Apparently I am too hash. Does that even make sense?

Kristeninmyskin · 2020-06-21T21:32:12+00:00

6:15 I’m running a bit late No shit

If I free up

If you free up?! And what’s all this IF shit?

degnan1214 · 2020-06-21T20:59:02+00:00

So let me get this straight: You text him HOURS in advance to confirm and he ignores that.

I would already be thinking, "I'm not meeting this guy today, and perhaps never."

Then he FINALLY texts FIFTEEN MINUTES afterward, and makes some vague "before sunset" time?

OH HELL NO.

He should have been texting you before 6 pm. He should have responded to your text at 2:30, but he definitely should have texted before 6 pm. That right there shows that he doesn't care.

And then he's vague about when to meet you and just wants you to sit around waiting?

Forget this guy. The LAST thing you were was "too harsh."

ManchurianCantaloupe · 2020-06-21T20:50:19+00:00

Not too harsh at all. Not harsh enough, IMO. I would have just blocked his ass with zero explanation.

As you said, he's a grown man. If he hasn't figured out basic human decency being by now, he never will.

Pasdepromesses · 2020-06-21T20:51:50+00:00

Not too harsh at all. This was really disrespectful. Friends don’t even treat each other like that, let alone someone who’s trying to date you.

ldonnawho · 2020-06-21T21:57:14+00:00

When people do that, I almost always assume they hungout with someone else and I am the backup. Not too harsh and a bit worrying that your friends are encouraging you to give the benefit of the doubt to a random guy

plembb · 2020-06-21T21:09:00+00:00

Maybe I’m extreme here, but I don’t even text a guy to confirm. I wait to let him do that, and if he doesn’t confirm with me on that day by a certain time, I just go ahead and make other plans.

You definitely were not too harsh.

missliberia · 2020-06-21T22:26:08+00:00

Your friends are being obtuse. I would stop discussing my dating with them. The very least a bottom feeder can do is confirm plans. He didn't do that. And this whole running late shit is stupid to. Does anyone value time anymore? Good riddance!!!

crazycraftylady · 2020-06-22T01:08:11+00:00

I dare you to text him at 11 pm “you up?” or insinuate sex then wait and see how quickly he responds, only to ghost

coolestgirlyoueverme · 2020-06-22T01:58:29+00:00

You did the right thing.

I made a comment about this a while ago but I'll say it again because it applies here too.

I NEVER meet a guy if he does not confirm the details on the day of or doesn't reply to my text about date details.

And here is why: he could be trying to play you with a BS pick-up artist tactic. I have this former friend who I suspect is MGTOW/redpill (I saw some manosphere videos when I glanced at his laptop). I overheard him talking to some other friends how he goes silent for days after making plans with a girl. He won't respond to her at all and just shows up at the date location. He says if the girl doesn't show up it means she isn't into him enough. He's obviously looking for a pickme that he can control and manipulate. Do NOT fall for this BS power play tactic. Don't feel bad, you did great.

minoandmiko · 2020-06-21T21:54:50+00:00

You’re not harsh at all. He clearly doesn’t respect your time. I wouldn’t give him a second chance. The first date should be their opportunity to put their maximum effort, and he clearly didn’t put any effort at all to text you before 6pm. Block him and find someone much better who values your time.

DejaBlue_Chump · 2020-06-22T00:00:10+00:00

Not too harsh at all. In fact, I think the fact you responded to his last text message instead of ghosting him was overly nice. I no longer try to explain anything to men who are rude. The fuckers know they are being rude; I simply respond to their excuses with something like "no problem" or "no worries", and then I just delete and block them.

redfarmmmmm · 2020-06-21T22:02:32+00:00

No, if you had given him another chance, he’ll take you for granted.

witchy2628 · 2020-06-22T00:11:33+00:00

Not harsh at all! Last week a man was an HOUR late to our date, so I dipped, bought myself roses and made myself a fancy dinner. Can't be waiting around for men all day! You did the right thing.

kaoutanu · 2020-06-22T01:52:19+00:00

If your friends think that meeting a complete stranger in a park as it's getting dark is a great idea, they're going to love OLD.

Also, I'd be taking a "harsh" look at those friends. They don't seem at all concerned about your safety.

IDontExist4u · 2020-06-22T02:29:31+00:00

Nah, man. If a dude doesn't touch base the day of, especially when you are trying to confirm, I absolutely ghost. What do your friends expect? To have shown up at the place, wait 15 minutes, and then just hang around for several hours bc he has more pressing matters than you?!

This is the first date/meetup. He should be putting his best foot forward. If this is his best foot, girrrrrrl you don't want to see the shit he pulls after dating 3 months. If someone flakes the day of, blocked. Unless you're in a hospital, you have GOT to put in some effort to make a good first impression. Otherwise, boy bye ✌

warinmymind94 · 2020-06-22T03:09:35+00:00

I wrote a post about wAlK DaTeS warning fds about these type of "dates" and here we are again more proof. Sis next time do not even accept a walk around as a date its low energy and cheap. I'm sorry this happened to you and you did good by telling him you will not reschedule. Now delete and block his lazy butt. But remember the handbook saying about real planned dinner dates and checkout my post about walk dates. I am not at all surprised he was "late" aka forgot or had better things to do and it didnt happen.

MajinBiitch · 2020-06-22T01:34:13+00:00

Your friends are encouraging pickme behavior

yuyumiestro · 2020-06-22T02:51:54+00:00

“If I free up” has me shook to the core. Shoooook! Definitely trust yourself on this one, you made a wise decision! 👏🏼

HornetKick · 2020-06-22T03:05:00+00:00

In any case, I’m so over this cuddling shit women do. I’m learning to cut men off at the first sign of fuckery. This is clearly classic fuck boy behaviour and I don’t understand why I have to be nice.

Fucking A!!

RadarFemef · 2020-06-21T23:59:44+00:00

There is nothing harsh about what you did or said, at all

thedevinefemme · 2020-06-22T01:10:28+00:00

Absolutely that isn’t harsh. He ignored the text you sent hours earlier. Nope. The only way I’d even consider giving him a second chance is if he sent me flowers and a Whole Foods gift card or something. Ladies ! This is another good reason why we don’t accept low effort dates. Dinner dates or something that requires planning only!

royaldetour · 2020-06-21T23:53:02+00:00

Not harsh enough. The message you sent without the I'm sorry would be polite af. He deserved to be left on read with no response at all.

moon-drag0n · 2020-06-22T02:37:19+00:00

Seems to me you didn't vibe with him from the get go. There is no need to justify your behaviour.
Don't waste your time dating meh guys, you are worth more than that.

Chancedizzle · 2020-06-21T23:23:55+00:00

Not Harsh being punctual is a thing unless they alert you about change before hand like way before.

munissa · 2020-06-22T00:50:53+00:00

WOW! Not harsh at all, good job! You reached out to confirm and he does not reply until 15 mins after the plan. Efff that!

saffron25 · 2020-06-21T21:56:04+00:00

You handled this one perfectly. Your friends are in the wrong. I don't think you were harsh at all, just direct! Are your friends usually assholes, or is this a one-time blip?

Genometric · 2020-06-22T01:12:34+00:00

Not harsh at ALL. The fact that he didn't answer your first confirmation message says it all. He could have answered then to reschedule if needed but he purposely chose not to? Your friends are buggin lol.

CassieGreen85 · 2020-06-22T00:55:08+00:00

He is essentially suggesting I meet him late at night for sex.

Preeeeeetty much it boils down to this. He was looking for a woman with low self-esteem to use for free sex.

Harsh my ass, it's been a long time coming that men stopped being so fucking coddled by us women.

SailorVampire · 2020-06-22T02:55:03+00:00

Absolutely not. He was in the wrong in being inconsiderate of your time. You aren’t a puppet who has no life who can jump to whenever its convenient for him. And especially on a first time meetup....I wouldn’t reschedule. The only response to that is that you are no longer interested in continuing

no_therworldly · 2020-06-22T08:01:03+00:00

Hah, besides not confirming, when they text AFTER the meeting time to let you know they'll be late - block and delete

2020-06-22T12:19:44+00:00

Friends have some pickme behaviour in them

2020-06-22T01:32:30+00:00

Not too harsh..too smart :) good girl

nonchalantasian · 2020-06-22T01:47:18+00:00

The mashed potatoes reference had me dying. This post gave me life.

DoeEyedBrownSkin · 2020-06-22T07:34:25+00:00

You did the right thing, your friends seem like they’ll accept any behavior just to have any man.

I hope you deleted his details. Next!

Pretend-Valuable · 2020-06-22T08:22:07+00:00

I haven't read all the comments so apologies if I'm repeating anyone else. You are definitely not too harsh. If he doesn't even have the common decency to let you know beforehand that he'll be running late, then you don't need to give him the time of day. There is absolutely no excuse for texting someone 15 minutes after the agreed meeting time to let them know you're running late - I think that would already be implied. I'm so glad you hadn't gone at 6 and were waiting for him - I wonder if he thought you'd be waiting and was actually shocked when you weren't!

I met my (now) boyfriend online and he was late for our first meeting, but that was due to trains being cancelled, and he let me know in plenty of time so that I wasn't hanging around waiting for him, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. If he had let me know too late that he was running late then it would be a different story.

If this guy is already not putting in any effort for the first meeting then I reckon it would only be downhill from here. Well done you for not putting up with it! He had the chance to reschedule when you texted him at 2:30.

Abderral · 2020-06-22T10:35:50+00:00

I applaud you and I love how you showed him his place, but you might want to consider upgrading your friends or introduce them to FDS, because Pickmishas are very contagous and fatal than Covid 19.

Myplummms · 2020-06-22T14:30:24+00:00

I had to do this with a boss as well. He had to come pick up paperwork from me, that I did for him as a favor. I asked what time would he be by to pick it up, and he responded just 'soon'??? I then said, "Your window of picking it up is between 9 a.m. and 10 am. After that, I'm no longer free." I didn't apologize or come up with some fake appointment, like I used to. I just stood my ground. He picked up the paperwork at 9:15.

jeanneeebeanneee · 2020-06-22T17:09:33+00:00

You weren't too harsh. He was trying to run game and he failed. If he wants to play like that, then he should be prepared to get nexted and dropped. Your friends need to get woke, otherwise they're going to be getting played by men who do this same shit.

eng2fly · 2020-06-22T20:31:11+00:00

Lol you are absolutely NOT too harsh most of these men are scummy scrote trash. I got told I was too harsh in OLD (you can look through my post history for my rules) by multiple people and I ignored it. Single > shitty relationship.

Landed an awesome HVM for all my harshness 😂

sweetpotatocupcake · 2020-06-23T21:50:05+00:00

Upvoted for "Is your brain mash potatoes??"

Totally using that in the future lol

Adawritesrules · 2020-06-22T02:28:01+00:00

You are wrong about 1 thing.

You assume his frontal lobe is developed when it is more likely that it isn’t. The reason men lack rational thinking and impulse control so often is because it’s the prefrontal cortex that is responsible for these functions, and there are dozens of scientific studies that show there is correlation between reduced gray matter in the prefrontal cortex and porn use. And since we know how frequent porn use is among men our age, this explains everything doesn’t it? His frontal lobe is more likely than not damaged, nor fully developed as you assumed just because yours is.

2020-06-22T02:23:02+00:00

You made the right call, for sure snd honestly, I think guys often use the excuse of running late in order to push the date back to make sex more likely. At the very least, they “Run late” early on in order to figure out how much they can get away with.

MissVvvvv · 2020-06-22T03:41:15+00:00

Not harsh at all. He's lucky he got text back. Your friends need to reevaluate the meaning of the word "harsh" 🤣

Milobear27 · 2020-06-22T03:57:15+00:00

Next time don’t say sorry. What do you have to be sorry about? If you feel you have to say something back, just say no. And if you’re feeling extra talkative add good luck out there. Then block and delete.

Incredible_Alligator · 2020-06-22T04:39:53+00:00

You don't have to be nice. He's garbage. You did the right thing and your friends sound like Pickmes.

fdsonlynoscrubs · 2020-06-22T05:38:08+00:00

No, he was inconsiderate and rude. Didn’t even apologize. You are not too harsh, you’re actually being nice by replying at all.

I think you should keep track of which friends told you this is too harsh and stop asking them for advice.

redpeithos · 2020-06-22T12:11:02+00:00

If I were late or just completely ignoring a potential date's texts, I wouldn't expect them to be all forgiving, so why should I have to compromise for them? Honestly, stop worrying about whether you were too harsh or something. He didn't meet your standards for communication and punctuality, and that's that.

ivy176 · 2020-06-22T13:57:48+00:00

Nope, not harsh at all. What he did was super flakey and suggesting to meet "before sunset" is creepy, I'd never talk to him again.

I couldn't handle OLD at all though. I don't have the energy to go out much, I don't like small talk with strangers, I don't like ice cream or coffee or cakes or donuts....and I don't drink alcohol. Lol

Mollzor · 2020-06-22T17:34:09+00:00

Lol no you're not too harsh. Sounds like his other plans fell through so he tried his backup (you).

Title	Apparently I am too hash. Does that even make sense?
Author	saffron25
Upvotes	507
Comments	103
Date	June 21, 2020 8:46 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/hde737/apparently_i_am_too_hash_does_that_even_make_sense/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/apparently-i-am-too-hash-does-that-even-make-sense.700212 https://theredarchive.com/post/700212

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