Anyone else have this view on having children?

GIfuckingJane · 2020-12-22T21:23:22+00:00

I'm so traumatized by my past relationships that I can't imagine trusting a man enough to have his kids. My ex went from fully in love with me one day to "hey, Im moving away bye bye" and never talking to me again. It shook me so hard and now I don't believe men can love past 6 months lol.

GrapeJuiceEnthusiast · 2020-12-22T21:21:23+00:00

I'm childfree as I simply have no maternal desire. I would be happier without children. But even if all of a sudden I felt like I really needed to have kids I still wouldn't. I'd be so scared if I ended up having a daughter. It's such a dark world and with how depraved males are becoming due to factors like porn I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I had a daughter and something bad happened to her. I also wouldn't be able to live with myself if I had a son and he assaulted a girl. Of course I'd do my best to raise him to be a good man but as soon as he gets to school where boys bond by sharing porn and spreading revenge porn of their female classmates all of that hard work would be undone. It would be better to adopt a child that has been abandoned and try to make her life as good as possible.

Wildestrose1988 · 2020-12-22T21:54:38+00:00

Sad reality is most men don't deserve for us to give them children. They don't respect our sacrifice at all and too many people are narcissists and just treat their children like property. A guy might be amazing now and then he gets hit on the head and turns into a monster. Again I really thought I was going to have a family at some point. But I'm not going to be mad if I don't because I know I have good reasons. so glad I didn't have kids with any of my exes. Would have been a never-ending nightmare

Dorkamus_Rex · 2020-12-22T21:38:20+00:00

As a child who was adopted, please consider it. These children are destined for failure if they stay a part of the system. You can raise them up and teach them things that I wish were taught to me at that age. Instead, I had pickmeisha syndrome and settled down with a LVM. When I found FDS, it was like a lightning rod in my brain that explained so much about my dissatisfaction with life.

Luckily I never had children with my LVM, but if I do decide I want to help raise humanity to treat women better, I will adopt.

wonkyeyes8877 · 2020-12-22T23:46:06+00:00

The idea of going through physical hell to bring another human being into this earth makes no sense to me. There are enough humans. There is too much suffering on this planet. Why add to it?

I just don't relate to people who are hellbent on having kids. What women go through to have them is insane.

ichbinkeinmann · 2020-12-22T21:23:13+00:00

Yas, with you 100%.

Plus added bonus: if i adopt, i dont have to push a melon sized head through my V which has smaller diameter than empty toilet roll.

Not the best comparison, but hey.

to_learn_to_fly · 2020-12-22T21:42:54+00:00

Yup, same here. I really like children and this is probably one of the reasons I would be too worried to put some of my own on this planet.

Also, as I was abused and neglected as a child, I really feel the need to help other children in this position and maybe make their childhoods a little less miserable than mine.

thinktwiceorelse · 2020-12-22T21:55:41+00:00

Yes. Actually, I have this idea that if I had decent savings, I would adopt or at least become a foster parent. I feel so sorry for kids. They're pure souls and our hope for a better future.

DrildoBagurren · 2020-12-22T22:30:37+00:00

I have kids and I thoroughly agree. This is how young me envisioned my future and what I'd recommend to any one else. It makes me uneasy when a child free woman starts gushing about how much she wants kids. It's not that I judge her, but I'm not sure that her opinion is entirely her own. More than likely, it's a result of the massive propaganda machine working to subtly or obviously influence women's perception of the whole thing. Kids should be carefully considered and not automatically a top-priority especially when, as you say, this world isn't a great place and already there are so many children who have no one to care for them so having biological children isn't exactly necessary. There are ways to pass on your legacy and knowledge and to be an inspiration to the next generation without having to have kids of your own.

frogchickenhorse · 2020-12-22T22:27:58+00:00

I don’t have the mum gene and also have a disability that I don’t want to pass on. My sister was still at home when she had my niece. I was 11, so I saw the reality of having a baby and all the relationship breakups, court cases, fights, etc. I was 14 when she moved out. Fast forward to my niece at 15 - my sister chose her ex bf who she had been sleeping with over her daughter. Mum and I raised her 15-19, managed to get her thru year 12. Last year she was diagnosed with ADHD and also learnt that she has been using a variety of drugs since 15. I don’t want children of my own. My niece is now 29

Littledeltoid · 2020-12-22T22:45:03+00:00

I totally agree. I'm a fencesitter but finding it difficult to ignore how terrible the world is and how that could impact my hypothetical child's future, and there's a part of me that knows it would be better to abstain. Sadly I find that holding such views can be pretty isolating. Since I'm in my 30s, haven't got that much longer to decide. People are asking questions, friends around me (with children) are asking about my views on children and I can hardly talk about how unethical it is in front of someone who's just had kids. It feels lonely. Would definitely consider adopting.

azureangel35 · 2020-12-22T21:58:43+00:00

I decided early never to have kids for myriad reasons. So many older children need foster families and adopters. Most of my friends are involved in some way in adoption. I love being "the cool aunt" and it suits me perfectly.

faux_naturale · 2020-12-23T00:31:41+00:00

I always say this planet isn’t good enough for my kids. (Which is why I don’t have any!)

circescircus · 2020-12-22T23:27:27+00:00

I think having children is selfish, more often than not. People want kids just because, to check off an item on their bucket list, because they feel pressured to or because they want someone to love (women). Men have kids because they want to pass on their genes, but that doesn't mean they have any interest in actually raising the child, or doing the hard parts of parenting.

Having your own biological child doesn't help the world, at all. I don't understand how people think having their own kid is a selfless act, it's quite narcissistic in fact. Adoption is pretty complicated and not as easy as people think. Unless you're a child psychologist with a lot of free time and money, you have a space and environment that is safe for kids who probably have special needs and or trauma. There are not healthy babies ready for adoption, buying/selling babies is a global business (adoption). The kids are older and have a lot of issues. Most people are not qualified to raise a child with serious issues. I am not against adoption, but I've witnessed a few people try to adopt foster kids-- it turned out to be a sad situation for both the child and the 'parents'-- they gave the kids back to the foster agency when they realized they bit off more than they could chew. People severely overestimate their parenting skills, they underestimate how hard parenting is, they overestimate how much time, money, energy and compassion they truly have.

I think people are obsessed with kids, like kids are trophy items, not people who will live their own lives and make their own way in the world. The way kids are raised now (to be totally feeble and stupid) enrages me. So many millennial parents in particular, raise their kids like their child is a luxury pet/emotional support animal.

My attitude is, people should only have kids if they genuinely believe they have something to offer to a child. This includes financial stability (you don't need to be rich, but come on, have some fucking money) and being in a healthy place in life, having a lot of love to give to a child.

But yeah, the typical people who have kids are pickmes and scrotes, and they create new generations of pickme/scrotes. If more educated, intelligent, empathetic people had kids, I'd be more pro-natalist. But a lot of the parenting examples I see range from mediocre to appalling.

I think kids are more often than not, a bad deal for women. You're basically expected to be the entire village for that kid, to sacrifice yourself. Men are held to no standards, they can abandon the child easily, either physically/financially or they will just mentally check out and just do the motions, if they even do that. Extended families and grandparents vary in their attitudes about kids, some are very willing to help, others are like "I just want to spoil the kid, I don't want to be responsible for it". A lot of women get fucked over by every single person they know, after they have a kid. People show their true colors. Only have kids if you're willing to take the risk to your body/mind, if you're willing to risk potentially having a disabled child, if you have your own money, a support system etc.

2020-12-22T21:55:46+00:00

I have this view 100%.

BabyBlankieieieieie · 2020-12-22T22:53:52+00:00

a m e n

Fran2795 · 2020-12-22T21:57:56+00:00

Yes, I think like that too. I've come to the conclusion that if I ever have children, I'd rather adopt, specially because the foster system in my country is hell for the kids. If I could spare at least one of them living through that, I would.

wibble69 · 2020-12-22T21:14:10+00:00

Yes I've had these exact thoughts! You are not alone. With our global population approaching 8bn as well, I've thought that it might be better to adopt if I ever want children. I'd rather help improve the life of an existing person than create a new life in an already overpopulated and difficult world.

DayAfterManana · 2020-12-22T22:35:39+00:00

I 100% get this. I feel like having kids in this day and age is a bit selfish and unethical, if I’m completely honest.

MissVvvvv · 2020-12-23T00:39:01+00:00

Same. Verbatim.

annereadesbooks · 2020-12-23T00:43:03+00:00

Yes I do, and it is a very honorable thing to do. if I was independently wealthy I would be adopting and fostering tons of kids like Jane Fonda or Angelina Jolie. not that you should actually do it for this reason but foster parents are actually paid money whereas adopting a child can be literally tens of thousands of dollars.

2020-12-22T21:09:47+00:00

I’m with you in some ways. I have a genetic disorder that gets more severe as I pass it on and I have a 50% chance of passing it on regardless of who I mate with. The only responsible thing to do is to have IVF. That said, I think it’s irresponsible for me to spend all this money and time to have offspring that is mine when there are so many kids and babies who are suffering and need homes. I’ve always been drawn to adopting - ever since I did Mission Trips to orphanages in college. But even then I’m not sure if I want to take on the responsibility of raising a child in my 30s.

Career wise I want to dedicate myself to making the world a better place for kids. I used to work for a toy company and then a kids’ app. I’ve taken a different role at the moment but long term my dream job would be working on a show like Sesame Street or Mister Rogers that teaches kids positive self esteem, friendship, and other good values.

janatztxcxxx · 2020-12-22T21:18:02+00:00

Honestly I want to have kids only if the guy is rich and can provide financial matters such as nanny and after care after I give birth. I really don’t understand why people have kids when they’re financially struggling already. Also I avoid men who have been from abusive household like a plague.

Charming_Mix7930 · 2020-12-23T00:25:28+00:00

I always planned to adopt, but I don't know if I have the skills to take proper care of a child that has already gone through such a traumatizing experience.

maracat1989 · 2020-12-22T23:06:56+00:00

Theres alot of people who share your views! Check out r/childfree there's over a million members.

2020-12-23T02:28:10+00:00

[deleted]

SakuraGirl88 · 2020-12-22T22:10:05+00:00

I've felt like this for a long time. The idea of having children of my own has never appealed to me. I always felt like something was wrong with me for not wanting to have kids . But I'm definitely not going to be a single mother, a SAHM, and I refuse to let a man Marge Simpson me. I would always say I'd wait until the right man comes along, but I'll be dead by the time that happens 🤣, unless the universe manifests him for me. And I've got other things that I want to accomplish. But later on in life I would be open to adopting, even if it means just one child.

Splatzy19 · 2020-12-22T21:20:17+00:00

I'm open to this possibility in the future, if I am successful and own my own home, money in the bank etc. If I have children in the future I'm only going to have one so if I think I have room in my life for more I'd be happy to adopt. I am a teacher and I love working with kids but I like being able to give them back and love on my cat and dogs at home. I'm more than happy to just do this myself as well and not rely on a husband to provide those things.

chinchaslyth · 2020-12-23T00:46:00+00:00

Yep. I’ve been saying I want to adopt for a decade. Being pregnant sounds terrible. Maybe if men got pregnant I’d adopt one and have one of my own.

Mella_20 · 2020-12-23T03:48:33+00:00

I do. I dont see a point in bringing a child into this world. It's not a great place to be, and I feel like people just do it cause other people are doing it, not necessarily because they want to raise a child.

I think adoption is a better option. I'm childfree, but if I werent, I still wouldnt have a biological child.

AotearoaCanuck · 2020-12-23T02:21:46+00:00

Great post! I am strongly child free for several reasons. Largely because having kids is one of the worst things you can do for the environment.

For years I thought I wanted to carry a child for somebody/people who can’t have their own because I have this perfectly good uterus that’s not being used. I recently found out though that in Canada, one cannot be a surrogate unless one has already has their own children.

Check out r/childfree for more inspiration.

Vmwvi · 2020-12-23T03:01:51+00:00

I probably won't have them, ever. If I "had" (loose definition of had here, but bear with me) a child (no way am I ever having more), it would probably be in a "sorority" type of group, with female only friends who want children living together in a household and co-parenting, and even then, I wouldn't want to be the one getting pregnant. The method would be some form of IVF using two X chromosomes.

FireflySky86 · 2020-12-23T04:08:29+00:00

I've known from a very young age that I had no desire to have children. I felt like if I did decide to have a child in my life, I would prefer to adopt. As I got older, I just accepted that that I had no biological clock and I'm satisfied with doing my own thing.

Funny thing is, I did put a lot of thought into what values I felt were important to pass on, possible names, and under wear circumstances that I would consider a child (committed partner, financial security, etc.) I really don't take having children lightly and it.. irks me when people seem to treat it like an afterthought or just something that happens sometimes. I 100% believe that if you have kids, they are your first priority above all else. I just happen to want to prioritize myself more.

I think I'd be a good mom if I had wanted to be one, and I'm probably doing a disservice to society or something for not trying to make it better through future generations. Idk what I'll do when I'm old and senile but, oh well.

level_up_always · 2020-12-23T04:31:48+00:00

somewhat related, i want to encourage women not to have children with losers to begin with.

GretaTheBeeotch · 2020-12-23T04:52:55+00:00

My best friend told me this weekend she doesn’t want children (she recently got engaged.)

I’m proud of her.

2020-12-22T22:41:05+00:00

Definitely, when my doctor told me that I might have PCOS. I felt elated. Free birth control. Yes there's the chance for 'miracles' but I didn't experience the despondency that so many other women expressed because it was harder for them to get pregnant, even women younger than me. I would rather adopt, especially since it's something I can do on my own at any point in my life. I don't have to worry about the increased complications that results from childbirth, especially for older women. I don't have to worry about the 'fertile years'. I do have my reservations about adoption but I'd rather adopt than go through childbirth so yah.

sardonic_flare · 2020-12-23T05:18:18+00:00

Absolutely! Check out r/antinatalism

IthinkItsLipGloss · 2020-12-23T08:29:33+00:00

There is a massive shortage of foster parents around the world. If becoming a foster parent is something you think you can do, please go to an information evening.

cantstopthemachine77 · 2020-12-23T08:43:21+00:00

Yup, that’s totally how I feel. I have no interest in birthing my own children and even the thought of giving birth or people talking about it in detail makes me extremely anxious. But I really love kids, with an obvious preference for girls but even little boys can be really sweet before they become preteens. It’s my goal to be a foster mom when I get my life and finances totally in order.

ciciplum · 2020-12-23T13:15:36+00:00

Almost word for word!

Kimpractical · 2020-12-23T16:00:48+00:00

I’ve constantly had guys trying to sleep with me from a young age. I would be so scared for my daughter if I had one. I think I could help guide her to make the right decisions. But that can only help so much when all the men on this planet are addicted to porn and would be looking at her as a piece of meat they want to devour. I’ve always wanted children but some of the experiences I’ve been through make me question doing that

plummyjellyfish · 2020-12-24T11:47:44+00:00

I'm childfree for a number of reasons. Similar to you I have a low opinion of the world, or in my case, humanity in general. I truly believe the human species is fundamentally flawed such that a peaceful world isn't possible. But the physical toll of pregnancy, the incredible costs of child-rearing, the obvious inequity of reproductive and domestic labour between men and women...It's just so unappealing. I feel very lucky that I don't have any inclination to reproduce because the way I see it, it's such a rough deal that the only reason the average woman would have a child is because of biological urges. If they didn't have that urge and just stuck to the facts I imagine 99% of women wouldn't bother.

speechnerdlife · 2020-12-23T13:57:20+00:00

100%. I’m a speech therapist at an elementary school and the number of kids I work with that have tough home lives is astounding. It feels good to be a constant in their life that listens to them. Typically at home they don’t have anyone to listen to them on top of their communication disorder.

It makes me really nervous about having my own kids. I love the little boogers, but I don’t think I could handle having my own. That’s not even including the fact that I have so many goals I want to do career wise that would be hindered by having kids(currently applying for PhD programs to reach my next goal). I don’t trust most men to have my back like that. It would have to be a really great guy whose willing to actually be a parent in order for me to consider having kids

EmpressOfMyLife · 2020-12-23T00:25:38+00:00

Not really.

I'm a mother to two sons. With the advent of modern medicine, I didn't have to worry much about childbirth. Plus, my sons are raised with my values, not a LVM's values.

chalkmaster57 · 2020-12-23T05:10:40+00:00

I have these same exact thoughts... I love kids but the world just seems to comolicated to bring them into

Title	Anyone else have this view on having children?
Author	TheTower_14
Upvotes	345
Comments	68
Date	December 22, 2020 9:04 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/kie2ma/anyone_else_have_this_view_on_having_children/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/anyone-else-have-this-view-on-having-children.730601 https://theredarchive.com/post/730601

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