Why are you still single?

Poppy_Luvv · 2025-07-21T04:01:04+00:00

It basically boils down to: I'm tired lol I don't have my life together, and I don't want to add another thing to my plate. Dating is work and relationships are responsibilities. I don't really want more work and can't take on another responsibility.

Note, I have ADHD and have seen this expressed by other women with ADHD. I also have many aspirations - not ones I've made much headway on, but I have them. And none of them are husband/kids so I have pressure to do other stuff and little to date/marry/pop out a baby.

random_radishes · 2025-07-20T23:36:52+00:00

Honestly I just like having my alone time which is easiest by just having friends and no partner. I’ve also found out I don’t really gain anything from a relationship so I don’t really see a need for one

EulenWatcher · 2025-07-20T23:19:45+00:00

I'm married, but I can reply for some of my friends and family members.

First of all, my mother has never been married. No man has managed to compete with her dedication to her family and job. Her father died early, so she had to help her mother to raise her siblings, then she was helping them to raise their kids, then she was utterly busy with her career and she had me from a guy she was dating for some fun times. After that she just split all her time between me, our extended family, her career and some of her closest friends. Plus, looking at her generation overall, I think they really had a bad luck with men - a lot of men of that generation are not good family men nor they're good fathers or romantic partners.

My close friend in her late 20s - she's just not interested in dating. She tried it, she didn't really enjoy it, and now she doesn't want to waste time on something she feels no drive for.

My other friend in her 30s suspects that she might be queer, and she had some poor experience with "mommy boys" who for some reason are really into her.

My other friend in her late 20s concentrates on her education and career at the moment. She doesn't feel the desire to date nor she has time for that.

My divorced friend doesn't want to introduce a new man to her family, as she's raising a daughter on her own.

Dependent-Tailor7366 · 2025-07-21T00:35:31+00:00

Asexual. Largely misanthropic too.

Morgoth_Worshipper · 2025-07-21T06:27:49+00:00

I am asexual and I love my own personal space and freedom.

RecognitionSoft9973 · 2025-07-21T01:02:54+00:00

Because I always have been. I’ve always been isolated from other people.

What are some things you’re looking for that might make a partner difficult to find?

Very interesting question that I’ve pondered a lot. I’m still pretty stuck on what I’m after: my looksmatch who shares similar interests and the same sort of outlook on life. With similar life circumstances. Surprisingly hard to find. I’m not a high energy or ambitious person. I lowkey hate working and love the idea of quiet quitting/lying flat. I work but I feel like I relate more to NEETs and semi-NEETs than my fellow white-collar workers. I do think the men in my pool are always trying to hustle or make more money. That sounds like an exhausting way to live in my eyes.

I prefer to stay at home and do stuff online. I still think people like me deserve a life partner. Someone equally as boring but who still wants someone to connect with, IRL as well of course. I’m not totally against going out, but I don’t want to do it as much as a normal person would.

I thought it would be easy to find a guy like this on a dating app, but I naively forgot that no man is ever going to want to come across this way. He’s just throwing away his chances that way. Of course every man is going to want to present as loving exercise/a outdoorsman/cultured/well-traveled/well-adjusted (that can manifest as so many different things)/popular/cool.

So I tried to make my profile as nerdy and introverted as possible in an attempt to hopefully pull in some of the men who are like me, but I only got mass swipers. I’m not the prettiest woman out there but I thought a profile like that would get my looksmatch’s attention. You know, a chubby nerd. It seems like the only type of guys that exists on the apps are the jacked ones with empty bios.

I never wanted to do this but an LDR with an FA man similar to me may be the only way I experience a relationship. Disappointing to come to this realization but I should take what I can get. Even if we only get to meet like once a year. I’m just afraid of getting cheated on and/or ghosted.

ChironGhostHugger · 2025-07-21T01:28:15+00:00

Partner passed away, so I'm in an unusual circumstance. I wasn't single for a long time.

I have very little options even if I were lowering my standards lol I don't think men see me that way, or I've never noticed... Which would probably be one of the issues. Refusing to treat me as an equal both sexually and mentally, or being coy about it.

That being said, I also have specific requirements that would make it hard to find another. Basically, must have the same core identities and beliefs I have, and must naturally be interested in doing the same things together. Basically, I'm looking for someone within my own community to date.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2025-07-21T00:45:45+00:00

I’m choosing to stay single and avoid men. I have seen way too many women get hurt by men in person and online as well as seen the rise of red pill game being encouraged and going viral online with red pill podcasts which never ends well for women. I don’t want to risk being led on or pressured to do things I’m not ready to do outside of a marriage so it’s safest to stay single and off dating apps. I also avoid men outside of a professional setting because I don’t want to be attacked because they think I lead them on just because I was being nice to them. Honestly I think nothing wakes women up faster than hearing how men talk about women and relationships on red pill podcasts which is probably what had the biggest impact on me and scared me away from men and relationships permanently.

leosandlattes · 2025-07-20T23:38:15+00:00

I was single for 4 years in my early 20s because I was a fatty uggoooo. Amazingly, I had the lowest standards at this time and men did not want to date me, even when I was approaching them.

Oli_love90 · 2025-07-21T00:40:04+00:00

Totally gonna sound woe is me but I figure my perspective is worth sharing.

I’m not open to being partnered. I’ve tried online dating, speed dating, etc. and failed miserably. Honestly wrecked my self esteem so I’m not seeking anything. Being socially awkward, few friends, getting older - this doesn’t bode well for me and is one of many reasons I’m single.

I’m looking for a very boring life. Which I understand is not appealing. But other than that I don’t think I have an impossible laundry list so it’s not my expectations keeping me single.

lesliecarbone · 2025-07-21T09:39:15+00:00

I am not willing to put my peace at risk.

Siukslinis_acc · 2025-07-21T02:30:44+00:00

I don't feel the need for it. If i stumble upon someone - fine, if i don't - fine.

Lazy-Assignment7676 · 2025-07-20T23:47:02+00:00

30F, I took myself out of the game for two years to do some reflection. Came back onto the dating scene a couple months ago. I’m looking for a relationship, not on dating apps and I don’t multi date so it’s probably going to take about a year or so to find someone.

Right now, I’m only getting approached/noticing interest by younger men and black guys which is FINE but they are often waaay more attractive than me. I’ve always dated my looks match and don’t plan on changing that. I’m not built to date attractive people.

I am basically looking for a unicorn. I want a latino, brown skin, dark hair, brown eyes, high earner, gym rat, not close to his family, has a house, funny and he needs to be obsessed with me. I’m looking for all of this while being an insane, radfem mentalcel BUT I have a great body and good disposition. Wish me luck 😅

Practical-Monk1586 · 2025-07-20T23:52:42+00:00

34F 🙋🏼‍♀️

1.) I am very open to being partnered, but I am not “actively seeking” a partner for a long term relationship. Feels too forced and I have a full life as is — that said, I would love to have a family of my own someday.

2.) Red flags in potential partners that have driven me away were lack of initiative, unstable financial positions/career paths, and straight up not physically attractive. Also, “mommy’s boys” are a massive red flags as well as men who I observe treat their own family members with disrespect or disregard.

3.) A major barrier to finding a partner for long term relationship is finding someone who would be able to integrate into my social circles and lifestyle (and vice versa).

Another major one is not being able to find a man who lives up to my father and grandfather. Both were strong men, leaders in the work world, socially inept across every social setting, incredibly involved in their children’s lives, treated my mother and grandmother with utmost respect, chivalry and love. Both my mom and grandma were career driven women in their work places, but also were supported by my dad/grandpa for a period of time to stay home and raise us kids for 5-10 years, then went back into the workforce with nothing but support and motivation from their partners. We grew up middle/upper class - never over the top spoiled - but always had comfort and security. Both attractive masculine men who also had such a soft spot in their hearts for their wives and children.

Tylikcat · 2025-07-21T02:26:40+00:00

I'm less open to being partnered than not completely closed.

Mostly, I'm busy. I'm past the first year of the new professorship, and am not longer a stress ball, but I still have a lot going on. My remaining time and energy are really valuable to me. Dating cuts into that a lot, and a lot of partners want that time and energy without really offering anything of similar value to me. If I meet someone I really like, sure. But the idea of actively looking in the general population (of men, the situation with women is a bit different) just sounds awful. (Okay, it was starting to sound slightly less awful, but then I got mono, and even though I'm mostly over it I'm running low energy. But even beforehand, it wasn't sounding good.)

I suppose it depends on what you mean by options? I met a guy recently who might be an option... but he's a coworker. (It would be fine under our college's rules. I'm not ruling it out, but it's definitely an approach with cautious situation.) Another guy I liked, but he was married, so no. In terms of guys who have expressed interest - most have been 15 to 20 years younger, which is a bit much. A couple who contacted me online and weren't gross about it made comments that struck me as so clueless that it just wasn't going to work.

I'm looking for someone I connect with, and who is a decent person. There isn't a strict recipe. Looking back at my (many) past relationships, I can say descriptively that the two people I really fell for were both unusually bright, and had IQs within one standard deviation of my own*. (Such folks are about one in a thousand, though somewhat more common in the circles I spend time in.) That doesn't mean it's a requirement, or that I'm looking for that in particular, but it is informative.

I've known since fairly early on that love matches would be rare for me, and that I often do better with friends who are also lovers. (As long as they are comfortable with it not becoming more than that.**) I've never had trouble attracting interest - but finding people I'm romantically interested in is hard.

*Neither had learned to play well with others, which isn't an uncommon problem in that population. I was lucky to have been thrown in with a group of similarly bright - and screwed up! - young teens.
**One of my favorite relationships of that type, that lasted some years, ended with him staging a pretty regrettable scene. When we talked it over later, he told me he was upset that I would never feel more for him. (And then he apologized, and we continued on as friends, but not lovers.)

Makuta_Servaela · 2025-07-21T16:08:27+00:00

I'm quite satisfied in my own company.

I do think I'll gain a long-term resource in a partner, as in, building a life together with someone else can make a doubly stable life (at the risk of them going down and taking me down with them), but it's so hard to find the motivation in the here and now, when every individual thing I do while getting to know a partner would be much happier to do alone.

Out of your options, what were the issues or red flags that drove you away?

I am generally driven away by someone I think is a risk of making a poor long-term life. Someone who can't manage finances, doesn't care about the future, thinks having kids would just be a fun thing for him to do and plans on saddeling me with all the work, etc.

What are some things you’re looking for that might make a partner difficult to find?

I prefer women, for one thing. I also prefer body neutrality and at least semi-poly: not dating other people, persay, but preferably a guy who won't be jealous that I'm still friends with and plan to be non-sexually physical (like hugging) with people I've had sex with previously, or doesn't mind that I participate in breast-neutrality or nudism.

VenusNoire_ · 2025-07-21T01:24:17+00:00

I’m overqualified for the market, high-maintenance (I don’t mean this superficially) and high investment. I can’t lower myself to accept mediocrity. Most men are underprepared, underqualified, and undisciplined in the areas that matter to me, and most men in my generation are emotionally illiterate, overstimulated, shallowly conditioned by porn and irony, and see vulnerability as weakness. There’s not much I can realistically do with that—you either meet me where I am or have to be willing and able to meet me where I’m at eventually.

It’s not arrogant for me to say this considering my approach to companionship is basically vocational. I’m protective of the psychological, emotional, aesthetic, and intellectual labor i perform—and rightly so. I was raised on an archaic model of femininity (silent gen) and I still adhere to it—this isn’t exactly compatible with people’s expectations of dating and relationships in 2025. The combination of traits I find desirable are also rare..

Lemon_gecko · 2025-07-20T23:48:32+00:00

I don’t like men, as a rule they don’t make my life better. Sex - sure, but to date? No.
Too long to list.
Well i am poly, which does make it difficult. And i have high standards about personality and values which make it impossible.

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Slow-Narwhal486 · 2025-07-21T13:26:39+00:00

I really hate dating, and my desire for a relationship usually doesn’t outweigh my hatred of dating. I’ll date for a little bit, and when something doesn’t work out, I’ll use it as an excuse to stop for a while.

None of my preferences have been unreasonable or rare, I think I just have really bad trust issues, and a low desire for a relationship.

Avast_Lion · 2025-07-21T18:30:14+00:00

I am open to being partnered.
Recently, in order: kind of a dead fish as a conversational partner. Moved away and ghosted me. Didn't read books OR watch movies OR listen to music. Nothing--he broke it off. Already had a girlfriend, wanted two. I liked him but I was too busy to maintain the relationship at the time. Sexist.
Yes. Kinky. This narrows my pool by a lot.

AJ_The_Best_7 · 2025-07-22T21:24:50+00:00

Im 22.

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NoShortMen4Me · 2025-07-22T00:23:22+00:00

Because of my comment above

Title	Why are you still single?
Author	Reasonable_Mouse789
Upvotes	31
Comments	199
Date	July 20, 2025 10:43 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1m52e93/why_are_you_still_single/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-are-you-still-single.1557587 https://theredarchive.com/post/1557587

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