Should the woman take the man's surname when they marry

makinganimerealer · 2021-06-21T20:01:09+00:00

I think the only way it matters is if you have a long-time "important" last name, you're a Jr or your name brand is famous.

Otherwise, doesn't matter

ArtNo6372 · 2021-06-21T19:54:10+00:00

We don't have married names here . Stupid idea really

chubbybutt22 · 2021-06-21T19:58:32+00:00

Personal decision for the couple. Especially if you don’t have/want kids.

poppy_blu · 2021-06-21T19:47:51+00:00

Kept mine. H has no issue with it.

It’s a personal choice.

superlurkage · 2021-06-21T19:53:17+00:00

China (1 billion people, if ya didn’t know) doesn’t have married names. Apparently this isn’t fatal

Lots of countries just slap the husbands name on the end

umnothnxbye · 2021-06-21T20:02:38+00:00

Personal choice. I don't think it matters. I changed my last name to my husband's when we married because I wanted the same last name as him. Seemed more familial that way.

Scores_Man_Mund · 2021-06-21T21:03:28+00:00

There’s no “should” because it’s an amoral decision every couple has to make for themselves.

If I was engaged to a girl who wanted my name, I’d be super into it. But if she didn’t want to, I don’t care nearly enough to expend energy on it. Other couples can do whatever they want

InitialEnthusiasm317 · 2021-06-21T19:54:45+00:00

My father took my mother's name bc his father was a drunk, wife beating bastard and he hated him. My fathers sister took her husbands name and my grandmother her new husbands name. No one will carry the name of my fathers father and that's good.

Learningtolove2021 · 2021-06-21T21:22:51+00:00

For me, the historical basis of the tradition made it a nonstarter. I know a lot of women find that easy to overlook and say it's for family unity or they like their husband better than their father and it's patriarchal either way, but the feeling of it signifying ownership was just too icky for me. I belong to no one, no matter how intertwined our lives become.

Sage_Planter · 2021-06-21T19:50:47+00:00

It should be a personal choice, like many relationship topics.

At this point in my life, I would likely not be interested in changing my last name.

Mimoxs · 2021-06-21T19:50:04+00:00

You're not really giving up shit considering how easy it is to change it back when you divorce. It's an arbitrary tradition based on the social norms of the past ~6000 years of specifically western society.

There were other cultures that practically despised women and treated them far worse than the West, but the women did not change their family name when they married, the kids just inherited the father's name. It's just a cultural thing.

1Here4Bach · 2021-06-21T20:44:31+00:00

There’s literally no reason to change to your last name to your husband’s other than he wants to mark his property.

philomexa · 2021-06-21T23:03:43+00:00

I don't understand why anybody cares about any of this. So many cultures don't even practice patrilineal surnames, none of this means anything.

Personally I didn't take my husband's last name because 1.) I'm lazy. Why do I have to visit at least 3 different govt agencies just to change my name? 2.) Patrilineal surnames are not practiced in my mother's culture 3.) My husband's last name is one vowel different than my first name, so effectively I'd be like Giovanna Giovanni. Gtfo of here with that clown shit.

The venn diagram of men who are pressed about surnames and men who are insecure in their masculinity is practically a circle.

kmjyu · 2021-06-21T21:29:50+00:00

I didn't take my husbands last name and he didn't take my last name. I'm getting a PhD and I earned it not him, so I'm going to be called Dr. not him. Also, I'm Chinese and it's not customary at all for women to take their husbands last names, so this isn't me going against societal norms that I know or anything. I also didn't want to go through the hassle of changing my last name on all the government documents, especially ones overseas.

However, I don't mind going by Mrs. "husbands last name". But when I have my doctorate I will be correcting people if they call me Dr. "husbands last name"

evanstown21 · 2021-06-21T19:50:56+00:00

Honestly, I don’t think it really matters. Names are for practical purposes. I mean, if he has a better sounding last name, maybe? But let’s say we’re both famous in our respective fields and have built up good reputations, it would be silly for us to give that up. It would make more sense to just keep our existing name as it would mess with our brand.

Psychological_Wear_7 · 2021-06-21T19:54:02+00:00

I don't care and tbh I'd just let her decide

It's not something I think about

SouthernGrass3 · 2021-06-21T23:44:18+00:00

Depends on the couple and their beliefs.Neither one of us actually care and I like my name, so no reason to change it.

IOportA · 2021-06-21T23:41:49+00:00

There is no such thing as a woman's last name.

Her last name is her father's last name. Her mother's last name is her grandfather's last name.

A woman choosing to keep her last name is an insult to her husband, and everyone knows it, especially her.

LowCreddit · 2021-06-21T20:07:20+00:00

I would immediately dump any woman who suggested not taking my surname. I don't care about the patriarchy or whatever, but you are voluntarily fighting useless social norms to do nothing and gain endless humiliation and struggle. This issue is a grand metaphor for modern activism.

incogneatolady · 2021-06-21T22:24:56+00:00

“Personally I think it's a symbolic act that says this man is worthy of my love/faithfulness/children and giving up my last name for him & our future together catalyzes this decision and cements the family unit (assuming there will be children who will take their father's last name).”

What alternate reality did you grow up in because the whole idea of taking the man’s name goes back to women being property. The concept of love as we know it is incredibly modern (in terms of human history.)

On that same token why would it be any more a symbol of love/faithfulness when a woman does this? I’d feel pretty flattered if my SO wanted to take my last name (he hates his anyway and I don’t blame him lol but under different circumstances I’d be flattered 😂)

I guess in closing, it’s archaic and the symbolism is kinda meh. It’s not even a globally recognized custom, lots of cultures use the mothers name or even both. It should be up to each couple and tbh idc what anyone does nor am I judging them for it.

peteypete78 · 2021-06-21T20:28:04+00:00

when they get married?

Well thats the first mistake.

But if you gotta then why not make up a last name in some way that takes part of both names or something.

Novadina · 2021-06-22T04:24:14+00:00

Why would I? I’ve had my name my whole life, and I see no reason I should change mine and he shouldn’t. The only way I would change my name is if it was really important to my partner that we share a last name, then I would be willing to come up with a new name we both change to. Maybe it could be crafted out of our names, or a whole new one we both liked. I guess I wouldn’t care what he does with his own name if he wanted to change it to mine or something.

Personally I think it’s a symbolic act that says this man is worthy of my love/faithfulness/children and giving up my last name for him & our future together catalyzes this decision and cements the family unit (assuming there will be children who will take their father’s last name).

That’s what the marriage ceremony does. Why would this be something the woman should do and not the man? She’s not worthy of his love/faithfulness/children?

Every time I see a hyphenated last name or a man with his wife’s last name the dude is almost always beta.

I’m pretty sure marrying at all makes a man “beta” in TRP. (Maybe “alpha” men wouldn’t settle for just one woman?)

This is just a personal preference, everyone should do whatever they want with their names. I don’t think it has any deep meaning.

NiceGuyNumber4 · 2021-06-21T20:23:28+00:00

Her name? You mean her father's name, right?

fakingandnotmakingit · 2021-06-21T23:24:40+00:00

I didn't, because my identity is tied to my name. Hadn't realised wanting to keep my identity and not deal with oodles of paper work meant my husband is a beta.

Honestly we just didn't think about it and didn't care

AntWillFortune15 · 2021-06-22T05:57:02+00:00

No...why? Because it’s a ridiculous tradition. Why would I go changing my name that I went by my entire life? If he loves me, how about hE change HIS name.

NoMarriageNoKids · 2021-06-21T20:00:14+00:00

What's next? "Should the wife offer sex to her husband?"

Oops, too late.

Orange_Paisley · 2021-06-21T21:03:12+00:00

Kept my last name because I am the last member of my dad’s family to bear the name. Passed it down to my kid (hyphenated).

flowerwoven · 2021-06-22T00:16:31+00:00

Obviously you take the man's last name. 5-10 years ago girls used to be so excited about taking their husband's last name. Then tumblr turned it into some feminist thing and now women are miserable and have that happiness sucked out of them. Let people be happy. Stop trying to change traditions. Men need the paternity certainty. It's proven psychologically that men take better care of their kids when they're certain they're theirs. Emasculating your own husband and not showing him basic loyalty is pretty messed up. Stop letting tumblr convince you this is acceptable. Imagine not having the same last name as your own children.

BarestBranch · 2021-06-22T06:14:17+00:00

Up to the woman. I don’t care at all. I’d take my wife’s last name if it was a cooler sounding one than mine.

SuperSupremeKai · 2021-06-22T06:20:37+00:00

No. That would imply ownership and slavery. Remember that during the time when the US still had slavery that the slaves had their master's name at the end. Same thing would apply here.

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-06-22T18:07:23+00:00

There’s no real “should” here. It’s up to the individual couple. Really the only reason to change names is if you’re having kids and want to keep things from being confusing. Not sure why the woman has to be the one to give up her name in this day and age. Shouldn’t the man be committing his love and faithfulness and desire to raise children with his wife too? Seems kind of one-sided. I say hyphenate both names so everyone has the same name and nobody has to give theirs up... but that can get bulky depending on what the names are. So yeah, personal choice!

C0NDITI0NBLACK · 2021-06-21T19:48:01+00:00

If im taking on the 60% risk of losing my assets and children through divorce you can take on my last name.

Aldabruzzo · 2021-06-21T20:22:30+00:00

Yes.

Her willingness to take her husband's name indicates her commitment to the man who's marrying her.

Contrast - if she is not willing to take his name, that indicates that she does not really want to be committed to this man.

It also suggests lack of sexual attraction. Women have no problem at all taking the last names of men they like fucking.

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-06-21T20:32:36+00:00

I don't care if she does or not, the kids are tho

thelajestic · 2021-06-21T23:07:02+00:00

I think it should be personal choice.

I'm not changing mine - my partner doesn't really like his surname so has no yearning for me or any kids we may have to take it. His sister in law didn't take her husband's surname and none of the family care, so he's not got any family pressure for it to happen either.

I've had my surname a long time; I'm used to how it sounds. My mum also never changed her name so again, not really a tradition we follow in our family. The only issue I might have with my name is that it's really unusual and I have to spell it out for people all the time, but I'd still need to do that if I took my partner's 🤷

We did float the idea of taking bits of our names to make a new one to share, but ultimately we don't care enough about having the same surname to bother.

neetykeeno · 2021-06-22T00:35:03+00:00

I did it once. I am now of the opinion it is a foolish idea. Use a name for the first two decades of your life and that's your name. You lose brand value changing it.

I would if it were possible favor a system of hyphenated names, with names going down the maternal line of your mother and paternal line of your father. So let's say you are Bob Smith-Brown and you have kids with Mary Winston-Davis those kids would be Smith-Davis

quiturbitchn · 2021-06-22T00:35:13+00:00

My mother didn’t change her name and my parents have a many decades long marriage. It was even debated with my parents what last name they would pass on because choosing names that sounded good with my dad’s name was hard. Personally I think children should get their mother’s last name. Giving a child the man’s last name is like a group project where a woman did all the work and the man got the credit.

Bandit174 · 2021-06-22T01:09:09+00:00

I don't personally care about it on its own but what does bother me is it seems like women want to opt out of all the traditional expectations that they dislike while still expecting the man to fulfill his.

They don't want to take the mans last name, cook or be chaste or even low n count but they still expect the guy to earn more than them, pay for the dates as well as an unnecessarily expensive ring and ceremony.

mouldysock100 · 2021-06-22T02:39:51+00:00

It's a personal choice. I kept mine out of laziness / not wanting the hassle of making the change.

Smooth_Potato_4014 · 2021-06-22T03:38:47+00:00

Absolutely yes. If she doesn't then she has stupid ideas about equality and that marriage is one step closer to disaster.

And to other posters: OP is not asking if it's "personal choice" but if they should. Stop dodging the question.

801735 · 2021-06-21T20:36:42+00:00

Should the woman take the man's surname when they marry

And if so, in case of divorce, how much should she owe him for having (ab?)used it all that time?

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towerofcheeeeza · 2021-06-22T05:59:30+00:00

I feel like it should be a personal choice. I like my last name well enough but I would want to take my future husband's last name. Main reason? I hate my middle name and would like to make my maiden name my middle name and then take my future husband's last name.

Hyphenated names are cool if not too long. Had some friends growing up with hyphenated names and they said it sucked taking standardized tests or filling out paperwork.

Ambassadior · 2021-06-22T07:19:56+00:00

I would be down with fusing our last names together like a ship name. I can’t imagine a woman who would think that’s acceptable though

just_a_place · 2021-06-22T07:29:04+00:00

How about if we ask the woman if she wants to?

You know? Just saying. 🤨

If a woman wants to take my last name that would be awesome though. It would mean she is my family now. No take-backs lol for better or for worse and I cannot and will not leave her anymore than I could leave my mom, sisters, or future daughter.

Timmy721123 · 2021-06-22T13:10:20+00:00

Why change the name to change it back after divorce?

Timmy721123 · 2021-06-22T13:10:56+00:00

Better question. What about the kuds?

Cthescubasea · 2021-06-22T18:18:22+00:00

I don’t think there should be a standard for doing it. If a woman decides she would like to, that’s totally fine. But it shouldn’t be expected in my opinion. The husband can change his last name or they might want to each keep their family names. Sometimes the woman’s father may have died young and had all girls, like in the case of my family. My dad was adopted and we didn’t really have a strong connection to his family. So it just made sense for my mom to keep her name.

06534956 · 2021-06-23T20:44:48+00:00

I plan on keeping my last name when I get married!

It’s a ton of paperwork, and I’m at the point in life where I have a lot of records and documents that would need to be changed, and it’s just not worth it. I’m incredibly lazy.
I have a unique last name, and it’s quite cool, and I like it a lot.
If I’m gonna go through all the pain and work to change it, I’d want it to be something cool and that evokes a good feeling, like Christmastime or something

I’m not against going by the same last name socially. We can be “the blanks” or “Mr and Her Majesty Blank”, I don’t care. The kids can have his last name.

nothatyoucare · 2021-06-24T15:45:07+00:00

We should take the woman's surname. Maternity is MUCH less questioned then paternity. We all pretty much know for a fact who our mom's are.

AngryNurse2019 · 2021-06-28T06:05:59+00:00

Personal choice, no biggie.

psypD · 2021-06-21T20:51:50+00:00

A woman can do anything...No man should accept that under any circumstances though. Hell call off the weeding even if she brings it up.

NICHIJOU2411 · 2021-06-22T01:35:36+00:00

What wrong women moving their last name to their middle name and having the husbands last name? You get to keep both and if kids are involved depending on gender, boy takes dads middle name and girl takes moms middle name, or make up middle names?

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-06-21T20:46:27+00:00

If they decide to I guess, but I'm not sure why it really matters unless covering up previous relationships and sexual involvement is going to be a continuing trend.

FreierSteinkopf · 2021-06-21T21:15:05+00:00

From my perspective it would be ideal if she takes my name but I wouldn't change mine. Some people put their names together which sounds awful and if both keep them it's a bit awkward because its not really 'uniting'.

NarniaFox · 2021-06-22T03:15:53+00:00

If a couple find it important, they surely can do it. Not all people care about it though and there are instances when wife's last name sounds better or she has to keep it due to recognition as a specialist.

Personally neither my husband or I changed our surnames. Maybe if we decide to have kids, we'll create a surname of our own. I'd keep mine as it's from my grandad and he was a wonderful man, but it's also pretty hard to pronounce for anyone who isn't from our region and especially for foreigners. My husband's father is from orphanage, so their surname isn't actually "theirs". There's no any family weight or line to worry about. It seems fair to take something new, so it would have a meaning for both of us.

Rager_YMN_6 · 2021-06-22T03:47:17+00:00

If a woman won’t take your name & your lineage, you’re not the best she can do and she subconsciously is leaving even the tiniest crack in the door open.

Women who believe they have the best will fully submit to a man, take his name, his sperm, his legacy, etc.

xFallacyx69 · 2021-06-21T20:01:13+00:00

I want my wife to because I plan to have kids and that’s just the way it’s usually done… but I don’t give 2 shits if she is against it. Bigger fish to fry and that’s not a top priority

wtknight · 2021-06-21T20:26:17+00:00

I don’t have an issue with women keeping their last name. In my wife’s culture the maiden name becomes her middle name upon marriage, and women can refer to themselves as both names (like Hillary Rodham Clinton, for instance), so this seems like a good compromise to me.

Phoesilvle · 2021-06-21T22:21:15+00:00

It depends on the partners name. If one partner has an unfortunate name or a really beautiful/special/fitting last name I'd marry away from the unlucky name and to the lucky name regardless of gender. (In my case, ther's no way I'd take a garden name like Miller, Schmidt, Dubois, Jacobs or Nielsen.)

blueXcat · 2021-06-21T23:13:42+00:00

It simply can't be done here

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-06-21T23:20:01+00:00

I'm taking my partner's when we marry because my dad is a piece of shit and I'm looking forward to losing his last name.

EleanorAbernathyPhD · 2021-06-22T00:37:04+00:00

It isn't a custom in my country but I would do it if it was. My last name is long and inconvenient sometimes.

EfficientComputer5 · 2021-06-22T00:47:16+00:00

I think it comes down to a person's own reasoning. If they value tradition have at her, if there's some sort of esoteric significance then whatever, whatever the reasoning so long as it isn't just dumb.

BruddaMSK · 2021-06-22T04:00:08+00:00

No. For me that's the stone age thing. I heard that in some countries it matters if the child and parent have different lastnames, not sure if I am not missing something here. Avoiding constant red tape induced headache is the only hypothetical reason I can think of.

Title	Should the woman take the man's surname when they marry
Author	iamwhoiam101101110
Upvotes	0
Comments	213
Date	June 21, 2021 7:44 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/o53nil/should_the_woman_take_the_mans_surname_when_they/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/should-the-woman-take-the-mans-surname-when-they.785870 https://theredarchive.com/post/785870

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