Are HVM even worth it tho?

eden_else · 2020-05-07T20:26:26+00:00

Yeah that is kinda the thing. Men complain our standards are insane but I'm not comparing men to other men. I'm comparing men to the standard of living I have as a single woman.

babybellenotcheese · 2020-05-07T19:20:16+00:00

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saltyandpepa · 2020-05-07T20:21:22+00:00

I think the point is that a HVM won't have that whole mentality. High value/low value isn't about his income, it's about him providing value to your life. In my understanding, a HVM would be worth it, but being alone is preferable to being with a LVM.

siberiansummer · 2020-05-07T19:59:32+00:00

I was having a similar discussion with a guy I'm talking to.. He's been bombarding me with gifts and attention and we talk a lot. I haven't hung out with him yet due to the quarantine. I don't know if he is worth my trouble even with everything he is doing for me. I've had so many bad experiences that my guard is extremely high. So I expressed it to him in a nicer way. To which he made an interesting point: "Vulnerability is not a weakness, it's a strength. Strength that shows you are not scared to expose your feelings and emotions." I thought about it. I sorta agree. You give up some of your power in order to become vulnerable. The outcome maybe better than what you had before or it may end in a heartbreak. The question is: WHO is the person you are willing to risk for. Not a lot of people are worth it

Sewud · 2020-05-07T21:46:42+00:00

HVM isn't really about the qualities of the man, it's about him making your life better. By these parameters, HVM is always worth it, but you may never find one, since it's entirely possible that you would just never get added value from a man in your life.

At the very basic level, a man could add value to your life if he simply took you out on fun outings that you wouldn't do alone or couldn't afford without him. As long as you're having fun, he's treating you well, and you're getting something out of it, this can be a good thing.

But he might not be adding to your life if:

he's pressuring you to see him more than you'd like and you start thinking you'd rather have that time to yourself
he's really exchanging these favors for sex
he's unpleasant, he makes comments that undermine your confidence, he's a downer to be around
you are paying your own way and he's really just using you as an activity buddy because he lacks friends

Rdrses · 2020-05-07T20:57:35+00:00

[deleted]

VivaLaSea · 2020-05-08T03:04:22+00:00

I’m not even that old but I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not really worth it for me. I live alone, make good money, and have the freedom to do whatever I want. I’ve been traveling around the world for the past five years, which has been my lifelong dream, and honestly, my life is great. I don’t see how adding a man would benefit me.
I like that I don’t have to answer to anyone, don’t have to take anyone else’s opinion into consideration when I make decisions, don’t have anyone nagging me, I can wear what I want, do what I want, and just have absolute freedom over my life.
And if I need physical affection, I’m an attractive woman so that is so easy to come by. I have several men willing to drop what they’re doing to come see me at just about any given time

AyemHerself · 2020-05-07T19:44:26+00:00

I have met men who don't show the qualities you describe. LVM may be disgustingly common but it's not like every single man is going to treat you like shit.

kwalden2 · 2020-05-07T19:10:29+00:00

Well, it's a case by case basis. A relationship is not something positive for every woman. A woman who could enjoy a relationship will definitely not enjoy a relationship with just any man.

Lalelolaleelo · 2020-05-07T19:12:54+00:00

I am inclined to say yes as I sit here sipping the coffee he brought me... But it's definitely case by case.

throwawayitst · 2020-05-07T20:37:43+00:00

I think it’ll be worth it but you level up yourself. If a hvm makes u feel uncomfortable about looking at your own lv qualities then you wont wanna pick them. But remember its you making yourself feel that way, not a hvm. Also we pick the love we think we deserve.. best of luck

SarcasmSlide · 2020-05-08T00:52:30+00:00

I’m just here to rep for /r/blackpillfeminism don’t mind me.

seraphinelysion · 2020-05-08T03:00:41+00:00

passed off as superior logic of course

I see you've been talking to my ex.

ArugulaIsAwesome · 2020-05-08T03:36:44+00:00

“Passed off as superior logic”

Wow. I felt that one. Oof.

masterofthebarkarts · 2020-05-08T01:50:31+00:00

I put up will 1/10th the bullshit from my husband that I did from boyfriends in the past, and I get back 10 times more than I was getting from those dudes. So, for me, he's worth it.

The worst thing my husband does is forget to put his dishes in the dishwasher sometimes, or put my laundry away in a weird way. In return I get an incredibly loyal, kind, thoughtful, funny, brilliant and generous partner. He looked after my grandpa when I was out of the country. He paid for my cat's vet visit. When something he does bothers me, he works to change his behaviour (and all of this was before we were married).

In the past, my boyfriends provided spotty emotional support, expected me to do all the housework, were financially irresponsible and belittled me. In return I got sex ranging from bad to pretty good and occasionally semi-thoughtful birthday presents.

popfriday · 2020-05-07T22:10:36+00:00

I have yet to know of a man that remain consistently high value for more than 4 years. Seen really sweet loving family men and husbands cheat on their doting wives on numerous out of town trips, so.

Men are only as good as their worth to you at any given time. Men are most valuable when they’re infatuated with you and/or deeply committed to you, consistently forgoing all other appetizing options for you.

I do not believe most eligible men are faithful long term. If faithfulness and not taking you for granted is a dealbreaker, recycle men every couple of months/years or be happy alone. That’s my brutal take on it.

xoxochannamasalaxoxo · 2020-05-07T20:18:44+00:00

I think what you really mean is "are HVM even worth searching for". Because a HVM isn't going to be a slob, gaslight you, or make you want to pull your hair out. You won't be doing 60% of the chores, but a fair amount.

Because money & gifts does not make a man HV which seems to be what you're implying when you say "there's a higher return".

But yea, talking to men, putting yuorself out there, analyzing their behavior. Having to deal with all the BULLSHIT of men just to find a guy who might be HV?

Is that really worth it? Idk.

uselesssdata · 2020-05-08T01:38:43+00:00

SOME, but even then, barely.

tw231116 · 2020-05-08T10:18:10+00:00

My understanding is that you're still putting up with a lot of the same bullshit from them

I'm not getting any bullshit from mine. I would suggest that if you are getting bullshit, he's not HVM.

TradcatAlice · 2020-05-07T23:47:44+00:00

Personally no. Even with HVM you still have to talk to them which can be exhausting for HVW that have life already going for them.

I choose to continue in relationships as long as I make my boundaries clear. < 7 hours of talking each week. I don't have the time or effort to talk to a guy all day or spend time with him when I find it more enjoyable to spend that time with friends.

Blood_Priestess · 2020-05-07T20:45:07+00:00

there is no HMV, no man is worth the effort.

sadpourtoujours · 2020-05-07T21:44:45+00:00

Unless a man benefits you and adds to you in a positive way, having a man around isn’t worth it. If he’s paying all your bills, for example, and adding value to your life without subtracting from it or adding negativity, then good, keep him. If he’s subtracting or you’re being worn thin, giving too much, etc. then it’s not.

rinabean · 2020-05-08T11:07:32+00:00

If he's not worth it he's definitely not a HVM, the definition of a HVM is that they are worth it, that they add value to your life

If there's bullshit he's not really a HVM. I don't know if that's part of the definition but I wouldn't call him one

I don't have any problems with my husband that I wouldn't have if I had a wife or lived with a woman platonically. Just the ordinary difficulties of sharing your life & home with someone, which are absolutely nothing compared to the benefits. I'm sure women who are more gregarious and/or less reserved than me have even fewer of those difficulties generally, and most women are both.

I agree that the stuff you mentioned is endemic in men but it's not all of them. That's why if you want a man he needs to be HVM. But of course you don't have to want one, or even if you do you can decide looking for one isn't worth it

furiouswomen · 2020-05-08T14:50:55+00:00

I absolutely get you. I think that there is literally no man is worth my time. I have met, spoken, chatted with so many men and I see that the standards keep getting lower. They re-invent the bar to be shittier versions of themselves.

jayda92 · 2020-05-08T20:03:42+00:00

Sharing your possessions and wealth makes life easier, it's also easier to gain wealth as well. Having someone stronger is nice to have around. Somebody to share a intellectual discussion with is lovely. Not having to do all the things in the house myself is great. My bf enriches my life. He treats me like a queen.

All those things mentioned above are extra, but not necessary. Because I can do all of that by myself, or I'll find someone to do it for me and then live by myself, no biggie.

It's great that I don't have to put up with shitty behavior anymore. To feel like I'm a respected adult, who respects other respectable adults. Not to feel like I'm a mother of an adult baby or the chain to someones ball.

But if my bf decides to 'dump me' tomorrow, I would be sad for a bit, shrug it off, have fun with the girls and land myself a better man (I LOVE hypergamy and dick is SO abundant! ☺️). I know he won't, I'm not scared he ever will: I know my worth.

Title	Are HVM even worth it tho?
Author	Rdrses
Upvotes	179
Comments	91
Date	May 7, 2020 7:08 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gfcy42/are_hvm_even_worth_it_tho/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/are-hvm-even-worth-it-tho.676758 https://theredarchive.com/post/676758

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