If anything, this should just validate a lot of the advice on here and hopefully give you the confidence to try it.

My first experience would help girls too. Lately my friend and I have gone out, just the two of us, sober, and gone to Irish pubs or other smaller non-club venues where there's a cover band playing but not too much noise to talk over and lots of places to sit and talk.

The last two nights that we have done this, we've had guys come and sit opposite us and talk to us.

So if you have trouble approaching people in busy clubs where everyone is standing in groups or dancing, smaller venues seem to work well.

The first night, one of the guys sat down, asked how our night was going, and asked if one of us wanted the hat in his hand. It had a bank logo on it and my friend laughed because she worked for that bank and did NOT want a reminder of it. He said it was a shame because it was his goal tonight to give it to a pretty girl. Kind of cheesy, but she joked in response. Turns out they both worked there. Instant opener to conversation, and I was left to talk to the friends.

In the end one of them took my fancy over the others, despite not being the most attractive of the group, because he was friendly, but didn't seem overly interested. I hate arrogance, (and he wasn't arrogant) but I had to admit that thinking he was too good for me increased his appeal. His friend on the other hand was paying me way too much attention and ignoring the group. Anyway eventually I talked to the one I was into and he kept the conversation light - a lot of joking around, and making me laugh. We were all just hanging out as if with new friends. At the end of the night us two girls exchanged numbers with three of the guys (the rest had left) - the Alpha, the Beta, and the guy my friend liked - and arranged to hang out again.

When I arrived home, I texted everyone to tell them I'd made it home safely (they'd expressed concerns about me walking home alone). Guy interested in my friend = no reply. Overeager Beta = "Oh good I'll sleep better knowing you're safe!" Alpha I was interested in = "I wouldn't be so sure that your house is 'safe'. Nice house by the way." Obviously a winning response as it made me laugh, and started a text conversation.

Next time my friend and I go out, we arrange to meet the two guys we liked. The one into her talked to her, the one into me, talked to me. Long story short, I ended up taking my guy home and sleeping with him.

Now comes the precautionary part of the tale. Don't tell her your motives / plans / thoughts / anxieties! This should be obvious but this guy did it, and it really turned me off.

Basically after I'd slept with him he told me I was only the third girl he'd slept with because he'd been in long relationships (which he proceeded to talk about WAY too much), that he had social anxiety issues and that he overthinks everything - followed by asking me if I like him, is he a good kisser, etc. Then he told me that when we were on the dance floor he "noticed from my body language that I wasn't into him so he tried harder" ... a) I WAS into him, so I don't know what he was talking about and b) I don't need to know that! He also talked more than he listened and though, as he pointed out, "I am listening because I can repeat back everything you've said", it didn't seem like he was truly listening because he just brought everything back to him.

In conclusion, I was really put off him after that because the illusion of him being this cool guy that I was lucky to get was shattered by him telling me he was inexperienced, in need of reassurance, and socially anxious.

If you want whatever you have to extend more than one night (as he did) then don't leap into telling her every thought and insecurity in your head. He had all the Alpha comedic responses via text, but in person it just wasn't there. Just because you've slept with a girl, doesn't mean you don't need to try any more (unless you just wanted a 1-nighter!)

So the friend and I go out again, and same thing happens again - we are sitting at a table watching the band, having a drink and a chat, and three guys come and join us.

It feels GREAT having guys approach you. Not great in a we-need-an-ego-boost way, but because it means that we don't have to approach anyone. We never set out to pick up guys, we had no plans to approach anyone, so the guys approaching us basically had our undivided attention and beat out all the others just by making that move. And for us, it meant that the night was going to be more interesting as there were more people to talk to and hang out with so we appreciated it - especially as they all introduced themselves and didn't appear to be hitting on us, just being friendly. In the end, I asked for one of the guy's numbers and said I'll text him next time we're going out.

In contrast, that same night we were in a club, and a guy came and stood in between us, essentially blocking me out, and introduced himself to my friend. She said her name, I said "Hi I'm ChupeeJune" and he didn't even look at me and said "cool" (in a "don't-give-a-shit" tone) then said something else to my friend. I took her hand and dragged her away from that rude asshole to dance elsewhere. He came up again later and said "you're hot." She said "I have a boyfriend" He said "I don't care." She said "I care." He said "Well he's asleep in bed right now and I'm here." She told him to fuck off.

Biggest tip there (that I've read on here before): GET IN WITH THE FRIENDS TOO. Don't single out one person and ignore the others. Yes girls want to feel like you like them above other girls, but you don't do this by completely ignoring their friends or being rude to them (especially if there are just two of them - I was just left standing there!). If the friend thinks you're a dick, it's not going to happen for you.

TL;DR Sitting with girls at a less crowded bar and "making friends" leads to numbers and in one guy's case, sex. Funny responses to texts beat "I care about you!!" Beta ones any day. Telling her you are socially anxious and going into detail is a huge turn off as you no longer appear confident. Also standing in between two friends and only talking to one, is rude as fuck and will get you nowhere

Edit: A lot of people are calling me out or questioning me about being put off by the guy showing his sensitive side. I guess it's hard to explain how intense it was. He went from being this guy with a great sense of humour, to a guy who talked about his exes for an hour and went through, in detail, every insecurity and thought pattern he'd had about me throughout the night and asked me to comment on what worked and what didn't. I'm not heartless, I know a few people with social anxiety and used to suffer from it badly when I was eighteen / nineteen (assumed people didn't like me all the time, was too scared to approach even people I knew, read too much into everything, over-thought everything) so I GET that. I'm not turned off by that and I admire him for making the effort to overcome it. I just don't need to know exactly HOW he made that effort - it changed what I originally thought was natural rapport into what felt like a plan. I like nice, funny guys, not arrogant I'm-hot-and-I-can-get-whoever-I-want-so-you're-lucky-to-get-me types, so I'm not saying I was put off by him showing there's more to him... I am not put off by guys opening up to me, but just do it a bit at a time - not all in one big, post-coital blab. Gage the right time, I had only just met the guy. If it helps - I haven't blown this guy off. We talk online and in text a lot and he makes me laugh, and we have arranged to hang out sometime. I happen to be leaving the country soon (I am from New Zealand) and so am not looking for anything serious, whereas he has told me he really likes me, wants a relationship, etc so I think it's better for us just to be friends at this point.