What do you like most about being divorced?

ScratchOk5975 · 2024-06-22T00:03:42+00:00

My new girlfriend.

Khancap123 · 2024-06-20T11:49:33+00:00

I'm in bed still drinking coffee and watching the news. I'm debating if I go back to bed for 30 min. O mote waking up in a combat type situation of having to get two kids who aren't mine up, dressed and ready for school and making their lunches and. breakfast, while also paying all the bills and mortgage.

blackness331 · 2024-06-21T17:08:22+00:00

Read the comments. It's all about I,I,I, and me,me, me. Basically, self-centerness and selfishness. Neither of which works in a marriage because marriage is all about compromise and putting the we before me. Seems like a lot of folks were not ready to get married or didn't understand what it was going to entail. Marriage is about two people becoming one; joined together with GOD being the glue and great equalizer. Face it, folks, we live in a very selfish world 🌎. Hence, why the divorce rate is so bloody high!!

Old_Mastodon7175 · 2024-06-21T04:42:23+00:00

I'm a never married, single M46. Life is stable and okay, but sometimes I feel like I'm missing out.

Lately it seems like so many of my friends/coworkers of the same age are getting divorced. I'm also privy to how my sister rules her (second) marriage. Her husband is just an accessory/assistant to her wishes it seems.

Makes me grateful that I'm not missing out on much

I'm glad most of you guys seem to be doing better after your divorce.

There's that old joke,

"Do you know why divorces are so expensive? BECAUSE THEY'RE WORTH IT!"

Decon_SaintJohn · 2024-06-20T22:05:01+00:00

I like being of my own agency, where I make the decisions and deal with the outcomes. No more being told what to do from someone who just wants to control and manipulate my life for their own self serving justification.

Heavy_Guitar_4848 · 2024-06-20T15:52:19+00:00

Took a nap after work yesterday with no judgement. Woke up and went food shopping for just myself. About the dating part I was just thinking how nice it is to date a girl that doesn’t live with you. Seeing each other every other day is a nice speed for me.

theduckbilledplatypi · 2024-06-20T05:41:43+00:00

It’s almost the same for me. I can play whatever video games I want for however long I want. I can watch and gamble on sports if I want to. The same with playing poker. I can go on vacations and do what I want to do which mostly involves eating good food, drinks, and relaxation. I don’t have to be surrounded by family and friends that I don’t enjoy the company of. All of it really boils down to the word of “freedom”.

I think sometimes it’s easy to get bogged down in the less great parts of divorce and not realize that there’s a silver lining sometimes. Thanks OP.

Sea-Satisfaction4656 · 2024-06-20T01:25:53+00:00

Peace. Happiness. Accountability. And being able to cook whatever the fuck I want.

No-Marsupial1823 · 2024-06-20T01:08:30+00:00

Nothing. I don’t like being divorced at all. I miss companionship. Having someone to have your back. Making memories. Someone to depend on. A friend. Someone to talk to. I don’t miss the bullshit. But the good parts of a marriage.

david10277 · 2024-06-20T01:01:57+00:00

Freedom to do what I want , with who I want, where ever I want.

Peace of mind

No one to answer to

No more mall runs

Dont have to check in with anyone

Dont have to explain myself to anyone

Dont have to make sure "shes ok"

No more dealing with her retarded family

No longer confused ....

xjeeperx · 2024-06-20T00:34:44+00:00

Not arguing about every stupid little thing. Dealing with things that happen as just things that happen, instead of something that I somehow caused lol.

Independent_Owlz · 2024-06-19T23:55:30+00:00

I’m no longer nagged by my ex.

Particular_Mix_4160 · 2024-06-19T23:23:20+00:00

It’s now that I like to go home! Anytime a spouse makes their partner not want to go home, there’s a problem. I could never go straight home. I would have to get snacks and a drink and stop at a park to compose myself before going home. I never went straight home. This was a conversation that I had with a few friends. There was one married man out of all of us that said that he goes straight home. Most husbands don’t and some wives know this and still don’t care. But now, I go straight home every night. I never need to stop anywhere and that is the greatest thing that I got from my divorce

stupididiot78 · 2024-06-19T23:02:05+00:00

All of my money only goes to stuff that I want. No trips to Target or The Goodwill. No regular trips to nice restaurants. No paying for her friends to do stuff. No shoes that will pretty much never get worn.

I like good electronics but could never afford the stuff that I wanted when she controlled the budget. She was always quite clear how we didn't need any of it. We didn't need the stuff she bought either but we had the money for that. Now that I'm divorced, my home theater system is even better than I ever wanted back then and I love every single bit of it.

xeskind30 · 2024-06-19T21:50:53+00:00

When I am not hanging out with my daughter, I have the free time to work out at the gym. I go on nature trails. I go to the movies and see the ones I want to see. I get to eat at the restaurants I want to and even get to eat the food I ordered! I get to go where I want, I can take a vacation and do nothing!!! I am planning a trip to go to the beach and just relax. I am saving money by not spending it on frivolous things that we don't need! I have food that is good and will make many meals that will stretch my dollar and help me eat healthier.

That's what I have, so far.

FaithlessnessNo281 · 2024-06-19T21:41:49+00:00

The best part has been since my son got out of school for summer. I work a 14-14 rotation, so on my days off we are taking a trip each time I’m home. Me and my son decide where we want to go and what we want to do, and go do it. This month we went to the beach and went fishing for snapper. In a couple weeks we are going on another trip for trout, striper and smallmouth. His mom likely would have made him not want to go by guilt tripping him if we were still together.

dadmacintosh · 2024-06-19T21:37:12+00:00

Barely speak with my stbx. Kids have suffered in silence, which sucks. Not talking to her has been great. I look forward to busting out this summer. Regrettably, kids’ standard of living will suffer as neither can afford the house.

Strict-Front-2375 · 2024-06-19T20:57:03+00:00

The free time, I guess? I prefer not having it if I could have my old life back, but I pretty much had zero time to myself while married. It was work, then chores, then spend time with wife, then sleep, then repeat.

ThatAlphaFoxtrotGuy · 2024-06-19T20:45:39+00:00

I like not being talked down to. I like having a say in how my time is spent when I’m off. I like not having to listen to her bitchy, gossiping, petty ass friends. I really like it that sex is not a chore anymore. I like not being constantly and consistently blown off.

fixingmedaybyday · 2024-06-19T19:57:56+00:00

I have friends now, like lots of friends. I’m still hurt and a bit bitter about the breakup and all, but my life is greatly improved socially. I even started my own small business.

But what I miss most are the family moments. Morning cuddles when the kiddo woke us up, vacations, dinner together, etc. Even though I have a lot more friends than ever, I feel quite lonely still.

fives_gw · 2024-06-19T18:45:48+00:00

It's pretty eye-opening to me just how many of the comments here exactly track my own experience of feeling like I was constantly navigating a minefield with my ex, and she was never satisfied/always disapporoving of what I was doing even though objectively I was doing an absolute fuckton right, and as well as or much better than anyone could reasonably be expected to.

Has anyone thought about where this impulse comes from in so many women in our society today?? It's clearly widespread -- as any beaten down sap of a controlled husband could tell you. But it's still so galling to me, when I think about how different it is from my own internal perspective, let alone how I'd ever have the audacity to treat anyone in the other direction, let alone a "partner". Like, where do these women get this brazen notion that it's their god given right to dictate every micro-step their supposed "partner" (in reality: conscripted underling) is "allowed" to make? What forces in our gendered social fabric create this pattern? It's just so galling to me that anyone would assume the right to (self righteously!) treat a supposedly co-equal "partner" as these women do. I'm genuinely curious to think more deeply about where this clear pattern of behavior comes from.

Thoughts?? Is it just profound selfishness/solipsism that's basically just genetically (or based on socially engrained roles) foreign to me as a man? The product of other social forces that have just accustomed some women to being on a pedestal and dictating terms as standard??

Obviously there's tolerating it in a simpish / Mr Nice Guy way that I formerly was and many guys are guilty of on their side, which I fully own as a mistake I made in the past that I'll never make again. But the tolerance of it by men is at most a piece of explaining where the impulse itself even comes from in the women that show it, IMO. Maybe just putting up with it is actually a significant part of what creates it, if (some? ... seemingly many...) women just tend to be as controlling as a man will accept?? I'm somewhat skeptical, based on my own experience, that pushing back would really have solved the fundamental problem, though. With my ex, it was like she really believed it was just her innate right to control the everliving fuck out of me and our shared life. And when I pushed back, the conflicts just escalated (ultimately to the point of divorce), like I was violating what she saw as the natural order of things: her entirely in control of me and our mutual life.

Obviously the out in that case would just be to bail on the relationship, which I should have done years before we were even married, if I had any proper insight at that time. But that doesn't suggest to me that her controlling behavior only occurred because I allowed it -- she (and so many women I've observed in relationships with other men) seemed to genuinely think it was her right to dictate how I was expected to live down the the smallest detail. Sort of mind-blowing to me, really, that anyone could genuinely believe what these women appear to. And to question it never even crosses their minds, it would seem!

Subtle-Catastrophe · 2024-06-19T18:40:45+00:00

Yes. The lifting of the yoke. The unlocking of the manacles and fetters. I don't answer to a petty tyrant, who has a property interest in my time and activities and whereabouts, anymore.

bg555 · 2024-06-19T17:40:45+00:00

When my ex gets on my nerves or starts acting unhinged, I can just walk away and not have to deal with it for awhile. It’s great!

HoneydewLeading7337 · 2024-06-19T17:19:11+00:00

What do you like most about being divorced

Not having money problems from dumb overspending and avoidable things. I'm still poor, but everything is accounted for, and I can go several days every week without spending a dime.

Not having to be at home while she's out on dates, or generally figuring out ways to have sex with strangers. Wondering if she's telling the truth about anything. Not having to pretend to be ok with polyamory when I hate it. Not having to pretend she loves me when says so, but does all these awful things.

Not having to deal with a perpetually stoned person who only emerges from the basement from time to time to eat and say weird stuff and then go back to her tarot and dating apps.

Not having to clean up after a 40-year-old teenager.

Not having to pretend any of this dysfunctional bullshit is normal.

I'm getting to the point where I think enough of this is behind me to maybe try dating. I do miss being around a woman all the damned time. But it's taken a couple of years to get over the mindfuck of living with her.

Least_Winter9632 · 2024-06-19T17:12:46+00:00

The peace. No more chaos, no more drama. And the financial freedom has been a huge game changer for me. My time with the kids is better than it was when I was married.

Own_Saucer1993 · 2024-06-19T16:44:33+00:00

I love waking up and not having the feeling of having to play the perfect game to get through a day. I remember just being in my own home and feeling like I’m trying to navigate a field of mines.

I do everything right even go above and beyond for it to all mean nothing because I loaded the dishwasher incorrectly or because I left my sweater on the couch. Minuscule mistakes that wouldn’t affect anything but to her it was a matter of war or peace under our roof.

That type of stress wore my soul down over the years. Now that I’m out of that environment I feel like I’m slowly coming back to life. I realize I’m not this terrible guy that she made me believe I was.

So being able to exist as I am is what I love most about being divorced.

Gattsama · 2024-06-19T16:34:05+00:00

It's the peace. The relationship was frequently filled with chaos and drama, neither of which were necessary. I remember coming home for work (7p-7a) and just hoping she was still asleep and didn't wake up, so I can just go to bed without having to 'deal with' her in the morning. The walking on eggshells.

Post divorce there has been ZERO drama in my life, even with a new g/f. I look forward to coming home, there's a small cat waiting for me. We we have snack and I go to bed. No kids, so also no contact. I am so much better emotionally and mentally than before.

I am paying a ton in spousal support (2 more years). But my overall expenses are way down, so I have more discretionary income now then during the marriage. I got a motorcycle again, bought a plane (dream for 20 years), see family more, and just have more _peace_!

Chris_Chilled · 2024-06-19T16:21:46+00:00

Folding towels how ever I damn well please…

west-rain-shadow · 2024-06-19T16:10:17+00:00

I’m not accused of “not doing my share of the emotional labor” and “not contributing to the household” when I fail to plan social gatherings I was indifferent about going to with friends that aren’t mine, when I select a paint color in under 30 minutes without changing my mind twice, etc

yourcarlosdanger · 2024-06-19T15:21:36+00:00

I love having the freedom to truly understand female nature. To give up the comforting lies and accept the cold truth. To not be stuck in false beliefs taught to us from birth by well meaning parents and a feminist dominated culture. Now that the scales have fallen from my eyes its very easy to understand and deal with women.

jimsmythee · 2024-06-19T15:19:16+00:00

It’s the low stress lifestyle.

There’s money in the bank. Kids are happy and 50% custody.

No being woken up at 3am while the exwife was having a psychotic break from too many pills.

No ER visits for more narcotics. No massive debt from her retail therapy. No court cases from her great give DUI crashes.

And now that we’ve been divorced? Her disasters never stopped. But they don’t affect me anymore.

Exactly65536 · 2024-06-19T15:16:58+00:00

I was looking forward to not having all the surfaces in the bathroom occupied by a thousand flasks, bottles, brushes, whatever they have. And while I enjoyed getting rid of women-clutter for a while, the thing that I ended up enjoying the most was being able to do things without informing anyone or making arrangement. Want to get drunk? Go ahead. Full day videogames? Fine. Swimming pool? Get dressed, go. Throw away the chair? Done. No communication, no approvals, no judgement, no "what about me".

Happy-Perception-823 · 2024-06-19T15:12:34+00:00

Living in an emotionally stable environment

rb5775 · 2024-06-19T15:05:23+00:00

I enjoy the fact that I am not constantly under the microscope. Every little thing you do is studied and criticized. If you dare to make similar comparisons about her you are being 'abusive'. I am SO happy being single.

koala_TM · 2024-06-19T14:45:48+00:00

The person I enjoy spending time with the most is me. I only came to this realization when I finally moved into my own place.

I used to carry a lot of guilt when I'd take a little bit of time to myself to enjoy my hobbies. It's so liberating for that guilt to go away.

I'm also finding parenting and enjoying my kids to be so much easier and satisfying. Less anxiety and stress.

To be fair, she'd probably say the same things. This probably all just serves as an example of why a traditional monogamous relationship is not the right fit for so many people.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2024-06-19T13:32:21+00:00

For me it is having my kids 50/50, having an amazing co-parent, having my freedom, but not being financially responsible whatsoever for my co-parent or having to be monogamous with my co-parent.

It is life's cheat code for a guy. All of the upside of a marriage with none of the downside. A smorgasbord of women on my days off without the kids, complete freedom to do whatever I want with whomever I want, all of the money I work for is 100% mine to invest or spend as I see fit. No having to check in when I want to buy a fun toy or go travel. Free childcare on my days off with a person who loves my kids as much as I do. Plenty of free time for my selfish hobbies.

And to top it all off when you do have your kids and you're out and about women worship you like you are some kind of unicorn. It's unreal.

What do I like least about being divorced? I just wish it happened 10 years sooner!

Title	What do you like most about being divorced?
Author	Zealousideal-Let1344
Upvotes	52
Comments	77
Date	June 19, 2024 4:36 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1djaoey/what_do_you_like_most_about_being_divorced/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-do-you-like-most-about-being-divorced.1522022 https://theredarchive.com/post/1522022

Comments