Relationships are pointless if you EXCLUDE sex or starting a family as the primary reason/motivator (this is my perspective)

Whoreasaurus_Rex · 2024-05-16T15:03:38+00:00

What's there to debate here exactly?

A relationship without sex is pointless to me and marriage is completely unnecessary unless you want to have kids IMO.

ReplacementPasta · 2024-05-16T14:17:34+00:00

So, should we debate the fact that you don't want a relationship, or why is this marked as debate?

TinyFlamingo2147 · 2024-05-16T14:25:33+00:00

You can also have a relationship with someone because you love them and connect with them. Lots of people do that. Connection is its own point and reward.

TermAggravating8043 · 2024-05-16T14:27:57+00:00

If you think you only want to be in a relationship because of what that person can give to you, eg sex or children, then no, you shouldn’t be in a relationship.

A relationship is a partnership where you both support each other through life, sex is an activity you both enjoy together, kids are something you make and raise together.

If you just want someone t give you sex once in a while just got for prostitution and pay for a surrogate when your ready

superlurkage · 2024-05-16T14:19:26+00:00

It’s rather narcissistic to use this sub as a personal advice and validation forum

I see nothing to debate here

I suggest getting a therapist or actual friends instead

Adventurous-Fox-62 · 2024-05-16T14:42:45+00:00

Question: what do you mean by family? Can a family be two people? A couple and pets? A couple and adopted kid?

Creation_Soul · 2024-05-16T14:38:07+00:00

the problem with the argument is that sex is an integral part of a relationship in this day and age and you want to exclude it?. It may not be the primary motivator, but it is in the top 3.

The woman may be the best mother/wife, but if we have zero sexual compatibility, then the relationship is likely to fail.

Nellylocheadbean · 2024-05-16T14:38:35+00:00

This isn’t really a debate, you should probably change to a discussion. Plus it comes off as venting which could get this post deleted.

bradlite · 2024-05-16T15:16:47+00:00

Tell us you’ve never had a ltr without telling us you’ve never had a ltr. Girlfriends most the time are amazing bro, one of the best things really.

YveisGrey · 2024-05-16T17:44:47+00:00

I don’t think relationships are “pointless” without sex or a family at all. First of all I’m going to assume by relationship you mean romantic relationships as that seems to be what your are describing (nevertheless keep in mind people have other relationships besides romantic ones and they are not pointless, they could help with business, personal safety, emotional support, general support, companionship etc.)

But even for a romantic relationship for some people it is worth it for the companionship or the emotional support or even just having someone who can help you do things.

With all that said I think one could argue that marriage is pointless without sex or a family but that’s because the expectations for marriage are really high, life long, public commitment, fidelity etc… why would someone get into this arrangement if sex nor family were on the table I don’t know. But relationships in general have other purposes and people who are married have relationships like friends colleagues etc.. so for one to argue that relationships are pointless unless there is sex and/or kids doesn’t make sense at all.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-05-16T14:30:34+00:00

Love? You get why love can be fulfilling when it comes to children. It can also be fulfilling to love a partner. If you love someone enough you want to be their family and simply be with them all the time. And yes, you do encourage each other to be your best selves, because you love each other and want to give each other your best and help the other thrive. It's fine to not want a partner the same as it's fine to not want children, some people don't and that's okay, but it isn't hard to see the appeal.

obviousredflag · 2024-05-16T14:55:22+00:00

So you don't want to argue a general point but just make us tell you that your decision to check out of the mating game is the right thing to do in your specific case?

Electric_Death_1349 · 2024-05-16T14:27:38+00:00

That whole screed reeks of cognitive dissonance - the only person you’re debating with is yourself

DarayRaven · 2024-05-16T14:40:30+00:00

relationships are pointless unless you want to start a family or have sex.

I mean if that's your thought-process sure but everyone has their philosophy to what an actual relationship should be

For me(not TRP since it's not a philosophy)

Relationships should be genuine, if you don't have genuine interest in each other then all other things like children or sex are pointless

Again this what l've concluded from dating experience

KayRay1994 · 2024-05-16T15:08:33+00:00

I agree to an extent - if you aren’t ace or have a moderate to high sex drive then I entirely agree. Speaking for myself, a relationship without sex would kinda be fruitless (of course as we age and have children this might or might not change, but that’s too far away down the line to even consider)

Though for asexuals and people with low sex drives, if they’re not driven by the desire for family the emotional companionship and romance might be what they’re looking for.

Which-Inspector1409 · 2024-05-16T16:54:10+00:00

If you think sex is the only reason why you need self development its already over.

untamed-italian · 2024-05-16T17:22:58+00:00

Relationships are pointless if you EXCLUDE sex or starting a family as the primary reason/motivator (this is my perspective)

The 'point' of anything, whether it is as trivial as a reddit post or as all-ecompassing as your entire life, is what you make of it.

Relationships are pointless to you if they exclude sex or starting a family because you either cannot conceive of other uses relationships can have, or you do not care about those other functions.

From a philosophical standpoint however, solitude is both a necessity and a vexation to anyone in pursuit of self-actualization.

To be afraid of solitude is to be afraid of yourself, but to be afraid of connection with others is to be afraid of your own humanity and also a type of fear of oneself. Human beings have never sustained a genetic line in the absence of social groups. We are social organisms, to be human is to need other human beings on some level. Even hermits define their lives in relation to other people.

We as individuals are forever limited by our own subjectivity. While relationships with others cannot provide true objectivity, our mutual efforts and dialogue can expand our singular perspectives and our awareness beyond what we could possibly achieve on our own.

If human beings only cared about making babies and having sex, we never would have made a civilization so successful it can sustain people who focus their lives almost exclusively on having sex for fun. Just food for thought.

bluestjuice · 2024-05-16T18:23:15+00:00

So… when you say ‘starting a family’ here I think you specifically mean having children.

But I would say that most people consider joining their lives together for the long haul and for mutual support to be a family-creating activity, regardless of whether they intend to or end up procreating.

So weirdly I think starting a family is, for most people, genuinely the point of relationships, but in a slantwise way from the meaning you used.

apresonly · 2024-05-16T18:52:12+00:00

there are health benefits to relationships that don't lead to sex or children.

end of discussion.

Much_Horse_5685 · 2024-05-16T21:27:27+00:00

Are you aromantic or somewhere on the aromantic spectrum by any chance?

CoyoteSmarts · 2024-05-16T16:15:40+00:00

Oh for Pete's sake. No, the majority of allosexual people would NOT be happy (or stay) in a sexless romantic relationship.

But while sex might be necessary for most people, that doesn't mean that it's sufficient for them.

A lot of people also want a companionate/transcendant bond - aka love.

And for some people, that companionate bond IS sufficient unto itself. (Asexuals, low libidos, partners of those with illness or sexual dysfunctions.)

As other posters have already told you 50+ times - there's no debate to be had here. What you want, or what you believe, is what you want or believe - and so it goes for everyone else.

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edgyny · 2024-05-16T15:13:19+00:00

My grandmothers always warned that waiting too long to get into relationships risks people getting stuck in their ways.

In a similar vein, one way I think of people is that they are like trees. If two trees are growing next to each other the branches will intertwine and they will support each other. This sort of intertwined pair of trees becomes somewhat inseparable over time and stronger than individual trees. Wind damage to one tree will be supported by the other etc and over time the trees survive longer. And there's a more intimate branching relationship between the branches and the roots are wrapped around each other which provides strength. To achieve this the trees need to be healthy and not too fully grown when put together.

Trees certainly can grow on their own. But as they get older their branches are large and set. You can find another tree that fits somewhat but to get the same intimate meshing those trees might need to be pruned back. Which can be painful so why bother. So at some point the tree is mature and there's not really any reason to match it up with another mature tree. It's already grown so the window for give and take during growth is past.

Anyway reading what you wrote it just sounds like you are "set in your ways" and somewhat aware of that. And that's fine.

berichorbeburied · 2024-05-16T15:43:43+00:00

I have to go. I’ll respond to these when I can. This is an important idea that I’ve come to the conclusion too. And so I’m asking for it to be challenged. And for the flaws to be pointed out. Before I operate under this concept for the rest of my life.

I’ll respond to everyone when I can

VWGUYWV · 2024-05-16T15:47:42+00:00

I’ve read about asexual people going on dates. If I didn’t want sex, I would just have female friends. I would never start a relationship or have kids.

TheYoungFaithful · 2024-05-16T16:18:56+00:00

I mean yeah, the first reason is the primary and the second one often follows.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2024-05-16T16:19:58+00:00

Well I don't emotionaly fullfil myself and I don't enjoy spending time alone. I don't want children but even exluding sex I still crave someone's presence. If I eat something I want to share it, I want to laugh at TV together, I want someone there to share my thoughts with. If I do something I'm proud of I desire someone to show it to. I want to share my life in all aspects and do things together.

Friends are not there as much as I would like, they have their own lives, their own apartments. With friends it's not 100% sharing and experiencing life together in all aspects.

TheMedsPeds · 2024-05-16T16:24:40+00:00

My last BF didn’t have sex because it hurt me. I mean we did but it was maybe once every 2 months and I got no enjoyment out of it. I’m also CF. We broke up but it wasn’t for those reasons.

I dated him because it was like having a roommate that hog cuddle with and is your best friend. It’s your life partner. Your other half. This is such a sad question if sex snd offspring is all you see out of relationships. Intimacy and love is so much more than just that.

TRTGymBro1 · 2024-05-16T16:47:34+00:00

Yes and? Who is pushing you to have relationships without sex?

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-05-16T16:47:40+00:00

Asexual people have relationships. People who don't want kids have relationships. A relationship is more than just sex and the possibility of babies, having a partner means having someone in your life who you can lean on when times get tough, having someone to enjoy the little things in life with, someone who is in your corner when you might be feeling bad about yourself. Some people don't need any of those things, so to them, a relationship will probably be pointless, sure. But the answer to "a relationship is pointless unless it's for XYZ" is "to you". Not every kind of relationship will be valuable to everyone. I wouldn't want a relationship where my partner doesn't want to have sex, but an asexual person might think that sounds great. A person who wants kids probably wouldn't want a relationship where kids are completely off the table, while that relationship might sound like a dream to a childfree person.

ILikeBird · 2024-05-16T18:58:54+00:00

There are multiple motivators you’d have to meet for people to want a relationship. For example, two people can have sex regularly without wanting a relationship. This is because they don’t meet each other’s emotional needs.

Any two people can have sex with each other or start a family. If those were the only motivators everyone would be in a relationship. In general, people need to have somewhat similar values, sex drives, and future plans in order for a relationship to work. Alongside an emotional connection.

Dull-Laugh-4037 · 2024-05-16T19:07:05+00:00

Chances are there are parts of you that you can improve if you have a loving, respectful partner that wants you to help you become a better version of yourself.

Relationships take sacrifice. They take unconditional love, they require patience. They require listening. Everyone can improve in these areas and a partner should be there to help you grow in ways that is difficult on your own. Also, when you are in love and in connection with someone, the world becomes brighter and more beautiful place.

ihih_reddit · 2024-05-16T19:57:30+00:00

Should've posted this in unpopularopinion and ngl, I do agree with the overall sentiment. I'll be honest and tell you I didn't read the whole post because it's way too long

Wowhowcanubsodumb · 2024-05-16T20:35:48+00:00

My guy I have said this before, "alot" is two words. I don't think you realize how dumb you look when you post a long rant containing an immediate middle school typo.

goo_wak_jai · 2024-05-16T21:17:47+00:00

Relationships are a social construct--as are many other things within human civilization like love, honor, morality, and/or maintaining a nuclear family.

Ever notice such ideas fly out the window as soon as harm is inflicted upon another, whether real or not? Your first instinct or gut reaction is to inflict harm back onto the individual that caused you harm, whether real or not.

This is because humans, while we are sentient and possess the ability to self-reflect, are still animals at the end of the day. We have the potential to rise above our animal instincts but as the saying goes, water will find its way down and would usually go down that path with the least amount of resistance.

As such, the idea of relationships and staying with one mate for any length of time, especially if one isn't fulfilling their biological imperative--perpetuation of one's lineage or fornification as an end on its own--seem almost preposterous, if not, downright bonkers.

Nevertheless, for the very same reasons that we possess the ability to self-reflect and are absolutely able to suppress our base human instincts, it opens the door up to a whole universe of possibilities when it comes to what is 'meaningful'.

So relationships as it is conventionally understood and oftentimes practice may still very well be 'pointless'--if sex and procreation isn't on the table--but we're able to create new meanings beyond those two most common points and cases for a relationship.

chilumibrainrot · 2024-05-17T01:51:41+00:00

maybe you're aromantic if you don't feel love and romantic attraction towards your partner

stormiu · 2024-05-17T05:56:54+00:00

This post reads like a mental episode. Are you are you meant to publish this?

LaTableEstBasse · 2024-05-20T18:45:33+00:00

Some people seem happy with sexless relationships. I know I'm not.

Shining_thru · 2024-05-16T16:16:38+00:00

Why are you trying to get OTHER PEOPLE to say they would not be in a relationship without sex or marriage? Your comments are playing a weird game and your post is a declaration, not a debate

Valuable-Marzipan761 · 2024-05-16T16:59:51+00:00

Most people enjoy livong with a partner. You, personally, don't but that's not the norm. Not really anything to debate.

Difficult-Ad-2866 · 2024-05-16T17:03:49+00:00

Excluding sex and family, relationships are pointless. That’s like saying excluding travel and experiencing the miracle of human flight, airplanes are useless.

bluehorserunning · 2024-05-16T17:58:29+00:00

I think a relationship is probably pointless for you.

You’re basically saying you don’t want to put in any effort unless everything is perfect, and seriously, …’raise a mini-me’?! First off, your kid is not your clone. Secondly, they’re going to come into the world in a vastly different environment, so even if they were, they wouldn’t be just like you.

boom-wham-slam · 2024-05-16T15:26:12+00:00

Tldr.

But yes. Women don't have anything unique to offer a male friend or a paid service can't except sex and family creation.

They are all plug and play swappable cogs in that respect.

There is a reason men like dicaprio and Hugh heffner and other men can just swap girlfriends any time they feel they need to.

Title	Relationships are pointless if you EXCLUDE sex or starting a family as the primary reason/motivator (this is my perspective)
Author	berichorbeburied
Upvotes	0
Comments	304
Date	May 16, 2024 2:14 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1ctdxzq/relationships_are_pointless_if_you_exclude_sex_or/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/relationships-are-pointless-if-you-exclude-sex-or.1518653 https://theredarchive.com/post/1518653

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