Too many men just want validation and admiration, not love.

TeapotSoprano · 2025-11-29T13:51:11+00:00

As much as I'm loathed to say it, I imagine men would say the same of women.

This is likely more of a "people" issue, than a gendered one.

OkOutlandishness6370 · 2025-11-29T18:28:38+00:00

Idk, there are also too many women that do this. The fact that women tend to have more robust social networks than men is indicative of increased desire for social interaction. Not necessarily indicative that the woman is particularly giving or kind within those interactions.

My narcissistic bitch ex wife for instance, had cultivated a harem of orbiters and beta females who would do things like run errands for her or help with her businesses for free. These were 90% one-way relationships where she gave little in return for what she gained and preyed upon people with weak personalities. I know, because I was one of them.

The emotion work of our relationship was mostly on me because of her avoidant attachment style. When we finally got divorced she didn't even know my job title for instance, whereas I could name several of her coworkers, had visited her at work several times, had organized parties with her friends and coworkers, etc. Just a random example of the imbalance I'm describing. Maybe for every social butterfly there's someone at home being neglected.

The gender differences you're observing do not speak to women being baseline better people than men. Elevated social activity does not necessarily equate to elevated generosity, reciprocity, concern or care. Sometimes it's the opposite.

Fancy-Scallion-6682 · 2025-11-29T18:58:49+00:00

This I will admit, is true. Although I also don't see anything wrong with that, so the framing of it as "too many" I disagree with.

lesliecarbone · 2025-11-29T13:57:03+00:00

I think everyone wants love. But insecure people crave what you call "validation and admiration" as ersatz filler in the hollowness of their own sense of self.

leefjk · 2025-11-29T20:43:28+00:00

If you're so selfless, why aren't you doing things for those selfish guys? Could it be that you not doing things for them is a sign of your own self-respect?

Potential-Item5629 · 2025-11-29T21:27:06+00:00

I think you touched on something important here, but it’s not only true for men, but people in general.

Studies have shown that human beings generally feel better when they focus on contributing to their community rather than on trying to make themselves feel good.

This has been shown in multiple studies. One example is test subjects reporting higher levels of happiness after being given money together with the instruction to spend it on others compared to when given money and instructed to spend it on themselves.

Consumer capitalism, popularized self-help and the neoliberal movement have all been telling people to focus on themselves for the past hundred years. Even though egocentrism makes us miserable - both men and women.

In order to find happiness we need to reject these ideas, and accept that what Nietzsche called ”Herrenmoral” is measurably inferior to what he and others after him have denigrated as ”Sklavenmoral”. Compassion, selflessness, serving your community, helping those in need and trying to make people in your proximity happy.

musicissoulfood · 2025-11-30T09:23:17+00:00

And too many women are disingenuous cunts and gold diggers. Are you ever going to bring anything substantial to the table, Lilith or will it always be obvious rage bait with you?

ibeenbit · 2025-11-29T14:09:53+00:00

They dont like dating them. They just using dating as a way to get sex.

I mean there's guys who take her to Wendy's who she sleeps with on the first date. Why the drastically different standards for others?

And that was being generous. I'd say for the majority of women (even your mother back in the day, or today who knows) there's guys who if they're the right height and face or fame, she'll walk up to and put her number in their phone and tell them to meet her in her hotel that night. All that comes across in this post really is that some men have to date and others don't.

Gitsumrestmf · 2025-11-29T14:02:02+00:00

Men will happily buy flowers, or do anything else, to make a woman happy, as long as she's actually loyal to them. And that's the main thing that many of these lads here don't manage to voice - loyalty.

And loyalty, commitment, is what is missing these days. People think of new terms to run from commitment daily. Back in mah day I haven't even heard of any "situationships".

Generally, there's way too much pride and irresponsibility around today. If I haven't found someone already, I probably wouldn't be looking to date at all.

PassengerCultural421 · 2025-11-29T14:20:45+00:00

It's funny how some feminists usually say the male loneliness epidemic is usually due to men being entitled Incels. And my response is always that society puts pressure on men to be in relationships with women. And some feminists will give a hard push back against my take here.

Now we have OP post. What is basically proving the point of my take.

cb8585b · 2025-11-29T14:42:06+00:00

To be clear there is no epidemic.

I hate to keep running this post back but honestly : https://np.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/s/omEhQF3Nx0

But it’s the first thing that comes to my mind seeing some of the things they say.

They’ve also spent an inordinate amount creating this idea that all women are just getting used and abused by a string of “chads”. They don’t hate the idea of women getting used and abused by those men. They resent the idea they can’t behave in the same way and still get sex. That’s what would feed the ego ultimately.

dogbusinessman · 2025-11-29T17:22:51+00:00

What is love?

Neglius · 2025-11-29T19:51:06+00:00

Why are the men that can’t get with women at all in their entirety being conflated with the men that struggle with dating and women altogether? Going based on verbiage used.

TermAggravating8043 · 2025-11-29T14:04:11+00:00

They don’t want to pay for sex because that would mean the woman has power over him.

It’s not even just about sex, their bitter and angry because they want to use snd abuse a woman of their choice but society doesn’t let them

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2025-11-29T13:57:01+00:00

I think the stronger argument you're making (which I agree with) is that "too many men expect to be desired (or.. "validated and admired") for their (perceived) innate qualities as opposed to the value they add"

This is because they desire women in this way (the innate quality being physical attractiveness) and assume it's going to be the same way with women desiring them (although they swap "physical attractiveness" with "being a good person with unique qualities" (whatever that means).

bondepart · 2025-11-29T14:39:18+00:00

I agree for the most part, except I don’t think they’re all just looking for sex (and often when they are the sex is just a proxy for power and status), some of them are looking for a mother figure to fix all their problems and ask for nothing in return.

Disastrous_Agent9307 · 2025-11-29T19:09:42+00:00

I do think you've highlighted a very real issue in a lot of men's circles surrounding mutual consideration and community maintenance.

What I will say, is that the deep male friendships I've had and have they show that mutual consideration a little differently than a woman would (threats of violence on my behalf, telling someone to shut their mouth about me, fixing or lifting things I never could, making sure I got somewhere safe, and being willing to tell someone to leave me alone in a way they'd know would stick). Is this as every day as giving gifts, asking to hang out, texting, or so forth...no, but it comes in really clutch when it's there.

I think to some extent, there is a struggle for men to transition in society to showing their consideration because of this loss of violent altercations, telling others off who need a telling, and also handy fixing object-oriented behavior becoming a paid activity.

And also, we know the other struggle is that this has long been the purview of women and it's only recently men have kind of had to step up and that's going to take time for them to keep a social calendar. And many of them are still stuck pretending this isn't important because it really isn't to them until it is.

I don't think this is some deep egotistical maniacally laughing evil in men. I think this is growing pains and they will get there eventually if women and other men who are gifted in this capacity keep showing the way forward. And sure, it can help to confront them with the "if you want a village be a villager" message.

But, I think we could bring back things that they may more naturally excel at like cutting the grass, lifting the generator, fixing the leaf blower, carrying the groceries, etc. Instead of paying other people or doing it ourselves to prove how strong and independent we are. Like yes, many of us can do those things, but it may help the transition to let men do them a bit more until they can learn how to bake a cake and send an ornament at the holidays.

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Scary_Trouble_893 · 2025-11-29T15:17:19+00:00

But so do women? How many times do we see entitled ugly fat women whine and complain no one finds their body type attractive or wants to see it on tv

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Emotional_Meal748 · 2025-11-29T21:03:45+00:00

Men want to be desired by which they desire. It’s a form of the golden rule.

eluusive · 2025-11-30T00:55:40+00:00

Most people can't even define love, and yes men want respect more than they want love from a woman.

BrainMarshal · 2025-11-30T04:35:05+00:00

Wait, men want what women get automatically on tap? Say it isn't so!

Emergency-Sell-6713 · 2025-11-30T07:39:46+00:00

You want to be loved for what you identify as. Everybody works like this. And men tend to identify themselves with their dicks. When men say they wanna be loved, they mean they want their dicks to be loved.

OwnerSebi · 2025-11-30T07:43:07+00:00

I am sure that you have your own experiences and point of view, but I, for example, share none of them.

When it comes to your quote, speaking strictly from a romance perspective, it doesn't really make sense. I have never met a guy who eas proudly considering himself impersonable, selfish, etc. unless it was strictly to attract someone that's into thst behaviour, or dismiss the need for a woman in his life(the same way women do too).

If you’re trying to associate the love and effort put into a community/friends/family, with the love put into a relationship, you're thinking it wrong. Men put higher value on romantic relationships and can be at war with the entire world except their partner.

Now, I totally agree that there are sore fuckboys who are mad that they can't easily get laid. But most men simply have a hard time learning how to reciprocate, and that is not something that can be changed unless you're into a relationship with a patient partner(while also going to therapy). Starving people will eat your whole hand up until they learn how to share. Plus, social conditioning or not, when men feel angry, sad, depressed, worthless, sui*idal, etc. - their loudest and more comfortable emotion is anger/frustration, that's why many men are angry or hostile towards this subject.

On the other hand, there are hateful men who want to use women as a response to women using men fir money and validation.

On the other, other hand, many men nowadays learn to be more conscious about what women might want from them and how to set up their own boundaries.

The thing about buying flowers or paying for the whole bill is that whether you, as a woman, consider it a kind, chivalrous, or expected gesture; for a guy it can be a very crucial boundary-setting moment when it comes to how his financial situation wants to be perceived and whether he is fine or not with you feeling entitled to his money from the beginning of the relationship, or later down the line.

Why? Because women don't want to be treated like trophies(and men don't wanna chase like dogs), so now men no longer put every ressource in trying to impress a woman socially or financially.

midnight_blue77 · 2025-11-30T08:46:55+00:00

You are obfuscating the real issue in that we want Respect, not "validation and admiration." Love without respect is called infatuation.

Because who mainly complains about being seen as unlovable and being alone due to society not caring about them? This is about the guys getting mad... that they're seen as scum of the earth just because they want companionship. Some people not getting love is not new, so why is this suddenly considered a societal problem for men?

Your hive-minded feminist solipsism is showing. This is neither new nor sudden. It's ancient history that goes as far back as when we figured out a way to record it. You just feel like you can't be bothered to hear the noise of complaint made by these non-persons (men) from your hyper privileged ledge above the rabble.

"A lot of men genuinely pride themselves on being impersonable, anti-social, inconsiderate, selfish, etc. They view this casual disregard for anything outside of their immediate wants as a virtue."

That is a very deceitful and maliciously undermining way to re-frame and sabotage the masculine concepts of Composure, Endurance, Steadfastness, Restraint, Forbearance and Perseverance. All of which have the common element of being detached from the world in order to allow for the impersonal acquisition of wisdom, competence, and virtue without one's ego sabotaging these gains on one's character. You are nefariously conflating the masculine concept of ego-death with it's exact opposite of ego-boosting in order to invalidate both masculinity itself and it's positive virtues.

She builds a mutually considerate bond. Which takes work it seems that many men don’t care to invest in.

Perhaps it's because men do not barter in favors and friendships the way women do. Men don't tend to store up their "social credits" through niceties and favors towards others in order to call them in on a rainy day. Our brains are not wired that way, those who are are called politicians. Social loan-sharking, and it's many manipulative tools like guilt-tripping, ingratiation, affection mining etc, are not something to boast about. When men help each other out it is not just because we are trading a favor for a favor; it's often because it's just the right thing to do and it feels good doing it.

Too many men don’t contribute care and maintenance to their own community, and then are shocked when they don’t experience the warmth of said community.

You mean none that you're willing to acknowledge or quantify through your gynocentric lens.

This epidemic is caused by men who dont believe in mutually considerate bonds. It’s caused by men who only think about “What can YOU do for me?” These are the kind of guys who feel inconvenienced when they have to care about other people’s feelings

The utter lack of self awareness here is astounding.

These guys clearly want women’s attention, but they find actually loving a woman to be annoying.

We find actually loving a woman to be stressing, daunting, demeaning, emasculating, and yes annoying. So I agree. Sex is the only tangible good women have to barter affection with and they sell it at a very high price that costs us our hearts, minds, and souls. And for what? Just to get preached at about how we don't posses these things by the same women we gave them to.

Because they want validation and admiration. They want people’s love to stroke their ego, but they dont want to be expected to give that love back.

We want genuine human affection and connection. Which is asking too much from the solipsistic hive minds that have convinced themselves their mass programming makes them all unique and distinct from the rest of the clones.

Scary-Mouse4817 · 2025-11-29T15:48:03+00:00

They go hand in hand!

hotpotato128 · 2025-11-29T16:10:44+00:00

They want people’s love to stroke their ego, but they dont want to be expected to give that love back.

As a man, I agree with you. On the NPD sub, someone asked if i*cels are narcissistic. Narcissists do rely on others for validation.

colebodyknows · 2025-11-30T04:33:49+00:00

Well when you have had your ego kicked in the past few decades you need a pick me up from the other side to tell if they’re still friendly or setting you up for an ambush.

It’s men that need the glass slipper now, or women to make up their minds what they really want.

I used to give women flowers all the time did it help? Idk my mom was florist so it was easy. If I tell a woman that now it’s a red flag. Why idk the same reason a woman found it icky that the guy she want on a date with wrote off the dinner or another one that didn’t like the date using his dads company tickets for game they went to.

Men are part of the community. We are just not a bunch of Karen’s that need to be heard to feel apart of something. If you have to tell someone your the king then your not the king. Kings are busy doing king shit and people don’t question it except for those that are jealous having to tell everyone how much they have done for everyone around them to feel heard and seen.

The flowers I guess did work until mid 20’s like a charm. Then in my 30’s women didn’t care because they could buy their own and didn’t want to keep up with them at a bar they went to with a group of friends and bar hopping, and the 40’s I’ve stopped but if I meet her parents I’ll bring something for them. It’s not that I don’t want to do those things. I don’t want it to expected and taken for granted.

If love doesn’t cost anything then why are men paying for it and not receiving any in return? 🤔

You’re living in your ivory tower having you cake and eating it too. When you need something from us call and will send you the bill for the work. Men don’t need women we want a WOMAN. Women need men more than the other way around. Disney and post 2nd generation feminists have every woman thinking they are the princess and the prize and still a victim and the hero of every story. A Queen knows her place and her power. What she can and can’t do. If she is better than the king and does something she gives him the credit because he will return it in fold.

Princes and princesses need to be validated and heard. Given gifts not earned but expected by the labors of those before them that gave them the privilege.

Smfh men don’t have the community to support them to be men.

Last thing. A woman that says she is daddy’s girl is the biggest red flag for a woman besides saying she is seeking her soulmate and after finding them using crystals and astrology after things go bad. It’s fairytales. You want something that should be special and significant to be a daily occurrence. Well one they lose their charm, 2 if not provided it seems like a slight or trouble, 3 there are women waiting in the wings that don’t need that and give more.

Are you the table? What do you bringing? The chance to have sex at a point in time? The guy that brought the flowers just pushed that time line down the road. How about new rule man brings flower woman pays for dinner! 2nd date man brings food you cook it. 3rd date you swap places and clean them for the other? 4th date same day as 3rd date but Netflix and chill or whatever at each other places and each pick their favorite movie.

If your looking for a partner in life the sex matters but it doesn’t if your not prepared to be their for one another. Men are happy with steak and bjs and an hour of chill time. Then they can hear your gossip and how everyone in the community loved your 5 hours posting and dm them personally while your at work and not working telling them passive aggressively how they mess up but in a way that makes you feel good and makes you the good guy when your tell others about how they messed up not being able to read minds and calling adding to the community. If this happens he will probably marry you and get divorced after the kids turn 18. If not you will get divorced from him the second what every extra special thing like flowers stop from and you go looking for new flowers. Then take his flower money from him so he can’t get new person and you still get flowers from others. Fucking circle of life for flowers in relationships.

I might not be the problem in my relationships if flowers are the biggest issue. Men don’t want issues because they fix them, the women that fix their own issues don’t need flowers they need a man with them to grow flowers.

I hope you’re smelling the roses and they smell like shit. You could also call roses for a date up front as necessary as being an escort. They call their gifts roses.

Title	Too many men just want validation and admiration, not love.
Author	LillthOfBabylon
Upvotes	23
Comments	206
Date	November 29, 2025 1:48 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1p9pe4z/too_many_men_just_want_validation_and_admiration/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/too-many-men-just-want-validation-and-admiration.1567703 https://theredarchive.com/post/1567703

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