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plomerst · 2021-11-14T01:19:18+00:00

Thank you! These are facts. My friend and mom recently lectured me on unimportance of looks when I explained why I didn’t like this guy that took an interest in me. I said I didn’t find him attractive at all so I didn’t see a point in still getting to know him. Only a male relative understood and said “of course she can’t be in a relationship with someone she does not find attractive, so what’s the point?”

I hate my ex now but he was fine. It was the first time the physical attraction was mutual and strong on both sides, and I am never going back to anything less than that! I always loved looking at him. I can’t wait to have a fine man that is actually HV. Lucky you!

LetsGetin_Formation · 2021-11-14T01:53:45+00:00

Re: Deadbeadroom Scrotes

fella, are you just gross?

he’s physically repulsive.

💀 🎯

Space_Gators · 2021-11-14T02:15:59+00:00

My SO is absolutely gorgeous. He takes care of his body, and though women notice him everywhere we go, he is deliberately oblivious of them and I have never caught him staring. It was terrifying when we started dating because I didn’t have the self confidence to be with someone so beautiful. It is only many years later I’ve been able to see my own beauty and I’m not insecure around him anymore. Not because he built me up, but because he loves my authenticity and everything that makes me unique. I’m never disgusted by him, and I’m still as attracted to him as when we first got together. I love his sense of style, and I credit him with teaching me how to be cool (not a “cool girl,” just socially cool). He is the exact sort of boy I would have chased in middle school, and at every age he has been the embodiment of my type.

SayNad · 2021-11-14T01:17:50+00:00

He must be buff, strong and athletic. Just seeing him moving in that graceful jaguar-like manner will surely make me melt like a puddle. And the feeling of safe in that strong arms is like no other - I dislike weak men.

But not gym-rats and gangfights type - he learns to be strong for the sake of protecting, not showing off his alpha-ness. I absolutely loathe smug ass men so no matter how strong he is, if he gloats about it I am out.

all_or_nothing_bet · 2021-11-14T02:34:57+00:00

I've never dated average looking men and never will. He has to be at least as hot as me, otherwise why would I even bother.

grown-not-made · 2021-11-14T00:56:46+00:00

I love this! And I completely agree! I haven't been physically attracted to 2 of my 3 ex boyfriends - they chose me, rather than the other way around.

My self-esteem is pretty low, and I used to think I wouldn't ever be able to date guys that I find physically attractive, so I should just settle for whomever wanted to be with me, which is not a lot of people tbh.

But in this past year I made the decision to never settle again, physically or otherwise. Then I found FDS and everything made sense, I felt supported on my decision, cause, honestly I'd rather just be single and work on myself, than end up with someone I'm not attracted to, which is usually a recipe for disaster (my exes disappointed me in so many ways other than their looks)

I sometimes feel bad about this, how can I be so picky when (I feel) I'm not even attractive? And I obviously know there's more to a person than their looks, but being physically attracted to the person you're dating is crucial. I still have a long way to go!

Ok_Passenger_5717 · 2021-11-14T03:37:28+00:00

Same.

You know how a certain type of man is so selfish he will walk ahead of his girlfriend just because she can't/won't walk as fast as him? Well, if I happen to stay behind my boyfriend because I'm walking slower, looking at something, adjusting my bag, etc. I actually keep staying behind him some more to look at his ass and his muscular back. And he stops as soon as he realises to wait for me. So I'm like don't worry, keep going, I'll catch up in a while, to admire some more the way he moves.

wagonwheel_ · 2021-11-14T05:17:52+00:00

As someone who is also dating a very attractive man (congrats to YOU by the way!!) I finally realize that I never had a low sex drive. Everyone before him was just NOT IT

ifhewantedtohewould · 2021-11-14T03:05:19+00:00

Tall, fit and handsome - The ideal visuals of a man! Seriously, what woman wants to date a short, unfit, ugly guy??? What’s even funnier, being handsome doesn’t always have to do with their actual facial features, if a guy smells good, keeps himself clean and neat, and takes care of his skin, nails and hair, it’s an instant improvement. Most guys literally put in zero effort.

If I’m gonna date, I’d like a guy that takes care of his appearance, a guy that keeps himself healthy and fit, and a height that makes me feel protected around him. Sorry but if he’s walking me to my car and there’s a group of guys across the street, I wouldn’t feel safe with a guy shorter than me and unfit.

thewetdog_ · 2021-11-14T00:57:28+00:00

Not to mention having beautiful kids, which will increase their chances of success in life because the world favors and prefers the good-looking!

daisy_0720 · 2021-11-14T07:43:37+00:00

I almost didn't swipe right on my last boyfriend because he was so hot I thought he was "out of my league". Then I laughed at myself for being such an idiot, and we matched and he immediately messaged me first.

Throughout the relationship, he acted like I was the hot one and complimented me all the time. None of this negging bullshit you get from insecure uggos.

Attractive men having the worst personalities is one of the most blatant lies women have ever been sold.

_xyoungbellax_ · 2021-11-14T04:08:54+00:00

I used to be critical of my looks and I thought I only deserved a mediocre looking guy, until I met someone who was a perfect blend of handsome, hot and humble. I couldn't bring myself to the fact that such a guy would ever approach me. Cherry on top, he was good with kids and pets. Even though, I was a pickme back then, I decided never to settle for any man who doesn't look like him. I was so stuck in this phase of self-loathing, that I was completely blind to the fact that not only I'm beautiful and have a sweet personality, but have tons of achievements too (educational, financial, anything).

We only go higher ladies!

iwanttobesobernow · 2021-11-14T01:21:16+00:00

Girl, you’ve got a soon-to-be trophy husband, and I’m here for it.

Bwolffff · 2021-11-14T00:58:54+00:00

Love this! I dated a guy who was 6’7 and looks like a young Tom Cruise (think Top Gun). He was GORGEOUS and he was also very confident in himself. When I first met him, I couldn’t stop telling him how cute he was and I never compliment a man like that. I compared every guy to him after we broke up because he was such a gem… I definitely will never date a guy who isn’t as desirable as him ever again. Mediocre men aren’t worth my time.

slayeroftruth · 2021-11-14T06:00:56+00:00

I am convinced one of the many reasons dead bed exists for men so often is women settle for looks who can't pretend to find him attractive anymore.

asianinindia · 2021-11-14T02:48:53+00:00

I'll have to come back and update this comment when I finally do end up dating a handsome guy. But I see what you mean. Dammit women are visual too!

dembar126 · 2021-11-14T06:16:18+00:00

I love this post but I'm also laughing my ass off at the amount of lurking incel manlets who are going to need therapy after reading it 😂

TriggeredQuilt · 2021-11-14T05:55:33+00:00

This 1000 I literally could stare at my man all day he’s so damn hot. He’s really tall as well and has a amazing body. Has tattoo’s, beautiful eyes with long eyelashes, extremely generous lover always putting my needs first 😍

The people who continually preach that looks do not matter at all are happy to settle. That doesn’t mean I am. Looks will always matter stop spreading that nonsense!!

poppy03 · 2021-11-14T03:39:29+00:00

My ex was real tall with a muscular swimmer body, great jaw and lips and dark thick hair. I thought he was really handsome. I liked looking at him. I loved being under him. The only thing that sucks is he def put my look standards up and it’s quite hard to find men 6’1+ - I didn’t notice how few men are that tall. Although I did wish his dick was longer lol

Technusgirl · 2021-11-14T02:21:52+00:00

I think it's weird that society pushes women to be demisexual when that's not the norm at all. Females of every species are very choosy about their male partners and for good reasons, we have to raise and care for these children and the future of the species depends on bringing healthy, strong, attractive babies into the world. We have way more to lose than men when it comes to sex and reproduction. It shouldn't be the other way around when it comes to being picky.

I personally don't understand physical attraction because I'm actually demisexual so looks don't matter to me, but I'm not in the norm as I came to find out and I was very confused when I was younger when my girl friends would gush over cute or hot singers, actors, etc.

The_Cat_Empress · 2021-11-14T04:19:17+00:00

He's a thoughtful lover, is pristine in his cleanliness and is hot as hell.

And these dudes out here saying women can't have it all. Congrats on catching a good one Queen!

fireforestfairy · 2021-11-14T06:33:41+00:00

Oh yes, you need to be attracted to the guy you're dating. He doesn't have to look like a supermodel but you need to be at the very least attracted to his looks. Just liking a guy's personality is not enough. If you're dating a guy you see as unattractive at some point sex with him will feel repulsive.

capresesalad1985 · 2021-11-14T06:24:01+00:00

My bf has the BEST hair. He’s 42, and has beautiful thick black curly hair with a little bit of grey to it. He grew it out during covid and it’s past his shoulders now and has gorgeous natural curl to it. And his man bun makes me crazy. There is something so primal about a man with healthy luscious hair. And his skin is lovely too. Soft and clear, caramel color. Like you said in your post, I just love to touch him.

Aromatic-Owl8808 · 2021-11-14T08:46:42+00:00

Too many women subject themselves to sex with a man they’re not physically attracted to, and just…why? Maybe after decades of marriage and you’re both old but still deeply in love, sure

Nope, never, ever, under any circumstance, subject yourself to sex. Only have sex if and when you actually want to.

thinktwiceorelse · 2021-11-14T10:28:05+00:00

The way how people praise Lisa Bonet for having relationships with Lenny and then Jason Momoa, like it's some kind of luck... well, that's normal? She's a drop dead gorgeous woman, of course she wants a good looking man besides her.

vivabluepink · 2021-11-14T01:55:36+00:00

Whilst I agree you should absolutely not settle for someone you are not attracted to. I have found that unfortunately very handsome men can be spoiled by female attention, very full of themselves and very likely to cheat. Not saying all are, but be wary. I am fine with an average looking guy if he is HV

Risoa · 2021-11-14T12:31:46+00:00

I dated someone who in my eyes was a complete smoke show and I can relate to this post in that way. Even mundane things become more special because of that intense physical attraction. He turned out to be shit, but I’m grateful for the experience to have actually dated someone who was so gorgeous for the first time. It taught me how amazing things could be if I find the full package, and reinforced to never settle.

sherrybby · 2021-11-14T14:36:33+00:00

YES. I’ll use this as opportunity to gloat ;) thick head full of soft hair, towering, beautiful perfect skin dotted with freckles, a strong body where he can lift me up or give me a shoulder ride without getting tired… it’s truly such a quality of life improvement to have this gorgeous man in my life! I love looking at him, and watching him do anything brings me such pleasure. Not to mention he’s just as beautiful on the inside as out - generous, heart of gold, curious, genuinely altruistic and kind.

AmeliaEmiliaEmma · 2021-11-14T12:53:16+00:00

My ex was quite good looking but a bit shy and oblivious when getting attention from other women. I liked going shopping with him and just getting away a bit and watching how other women try to chat him up and how it goes over his head.

The good side was that we complimented each other well and there were no insecurities and trust issues. When we go out, random people would approach us to say how we are “quite good looking couple”. Sadly, he wanted children, I am childfree, so we split.

Frogspocket · 2021-11-14T12:44:52+00:00

I totally completely agree that it is an absolute delight dating handsome men, but I don't know how to do the "don't let it blind you" part.

quirkypinkllama · 2021-11-14T04:12:59+00:00

I totally agree with all this! Happy for you girl! I hope to find this too!

Colour_riot · 2021-11-14T13:17:26+00:00

we ain't visual but they're the ones who can't see any colours beyond those on the primary wheel. sure

waddamelone · 2021-11-14T14:00:17+00:00

I agree! I don’t have a type so I would never ask for a partner that has abs, works out religiously etc. cause it’s personality and someones vibe that makes them beautiful to me. And they just have to take care of and groom themselves. The bare minimum.

But my boyfriend is REALLY handsome. People keep telling me that and I wholeheartedly agree. Sometimes I just look at him just to appreciate his looks. And he has abs, is tall and works out. I would’ve never thought that I would be together with someone like him but I love it hereeee.

And… I’ve dated/talked to some questionable creatures so I know my friends and acquintances arent lying about him being delicious.

And just to be clear: I’m also really pretty. So it matches perfectly. 😌

good-day-throwaway · 2021-11-14T14:35:02+00:00

My mother keeps insisting that men where I'm from are 'not handsome', hinting that I should settle for one. But why would I? I don't want to marry and have sex with a guy whom I'm not attracted to.

Anyway, my ex was hot and there was mutual physical attraction. I loved admiring how broad his shoulders were and just running my fingers through his well-groomed beard and body hair. He kept his pubes trimmed, and I def have a thing for a nice happy trail. He also always smelled nice and giving him blowjobs was never a problem (I actually enjoyed it) because I didn't have to worry about disgusting unkempt pubes, dick cheese or unwashed ass.

He also took care of his skin so he looked younger than his actual age. For reference, when we were dating he was 35-36 but could easily pass for a guy in his late 20s to early 30s. It also helped that he had a good hairline and had really nice, thick, chestnut-coloured hair.

A real pity that it ended because he had an avoidant dismissive attachment style and it wasn't sustainable at all.

Edit: grammar

Junior-Lion7893 · 2021-11-14T12:14:04+00:00

Oh my gosh! It’s like you took the words out of my mouth.

Numbers 2 are really big to me.

Touching in a non-intimate sexual way is a sensory bonding aspect to the relationship. I love playing with their hands, and hair for no reason. It’s really more important than hugging, and kissing.

wildcard0009 · 2021-11-14T14:11:53+00:00

Yep. I’m finally with someone I’m actually attracted to and after a divorce where I didn’t even want him kissing me, it is THE BEST. I find it very true that a good sex life translates to the rest of your relationship, and with my current partner it’s just so easy. I always want to. With my ex, every few months I would bite the bullet to ‘tide him over’ and hopefully not feel bad about avoiding him for another while. I’m never living like that ever again.

der_marril · 2021-11-14T11:30:56+00:00

I'm a tall lady. Towering at 5'9. Due to a thyroid condition I'm also a thick build but very healthy. I do sports several times a week and eat exclusively vegan.

I used to date guys that I felt were on my level look-wise. But let me tell you something. Dating out of your league doesn't exist. You choose your won league.

Me next to a guy that's 5'9 and average looking? I'm a 7. Me next to my 6'7 Partner who is a former professional basketball player and generally looks like the statue of a Greek god? I'm a 9.5.

I swear he makes me shine. I don't feel chunky or big next to him. I can be comfortable wearing high heels without feeling like a titan.

But this isn't only an appreciation post about my SO.

What I'm trying to say here is it visually shows If you are happy with the way your partner looks. Don't search below your standards, there is definitely a hot dude out there that would be drooling while thinking of you. So don't sell yours under your immense value.

I see too many beautiful girls with guys that do the bare minimum in taking care of themselves. You deserve better.

IworshipKalikadevi · 2021-11-14T11:33:09+00:00

This is such beautiful advice because I feel like a lot of women are fed the lie that unattractive men will take care of you better because they can't believe such a beautiful woman chose them. The fundamentals of this statement are based on a lie that men think like women. Instead they will actually disrespect the woman for choosing them and then have an inflated ego of thinking they can get better. So yes, stop settling below standards. Don't listen to your mom or grandma (like mine) when they tell you looks shouldn't matter as long as the guy is kind. It's a blatant lie and a way to keep you as a pickmeisha.

Shehyzers · 2021-11-14T13:55:39+00:00

Yes👏 it’s about time we are allowed to have standards. My husband is pretty conventionally attractive and if I was single, I’d have extremely high standards, just like the men have always had.

The only part that I think is tough about being with someone attractive is that women will throw themselves at him even when I’m right there. Sometimes even women in my circle, who are very quickly thrown out of my circle.

Abeanwithadream2 · 2021-11-14T14:50:31+00:00

I think it's truly unfortunate and unfair that women feel like it's okay to have a sexual relationship with someone who they don't find sexually attractive, but it's okay because he has a "nice personality". Like, dude... sigh. I've grown to believe that the difference between a friend and a romantic partner is that the romantic partner is someone who you find yourself sexually attracted to. I'd never have sex with a man who I don't find sexually attractive. Isn't that the point of sexual relationships, to want to be close and intimate with someone because they attract you to themselves? If this physical attraction ain't there, nothing physical will be happening either. A decent personality is not the only requirement to get you laid.
A man with a good personality and attractive looks -> a potential romantic and sexual partner
A man with a good personality .... -> a potential friend

dogfart4 · 2021-11-14T18:43:20+00:00

My current boyfriend is more my type than any guys I have previously dated. He’s gorgeous. Thin and tall with a gorgeous mop of wavy hair. I regularly just find myself looking at him. On top of that, he’s totally lovely and kind and empathetic. He loves my pets and is kind and loving towards them.

JoanGreenCat · 2021-11-14T08:35:26+00:00

My MIL said "you have to date a hot man, nobody is perfect so at least once in a lifetime he will p!ss you off with something but you won't question yourself why are you with his ugly a$$". Of course it was a joke but it made sense.

I really never understood women dating men because "at least she is not single anymore/ he is a man / he is nice / he has money / he is from good family etc ". I always had to be attracted to a guy before I even start dating him. I can't imagine someone not my type touching me. I don't have any trauma or anything like that but I really don't like to be touched by someone who isn't someone I like it "that way".

astheticallybrlliant · 2021-11-14T12:19:50+00:00

This thread is E V E R Y T H I N G. SHIT should be required reading. My memories of the height of attraction are so strong! It would take my breathe away everytime I really looked at him. And we kissed SO MUCH, it was madness. Also being excited to shower together, workout together or alone knowing it'll take me farther when we do get to work out together again, meeting family seeing where these amazing genes came from, all of it.

Shout out to the mods working to remove the mad burnt scrotes!! I know this one has them working OVERTIME !! HAHA they gon die mad, n it only takes one generation to get wiped out son!

PrivyPal · 2021-11-14T12:50:30+00:00

Thanks so much for sharing this! Happy you found a HVM that's also handsome.

Any insights in your change around moment (if any) and journey getting there (apart from the FDS Handbook of course) are very welcome! Btw: by the sound of it, you're gorgeous yourself! (And I mean on the inside ❤️)

theglossiernerd · 2021-11-14T20:25:10+00:00

Full concur. My boyfriend is incredibly attractive and fit and we can’t take our hands off of one another. I stare at him constantly.

Agitated-Seaweed-888 · 2021-11-14T06:03:12+00:00

Wow, YES, thank you. In all of my past relationships I looked for guys with great personalities and tolerable looks. The physical aspect of the relationship always eventually fizzled. It was a huge problem in my former marriage. Toward the end, my ex-husband told me that he felt sorry for me because it would be so hard for me to find a new partner.

Welp, fast forward a few years, and my partner of 3 years is a 10. He has a conventionally handsome face, a full head of hair, and 6 pack abs. He can do pull-ups with my 50+ pound kids hanging off him. He watches what he eats, works out, and dresses well. His female coworkers always have crushes on him yet he is totally devoted to me.

Our sex life is still off the charts. Even when we argue I look at his face and just melt. When he brings me coffee in bed in the morning with his shirt off, then makes breakfast for my kids, it's everything. I just wish my repulsive ex could see it :D

2021-11-15T00:44:43+00:00

Only ugly guys say looks don’t matter. I’m a very pretty girl - I’m in good shape, take care of my appearance, skin, nails, hair, makeup etc. I deserve someone I find sexy and attractive. I want a man on my level who takes care of their appearance. Absolutely no settling. Taking care of their appearance goes hand in hand with taking care of their health. They’ll actually go to the doctor when something is wrong, cut out a bad habit, go on regular walks and keep their diets healthy. I won’t ever date a creature again. 🙈

Advanced_Meal · 2021-11-14T13:20:11+00:00

Totally agree on this! Recently got married to a loving and doting hot man.

He's very tall, physically fit, and well dressed. He was raised by two amazing women (mom and sister), which I consider a huge benefit.

Physical attraction is an important part of a relationship. It may not be THE most important part, but what's the point of being in a relationship with someone if you don't like how they look?

BettyWoo13 · 2021-11-14T13:44:56+00:00

I could not agree more about this. Now that I have a partner I 'm hugely attracted to, I really regret all the times I gave someone a chance because of other supposed virtues. It never worked, and the hot ones that didn't work out are the only exes I remember fondly. Don't accept less ladies!

Feral_Housewife_ · 2021-11-14T18:28:21+00:00

This is exactly how I feel about my boyfriend as well. First guy I've ever been with that I was actually super attracted to like this and honestly I could never go back.

honeymalone · 2021-11-14T07:47:39+00:00

GIRL. The last point. It’s annoying how he’ll just exist and I’ll want to jump on this beautiful man. I genuinely stare at him sometimes like he’s a piece of artwork... because he is.

womaninprogressfor7 · 2021-11-14T02:21:08+00:00

LOL number 2 resonates with me. I am a very touchy person myself. my now husband is all that you described despite being 14 years older than I am. Including the thick gorgeous hair, which is practically super human at his age.

He is a confident man in general, but I can tell when he gets a boost from all my attention and it just makes him double down on all his HV provider traits. It makes me feel very loved and very poowerful as well. A little positive reinforcement goes a long way. Hahaha!

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Upvotes	796
Comments	78
Date	November 14, 2021 12:43 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
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