Why men are usually against decentering relationships

leosandlattes · 2025-04-02T13:46:19+00:00

The resistance to decentering women is probably because when men put even less effort into finding a relationship, their chances of finding one go way down.

Think about it. Women can afford to decenter men because we will still be approached regardless. But a lot less women approach men, so men who stop approaching women or searching for a partner will likely remain single. And most men and woman still want a relationship in their lives.

It’s a privilege to be able to decenter relationships and still be able to get a relationship.

Efficient-Baker1694 · 2025-04-02T17:26:32+00:00

There’s probably a fear of sorts that if a man does this, he will never experience dating, relationships or even sex ever again or at all. Plus this kinds is a very big want we (men) want in our lives. Some men would rather have a relationship with a woman over more money, career advancement, better body, etc. Not to mention there are men on here (me included) who have been single and a virgin their entire lives and want to experience that stuff sooner over later. I myself don’t want to end up as a 40 year old virgin and would rather lose it asap to someone who wants me that way as well. So that means I’m not paying a sex worker just to lose it. Of course I try not think about it 24/7/365 but there are times where it hits me pretty hard.

FearlessSea4270 · 2025-04-02T14:20:21+00:00

In fairness I think so much of this comes down to sex.

Bad sex for men is better than no sex, because of the sexual mechanism of PIV sex and how the average male orgasms.

Whereas for women no sex is better than bad sex.

I also think the rolling orgasms plays a factor here. I’d argue masturbation feels more fulfilling and satisfying for women than it does for men.

SamuraiGoblin · 2025-04-03T07:45:04+00:00

Single women are happier than single men because a single life for a woman is still filled with human interactions. They have sales people being friendly to them, old ladies at bus stops talking to them about the weather, and they can easily get male attention and sex on the days where loneliness gets to them.

Men can't. Single men are mostly invisible to society and it's real lonely down there. It's not the same experience at all.

bzl33 · 2025-04-02T16:28:28+00:00

Basically every woman I know is: actively dating, in a relationship, engaged, or married. So no, they are not single for long periods of time and want to be in relationships.

A lot of you guys need to actually go your own way and stop trying to convince others to join your ideology. This is getting to a point on this sub where it feels like cult recruitment and I feel like for all the talk of decentering relationships you are on a sub that discusses relationships a lot.

wizardnamehere · 2025-04-03T05:00:23+00:00

women are happier, single while men are happier in a relationship.

That blog actually doesn't come to that conclusion. It say the data is muddled and unclear.

I'm not sure that either gender or people in general de-center relationships of any kind. Relationships to human beings are sort of a center of human life.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2025-04-02T13:42:15+00:00

You’re trying to logic against a young man’s hormones and basest desires.

It’s the equivalent of saying “learn to love being hungry so you won’t eat! That will keep you thin and healthy!”

Yea, some people might be able to pull that off. Most people are gonna try till they are starving and then gorge on food.

bradenb941 · 2025-04-02T17:13:17+00:00

Because it's shitty advice that doesn't work. "Don't look for a relationship and it'll find you" is the most insensitive bullshit response you could give a lonely person. The reason lonely people (especially men) can't find relationships has nothing to do with the amount of focus they're putting into wanting a relationship. The reason is because nothing works anymore.

You can't use dating apps because women can apply superficial filters towards men based on height, politics, age, etc. In organic interactions a woman might find herself attracted to men that don't meet these standards she has, but because they get filtered out on dating sites, it means most men are disadvantaged. Add to this the amount of paywalls required for them to function at all, and it becomes nearly impossible.

You can't approach women and start conversations with them because all we ever hear are things like "Don't bother women when you don't know them." "She's probably just being friendly in a fake way, either because it's her job or because she just hopes you'll go away". The bullcrap about "It's okay to approach if it's a social situation" and "She only thinks you're a creep if you can't take rejection" are braindead things ignorant of reality. Yes, a lot of women aren't as rational as you and will label you as a creep just for approaching. There's a lot of conditioning about how any man could be a criminal, and so when every man is a potential criminal to you, you will be creeped out just by the sight of a man wanting to talk to you. You could be the most gracious person ever in rejection, and you're still a horrible person because you were born with the wrong genitals. Also the "right" situations will still result in not just rejection, but ridicule. Women often talk about how men can't take rejection, but the truth is that women themselves often can't reject men without being insulting and rude. This is just as common of a problem and just as bad.

And meeting women to date through your own friend group doesn't work if you don't have one. Before you say that "You should meet women without the expectation of anything more" and "you should treat them just like anyone else" you really don't know what it's like to be a single man in this dating climate. Suppose you do finally get yourself a friend group that includes men and women, and you want to date one of those women. Because you followed this advice and became friends without any expectations, she is now very likely to see you as "just a friend". So that piece of advice almost never works, nevermind how god-awfully difficult it is to implement.

"Get a Hobby"/"Work on yourself" don't fucking work either. And before you say "You don't sound very blue pill" SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. We need to acknowledge there are plenty of problems that disadvantage men in the dating world, and acknowledging these problems doesn't automatically put one in the red pill camp. Red pill people also have bad solutions to these problems that don't work, and have the added problem of making you a massive prick when you try to implement them. But saying that these problems exist doesn't mean you agree with the red pill stance.

If you "decenter relationships" as a man, you're waiting for them to come to you, which doesn't happen. In fact, it barely happens even when you try.

Kvuivbribumok · 2025-04-02T18:42:08+00:00

Most 'single' women aren't really single and have FWB/situationships/ONS to take care of their needs. Single men on the other hand do not have this luxury.

JonMyMon · 2025-04-02T16:21:27+00:00

Every time I see the word "decentering" I get a bit anxious because whenever I've seen women use it they've always come across as a bit unhinged. I'm still getting used to men saying it. There's nothing fundamentally wrong with the word though.

TheNattyJew · 2025-04-03T22:42:31+00:00

According to the General Social Survey of 2022, married women with children are the happiest. Married women without kids are happier than single women as well.

https://x.com/BradWilcoxIFS/status/1886482228542108142/photo/2

RapaxIII · 2025-04-02T14:19:13+00:00

Why does everyone who says that women enjoy being single pretend that men also aren't autonomous in their own right? Is it possible to that men seek relationships because they've had advantages women are just now getting?

Why isn't simple companionship enough of a reason for entering a relationship rather than some society-wide ill that's affecting us?

Schleudergang1400 · 2025-04-02T14:43:09+00:00

Decentering doesn't mean not having regular sex and going on dates.

BobtheArcher2018 · 2025-04-02T15:22:59+00:00

Unless we figure out some other way to have and raise children, socialize the genders, bind communities, etc. then abandoning the widespread enforced monogamy paradigm doesn't make much sense to me. We should be trying to figure out the best way to make it work in a way that is as fair as possible to both genders.

I think that given the right environment and culture, both the typical male and female benefit from long term heterosexual pair bonding. And society needs it. So I don't see much point in arguing over which gender needs it more.

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2025-04-02T18:48:27+00:00

As a man who has learned to be quite happy while single, I’m just gonna keep sipping my tea.

wtknight · 2025-04-02T14:55:03+00:00

I think that it should be somewhat easier for men to decenter relationships once they aren’t virgins, and I don’t have much sympathy for a man who has already had sex who is complaining about being alone and unwanted. If a guy has already attracted a woman, then he already knows what the experience of being intimate and in a relationship is like. At this point he is just a slave to his own ego if he can’t play it cool and work on himself.

But for men who are virgins, I understand their frustration. And it’s very easy for a woman to lose her virginity compared to a man.

Livid-Log7463 · 2025-04-02T20:04:24+00:00

The reason is simply that one of men’s inherent biological roll is to ensure the human race continues as a top priority, the same isn’t true for women who do so SELECTIVELY creating a different set of priorities and needs.

Logos1789 · 2025-04-02T16:54:12+00:00

Women being single, as it pertains to intimacy and sex, is like voluntarily going on a diet.

For most men, being single is like no longer having a source of food.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-04-02T14:16:24+00:00

You think maintaining friendships and relationships require no effort from women ? Lol

abaxeron · 2025-04-02T14:57:48+00:00

The natural deal between women and men was: sex and children in exchange for provision and security. Since provision and security are now done on perverted civil slavery basis masquerading as social justice, why would women not decenter men. At this very moment, men - mostly married ones - are overtaxed by social security system roughly at the equivalent of post-WW1 reparations every 3 years (for comparison, Germany paid its post-WW1 reparations fully only in year 2010). Roughly half of this overtaxation is spent on women. Biggest beneficiaries, single never-married childless women, and divorcees. The disparity of income tax redistribution is even worse.

"Why do these gamers playing on easy mode score much more points, spend fewer spare lives, and spend lesser time grinding?" Is this a serious question? If men had state-provided blowjobs on demand, they would also have fewer problems decentering women.

It's that simple. It's not rocket surgery.

The future does look bright tho, because AI, toy market, and other substitutes for intimacy are getting better every day. While women stay the same.

AutoModerator · 2025-04-02T08:00:19+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

No-Appointment-8270 · 2025-04-02T18:22:06+00:00

Decenter relationships yes but decenter sex hell no

Substantial_Video560 · 2025-04-02T18:23:36+00:00

Being both aromantic and autistic I naturally decenter relationships. As long as things stay strictly platonic we're all good.

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2025-04-03T14:11:07+00:00

I completly agree. If you build a good social structure as a man, you are clearly ok without a partner. We just need to change our beliefs

Fancy-Statistician82 · 2025-04-02T18:16:45+00:00

Female friendships tend to be deeper, more intimate, more fulfilling. All in all, decentering women requires effort on men's part, hence the resistance and aversion.

I don't disagree at all.

Buuut, I need to bring up what that means. Female friendships are deeper, more intimate and more fulfilling because since preschool we are told to put effort in. We work very hard on all this. Guys realizing that they need to actually put work in is important, but it's not unfair. I'm glad you are aware of it and value talking about it and how to do it, since some guys want to do it but don't know how.

My husband makes a point of calling certain people once a month or so, people that he's moved away from. He's maintained male friendships over years this way, and we have for example stayed over with his friend from high school 40 years ago, who now lives 3k miles away, or a cousin on another continent.

kingofgama · 2025-04-03T17:55:30+00:00

I'd say it's 50/50.

So, of it is most likely just biological, so even driven through evolutionary psychology and hormones.

The rest is social. Think about it, what is the most common insult you can throw at a man right now? Incel. That alone should make it clear socially men's value tends to be dictated by the relationship status.

Which really, is bullshit. But the power of social views as a whole doesn't trump reason.

Guilty-Marzipan1058 · 2025-04-04T01:08:14+00:00

This is like the difference between a job candidate “decentering” finding a job and an employer “decentering” finding a candidate. The leverage is and always has been extremely lopsided. Women used to care because their socio-economic status depended on it. Now there’s literally no countermeasure to this dynamic.

Waxico · 2025-04-04T23:45:35+00:00

I think it’s because the kind of intimacy a woman wants out of a relationship is the kind she can get from a friendship. The kind of intimacy a guy wants, unless he’s gay, is not the same kind he can get from his friends…

Title	Why men are usually against decentering relationships
Author	ForGiggles2222
Upvotes	24
Comments	93
Date	April 2, 2025 8:00 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1jpjcbn/why_men_are_usually_against_decentering/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-men-are-usually-against-decentering.1548421 https://theredarchive.com/post/1548421

Comments