People who only know shallow people typically are shallow themselves.

MrTTripz · 2024-12-05T13:07:50+00:00

I think most people on here who say they never see non-shallow people never really interact with people in real life at all.

Everyone is losing themselves in rage bait videos and ‘self-help’ grift.

There was a guy on here yesterday who exhibited a moment of self-awareness, saying something like “and then I go outside and everyone is normal and seems to get along”.

His post was then deleted for, apparently, “circle jerking”.

Gravel_Roads · 2024-12-05T13:02:54+00:00

It's all been coming together, lately.

For the longest time, I was baffled by all the posts about "I've had 3 gfs and all of them were boring and only wanted my money" because when you ask them "why did you date her if she only wanted your money?" they'll claim "I HAD TO!!!"

No. You didn't. Yo chose to, because it was a quicker and easier way to get a girlfriend and you don't want to learn how to be someone that can love and be loved in return.

In my every day life, I just... don't KNOW any people who are like this. The dudes I hang out with are really sweet, generous, friendly people who like helping others, and they tend to end up with sweet, generous partners who are attracted to these same traits.

...But it's true that my social circles tend to have rather tight screening (there's too many minorities in our groups, so we have to be a little mindful about not inviting assholes who can't be thoughtful.) So people who make crass jokes, who rely on putting others down or blaming their problems on others, people with "main character syndrome" or who are petty or jealous or desperate just... often end up in social circles where people are trying to be thoughtful and fair.

Eater0fChildren · 2024-12-05T14:08:01+00:00

You seem to have a worldview very deeply rooted in the just world fallacy, wanting to believe that people who are constantly preaching about how shallow and superficial the world is are doing something to bring it on themselves, but this isn't the case. Regardless of "the person on the inside", everyone will face positive or negative treatment because of their looks.

Let me give you an anecdote, for a brief period in my life I was slightly overweight, and every single day the people I knew would ridicule and make fun of me relentlessly. I wasn't a "bad person who was seeking out shallow people" it's just that almost all people in general are more cruel to fat people. When I lost the weight people treated me better, but that had nothing to do with "me being a good person" it was because I looked better. If anything my personality worsened yet people treated me with more respect.

So when I go around talking about how much looks are important, it's because I know from my firsthand experience that they are, I'm not imagining it and I'm not "attracting other shallow people." There's just no basis for that claim.

YveisGrey · 2024-12-05T14:37:22+00:00

Both groups are just mad theyre not hot enough to make being a terrible person work for them.

Thinking “I want a hot person who loves me for me” is fucking delusional.

Really this is all that needed to be said

RoseyButterflies · 2024-12-05T13:32:16+00:00

My whole issue is why is it such a problem if people have preferences?

What are they the preferences police?

Who are they to say I'm 'not allowed' to be more attracted to taller men, or bigger dicks?

Why do they care soo much??

Truth is they're emotionally vulnerable and can't handle that the preferences aren't them.

wtknight · 2024-12-05T12:49:15+00:00

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Choice-Relative-4546 · 2024-12-05T17:14:51+00:00

everyone is shallow some are just better at hiding it than others

Tren_troll · 2024-12-05T13:12:04+00:00

People who value personality are shallow as well, just in a different way. It's pretty much just a way of saying that you don't like the generic Chad and prefer the funny Chad instead, or the mysterious and aloof Chad, or the hyperactive Chad, or the wholesome Chad, or the punk rock Chad and so on.

There's thousands of various personality archetypes but people only like maybe a dozen at best.

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wtknight · 2024-12-05T12:56:25+00:00

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TopShelfSnipes · 2024-12-05T14:27:21+00:00

I disagree with this on the premise that it depends largely on social circles which aren't always fully in one's control.

For some people in smaller towns, or in smaller communities within larger towns/cities that are heavily influenced by a core common interest or identity, the in-group identity defines them and shallowness is sometimes a byproduct of that group's members, wholly dependent on small sample size.

In such cases, it's difficult for someone to escape that and still be true to themselves and their hobbies, particularly if the interest or common activity is core to their being, even if its a phase.

By, say, mid 20s adulthood, when people are making their own money and can choose where they live or relocate to be within a better subculture in-group, this is usually less true, but then those people are typically "behind the 8 ball" so to speak on what healthy friendships/relationship and non-toxic behavior are like and often need to work through those things in order to get better/more meaningful relationships.

For instance, I grew up in a major city where people were notorious for meeting people who were shallow. My high school, despite being in the city, largely attracted suburban kids. As such, most of the people I knew before high school were shallow (social climber types, both them and their parents), and even though I was socially competent, I didn't opt to keep most of them in my life. OTOH, I've stayed friends with my high school friends for over 20 years now. But if you'd stopped me on th street and asked me about my friends when I was 13, I probably would've shrugged and told you I was satisfied even though I had a depth they didn't. My most "deep" friend from that era, I ended up cutting out of my life at 20 for being a POS. No idea what happened to him, but last I'd heard of him, he'd managed to completely squander a million dollar legal settlement he earned as a kid and had in trust until his 18th birthday by 21, so, yeah, real winner there.

Ironically, the people I knew who had the most "depth" to them back then all ended up either going their own way completely or running into substance abuse problems and getting into legal trouble.

Social competence can still be formed around shallow people (if anything they're more of a pressure cooker environment to work on things like extrovertedness and confidence), so depth in other people isn't prerequisite to forming social competence, but it is possible for non-shallow people to end up surrounded by shallow people just through circumstance.

Schleudergang1400 · 2024-12-05T17:11:40+00:00

How is prioritizing personality over looks, status, money not shallow? By definition, shallow is having few criteria that are important to you, to the exclusion of others. Non-shallow would be to value everything: looks, status, money, personality, intelligence, etc.

Reasonable_Style8214 · 2024-12-05T17:24:00+00:00

That's what I always tell women who complain about beauty standards, but they just won't listen.

HighestTierMaslow · 2024-12-05T17:35:06+00:00

Yup, birds of the same feather flock together for many traits not just shallow.

Tylikcat · 2024-12-05T19:21:13+00:00

There's a reason that I got over my pretty-boy musician phase. Sure, it was fun for a little bit, but that absolutely was not a good way to find a relationship. (And this was while I was in a couple of bands, so it's not like there wasn't some basis of common interests.)

I tend to get involved with people because I like them. Which is way different than them being hot. (We used to joke about a few people in the social circle who were really good-looking, but while I suppose you could hang them on a wall and admire them, that didn't make them dating material. In some cases they were shudderingly *not* dating material.) Pretty much everyone I've dated is someone I met through some kind of social function, and spent a fair bit of time talking to them before we went out / or hopped into bed. And while several of them were conventionally attractive, many were not, and a couple were outright funny looking by conventional standards. (I have dated a few guys with sixpacks, but it's because we were both involved in martial arts... and I didn't know they had a sixpack until their clothes were off. And martial arts physiques aren't really the same as lifting physiques? But I'm far more likely to be attracted to someone because they're a good sparring partner than because they're cut.)

I wish it was appropriate for me to take pictures of many of the student couples on campus. Most of them are so ordinary.

themoderation · 2024-12-06T00:04:58+00:00

I keep saying this. People aren’t lying when their personal anecdotes don’t align with your negative experiences. They just have a better environment and peer group.

waffleznstuff30 · 2024-12-06T02:20:42+00:00

I think it's because a lack of understanding really that makes them shallow not so much for just being shallow. Because it's the most inexperienced that talk the loudest about things and will pick up on the stupid online dating advice because they aren't successful. So if you don't know much about something and you are only hearing basic shallow advice. You are going to have a shallow understanding of a relationship.

If guys/gals who are chronically online and get their information about the opposite sex are on TikTok/Reels constantly they are going to have a shallow perception of a relationship and what a connection actually is.

AntiHypergamist · 2024-12-06T06:52:53+00:00

So how many fat ass men have you slept with? or are you just talking out your ass?

rag3light · 2024-12-07T09:12:33+00:00

There aren't plenty of people who aren't shallow so whoever told you that is full of shit.

2024-12-09T02:25:45+00:00

Or maybe the shallow people are the loudest so they get the most attention?

EffectiveAsparagus89 · 2024-12-05T12:53:01+00:00

Stupid. Schopenhauer isn't shallow but he knew the whole world to be shallow. The same goes for Buddha.

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2024-12-05T13:39:22+00:00

That's a good point. I don't think I have a bad personality, but by increasing my attractiveness, I was able to get interest from women. The hardest part is the filtering and saying "no" to them. I think women are really courageous in this point

Proudvow · 2024-12-05T13:15:01+00:00

I am so unshallow that once when I had a hot chick and ugly chick interested in me, I contemplated going with the ugly chick because she needed love more and had to try so much harder for attention while the hot chick was more likely to do fine without me.

Nothing about me not being shallow changed how shallow other people were though, I was only ever liked for status and in scenarios where I had none I was invisible.

In a similar case, “Nice Guys” always complaining about hot assholes getting women but he never gets anyone despite being a better person. Thing is r/NiceGuys has done more than enough to show that when these guys are given a chance, theyre just as terrible as the assholes they cry about.

You can't disprove a claim about assholes getting women by bringing up a sub outlining examples where assholes got women.

The dudes getting a chance are fundamentally different from the dudes who never get chances.

anthropics · 2024-12-05T13:25:23+00:00

I don't even get why it's considered more virtuous to value psychological/behavioural characteristics over physical characteristics. If you get more satisfaction out of someone who is less attractive but has a better personality, why does this make you morally superior? If it's because of the idea that personality is more malleable and so you're not judging based on 'immutable characteristics', I'd challenge this premise.

rustlerhuskyjeans · 2024-12-05T13:04:44+00:00

Everyone is shallow. If you’re a cute chick and you can get 666 handsome tall or buff hot guys with lantern jaws taking you on dates. She’ll casually date just that.

Title	People who only know shallow people typically are shallow themselves.
Author	LillthOfBabylon
Upvotes	25
Comments	187
Date	December 5, 2024 12:47 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1h78dyk/people_who_only_know_shallow_people_typically_are/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/people-who-only-know-shallow-people-typically-are.1537667 https://theredarchive.com/post/1537667

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