Are you doing better than your ex?

AltEgo25 · 2024-08-05T22:42:26+00:00

I'm not divorced but I know I'll always be doing better than my wife, just as I do now.

That's because regardless of the situation, I am always more optimistic and I can be doing well with not a cent to my name.

Doing well is a state of mind.

probebeta · 2024-08-05T00:09:04+00:00

After separating my commitment to priorities has changed. I work a lot harder, dont skip workouts, had plenty of dates, currently seeing someone 10 years younger so standards are definitely going up. In a way I think I needed this.. it's been a catalyst to self improvement.

It's no walk in the park unfortunately, time is very scarce, I dont remember when I watched TV. She probably has a much easier life, but I'm much happier with the new life I am creating. There are challenges, ups and downs, but generally its a life of abundance. I could care less how her life is, I just hope she doesn't become a huge obstacle for me (things like, don't take this and that vacation, lack of flexibility, kids keeps you close unfortunately)

Icerunner45 · 2024-08-04T23:00:27+00:00

I see this exact same situation happening with my current wife/future ex-wife. She ran off ~5 states away with the kids 8 days ago and is refusing to bring them home or let me see them. I get to facetime each day for a few minutes, but that's it. The court system is going to make her return them home, but it's a slow process and will take a few more weeks.

She was a miserable person 99% of the time we have been married. She thinks she's going to be happy with the advice of all these angry, divorced, man-hating women that want her to join their club. As soon as my wife started talking about "it doesn't matter what happened, what matters is how I feel about it. I know MY truth". Get out of here. It's the truth, not your truth or my truth. Anyway, she's going to get ran through by a bunch of guys over the next few years and just be a miserable person. She's going to start drinking again and jump back on depression meds while talking about how her ex was so abusive and she had to escape, that she's just battling the trauma and whatever other buzzwords these people use. I'm heartbroken and still love her, but she's turned into a cruel woman. What she has done and said has been absolutely vile and evil. I'm going to make the best man I can out of myself, be as successful as I can, be a wonderful father, and do the best I can to let the love I have for her be erased.

masterof-xe · 2024-08-04T21:04:35+00:00

I don't know. I do go over to her house every now and then for my daughter. I see how small her house is compared to mine. I really don't care. I see all the stuff she buys and keeps it to myself. I can really see the debt she's racking up, but that's her life not mine. I only care about my little girl and nothing else. If I don't have to be there I won't. Especially after she had her lover there for three weeks to "help" around the house. She made her bed and chose to have him in it. I'll focus on my daughter and myself first.

Ancient-Homework7557 · 2024-08-04T19:54:05+00:00

Can never know the truth when you were married to a congenital liar. She’s “fantastic” according to her. I couldn’t give a shit. She’s a bpd yo-yo. That house of cards will come down in a few days/weeks. Glad I won’t be there to witness it. I’ve seen enough.

notjuandeag · 2024-08-04T19:22:01+00:00

My soon to be ex has bpd and won’t accept or treat that diagnosis. I’m still grieving and processing our relationship concluding and prepping for the divorce but her life is and will continue to be a series of dumpster fires until she either finally commits suicide (she’s attempted several times throughout her life) or else (and I want it to be this) she gets treatment.

Right now she says she’s happier than she’s ever been in her life, but in the near future all the guilt and shame will catch up with her and she’s probably going to most likely tank all her new relationships and friendships. That’s how she was when I met her, and when we were together.

Trick-Bumblebee-3555 · 2024-08-04T17:29:42+00:00

My ex wife was (and is still) very controlling. She has a new partner and I don’t. Other than not seeing my children as much as I want, I’m very happy. Mainly for the same reasons the OP mentioned. But I also know her new partner has taken on a lot of her selfishness, entitlement and controlling behaviour. It’s nice to sit back and smile about that. Childish I know, but makes me happy.

deamonkai · 2024-08-04T17:15:24+00:00

Depends on the perspective. Money wise? No. She’s getting greater than half of my paycheck while she was siphoning money from my ex father-in-law until and after he passed. She has a full time job making nearly as much as I do. She’s living the dream to the point of taking my mother out in expensive dinners.

However, I’m happier because now because I don’t feel like a complete failure of a husband because I didn’t give her everything she wanted, when she wanted. I can say “no” now and not feel ashamed.

RacinRandy83x · 2024-08-04T16:48:37+00:00

It’s not healthy to compare yourself to how your ex is doing

Top-Pop-2624 · 2024-08-04T15:49:42+00:00

Actually I don't know how my ex is doing. She cheated on me after a long marriage and after the divorce moved in with her fellow adulter. I've heard over the last couple years that she didn't look very good. Like she's aged. She has alot of physical issues and pretty sure emotional ones too. I hate what she did but could never hate her. It does make me sad that she gave up so much. As for myself. I'm doing ok.

ABBucsfan · 2024-08-04T15:49:01+00:00

My ex blew the whole thing up but is privileged in the sense she doesn't actually know what being a single parent is like. Shes got rich family and doesn't have to worry much about finances and has a large fully paid house, while I still send lots of support payments and struggle in that regard trying to secure a place or my own. She went a few years without eveb looking for a job, and supposedly is working a little.bit for her boyfriends clinic now. I don't think very many hours. She has basically live in baby sitters with these exchange students she houses and managed to sucker in this doctor who I can only assume has low self esteem after his own divorce with this Ed that sounds like a piece of work as well.

So I have a lot more struggles in the sense of finances and lack of support. I do not plan to ever date again. But at same time I think she will always be one of those people who is never happy. I try to enjoy the little things. I enjoy time with ny kids and have a few really solid friendships. I'm a lot more laid back and generally content. Nothing is ever enough for her anf always tinkering and restless. She's never taken care of her health and I'm generally better off there even though it's more difficult when I only get a few days myself every few weeks with being a scouter and custody

MrCleanWI · 2024-08-04T15:17:32+00:00

I'm going to guess she's probably doing better than me, while we were separated she was out partying like she was 20 years old again so I'm sure that's still continuing. Me, I'm trying to get used to the single life and also trying to simplify my life. I'm doing okay, it's a big adjustment but I think she's doing better than me. Like I said, she had a bit of a head start during the separation. She's 45 acting like she's 25

Boomhower113 · 2024-08-04T15:02:03+00:00

Mine did everything she could to leave town with the kids during the divorce process. I fought that and won. She mostly did it because she doesn’t have any friends here. I don’t see that changing.

She’s embarrassed about the divorce and is just keeping to herself. She actually told me why she wanted to leave when I asked her. “Because everyone in town is going to think that I left you at your lowest point.” I had to actually laugh. “It could be that they think that because it’s true?”

I was between jobs and was preparing to file for bankruptcy. She wanted nothing to do with that.

I have a new, great job. I’m yet to file for bankruptcy, but it’ll happen. (Basically, my credit score just takes a hit. Not a huge deal.). I don’t see my kids as much as I’d like, but I’m still so much happier than I was living in that house with her.

So, OP, yes. I’m doing better than her miserable ass.

mr21vp · 2024-08-04T15:01:51+00:00

Nothing beats freedom and having control over your time, energy, and resources. This is definitely my default mode. Soon I'm heading on solo trips to Mexico for 4-5 weeks and then Japan for 2 months to experience Hokkaido in the fall.

Serious-Buffalo6776 · 2024-08-04T14:47:25+00:00

I’ll start by saying :

“Comparison is the thief of joy” -Theodore Roosevelt

That being said, with the scarce information that I have about the ex, I’m doing better.

Financials are a little sketchy. We have 50/50 but I do pay about $1k a month in child support (1 kid) because she doesn’t work. She thought she would get alimony, but I fought it pretty hard and won. I live in a nice apartment, got the newer car with payments, and while it’s a little tight, I still have money. Before the divorce, I was at a higher salary at a job where I worked 80 hours most weeks, but I scaled it down to work about 30 hours a week for work-life balance. I’m getting back to the grind now, though. On her side, she still doesn’t work, and lives in a house her father pays for. I have suspicions that eventually the $1k a month in CS is going to be difficult to live on, but so far she seems fine.

Emotionally - Before the divorce, when I was still fighting for my “family”, I went to therapy. I took it very seriously. I ended up sticking with it for 8 months, through to the finalization of divorce. I feel pretty good, and my therapist told me I didn’t really need him anymore. The ex, I think, got meds from a psychiatrist, but I don’t believe she did the work because she’s still super high conflict.

On the physical front, I’ve been lifting heavy stuff pretty much since we separated at the end of last year. The ex and I got together in high school and I slowly put on weight since then. Today, I’m writing to you at my high school weight but with significantly bigger muscles. It’s crazy. I don’t know what she looks like because I don’t use social media and I look at the ground when we do the kid swap. From my peripheral, she does look sad when she’s not actively telling me off. For context, she asked for the divorce during an affair she would not end, and I filed and did the legwork to finalize.

On the fatherhood side, my kid does prefer his time with me because I make it fun and educational. I get the feeling the ex just “moves through the motions”, like she did when we were married. Sure, he gets fed and bathed, but that’s it.

On dating - I wouldn’t know. I know nothing about her other than the affair and sudden male friends and attention at the end before I moved out. I told my son not to tell me about her, though I’m sure something will leak through eventually. I haven’t been dating. I never did before, and I still have a bad taste in my mouth. I’m putting my nose in the books, studying, working, lifting weights. If someone wants to join me eventually, they can, but I’m not going to look for it or change for anyone. I also don’t drink and follow a strict diet, so it’s kind of limiting where I can meet single women. It doesn’t bother me though. I haven’t really felt all that lonely.

Hope this helped!

MaxViewingAngle · 2024-08-04T14:30:00+00:00

I have no idea. I just do my own thing, I no longer care. Comparison is the thief of joy.

Haunting_Profession3 · 2024-08-04T14:17:59+00:00

It took me about 5 months post separation to really grasp my new reality, and see it for what it is. It felt like an overnight realization, but one day I woke up and the morning depression was gone. The thought of my ex was gone, and I finally saw what a gift I was given. From that moment on, everything changed for the better. I started carrying my self with confidence, and started presenting my self as a winner.

My life today is so beyond what I could have ever hoped it to be when the whole shit show started. As you said, I do what the fuck I want, when the fuck I want to. I have been dating for the past couple months, and it seems like every girl is a level up from the one before. I’m pulling women that I NEVER would have thought would give me the time of day. I haven’t been searching for a relationship, and I have accepted the mentality that if this one leads to nothing, it’s going to be A OK. I have one I met recently that shows a ton of potential, and might be the right one. If she’s not, it’ll be ok. That is not how my brain worked before, and I’m very grateful for it.

It’s become very apparent that my ex drained the life from me, and all it took was ridding of her and her toxic soul to become the man I’m supposed to be. I honestly have no idea how she’s doing, but she seems miserable from what I can tell. I don’t ask, and I don’t care. She dug her grave, she can lay in it for eternity. I’m living life how it’s meant to be lived, and whether she’s doing the same or not couldn’t mean less to me.

tinkerb3lll · 2024-08-04T13:45:37+00:00

I am doing great, single, broke up after a 4 year FWB type relationship, financially doing well, my job is going well. I miss my family unit but it is what it is. Can't say if she is doing well or not. Seems to struggle socially and hasn't healed or acknowledged her problems.

I am blessed and was handed a gift by my Ex, loving life, get's lonely sometimes, but I have a dog, my own house, eat whatever I want, buy whatever, have enough disposable cash. I live near my oldest daughter.

TLDR: Doing well, single, life is great. I am blessed with a good job and doing financially well. Upwards and onwards. Never plan to marry again or live with anyone.

Pro-IDGAF · 2024-08-04T13:44:24+00:00

i wouldn’t know because i dont ask my son whats up with her, i dont see her and dont talk to her. she was miserable during our marriage so i dont see that changing. no way is she going to attract a decent man, for reasons.

in the 4 years since we signed papers, we texted twice and one phone call about our son’s girl friend problem and a missing support check.

i did see her having lunch at a place i was going into with my new woman. i told her i saw the ex and ask where she wanted to sit. she chose the farthest point away.

i think next time we might stop by and say Hi, just to mix things up a bit.

life is good for me.

Bretweir_jerky · 2024-08-04T13:28:42+00:00

I’ve asked/mentioned this before here and I’m so thankful for these posts and replies. I am one who isn’t. I’ve been divorced years and gotten much better but the turbulence thrown into my life by an evil, cheating, backstabbing woman all while trying to protect my boys has taken quite a long to rebound from. Because she’s such a sociopath she’s doing great. Tons of money, vacations constantly, never follows custody agreement just would leave kids with me when it’s time for another new guy off tinder who wants to stay in my old house. Of course she’s on antidepressants and put on weight. She’s def it looks way older and is still as fake and manipulative as ever. But she has money, treats the kids as props for her true love, social media/validation. She’s been ran through by dozens of men which is actually her favorite part, no shame. So it’s mixed. And no, it’s not a competition. And if therapy “works” for you congrats. My experience is it’s all bs and I work in a parallel field.

Historical-Basis-196 · 2024-08-04T13:18:43+00:00

I'm three months in, so it's a bit too early to tell, but right now it seems my ex will have an easier ramp. It's probably a common theme when the divorce is initiated by the wife. They've had at least a few months, maybe even years, to ponder this and figure out their next steps while most men are blindsided by the news. I don't wish her ill, but do wish her to have regrets. They say success is the best form of revenge..

Dizzy-Ad512 · 2024-08-04T13:18:40+00:00

That’s true. I get along better with my ex now before the divorce. She fakes her happiness seems to me after divorce.

I am doing okay . Still have resentment against her . Happiness wise it a better place now .

No-Marsupial1823 · 2024-08-04T12:36:37+00:00

I think my exwife is living her best life with lots of friends and family support. She seems to be doing well financially, mentally and physically. Me on the other hand I’m depressed and trying to bounce back from the financial strain this has left on me. Really sucks.

WorkingItOutSomeday · 2024-08-04T11:55:18+00:00

Mine puts on a front. Publicly she makes it seem like she's doing awesome. Our daughter tells me a different story. Despite me paying support (we have 50/50) she is struggling financially probably because of her drinking. She yells at the kids constantly and they don't like engaging with her. They have no life other than some occasional family events.

Our daughter has stopped telling her what we do when she's home.

At the end of the day though it's not a competition, it's about raising a well adjusted and confident young woman.

However......I'm still human and can be petty and can't help but smirk.

ooomn57 · 2024-08-04T11:08:26+00:00

I know nothing about her. But from what I know about her personality, she must be regretting her decision to get a divorce when she feels lonely and misses everything good about me. Then, she will desperately try to convince herself each time that she did the right thing.

Am I doing better than her?

I didn't want the divorce at that time, however I fully realize now that I really needed this divorce, so I am much better.

xeskind30 · 2024-08-04T11:05:30+00:00

In my case, with conversations with my daughter, I found out that me ex wife had dated/slept with two different men that she had mentioned were "friends" when we were married. Soon after that, she dated and is now engaged to the second guy. As far as I can tell, she is happy, and that alleviates any future responsibilities from me to her.

As for me, your description is very similar to mine. When I don't have my daughter with me, I can go anywhere, do anything, eat anywhere, eat what I want, and not have to share. Unfortunately, there isn't anyone in my life, but I may try in the future. Otherwise, I feel ten times better that I am divorced and will work on myself.

Party_Crab_8877 · 2024-08-04T10:48:42+00:00

How old was your son when you got divorced if you don’t mind me asking? Do you guys have any more kids? How does custody look like? What are the arrangements?

Rollercoaster72 · 2024-08-04T09:45:00+00:00

My neighbour told me that when ever she sees my ex in the streets it doesn't take long before she starts crying in the middle of the streets after asking how she is coping with the divorce.

I once saw her on the streets, while she didn't while I drove by, looking really really bad/sad.

Last week she had my son and daughter for the first time in a year for a week to go on a short holiday. I realized I have had both my kids 26 times for a week since a year (and my son 51 weeks) where she had them both only once. Now my son doesn't want to see her for "a while" he says. I want their relationship to work but it doesn't seem to work that good. I would have been devistaded if that would happen to me...

So I guess I am doing great, I have a new girlfriend who is a lot of fun and can communicate. Didn't introduce her to my kids officially yet, but both saw her shortly by coincident and they were both positive.

I can deal finacially with all the costs of our former apartment alone and still have some money left.

I don't know if I really do better than the ex, but who cares I am getting more happy everyday and that's all what counts...

HereToLook12345 · 2024-08-04T07:04:07+00:00

These types of posts kinda trouble me. I guess it’s because for me, I’m doing far worse in every aspect. And if one only looks at that as the guide to who is the better person or who was at fault I think that leaves out so much context. In my situation, I spiraled because divorce literally took a bomb to my life and blew it up. And now I’m left to pick up all the pieces. I was tricked (I guess ultimately my fault) that my wife was just unhappy, I didn’t meet her needs, and that she didn’t want to be married anymore. She concealed a previous affair, and concealed a new relationship she started that I knew nothing of. I didn’t get a lawyer bc I didn’t know these things and I also let her convince me that it was all my fault but that things would be fair. Little did I know she would never go by the papers with things like visitation. Little did I know she would turn the kids against me. Alienate me. Little did I know that as soon as I was out of the home and let her stay and reside in for a certain amount of time (for norlmacy for the kids) that she would immediately move her bf in and replace me in the very home I raised my kids in and was paying for. Little did I know when I took her back to court to change things and make things more fair that she would lie in court and be believed. Little did I know she would get pregnant, married, drove brand new vehicles, go on vacations, bring her new baby honey to that very house and still be in it to this day despite court orders to sell or refinance all while her and her new husband use it for free housing while they build a new home. I feel deceived, tricked, used, discarded, replaced while she gets away with all of it. So no, on the outside looking in, she’s doing much better. But if you pull back the curtain, which no one seems to do, and look at what and how, and who she’s done wrong to achieve all that then you would see things aren’t always what they seem. Sometime the one doing the best is doing the best bc they screwed someone else over in unimaginable ways. And the other one who is doing much worse is just trying to survive the trauma and shock and effects of it all. Just giving my perspective.

JustSomeDude7287 · 2024-08-04T05:07:41+00:00

I’m hoping to get to where you are sooner than later. 7 months in the divorce without the ending in sight. Thanks for sharing to give a perspective I know I need to hear.

Left-Signature-5250 · 2024-08-04T04:20:25+00:00

18 months after the divorce, she is still living her "best life." She stole the children (5m and 7f) away and lives with them at her affair partners' place two hours away. The guy has a kid (12m) of his own, and the five live in a 90m² apartment. She left a house in the suburbs with 270m² and a 600m² backyard. For now, she seems blissful every time I have the displeasure to interact (when I get the kids for a WE every other week). I still was able to keep the house. I would say emotionally. I am doing much worse. Financially, it is rough because I had to pay a large sum, and the CS is also considerable each month for many, many more years. But living on my own with a girlfriend who actually loves me, and will never be able to use and abuse me (since I will NEVER marry again) in a mansion is a pretty nice life. If only it would not preoccupy me mentally, almost ever waking moment, that would be nice. Starting psychotherapy next month.

mcw33 · 2024-08-04T04:16:05+00:00

Her - Unemployed, Doesn’t date anymore kept dating guys who cheated on her (ironically as she cheated sevral times on me lol), Lost all her friends, Kids are every other week so every 2nd week it’s entire week of nothing, On higher dose of antidepressants, Put on a noticeable amount of weight (10+kgs)

Me - Lost almost 30kg, Dating off and on but very happy single, Way more cash than ever, Doing a ton of exams for future career setup (work in IT so Azure, done 4 so far this year another 2 this month and maybe one more to finish off the year.), Never been so stable and happy ever!, Do heaps of shit with the kids and we get along better than ever

TLDR; I’m doing better than ever, she continues to sink like the dead weight she is

AccomplishedEar2424 · 2025-03-23T18:38:57+00:00

Having the time of your life but still thinking about the ex 🤣✋ ok son

Title	Are you doing better than your ex?
Author	Zealousideal-Let1344
Upvotes	46
Comments	63
Date	August 4, 2024 3:42 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ejlz98/are_you_doing_better_than_your_ex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/are-you-doing-better-than-your-ex.1526267 https://theredarchive.com/post/1526267

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