Maybe I'm old, but I just don't understand. Why send nudes?

BoxingChoirgal · 2021-04-17T00:11:12+00:00

Agreed. and I have done the same.

After my divorce (in my late 40's, 10+yrs ago) I have noticed a steady increase in the expectation of nudes from men. NOTE: This HAS NOT happened so much with men I met incidentally -- at an event, through friends, etc.

I no longer use APP's/OLD and believe that (among other pitfalls) it creates a sense of entitlement + lack of personal accountability toward women among male users. They really give ZERO fucks about you. Even if they don't envision a relationship, they will flirt, use you to satisfy an urge, and aim to collect more free pics for their personal "spank bank."

I urge my daughters (late teen/early 20's) to Never EVER under Any Circumstances share nudes or partial nudes.

It's one of several GIANT steps backward for single young women.

Depressing enough to be dealing with it myself. HORRIFYING to think of my babies subjected to it.

ugh. ugh. ugh.

Charming-Bee-2337 · 2021-04-17T00:39:06+00:00

I just never saw the appeal. To me it feels like a weird power play where they can see you naked anytime they want. Even after you breakup. They could be trading them like baseball cards and sending them in groupchats or on forums or whatever else. It doesnt turn me on and it just feels like they want to make your their personal porn star.

AnniaT · 2021-04-17T00:02:08+00:00

I'm of a younger generation and also never understood the nude pics. It always ends badly. Even if the person you sent to is not an evil scrote, someone can hack their phone or get those pictures if he for example takes his phone to repair. I also even feel afraid of taking nude pictures just for myself in case someone will hack my phone or somehow get them without my consent. Maybe I'm too paranoid but I just don't get it. Also why send them to men we barely know and even to boyfriends or husbands why send it to them if they can get access to our bodies in person? Makes absolutely no sense.

xpuddinpopx · 2021-04-17T01:32:55+00:00

I used to be all about sending nudes. The validation fed my ego and I was ignorant. Recently left my husband because of things found on his flash drives. There was a PLETHORA of nudes. From every ex, every hook up, only fans, one of his teachers, all meticulously labeled and organized. Including mine. That only scratches the surface of these files. All the drives I found were seized as evidence, so I dont have to worry about him ever having access to them again, unless its saved elsewhere. But that horror made me open my eyes wide! Never send nudes. LVM are predatory bastards, and some of them will keep them and creep on them forever! They don't care that consent to have them is withdrawn, they don't care that you were underage when they were sent, they don't care about the risk or your reputation, they don't care that it makes you or anyone else uncomfortable. All they care about is their own sick satisfactions.

Bubbly-Manufacturer · 2021-04-17T01:41:14+00:00

Im 25. I’ve never sent a nude and don’t think I ever will. Not even for a husband. The thought of multiple guys (you’ll never know if it’ll last forever) having my pics and trading them around like Pokémon cards ain’t it.

HappyNovel · 2021-04-16T23:24:19+00:00

You shouldn’t sent nudes. There are revenge porn laws for a reason. If a guy doesn’t understand why you don’t want to send nudes then he’s gross. Block and delete.

Nice_Pass2393 · 2021-04-17T02:04:26+00:00

I know this is absolutely a secondary factor when rejecting requests for nudes or sexy pictures, but they require your labor as well as your dignity. Lighting, angles, uncomfortable posture, taking and retaking pictures, scrutinizing whether you captured an asset at its best, carefully concealing any body part you don’t want to show if you’re trying to be coy, changing up the location, not getting caught by a roommate or nosy neighbor, agonizing over what you consider tasteful and what you believe is too far...

And at the end of the day he might just respond with, “Cute.” Or, “Nice.” Or, “Wow, now show me more of your (body part).” While he marinates in 3 days worth of ass and ball sweat, in holey boxers with seven beer cans on his floor, while he switches over to Snapchat and jerks it to a snap from a random internet flirtation or his favorite porn star’s latest exclusive Instagram story.

Ask me how I know. 🤡

amhran_oiche · 2021-04-16T23:57:18+00:00

It's totally performative. These women feel the need to give more of themselves to men in order to prove they're Cool and therefore keep their men from leaving.

Nice_Pass2393 · 2021-04-17T01:14:30+00:00

Just read any article online that only 27% of sent nudes result in a date from old, this includes Netflix and chill dates. So women really don't get the guy like they assume. It really is pointless unless you're getting paid. I wouldn't condone if but I could see why girls sell nudes, otherwise it's a waste of time

lillylilacladybug · 2021-04-17T00:18:18+00:00

Can confirm because mine are on the internet and I can’t get them down. Don’t be stupid like me!

zorra666 · 2021-04-16T23:41:25+00:00

I found out that my ex was pressuring girls to send him nudes and videos and then sharing them in a whattsapp groups with dozens of men all over the world. He was also recording himself having sex with multiple women. He never asked me for nudes or recorded me, thankfully, but those poor girls. I was able to contact several of them to give them a heads up. Sisters before misters.

Defense is the best offense. Never give a man, even a seemingly libfem man, any pics of you that you wouldn't give to your mama.

Platipus6 · 2021-04-17T02:09:45+00:00

Men use a ton of pressure and emotional blackmail tactics.

It's not just a detached "send nudes? yes no" situation where he respects your answer.

Most women don't want to send nudes, there's not much in it for us, because men are dogshit at compliments. We'll get a "nice" after spending an hour on 100 poses. We do it to stop the pressure. (Some women do get an ego boost and validation if the man is good at compliments, but it's rare that he's not also being a dog and sharing her nudes).

Pressure tactics:

Fear - of abandonment. The implied "I'll dump you/go radio silent for days/withdraw affection, time and pleasant demeanor if you don't comply". Also "this relationship will stop right here if you don't comply".

Obligation. "We're in a relationship now, that's just what girlfriends do".

Guilt. "I'm so horny baby, I'll literally die if I don't get to peep your tiddies". "You're an awful person if you don't send me something, I'll die of blue balls, how can you be so cruel?" "Gee I guess you hate me/don't want to be with me at all" "You don't love me, if you loved me you'd send noods".

Flattery and urgency. "Come on baby, you're the most beautiful special woman in the world, only YOUR tiddies well get me over the edge right now".

The promise or implication that there will be more flattery in proportion to your effort. (There won't).

Competition/triangulation/negging. "All the girls send nudes, you want to be 'normal' right?" "Sigh, my ex wouldn't send nudes either 😔 " (implication, that's why she's an ex).

Then every time you comply he has more ammo and more tactics. "Well you sent one already, why can't you send more? What's changed? You're being hysterical and a prude now".

Men are wild. None of these pressure tactics make sense when you type them out hhahaha. But in the moment, when you're being emotionally pressured and can't think straight, it's easy to take a titpic to get him to stop and relieve the anxiety (and you mistake the relief for "feeling good").

Men rely on all the bullshit to extract nudes from women. "Men are visual, men need nudes". "It's how you keep him interested". As Gail Dines reported a pedo saying "Culture does the grooming for us".

purasangria · 2021-04-17T02:15:16+00:00

I refuse to send photos, ever. If we've met, he knows what I look like; why does he need a photo?

I don't use OLD anymore, but when I did, i would not send more photos, ever. I would do an in app video chat, but no photos. I'm not catering to men's wants, and he doesn't get to ask me to do anything. If he's got a problem with that, tough. 🤷‍♀️

Alarming-Midnight-73 · 2021-04-16T23:32:57+00:00

I don't see the appeal of sending nudes either. It doesn't feel intimate or fun.

I will say I liked the idea of taking nude photos with my partner. It felt intimate and a bit thrilling to take photos with each other. Like you normally take photos together, but now you're not wearing clothes. My ex always took beautiful photos of me on trips and travels so it felt nice in the bedroom too. And these were photos only for our eyes.

Of course I was incredibly naive and thought we'd be together forever. I probably wouldn't do it now--especially after reading about how depraved men can be.

Aspect-Secure · 2021-04-17T02:06:08+00:00

It's probably because they're looking for validation from men.

electroloop · 2021-04-16T23:25:48+00:00

Hidden cameras are also a thing. A lot of those women (obviously not all) have their nudes taken without their explicit consent. A lot of these women send nudes “innocently” to men they thought they could trust on Snapchat, who end up using another phone to take a photo of the nude.

Unfortunately, a lot of women are pressured into sending nudes by NVM. It’s just the way it is now. A lot of women are coerced into doing so to get the approval of the men they’re interested in.

I’m not going to say i’m innocent and that I have never sent a nude, but there are precautions to take. I’m not promoting it at all, but things are a lot different than you growing up and not being surrounded by technology.

carmen_sandiegos_hat · 2021-04-16T23:49:22+00:00

If you are sending a nude to someone, you can almost guarantee that loads of other people will see them, too. Never send a nude to a potential date.

At minimum, just expect to be added to a spank bank. If you don't want that, don't send a nude. Block and delete. Your date made themselves known.

All the people I've known to send a nude have never been in a LTR with the person they sent the nude to. Several have had to threaten legal action for what they did with their nude. I am not really sure why there is so much advice out there on "How to take the perfect nude!" I'm not talking of OF, I'm just talking of sending them to a potential SO.

give_mefries · 2021-04-17T06:17:27+00:00

I was 17. He was 18. I only sent them once (face was not visible). But I was coerced into it. He kept asking for nudes for weeks, if not months. One night when I was feeling low and he pressured again, I gave in. I am 22 now and it still haunts me. I will never do it again. Not even when I’m married. Any man who asks me for a nude, will be blocked and deleted in a second.

Now coming to why it happens. In my case it was definitely low self esteem. I genuinely thought that’s what I deserved. Almost all my friends have sent nudes at some point in their lives. And it’s the same for them and plus the “validation”.

For whoever needs to read this today- DONT DO IT. Do not hit send. The man will not treat you any better. It will not stop there. They will push your boundaries until you’ve got nothing left to give. Women lose their jobs, their reputation because of revenge pornography even while men roam free. Do not do it. You will gain nothing out of it.

Edit: just thought a little more about this and I realised that at that age I also believed that partners were entitled to each other’s bodies. That’s what I saw my entire childhood. My father controlling my mother. My father controlling his kids and everything in their lives. It was ingrained in my head that this is what you are expected to do.

NotUrAverageBoo · 2021-04-16T23:52:56+00:00

When I was a little younger and better looking, (early 40’s), my ex asked me a few times for nudes as he worked away. His excuse was, it would make him less likely to cheat. As a former pick me, you can imagine how that messed with my head. I didn’t send any, and he eventually cheated, though I didn’t blame myself at that stage As I was ready to leave anyway. These types of scenarios are possibly prevalent. He was a piece of work and I haven’t dated etc since him, and now never will.

onions_r_evil · 2021-04-16T23:36:38+00:00

I reread what I posted and I realized I may have come across as being judgmental and that is not the case. I think it's more frustration than anything else. Especially after being on FDS for a while knowing only LVM would make such a request in the first place. I apologize for my tone in the op.

_queeeen_ · 2021-04-17T04:16:05+00:00

30s. Have never sent a nude. Never will.

WornTheTshirt73 · 2021-04-17T04:57:04+00:00

If they got your nude pictures they have control over your body and you ... it gives them a power high ... don’t do it ... we KNOW they cannot be trusted not to share it. Remember a big part of the power bòner is asserting his dominance over his own male friends so what better way than showing them that he has access to naked women to frustrate them and induce envy. Same reason they buy fancy cars ... to show other men how successful they are ... again I say don’t give them that power over you. It’s not victim blaming, like calling a woman responsible for her own rape, taking pictures of your own naked body and uploading them to the internet is something we still have 100% control over ... until we press send

chlamydiakoalaa · 2021-04-17T16:15:00+00:00

I was the victim of sextortion, currently going through court over being blackmailed with photos I took for a boyfriend when I was 17(none are fully nude, thankfully). So catch me never ever doing that again and warning everyone I know, not to. It’s a scary thing when you get a message from a random Instagram account at 3am demanding you send more photos/money or they’ll send your nudes to your workplace.

Winter-Firefly · 2021-04-17T03:05:06+00:00

Women and girls are groomed through social media and pornography to work against our interests and put ourselves on the chopping block for male sexual pleasure and entitlement.

If men had any semblance of care or respect for us, they wouldn't even ask for nudes. The MAJORITY get sent to his friends, posted on porn sites, or never deleted. Even if you want them to be.

Objective_Ad7771 · 2021-04-17T02:40:33+00:00

My former pick me personality would say: to get them more interested. To hell with that mindset.

PinkBlair99 · 2021-04-17T04:40:51+00:00

Yeah, this is an obvious no. I don’t care what year it or how old you are.

OrangeyPanda · 2021-04-17T06:23:15+00:00

What is a demand for nudes if not an enforcement of the belief that women are supposed to perform for male pleasure, and even to want to do so?

gingerandlime · 2021-04-17T07:17:02+00:00

The whole thing truly baffles me. Mid 30s, I’ve never taken, sent, or been asked for a nude photo. I’m definitely new to FDS and have had many highly non-FDS behaviors over time but I’m hopeful that means I’m not as far off track as I might be in terms of dismissing unacceptable behavior from others.

Colour_riot · 2021-04-17T07:17:30+00:00

A variation of it from a "nice guy" friend is "what is your outfit today?", "how does that swimsuit look on you?"

FabledAngryVillager · 2021-04-17T08:45:11+00:00

When bored, I used to send gay porn

Edit: I've since just don't really allow or deal with LVM in my life anymore, just to be clear

Suspicious-Leg-1407 · 2021-04-17T11:58:19+00:00

I don't get it either. It's a form of free prostitution.

Fit_Juice · 2021-04-17T12:40:24+00:00

Nudes aren't the issue it's only a body after all, what really boils my blood is that the men having it leaked or leaking it get off scot-free while the women's reputation suffers for God knows how long.

AmethistStars · 2021-04-17T12:45:11+00:00

I'm 31 myself, and I was always paranoid about nudes. So much that naked pictures of me literally just don't exist. Not even on some secret private hard disk. It's too bad, because a part of me kind of wants to make some, just as a memory to look back at when I'm old and my body isn't young anymore. Maybe I'm being too paranoid. But the reason why is because in my high school there was this one girl whose nudes leaked online and it ended up circling around at school. It really made her the #1 gossip at school and I felt so bad for her. Also, her nude wasn't even taken by her. It was actually a family picture at a nudist camp. Yeah, I also don't understand why you would involve your kids in that sort of thing.

That said, I luckily haven't dealt with a lot of men in my life asking for nudes or otherwise sexy pictures either. And when I did, I just kind of trolled them.

bamboohobobundles · 2021-04-17T14:35:08+00:00

So much this. I've sent them in the past just purely because I was desperate for validation and had horrible body image issues; having someone confirm my body was "attractive" or "desirable" was addictive.

My ex of nine years used to pressure me to send them to him as well, saying that since I'd sent them to other guys in the past, it was "not fair" to deprive him of the same. I'm aware he's kept every last one of them in a folder on his computer and I'm sure they are still there, given the fact that I knew he'd also saved nudes from other women before (and also probably during) our time together.

Now that I'm single, I've no intention of ever sending them again. The type of man I'd consider dating nowadays wouldn't be the type of man to expect them, anyway.

mandoa_sky · 2021-04-17T11:02:48+00:00

my response is to ask for 1milllion dollars. i work in a industry that has a no nudes policy

Title	Maybe I'm old, but I just don't understand. Why send nudes?
Author	onions_r_evil
Upvotes	388
Comments	64
Date	April 16, 2021 11:07 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/msev7l/maybe_im_old_but_i_just_dont_understand_why_send/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/maybe-im-old-but-i-just-dont-understand-why-send.777873 https://theredarchive.com/post/777873

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