"They SAY they want XYZ, but are inevitably repulsed when they get it". What is XYZ when it comes to men?

capsaicinintheeyes · 2025-11-29T02:42:18+00:00

heh...open relationships, often enough

Dertross · 2025-11-29T03:13:32+00:00

The only thing I can think of is a desperate man saying "I'd take literally any woman" and it turning out that he does, in fact, have some minimum standards. But that is usually well into genetic freak or freak accident victim territory.

Logos1789 · 2025-11-29T00:36:26+00:00

It’s not uncommon for men who think they want a follower, a submissive, etc. to eventually grow tired of making all of the decisions.

It really takes a man who’s attuned to his intuition to tolerate making all of the decisions, because then it takes less effort to process.

nsfwthrowaway6996 · 2025-11-29T00:48:07+00:00

Manic dream pixel girl

N_Count_Council · 2025-11-29T00:10:16+00:00

The bipolar girl who will rock your world
The naive girl with 0 trauma

leefjk · 2025-11-29T01:52:43+00:00

Even though I may sometimes be insensitive towards women's issues, a lot of times I still want a girl who advocates for herself. It's weird to me when a girl is a men's rights activist. Like, it's okay, you can have your own opinions. You don't have to glaze men all the time. lol

Content_Concert_2555 · 2025-11-29T01:53:02+00:00

I reject the premise. It depends on the man and the woman. No one’s idealized fantasy will be met by a real person so it depends on their attraction to and turn offs from the real person.

wtknight · 2025-11-29T16:44:58+00:00

The only thing that I can think of from what I've seen in the past is when men want a woman who is "really into them", but then she turns out to be excessively clingy at best and a full-blown stalker at worst.

Solondthewookiee · 2025-11-29T00:56:44+00:00

The young, naive, inexperienced woman because they inevitably don't know how to handle it when she starts forming her own opinions and preferences (which is why they frequently go for young, naive women to begin with).

I've also heard from high sex drive women that the vast majority of men are not able to keep up long term.

Jay__LeCaprio · 2025-11-29T00:39:33+00:00

Nothing…see because unlike women us men don’t speak in bullshit, we mean what we say and say what we mean.

Ithinktoodeep55 · 2025-11-29T14:32:12+00:00

for old men in their 30s - younger, youthful, fun blonde women in college. they are just simply more sexually attractive.

and then you meet one and she opens her mouth

"OmG CHEcK OUT thiS tiK tok ughh Im DrUNK I want a GrillEd cheese SAmmich OMG my Shoes fell OFF tehehehe"

aslfingerspell · 2025-11-29T00:21:03+00:00

A "geek girl" is a huge fantasy for a lot of men, to the point where it's one of the core appeals of vtubers: imagine a cute anime girl/woman who plays video games for hours straight, Just Like You(TM)!

I actually did get a chance to date a fellow geek. However, it turns out that shared hobbies, even on an intense level, is not replacement for romantic or sexual desire or compatibility.

Additionally, I also feel that having things in common is a bit overrated anyway. I would date the female version of myself in that I think I'm good enough, but for an ideal partner I'd want someone different enough to be interesting. "Opposites attract" is its own genre of fantasy and wish fulfillment and its own discussion, but from my own actual experience I feel confident in saying that shared interests in and of themselves are not really a thing you can build a relationship on.

They can be the foundation of a great friendship, to be sure, but romance and sexuality requires more intimacy than being in the same fandom.

Environmental_Day558 · 2025-11-29T03:20:02+00:00

The "crazy", "fiery" or "feisty" type of woman. An extention of that, the woman thats clingy. They think they want that girl that is obsessive over them and give them a spicy love life, until they are drained from all of the arguments, accusations and conflict that comes with it.

antariusz · 2025-11-29T14:13:15+00:00

I thought I would want a wild woman that would provide excitement to my boring life. Found out quickly that alcoholism and violent mood swings weren’t so much fun.

I actively seek out “boring” women for relationships now.

Clavicymbalum · 2025-11-29T01:34:21+00:00

There is no such XYZ. Not to exclude that it might be possible to find a minority of such individual men for which such an XYZ would exist, but it would be so hugely non-representative that we'd be far away from any point where the underlying assumptions of still wanting to generalize as if they were a large proportion let alone a majority e.g. muh "not all women/men. InB4 monolith" (sic) would make any sense.

Alone_Ambition_3729 · 2025-11-29T00:12:30+00:00

Her libido/kinkiness, but I think different guys mess it up in both directions.

And somewhat related to one direction of the above, threesomes and/or (her) bisexuality.

OkOutlandishness6370 · 2025-11-29T01:08:37+00:00

Can't speak to this, I am invariably happy when I get what I want. I think I may just be unusually rational compared to the set of all human beings though. May not be a gendered thing but more a self awareness and baseline intellect thing.

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SecondEldenLord · 2025-11-29T10:18:24+00:00

I had so many friends that said they wanted a "woman with experience", aka a woman who have been ran through. Turns out it's not as fun as they thought it would be if they wanted to marry that woman.

wagnerlight · 2025-11-29T19:01:22+00:00

[permanently deleted]

SeemedGood · 2025-11-29T21:31:09+00:00

“Hot” women.

Livid-Log7463 · 2025-11-29T23:11:46+00:00

There are very few men who are able to date who they want/their preference (perceived or not) so the men that can even possibly encounter this are already going to be very desirable and likely spoiled for choice already.

py234567 · 2025-11-30T02:19:27+00:00

Consider this short story

I really want (thing that satisfies my immediate desires)

Oh wait now that I have (thing that satisfies my immediate desires) I have found out that is not what actually makes me happy, I really want (my long term happiness) and good quality of life.

Many such cases

This has happened to literally everyone and it takes maturity and introspection to learn what we actually want out of life, easier said than done.

BigMadLad · 2025-11-30T04:03:15+00:00

Career women for some. It sounds like the dream that you can find a girl who can match your earnings, until they prioritize that career over you and have the additional chip that they refuse to consider children or if they want them will essentially make you the stay at home parent.

shadowrangerfs · 2025-11-30T12:10:56+00:00

This thread made me think of this standup bit from Ryan Long.

https://streamable.com/2uurtb

TopShelfSnipes · 2025-12-01T17:47:08+00:00

Giant boobs. Fun in the beginning, but impractical in the long run, and less likely to be associated with a really athletic body type. And if they're fake? She's gonna need to redo her surgery periodically, and that's no fun for either of you.

Oh, and really shy women/followers. Other guys say it's cute all the time, but it's boring as hell after like a week, and it's exhausting having to decide everything and never getting any meaningful feedback.

James_M_Croft · 2025-12-03T21:20:44+00:00

Sluts.

When you are young and inexperienced you think sluts are a positive because it is easy sex.

But once you experience one for yourself, oh boy, it is suddenly clear why older men are the way they are.

Reasonable_Mouse789 · 2025-11-29T02:30:43+00:00

Everything has its upsides and downsides. My first girlfriend was a girl similar to Makima from Chainsaw Man. I 100% did not have the emotional intelligence to handle her, or any actual desire to retain the “relationship” for that matter (I was 16), even though she was highly attracted to me.

YourMrFahrenheit · 2025-11-29T00:19:08+00:00

For women to be careful about who they have sex and relationships with.

Zabadoodude · 2025-11-29T17:02:05+00:00

Submissive, follower women. Single guys often fantasize about a woman that happily does all the things her man wants to do, but submissive people still have their desires and preferences, they just expect others to figure out how to meet them. It can be exhausting

Title	"They SAY they want XYZ, but are inevitably repulsed when they get it". What is XYZ when it comes to men?
Author	Windmill_flowers
Upvotes	16
Comments	131
Date	November 29, 2025 12:03 AM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1p9a7n5/they_say_they_want_xyz_but_are_inevitably/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/they-say-they-want-xyz-but-are-inevitably-repulsed.1567655 https://theredarchive.com/post/1567655

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