okay is that we don’t butthead about the kids and so far all is somewhat stable for them (whatever that is while being brought up in this situation ). I like to think that both myself and ex- are at least doing as much as we can so they are not at disadvantage to other kids that don’t have a broken home. That’s key and if that at times means that one has to “swallow” their own pride- then so be it. It is for your kids, it is not simping.

*everytime I think of fucking her, the images of what she is / has been doing with the other guy make it disappear and over time now she only disgusts me. I simply hate her but have to trust her my kids 50%of the time and control by best to coparent with her. Every effing week there’s a trigger, but one has to stay strong ..

littlejimbofroglegs · 2024-02-17T18:00:33+00:00

Absolutely 100% right there with ya, almost completely word for word. After a year of the same I had to just suck it up and do what's best for me and my kid. I can hate her internally but also move on like she means nothing now. The no sex part was difficult, I gotta admit, but it dwindles. After a while she became disgusting in my eyes and I had no interest in revisting the mess she made. It's not worth it. Plenty of women out there. I finally took the usual advice of going to the gym, making good money, and bettering myself in any way possible. Now I can be confident to know she's looking at me with lustful eyes all the while she's stuck with a potbellied little homewrecker that has proven to have zero integrity. I feel good knowing she's aware she f'd up her life but also at this point....It ain't my problem anymore and I can start building a better future for me and my daughter.

Hang in there. I didn't believe it 6 months ago, but it absolutely gets easier.

TheMuthafrickenMan · 2024-02-16T22:39:36+00:00

duder, basically the same story here but 16 years. she moved directly in with dickhead when i found out. thing is, im already over it, and she started trying to fuck ME last week after one single week no contact. it is a fucking trip. kids told me today that they got in a fight yesterday and he told her to shut the fuck up. i felt nothing. i dunno if im toxic as fuck or something, but im gonna hate fuck the shit out of her LOL

it also helps im already talking to a different girl that she doesnt know about, and when she comes slithering back im gonna hit her with the "my gf wouldnt like that" just to see her face. there is no room for love in war, fuck these walkaway wives. smile in their face and play their own game against them

Winter_Cattle_2133 · 2024-02-16T21:40:54+00:00

They both left their SOs to be with each other? Hahaha. Bro give it time, that's gonna explode. Oddly enough , more from the guy doing it. Women(like you said) will branch swing and its whatever, they won't get "karma" from it. But both? It'll get ugly.

MonarchistExtreme · 2024-02-16T19:30:48+00:00

coparenting isn't simping my man, that's where the long war in the trenches begins. Here's a realization I made when my son's mother did pretty much the exact same thing. My son is 50% me and 50% her. She has proven she is without honor and no ability to regulate her actions. My son is 50% more likely to follow this road than I am bc he is half of her. I realized it was terribly important for my son's future that I am the majority if not entirely the influence bc she would just reinforce the negative traits within his DNA.

I didn't achieve 100% custody and my son asking for a no contact agreement with his mother by slagging her off. Never even mentioned her. She is a non entity in our home. I was just entirely present in his life. When he talked to me, I LISTENED..didn't just teach or reply. His hobbies...some of which bore me to tears (like for real is there any paint we could watch dry) became my passions too. Become the obvious choice but again, it's done thru being real, being present and being above all the bs involving the mother. Money can't buy your kids, my son's egg donor and her new simp combined probably triple my take home pay. It was painful watching my son receive gifts I could never afford to buy him myself. It made zero difference...couldn't compete with my positivity offensive.

Get your custody, keep trying to form a closer bond and when the kid(s) are old enough to have a say, there's a good chance the egg donor will just be a painful memory for them.

Sidenote: I got my son exactly ZERO therapy bc I wanted him to sort thru his own feelings about it. Had he struggled, he would have seen someone but a therapist will just cosign the kid being active in both lives. Let the kid decide that naturally for themselves. You gotta step up now...this is the most important battle of your life and it's starting NOW.

1806168 · 2024-02-16T18:52:40+00:00

Sorry brother. This shit sucks.

bk2747 · 2024-02-16T18:02:33+00:00

Just remember, you love your kids more than you hate their mother. That’s what I have to keep reminding myself. I spoke to my ex wife yesterday while on FaceTime with our son and I cracked a few jokes with her and everything, while simultaneously remembering that I may still hire a hitman someday.

Don’t run into another relationship. Get your finances straight. College fund or trade school fund for the kids still need to happen, remember that they didn’t ask to be here. Get in the gym, level up in your profession. This is why “Monk Mode” or “Hermit Crab” or “MGTOW,” whatever you want to call it is very important. You have to take some years off and recover emotionally, physically, and most importantly, financially.

slow-motion-pearls · 2024-02-16T17:22:11+00:00

I suppose I’m in a better place since I can’t stand the sight of that slut. Blocked everywhere but email. lol.

TenuousOgre · 2024-02-16T17:14:38+00:00

I’ve seen friends go through this many times. Learned they only need a couple of hints to remember once the legal divorce is over. So I’ll give you what I tell them.

Focus on the kids. Teach them well when you have them, be a stellar Dad, enjoy the time, don't ever waste time regretting a decision you did not make. Instead, make the best ones possible now for your kids.
If at all possible, use a parenting app and keep communication through it strictly on the kids needs. Nothing else. If she asks about you, flirts, teases, wants to get back to you, see my number 3.
Focus on yourself too. Hit the gym, regain a hobby. Do what you like when not being Dad. As for sharing your life with her, take the stone wall approach, she gets nothing from you that’s personal or emotional or has to do with your love life, work life, or home life. Kids stuff only.

Plebe-Uchiha · 2024-02-16T16:36:48+00:00

Co-parenting is swallowing your pride, letting things go, for the sake of your kids. Your kids deserve it! They deserve to have both parents in their lives.

Best thing you can do is keep things professional, concise, and brief.

You’re not a simp for choosing to coparent. You’re a good father. You would be a simp if you chose to stay with her despite her infidelity.

It gets better with time [+]

Sthompson1965 · 2024-02-16T15:51:35+00:00

Be there for your kids because they need you. When your kids become adults they will see what she has done to destroy the family, they will not forgive her. Cheating on a spouse affects everyone, family, friends and you. Cheaters have betrayed, lied and been dishonest. Is that someone you want to get back with. Did you know 80% of affairs fail after 6 months. I know her life is going to be bleak moving forward.

darweter_DPI · 2024-02-16T15:28:40+00:00

Dude, 17 years here as well and divorce after cheating.

I felt and feel everything across the spectrum that you felt. Well, maybe with the exception of "I'd like to fuck her" (my sex life without her is waaay better than with her - and so will be yours, trust me, once you move on).

The secret souce, I think, is to minimize all contact and gray fucking rock. It's not for her, it's for you - to heal faster.

What you do with your kids is for them, for your kids - not for her.

Communicate with her on the minimal basis and better via SMS, short, decisive messages concerning kuds only and with zero emotional loading. Don't let her tell you what to do with your kids and how to do it. Your house - your rules.

Follow these rules for a bit and you won't feel like a simp.

lifeisallihave · 2024-02-16T15:19:52+00:00

I'm not sure what the rules are for co-parenting in some places but in my case also 50/50. The only communication I have is whenever it involves the kids. Everything through email, emergency via phone. Nothing more nothing else. I have it in writing as part of the agreement. My mom did something like that to my dad, he never spoke bad about her, never showed any anger towards her. I figured things out on my own and discovered what an amazing dad he was, I was so God damn proud of him and feel very privileged to have known him. He's been gone for a while and not a single day goes by that I do not think about him. When I got hit with the D, the first thing I thought about was to call him, then I realized he's not here anymore. That's the impact that he left on me, my brother never really got over him passing away, we loved him. I'm going to do the same for my kids. Let your kids see you are ok and doing well.

Let's just say my mother's adventures didn't last long, she even tried to get back with my dad, he rejected her. She now lives in a miserable apartment with nothing but regrets.

Get on with it and be a great dad. Join some groups to do things that help you heal and move on. Thanks for sharing what you are going through.

RideATX · 2024-02-16T15:19:05+00:00

You need to flip your mindset, you are living in her frame. She's in your head and everything you do is in her frame. You need to shift your perspective.

Don't give a fuck about what she says or does.
Everything is looked at through the lens of is this the best course of action for my kids? If it is then do it, if it isn't then don't.

If it's good for your kids and also benefits her then who cares, do it. If it only benefits her, then don't. That's it. That is your answer.

foookie · 2024-02-16T15:16:58+00:00

No need to communicate unless it’s about the kids and it’s an emergency ‼️

I haven’t seen or spoken to that rotten cunt since October. I luckily have my father as a third party pick up and drop off.

Unless it’s legally written that you need to “communicate “ cut all ties expect for the kids.

Also like others have said you’re not even close to over her, stop kidding yourself.

Also stop blaming yourself and calling yourself a Simp. This is on her, she betrayed you and destroyed the family.

She will do it again, she’s tainted for life now.

captainchippsixx · 2024-02-16T15:16:52+00:00

She will get hers. What comes around goes around. 2 cheaters thinking it’s going to work out lol.

Keep communication about kids only. She starts saying my job blah blah - I don’t fucking care. Keep it to the fucking kids. Otherwise I wouldn’t even talk to you.

Don’t respond to texts till the next day. Or not at all sometimes. Definitely don’t answer the phone when the kids are with you. Basically I just postpone communication as long as I can. Training her to leave me the fuck alone on stupid shit.

Make sure you load your Facebook or whatever with you and the kids having a good time. And take random pics with women just to fuck with everyone. lol. You don’t want her back but it messes with their head. Especially if the are younger and hotter.

Divorce final? No child support or alimony? Because she is cohabitating and most divorces have a clause on this. Mine does and she wanted me to take it out. I said fuck that.

control-alt-7 · 2024-02-16T15:04:24+00:00

You are not anywhere close to being over here.
Anyone that uses the word "simp" either is one or is an InCel.

BaldieGoose · 2024-02-16T15:02:47+00:00

Man you described my situation entirely. Both what she did and how I feel co-parenting. I gray rock her so good then I get the kids and suddenly send her pictures and chat about kid stuff over text that turns into other friendly conversations and suddenly I'm like FUCK why am I being nice to this slut??

AdrianInLimbo · 2024-02-16T14:39:45+00:00

It's what they do. When a wife monkey branches, it's them "Being their best self", "Finding themselves" etc

A man does it "Cheater", "Narcissist", etc.

The women who cheat are just as shitty as the men who do it, and the sooner that women cheating have the same consequences as men who cheat (financial, custody, loss of assets) the better.

Adventurous_Rain_279 · 2024-02-16T14:38:54+00:00

You will be happier without her Probably, this might have occurred already for years taking into account such long marriage

Accept that this happened, this of all possibilities you can get now. It will be difficult, but better than with a slut on the side pretending being a wife

Many of us, with time understand that picking yourself and prio yourself is the only way to survive in relationship. She prio’sed herself. Now, you take care of yourself

Life is cruel, woman are emotional and thus unpredictable

Neither large amount of attention, or money is a guarantee. So, it has ended and you need to live further

I think most man dont realise how many woman are cheating on them. And we as nice simps are shocked later

Modern woman, only being monogamous when they need it. But, actually want emotions which is almost impossible in long term relationship. So they seek lust and thrust.

As well, they never accept they done anything wrong. She will blame it all on you, thats their typical defence mechanism

Metabater · 2024-02-16T14:38:46+00:00

I know exactly how you feel bro, for me; I felt like she didn’t deserve my kindness in coparenting. But the truth is, your children will suffer from it mostly.

Save yourself some heartache; don’t let your hate for her overpower your love for your children.

Eventually, you will be indifferent about her and her life. Focus on you, and the kids.

UglyDude1987 · 2024-02-16T14:38:29+00:00

I have similar story but I don't want to fuck my ex wife after that anymore. I can't think of her like that anymore.

alexmixer · 2024-02-16T14:21:28+00:00

F her man just get some new ass

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2024-02-16T13:50:53+00:00

You don’t need to co-parent, parallel parenting is the only option to give a cheater. Court approved communication app like OFW, one to three words answers to her diatribes/questions. Done deal.

Imagintheworld · 2024-02-16T13:33:17+00:00

I know you are annoyed and upset. Honestly those emotions are generated by a toxic thought loop you need to take time to reset. Go away for 3-4 days by yourself - in a yurt or something, no tech. Paper and pens and just write down what you know to be true. Go for walks. Think deeply, find clarity in what’s important to you, in the bigger picture of things. You may hate her now. But remember lying and cheating is a failure on that persons part. Not yours. Let me repeat, it’s their own failing, not yours. They will have to face that guilt in their own time. As the mother of your children, you will eventually realise her happiness will feed into your child’s. Your happiness also. So find the space to really dig deep into your sadness and put in perspective. People do find love elsewhere. It’s life, life is tough, but it can also be beautiful. You have been given an opportunity to model your life the way you want. It’s almost a blessing, you wouldn’t want to be married to a woman that didn’t want to be with you. It’s a waste of both your precious time

mikegatt90 · 2024-02-16T13:32:44+00:00

My guy, you have to think long-term. Trust and believe that the honeymoon phase will wear off, and she will realize she Royally fucked up because the dude she cheated on you with just wanted new pussy, and every man in this subreddit that's dealt with cheating ass hoes, can tell you here it'll get old quickly. What she fails to realize, but will very soon, is her new dude doesn't want to build a life with her. He just wants to skeet inside her sugar walls. Mission accomplished, he will move on, and her dumbass will realize what she lost. So, my advice is to move on, go to counseling, and go to the gym. Also, look for some new cheeks of your own because busting a nut on a phat booty cutie or big tiddie blonde will make her seem like a distant memory. I need you to Repeat after me. DO NOT FUCK YOUR EX. Also, prepare yourself because once her affair fog is gone and you reject her sexual advances, watch out. Her ego won't tolerate rejection. Keep communication topics only about your kids. If she doesn't keep it about them, don't entertain her. No you don't want to talk about her or your marriage. Time will heal you from this situation. Good luck, bro, and we're here if you need us.

Classic-Ad8157 · 2024-02-16T13:21:58+00:00

[ Removed by Reddit ]

tragicaddiction · 2024-02-16T13:18:03+00:00

you aren't doing this for her benefit, you are doing it for the kids benefit.

that doesn't make you a simp, that makes you a good dad.

don't' let that negative voice tell you otherwise, you love your kids and are doing what's best for them, not what is best for your ex

sicrm · 2024-02-16T12:56:53+00:00

the simp is the guy who left his family to move in with a monkey brancher.

you have 50/50 custody and two kids. you don’t have to go through this again and can spend the rest of your life raising your kids to be better than that and doing what you want to do.

warrior_up · 2024-02-16T12:51:56+00:00

In time my friend, you’ll soon be grateful she did what she did. Smiling ear to ear. My girlfriend is ten years younger hasn’t pushed out any kids and gives me access anytime I want wherever I want. My hag ex is basically dating her 7th hillbilly

She loses this game in the end. Trust me

For now fake it till you make it brother . Fuck that c..nt- been there done that, ask the guy how your balls taste

Edit: P.S. start embracing your 2nd shot at life man. You’re going to meet many new females along the way that will be special to you. You’re free. Consider your ex a nanny you pay to watch your kids

Title	Got cheated on, feel like a simp.
Author	Heavybluecrab
Upvotes	99
Comments	63
Date	February 16, 2024 12:46 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1as7qkq/got_cheated_on_feel_like_a_simp/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/got-cheated-on-feel-like-a-simp.1245553 https://theredarchive.com/post/1245553

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