CMV: Women don't really like or love their boyfriends/husbands, they are just settling for the best they can get.

thetruthishere_ · 2021-02-21T14:23:24+00:00

I never dated anyone I didnt want to be with 100%. I would never get into a committed relationship if I was not 100% in it.

I'll be alone and single forever before I settle.

alwaysonalongtrip · 2021-02-21T15:30:35+00:00

I’d never be w someone I didn’t love, but I’m financially independent.

mistresswhat · 2021-02-21T20:15:35+00:00

GO OUTSIDE AND MEET PEOPLE.

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-02-21T08:44:14+00:00

Well I was about to say back-to-back post but I see you referenced the other one lol but I'll just repeat some of the same sentiments, most relationships especially marriage 98% of them have involved levels of settling, the only part I will disagree with you on is that they don't really love them, that's generalizing, the level of settling can range anywhere from internal monologue of" he's not perfect, but he's perfect for me" to " he wasn't my first option but he is a sweetheart" to " I got to take what I can get"

wtknight · 2021-02-21T14:02:20+00:00

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RedCoquette · 2021-02-22T04:37:59+00:00

I think women do love their LTRs in their own way, but it's post hoc justification of their tingles and maybe their desire for comfort being temporarily satisfied.

Guys will fall for their LTRs when they're younger, and then the wife goggles go on. We believe in love for the sake of love. We get so ego-invested in the idea of being in love, we'll cling to women and make excuses for their crappy behavior as long as we have their simple companionship. That's usually enough to satisfy us. Men love romantically, and are typically blindsided when our girl doesn't feel the same way anymore.

Women will fall for guys they're attracted to on a visceral level, but when those guys start getting needy, or lose their ability to provide, that love goes away. Women love opportunistically. You can have a Mommy, or you can have a wife who respects you. You can't have both.

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-02-21T07:26:05+00:00

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James-Bancroft · 2021-02-21T08:55:53+00:00

oh damn man I’m pretty redpilled, but this is nonsense

LeatherDifference583 · 2021-02-21T11:34:05+00:00

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Elevatedheart · 2021-02-21T13:19:31+00:00

I would say if you are a shallow materialistic person all of that could be true.. but that isn’t true for everyone. “The best thing” is not always rich or highly attractive to society. I would say younger people in general would be more impressed with these things in life until they gain wisdom and humility.. People that are born into money would have a much harder time humbling themselves into what really matters..

If a man is perfectly complacent in his life, has no aspersions or ambition to improve and he’s with a woman that’s driven and goal oriented, the relationship will most likely have problems.. it doesn’t mean it can’t work but there might be some issues and vise versa.. it really depends on the situation and the point of life the people are in.. there is no general way people are here.

No, as a matter of fact I would not want a rich man..

MisterShogunate · 2021-02-21T13:00:53+00:00

If the only benefit a girl can get from her relationship with you is looks, status and resources then yes she is mostly going to leave if a better guy comes along.

But in reality most relationships include emotional connection, trust, and mutual respect that in addition to looks, resources and status. It's hard to find people you can trust and hard to find people with mutual respect.

extrachromozomes · 2021-02-21T07:46:43+00:00

They may be settling but that doesn’t mean they don’t like/love their partner

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-02-22T21:19:50+00:00

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GreatRedYonder · 2021-02-22T15:58:38+00:00

Nah, I love my partner, I wouldn't want anyone else.

Vaalarah · 2021-02-21T14:34:52+00:00

Yeah idk what you're going on about, I've met plenty of extremely attractive/wealthy men and not once have I felt the need to cheat on or leave my fiancé. Ever.

You're making generalizations that don't apply to most women.

Actually what you're saying is the equivalency of me saying "all men are sexual predators", which is simply not even remotely true.

vvvqvvv · 2021-02-21T07:43:32+00:00

I make more money than my partner, I come from a "better" background, and I am objectively more attractive than him.

I never feel like I'm settling or dating down. I know that I can easily get with a man that is richer/more attractive but I don't want to.

I think this post and the other one are both pretty bleak and very over-generalizing, but not entirely false either. Settling does happen but it's really not as terrible and extreme as this sub makes it out to be.

brainismia · 2021-02-21T10:18:37+00:00

My 2 cents on this is that the human brain is excellent at adapting to situations (for instance, if you ask a person in a Syrian camp to rate their hapiness from zero to ten, they'll give you the same average answer as a Californian from their age class).

Love would imo be the ability to fight this adaptation process and be grateful/loyal for each other even though new opportunities arise all the time. In this case, a successful couple would need both the husband and the wife to be in love.

Anonymous_Browser_ · 2021-02-21T16:46:46+00:00

In the same vein most men probably wanna be banging Margot Robbie or Emily Ratajkowski, and would cheat in an instance to get that.

It’s all just realising that no one is perfect, but instead you just need to find someone that makes you happy.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2021-02-21T09:59:20+00:00

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its_me_phosphene · 2021-02-21T08:06:54+00:00

Women, ideally speaking, want commitment, safety, and security. But sure keep convincing yourself a we want a guy with a sports car. Guys don’t get this because women don’t objectify men the same way they do women. It’s not about possessing someone as a prize it’s about finding support and companionship

justaskinthequestion · 2021-02-21T07:26:11+00:00

Oh, first comment!

Well, this is a obviously a huge oversimplification and a huge overgeneralization. You really mean every woman?

thelajestic · 2021-02-21T10:52:30+00:00

I think that ideally speaking, every woman would want a rich hot guy with a sports car, mansion, yacht or whatever

No. Firstly, every woman does not want that. I'm sure I'll just get called a liar for this but ffs it's the stupidest damn assumption ever. Sure, some women might be after purely a rich hot guy with a yacht it whatever, but if she finds one and grabs him for those reasons then she's the one that doesn't really like or love her bf/husband. She likes the way he looks and the stuff he has but not him. And in some cases they may end up being compatible and it may end up in genuine love, but I'd guess rarely. Same with a guy who just wants a supermodel - he chooses someone for their looks and then 5 years down the line is complaining that she's boring or they have nothing in common or she nags him etc because he chose looks and not compatibility.

Yes there are plenty people (men and women) who jump into relationships because they think they need one to be happy, and the person they're with is a bit of an afterthought. But for the most part, people are in the relationship because they like and then love their partner. This isn't dependent on objects or wealth or PPDs weird narrow view of what's hot and what's not. It's about compatibility, chemistry and personal taste.

NeedingAdvice86 · 2021-02-23T17:36:37+00:00

Not exactly...it is mostly subconscious as are tons of things with attraction.....

Women get with the hottest, highest value man that they believe that they can keep around without the constant worry that the dude is going to be fucking the entire block every time he leaves the house.

Which is why you will see some genetically very attractive girl with a doofus or scrub....because said girl got tired of the constant worry that Chadwick was fucking another girl every time he went out of the house.... That gets tiresome after a while and the girl has some self-confidence issue with being able to keep hotter, higher value guys on the leash.

It is also the reason that many girls try their damnest to DE-attractive their guy as quickly as possible into their relationships......particularly when kids come alone. Can't have Chadwick getting tired of coming home and choosing to jump on other girls wanting to fuck his formerly hot self...so let us plump that dude up, get him to stop buying attractive clothing and exchange the sports car for that Mazda minivan. When said dude ages out of the dating market and is no longer on the radar of other women is when wifey lets him that have Maserati or Porsche 911 that "he always wanted".

2021-02-23T10:24:27+00:00

I used to believe that men thought this way about women, too. Until we fell in love.

PM_ME_SPICY_DECKS · 2021-02-22T20:57:15+00:00

I think that ideally speaking, every woman would want a rich hot guy with a sports car, mansion, yacht or whatever just like how ideally speaking, every man wants a young supermodel looking woman

Are you an alien that learns about humans from movies?

for the most part, people date people that they get along with and enjoy to spend their time with. If they didn't enjoy being with their partner why would they bother?

wtknight · 2021-02-22T18:28:04+00:00

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cunningcaring · 2021-02-21T10:58:26+00:00

You don't know what you are talking about. Why post nonsense?

Ok_Dot1806 · 2021-02-22T03:47:53+00:00

What you think of as ideal is completely unattractive to me, and what you think of as average may be attractive to me.

I like my partner for who he is, not his possessions. And I don't care if some other girl thinks he's unattractive, I think he's hot.

Before women were allowed to work etc. our lives depended on the husbands we chose, so it make sense to pick someone wealthy with a good job. Now we get to pick partners based on what we actually want.

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-02-21T09:18:16+00:00

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2021-02-22T02:52:38+00:00

This is true to an extent for both genders. The difference if if they are realistic and embrace it and bond with their partner, or if they do it begrudgingly and make the partnership a hell for both. Latter appears to be the new norm.

DebatePony · 2021-02-22T00:44:37+00:00

I wouldn't put up with all the shit my husband puts me though if I didn't love him. In some ways, life would be so much easier if I were single and/or lived alone. Even with raising a child.

Physiologist21 · 2021-02-21T21:37:19+00:00

Usually, yea.

goatismycopilot · 2021-02-21T19:27:04+00:00

Unless you marry the only person you ever dated you are settling and the older you get the more you settle. I think the men and women who consciously settle are average folks who want kids and are on a timevline. Everybody else is lying to themselves to preserve percieved ego and dignity.

Pappu2021 · 2021-02-21T19:15:23+00:00

Not me my bf is everything I hoped for

geyejoe7 · 2021-02-21T18:22:47+00:00

Screams: bitter

Demasii · 2021-02-21T13:30:30+00:00

Do you believe that love is a feeling as in the brain producing dopamine is real?

That feeling of wanting to be with that person all the time? Thinking about them all the time? Infatuation?

Alot of the initial feelings of love are triggered without material things.

Aldabruzzo · 2021-02-22T13:38:46+00:00

I get what you're saying but I have to disagree very, very slightly.

Most women are not sexually attracted to their boyfriends/husbands, or get that way eventually. They do like those men. They even kind of love those men, like a woman loves a brother or a best gay friend. But it's not desire. It's not lust. It's not sexual attraction. And it never will be.

EDIT: I realize it's because for men, like, love and sex are all wrapped up together. For women, they're separate. There's like, there's love, and then there's sex. Women will refuse to fuck men they love, and enjoy the shit out of fucking men they don't even know. END EDIT

And that makes all the difference for women. Women can stay with these men, wash their underwear, take care of their homes, raise "their" kids (that might or might not be their husbands'). They can "like" them. They can even "love" those men. But they will never really care about those men, never really want them, never really love them. Not really. Not the way those men want to be wanted and loved.

The women writing here about this are not talking about sexual attraction when they say they "wanted to be with" their boyfriends/husbands. Because, as they so often tell us, sexual attraction and raw fucking isn't on their minds like it is with men, except for rare occasions when a very attractive man comes along and arouses that attraction.

Nobodyz_Nikki · 2021-02-21T21:06:12+00:00

I disagree. This idea that men have to be abnormally attractive and rich for women to truly love them or be with them is just a theory of the rejected. Most women want to be with their "normal" average looking boyfriends/husbands in their "normal" average everyday lives. When it comes to women and money...women don't want to feel like one missed payment or accident can lead them down a road of dark alley trick turning shelter hopping. Especially not with a man by her side!

I know some men don't understand that life as a woman is hard but it is. Not only is life for women hard but it's taxing in a way that challenges the morality that majority of us are indoctrinated with since birth. There is nothing wrong with financial comforts in a relationship but to just be rich to be rich on an "super attractive" man's arm isn't about a comfortable and less stressful lifestyle. That shit is about wanting people to see you, wanting to be envied and quite frankly wanting to be a bitch.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2021-02-21T10:16:24+00:00

You and the other post are both wrong.

Yes, most men and women are both going after the best possible option they can get.

No, that doesn't mean they don't like and love their partner.

SaBahRub · 2021-02-21T15:46:36+00:00

Everyone settles, ya whiners

No one is uniquely oppressed by doing so

glitterpile12 · 2021-02-21T13:13:48+00:00

Let’s flip this around and say women work hard to keep up their appearance, clothes, makeup, hair, they go to college, get a career and succeed in it, keep a clean home, eat healthy, workout, and maintain family and social ties and they expect a man who does the same. The sad news is that are SO. FEW. MEN. who hold themselves to the same standards that there is no where to go but down.

So rarely do I meet a man who has a career, takes care of his mental and physical health, upkeeps his appearance, has a clean home, knows how to cook, maintains healthy relationships with friends and families—men just don’t do this! We’re expected to replace your mom, stay hot, and succeed in our careers while you play video games, deliver pizzas, and smoke weed. Women accept these “average” partners and then blame themselves when these guys suck! The man we are all looking for is so rare that when you do spot one in the wild, it really is like seeing a unicorn!

MooseKabo0se · 2021-02-21T08:42:58+00:00

OP isn't even responding. He just wanted to bitch and moan about women, what a surprise. 😪

throwaway844849295 · 2021-02-21T13:35:03+00:00

To a large extent both genders are guilty of it. The reason why women tend it to do more it's because they have more options (back to the 80/20 rule and its consequences). And I'm not convinced that women can swap partners to a higher value (their perception of it at least) as easily as people describe. When you settle you are usually past your prime and the men that these women would seek don't have incentive to commit to them since they are likely in a relationship with an attractive (probably younger) woman and they got so much action in their youth they don't have that starry eyed attitude towards a potential getting laid opportunity that the average man has. Cheating their boyfriends/husbands on the side well that is definitely something that happens more than anyone would want to admit.

Look I don't think there is any point in questioning, fighting or even hate women hypergamy. They always were like that, there were just some soft social measures to make it more difficult to realise that but those social measures are gone and they are not coming back.

The best any man can do is to stop trying to change women nature, plus everyone is entitled to their freedom, and start exercising your own freedom. If your woman cheats on you or decides to start a relationship with someone else the only thing you should lose is her, not your house, not part of your net worth, not your future. Don't marry, don't share finances, don't let her contribute to assets you own or you were already contributing to eventually own, don't have children unless it's something you really want, avoid cohabitation. If you go for cohabitation and you already own a house, don't let her live with you in that one. Rent another one with her and let your own.

FDS as mad and toxic as it is got that right. They focus on things that primarily benefits them as a gender and damages men as a consequence. An illuminating example from their handbook: don't get a prenup if he has high earning potential (Besos), get a prenup if you own more assets than him.

So how does a man deal with that? I believe they teach you negation in any basic grammar course at school ;-)

King8Kaista · 2021-02-21T19:46:22+00:00

This is very true. I concur

moneygang4life · 2021-02-21T14:24:21+00:00

Imagine getting upset that the guy you find most attractive doesn’t want u back u think most men have EVER even gotten a small taste of the girl they found the most attractive?? HA.

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-02-21T08:55:08+00:00

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Mrs_Drgree · 2021-02-21T09:32:13+00:00

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Extremely__Moderate · 2021-02-21T16:33:37+00:00

It was evolutionarily beneficial for women to not be too awful loyal, I believe.

In olden times it was common for wars to wipe out all the men and the women to be taken.. only the most agreeable women who were able to forget about their dead men were able to adapt to the new tribe and reproduce.

I think this is why when men and women break up now, the female is happy as a peach a month later with Johnny and your ass is still crying on the couch watching Ren and Stimpy re-runs, surrounded by Chinese take-out containers DAMN IT CINDY WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME WE WERE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER

relish5k · 2021-02-21T21:15:20+00:00

If you're settling for you partner then I think it's fair to say that you don't really love them. So the solution is never settle.

The idea that a substantial amount of women are settling is baseless. Telling women to settle is only something that happens when a woman is single for a very long time, and is in her late 20s/early 30s and is looking for a committed relationship to start a family. Most women do not enter marriage that way.

mjhrobson · 2021-02-21T12:16:58+00:00

Your story is back to front: Truly rich men often get prenuptial contracts, they know many women are after them not for love but for the money. So they have to be cautious because them woman might not love them and so will run off with someone they actually do have genuine feelings for after trying to fleece them.

You have a better chance at a woman having genuine feelings for you if she was with you through hardship as opposed to being a "fair weather friend"... With you only while things are going well.

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ScholarLad · 2021-03-08T19:04:32+00:00

This is 99 percent of most women AND men in a degenerate late stage liberal capitalist society. You must find the 1 percenters who desire a genuine union of the mind, body and soul. Real tradcons do exist, but are also extremely rare.

Amazing-Simple5547 · 2021-03-14T06:49:54+00:00

I wouldn't and couldn't be in a relationship just to be with someone.I would rather be alone.I wouldn't be able to fulfill a relationship with someone I didn't feel 100%.i love the passion and everything that comes from having a relationship and i wouldn't be able to put myself into it just with anybody.So if women are settling from just anybody.I would suggest you learn to be alone.I would believe you would be much happier.

Title	CMV: Women don't really like or love their boyfriends/husbands, they are just settling for the best they can get.
Author	Mayhem977
Upvotes	70
Comments	239
Date	February 21, 2021 7:21 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/loro95/cmv_women_dont_really_like_or_love_their/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-women-dont-really-like-or-love-their.743551 https://theredarchive.com/post/743551

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