Can we hear your LVM break up stories?

thatkitschybitch · 2021-12-23T19:18:45+00:00

Oof. I posted this in a long rant in another sub last year and got a ton of awards and upvotes but I'll summarize it. I can share the original post if anyone wants it.

I met a guy 28 years older than me when I was 26. For the first 1.5 years he love-bombed the fuck out of me. He was handsome and successful and treated me like a princess. We applied for a K-1 visa so I could move to the USA permanently and we could get married. As soon as the papers were sent in, he became such an asshole. Some of the stuff he did:

Kept badgering me to have sex with a woman while he watched or have a threesome. I refused, so he made a fake Tinder using my photos to catfish women and tell them where we'd be - the women would show up at the bar, hit on me and my ex would beg me to take them home. He had a webcam set up in the living room in case I ever caved.
Photoshopped my face in pictures he took of me to make my nose smaller, lips bigger, etc.
Offered to show me sexual photos of his exes, when I got angry with him for even having them in the first place, he gave me the silent treatment for 3 days until I apologized for getting mad.
Constantly shit-talked his ex-wife while simultaneously comparing me to her every chance he got.
Got some GHB from his friends and pushed me to take it - I didn't know what it was and he put some in my drink. He said he used to do it with his ex all the time and it would just make me drunk and horny. I blacked out and when I woke up he told me we had anal sex (which I had previously told him while sober that I would never do). Obviously I know how bad this is, but at the time he told me I couldn't be mad because I told him anal was fine and he had my consent...while on drugs.
Would pick fights with me every few days and then ignore me for days until I apologized. Whenever I got upset with him over something completely valid (like the things above) he would call me a judgmental brat and tell me I needed mental help.

After almost a YEAR of that (and much more), I sent a DM to his ex-wife on Instagram (the one that he told me was a liar and a cheater and a psycho) and asked her what her experience was like with him. I was in so deep and subconsciously hoping this was a rough patch. She sent me an extremely heartfelt response describing EXACTLY the same treatment that I was receiving, except worse. I broke up with him immediately and he sent me a bunch of salty e-mails saying I would be alone forever.

A few weeks after, I found out through another woman in his circle that he had herpes and had lied about it to her, and she ended up contracting it. She knew we broke up and assumed he had probably lied to me too. I e-mailed him and he admitted to having been diagnosed 20 YEARS AGO and said he "hadn't had an outbreak or thought about it in years", which is a lie because he dated the other woman in 2015. Also, at the start of our relationship he pushed for us to not use condoms and I asked if he was STD free and he said yes.

Luckily I didn't contract it, but I did make a police report for sexual assault (didn't go anywhere but at least it's on record, and the detective was incredibly kind) and I sought out a personal injury lawyer. He offered me a cash settlement - he said it was because he felt guilty but I'm sure he was just trying to make sure I wouldn't escalate this any more. My lawyer told me to just take it, so I did. I got a few bucks (nowhere near what I deserve) and then took all the evidence I had sent to the police and my lawyer (texts from the start of our relationship where he says he is clean, e-mails from him admitting to lying to me about it, proof of the settlement/hush money) and sent it to a few of his friends that I was close with. I don't know, I just wanted someone else to know what he was capable of because I know he'll do it again, and maybe if he knew his friends were aware, he would think twice. He lost his shit and paid a lawyer in a state that neither of us live in (but where one of the friends lived) to send me a Cease and Desist saying I was trying to ruin his life because he dumped me and I was angry, and said if I told anyone else what happened he would sue me for defamation. Sent it to the police and my lawyer, who told me that it's not defamation if it's true and to just ignore him. That was the last I heard of him. He's blocked everywhere and I changed my address so hopefully that's the end of that nightmare. The money paid for a shitload of therapy.

Don't date older men. Watch out for love bombing. Leave at the first red flag, it only gets worse. His ex saved me from ruining my life, and I am eternally grateful to her that she relived that trauma as a favor to a complete stranger.

annalmsw · 2021-12-23T20:40:41+00:00

A NVM who was bald, obese, broke, lived with two roommates and drowning in debt told me my ass wasn’t big enough. Mind you, I’m an average BMI, master’s degree, have a 6 figure job, live alone and have zero debt. I reminded this scrote of this and HE told me it was best if we don’t see each other anymore. Well bye.

givemepoisonberries · 2021-12-23T20:58:14+00:00

My ex knew I loved his sheep at his farm, so when we broke up he threatened to kill one unless I gave him another chance..

Owl-right · 2021-12-23T21:54:57+00:00

We were together for nearly 3 years and engaged to be married next year. We were childhood friends and crazy about each other. We had a lot of fun and I trusted him completely (my mistake). This year he starts acting weird, snappy, mean, working out, and drinking more and and tells me it's work stress. I have to work some weekends and I tell him it's temporary but I can tell he's pissed. He's been acting weird since I got my 100k job and acting out. He starts being quite awful and working late, limited to no affection, calls outside. I ask him to step up. He tells me he's going to a friend's house at 10 on a weeknight because he 'needs him'. I call him out on the shady behaviour, and he tells me he won't come back if I'm 'being difficult'. Tells me he loves me and leaves. I notice when he left he packed overnight clothes already etc. Doesn't come home and basically texts me to breakup with some vague bullshit about 'figuring out himself'. I don't buy it, limited replies to him, and pick up my things a day or so later, and there's woman's perfume smell, used condoms etc which we didn't use. He used my Netflix to watch romcoms and our favourite movies with someone else from the night he left until I logged him out weeks later. Bump into him randomly 4 months later with his new girl, he cries and hides. Still too cowardly to admit what he did and apologize, but I don't think I want it anymore. He's a pathetic alcoholic. I thought he was HVM and the love of my life, but he's just an insecure LVM who has to feel like the big man in a relationship. I'm sure his new girl will see the other side of him eventually.

idiosyncraticg1 · 2021-12-23T19:46:15+00:00

I was with an emotionally abusive liar for a few years. We broke up but still stayed it touch because it was an extremely unhealthy codependent relationship. A year after our break up, I was living in a different city, and my ex said he wanted to get back together and marry me (probably because he dated around and realized that he couldn’t find anyone to put up with his lies). I said I would think about it and we stayed in touch. A month later I caught him in a huge lie and just blocked and deleted him from everywhere. Even email lol. Haven’t heard or thought of him since and it’s been half a decade now.

That’s my biggest breakup story. Others include just ending things when the guy wouldn’t put in work, blocking/deleting when I caught a whiff of some red flags, etc.

honeybadgerattitude · 2021-12-23T23:55:58+00:00

Here we go: I'll try to keep it short but it was 17 years of abuse and manipulation and it's a good cautionary tale of why we should never stop vetting and protect our wombs at all costs. It's not always easy though.

Met at university, he was just a couple of months from finishing but never completed. I now know he saw no need once he met me. I was a winning "lottery ticket" to him. Why make an effort when someone else can do it for you?
Got lovebombed HARD! Got engaged early but stupidly long engagement.
Was actually ok for years. He just never worked and sponged off me instead. I was a clown for letting him but my parents set this example for me.
Abuse started after 8 years!! There were a lot of red flags but I dismissed them. He wasn't stupid, he waited until I was pregnant to really start.
He was initially a good dad! With just the one child. He pestered me for another so we tried and got pregnant with twins. That was my fault apparently.
Abuse ramped up bigtime. Started to become physical. I honestly believe it was because parenting is hard work and he's the laziest POS I've ever known. I was exhausted looking after 2 babies and working overtime and he drained me of everything to keep me from being able to leave.
I became sick (also my fault apparently) and abuse ramped up more. He started abusing the children too.
I hit my breaking point. It took months to get the strength and plan to get him out of my life. I actually used his own mother against him because I knew he wouldn't be violent in front of her and it worked! I completely blindsided him.
I haven't spoken to him since and I never will. We're still tied because of the children but I do everything to make sure I never have direct contact.
He used me for my strength. But now that strength is what I use to protect myself and my kids from him. I am stronger than him and he will never get the best of me again.

Some men will put in YEARS before they show their true selves. NEVER stop vetting.

greatauntcassiopeia · 2021-12-23T19:29:15+00:00

He broke up with me because I didn’t want to move to a rural town with him. (I’m from a big city) even after he expressed that he didn’t want to live with me, didn’t want to see me everyday, didn’t like my dog etc.

He wanted me to give up all of my friends and family to just be with him and he didn’t even want to hang out with me that much lol

GreyTuxie · 2021-12-23T20:22:49+00:00

I married an LVM disguised as a HVM. Towards the end he began hanging around a homeless guy half his age who showed him where to score hashish. He was stoned all the time and began throwing tantrums. One night when he was out to score with his buddy, I asked him to buy more butter for my holiday baking and he blew it off. When the cookies came out, he bounced over happily to help himself and I pulled the baking sheet away. Don’t help when asked, don’t get a reward. He blew up in front of friends, saying, “Why don’t you get off your lazy ass and get a job and buy your own butter?” Well, those were my marching orders. Not long after I informed him that since he would never stop abusing me, I would be looking for a job in my home country. This I did and some weeks later I hopped on a plane, leaving the house sarcastically clean, and started my six figure job. Years later I have a paid off car, my own home, retirement savings and a near-perfect credit rating. He was by all accounts a wreck for at least a year and a half if not longer.

auntielife123 · 2021-12-23T20:24:27+00:00

Was preparing for like a 5th conversation about how he wasn’t treating me well and literally had a visceral reaction and my inner voice said “stop.” Packed the stuff I had at his place while he was at work, sent him a text, and blocked him. I’ve never felt such a sense of inner peace.

Gambit12345 · 2021-12-23T18:30:52+00:00

Was with my ex for 5 years on and off. Kept giving him chances because I wanted to believe potential. He moved into my apartment the day the pandemic started in the US. Didn’t get me anything for my birthday. Made threats disguised as jokes. Showed jealousy and competition about my career, expected all the emotional labor from me. (All these things existed throughout the whole relationship but I was a major pick me). I had been bored with him for a long time. I discovered fds during quarantine which was what gave me the courage to kick him out of my place. A simple “after 5 years I’ve decided this isn’t gonna work. There’s no way forward” and he was out 2 weeks later, but not before asking to take some of my stuff with him to his new place 😒 I didn’t allow him not even a moment to try and argue about my decision.

lukewarm_at_best · 2021-12-23T23:13:24+00:00

I definitely didn’t initiate the breakup but I certainly ended it. I was with my college boyfriend (who was in a fraternity) at a bar and as I was making my way to get another drink he slapped my ass. Annoying, because I’m not big on PDA. But apparently his drunk brothers saw this as a green light to do it too. I FLIPPED and, like a coyote going after chickens, I started chasing them around the bar and smacking their asses, saving my boyfriend for last. He was livid (wow really no way!) and left the bar as I was getting my jacket.

He didn’t answer my calls as I was leaving the bar, so I cut my losses, got friend chicken from the best spot on campus on my way home, popped a melatonin, and filed it as a “Tomorrow Problem.” Except then he called me to come over and talk. I said yeah sure (I was drunk off of the sauce for the fried chicken, okay?).

Turns out he went to the chipotle next door because “He said he was hungry and should have known that”. I told him I guess I forgot to wear my mind reading pants but they just got back from the dry cleaners so I can wear them next time. He said he wasn’t sure if there was going to be a next time because it seems like I’m too immature for a relationship and I don’t know how to communicate. And in my fried chicken bliss I said “You know what, you’re right. Please leave. But make sure you tell your brothers to ice their asses- I landed some pretty solid hits.”

This was a decade ago- and way before anything like FDS existed- but even then I was starting to see his behavior as controlling (there were other signs).

I blocked him not long after (he flipped out on me for turning down a “you up” text one weekend). I still look back fondly on the fried chicken that saved me from a potentially terrible situation. I haven’t ordered it in a while but I’m sure it tastes just as amazing now as it did back then.

Usuallyhappy74 · 2021-12-23T20:31:50+00:00

3 months in total. Lovebombed and future faked at the beginning. Was extremely avoidant but I didn’t realise it straight away. Was deeply insecure and this possessive, and felt threatened because I am educated and have a good job. He also hated that I had hobbies and a social life. He would neg and ghost me on occasion, especially whenever I had a night out planned, but because he had a demanding job there was nothing tangible I could pin on him. I constantly felt on edge with him, especially towards the end. He was always either on his phone or had it switched off. Never phoned me. Was totally detached in the bedroom, I’ve never been with anyone so devoid and totally lacking in emotional connection for another human. The epitome of going through the motions.

I found this sub, read the handbook and everything clicked into place. Lovebombing, triangulation and LVM tactics especially resonated because it was him to a T. Especially the smirk when they look at you, like you’ve somehow missed an “in” joke. And I realised that my guts had been whispering (then screaming) at me for weeks. (I’d already been thinking of ending it at least a month earlier). He came by my flat to drop off something of mine, and I could tell he was spoiling for a fight as I’d been out the night previously. He insulted me, in my own flat, then wanted sex (the bloody nerve haha). I threw him out and then blocked him. That was nearly 3 weeks ago and the anxiety that I’d developed disappeared. I saw his car last weekend near where I live and my anxiety levels responded in kind. I’m very thankful he’s gone 😄

Flashy-Public1208 · 2021-12-23T20:47:41+00:00

I have one funny/memorable on that sticks out.

A scrote that got in with me just beneath my LVM radar with lies and obfuscation, mostly because I was distracted working 60-hour weeks at the start of my post-grad-school career, handed me this gem:

I started noticing I felt worse about myself after spending time with him, so had been pulling away a teeny bit just to gauge how I really felt. This apparently (as he confessed to me much later) made him feel “insecure” so he finally cheated on me with this female friend he had that I always got strange vibes from. Anyway the order in which this unfolded was I had really bad vibes after letting him come over for the first time in a week, and when he was in the shower after work and before we went out for a date, I decided to go with my gut and check his phone to confirm something odd was up. I had his passcode because he had previously given me said passcode unprompted after I had asked him a few basic questions about the weird female friend a couple months before that, in an over the top show of “I’m an open book” …. Anyway, when I went to snoop I realized he’d changed his passcode. Obviously that meant something was up, so when he emerged from the shower I let him know how I was feeling generally and what I had discovered, and I dumped him and kicked him out of my apartment, over his insistence that I was a jealous, insecure psycho for checking his phone. (I mean he gets one point there, but literally only because after this guy, I just started bouncing when something felt off without feeling the need to ask for or snoop into anyone’s phone …but still he was the one who had volunteered his phone passcode to begin with… so anyways).

About a week later I got a text message from him accusing me of vandalizing his apartment, in this really condescending “I know you can get emotional sometimes (?), are you OK after our breakup” sort of way. Specifically, he accused me of destroying the plants he kept on the outdoor shared front walkway outside of his first floor apartment. I replied calmly by text saying of course not, and please don’t contact me again. He tried calling several times and I didn’t pick up because I was trying to move on and honestly super offended he would even think I would do something like that. A few days later I get an apology text because, no surprise, apparently his drunk/high neighbor just stumbling along in the middle of the night had kicked over the plant pots and had resurfaced to let him know about it. Along with this apology came a word vomit text about how yes he did actually cheat on me with that female friend but only during the past weeks when I had been acting distant and only because I made him feel insecure…

This one always makes me chuckle, because it’s like a tiny issue-spotter story to teach kids about projection, insecurity, gaslighting, and eating your just desserts.

frustratedanon123 · 2021-12-23T21:20:14+00:00

Dated a guy for two years. Stuck by him through a MONUMENTAL amount of bullshit going on in his personal life even after finding out he had invited another woman up to his hotel room while on a business trip at the one year mark. I snooped before moving in together because I just felt in my gut something was wrong. He didn't actually go through with cheating which was evident by the text exchange, but the damage was done. I refused to move in with him. We tried to "work on it" for another year. By this time I was approaching my 28th birthday. My dream was always to own property before I turned 30, so I asked him seriously where this was going. Was there a plan to get engaged? When? What was his vision for our future together? He refused to even talk about it and would shut down every time. We even tried couples counseling which ultimately only resulted in me house shopping by myself. My 28th birthday rolled around, I was all set to close on my home - alone, and this motherfucker got me a $40 motorcycle battery. He made around 80G a year. I dumped him that fucking day. I don't know why the bike battery was the last straw, but something clicked in that moment and I realized how little I was worth to this man. I was weeks away from closing on a duplex property and he thought maintaining my motorcycle, which is the bare fucking minimum and something I could easily have done myself, was enough of a gift for both this incredible life event and my birthday. I'm not even considering getting tied to anyone financially through cohabitation now unless we're engaged or married. I closed on my duplex on my actual birthday. Since then, I have been so at peace and happy. My home is beautifully decorated and I did all the work myself. No regrets, not even one.

xpressurself111 · 2021-12-23T18:32:44+00:00

I was dating a guy for about a year, things were okay. Not great. He cheated a few months in, but lied about the extent so with the information I had and the level of treatment I was willing to tolerate, I tried to let it go.

I tried, but could never trust him. He was super into TRP, Reddit, his ex Gf ‘was a $lut,’ video games, weed, and Joe Rogan/Jordan Peterson/Elon Musk etc. you know the type. I grew up with men like this, so I wasn’t really phased.

He always accused me of cheating or not taking my birth control. He would listen to YouTube for hours a day. Had an ear bud in while spending time together. Slept with them in. Played video games until 5 AM. Told me he hates feminists and passing along his DNA is incredibly important. (So terrifying)

Anyway, he was acting really shady and weird around Thanksgiving of 2020 and I had enough. I went to his new apartment to end things, but I wanted to be friendly (not friends, but I wanted him to know it just wasn’t working, no hard feelings- pickme behavior). So I brought his Christmas gifts (I shop early af). He didn’t resist the break up. He gave me my key back immediately. He tried to refuse the gifts. He cried. He gave me a hug and said, “I am so sad we will never have sex again.” Super cringey but I told him, “No we will never have sex again.” I went over the next day to grab my stuff and return more of his, and I fell asleep there. I woke up, felt like, “I’ll make him a pot of coffee and just slip away.” But I saw his smart watch on the ground, and that struck me as odd. I looked at it and saw he had been messaging another woman for weeks. Taking her on dates, having sex at their work place. All of that stuff. Dates that he and I had just been on, he was taking her on these same dates. Oh, she was 10 years younger than me.

So afterward, I think we had a few months of me yelling at him but once I found FDS I learned about Block and Delete and that has been it :)

I found FDS because I realized all of my male partners had cheated on me, and I knew I needed some dating guidance. Thank Fuck I found FDS in the cesspool of Reddit.

CountingDownTheDays5 · 2021-12-23T18:54:42+00:00

My ex and I were friends for year, we boxed together in college and we formed a bound. His father was a cheater who impregnate a woman, who later on left her child on his mother doorstep. The mother brought the child in, only for the child to play trick and have people coin the mother as crazy. The worse part was when the child replaced the mother bottle of shampoo with nair, almost destroying her waist length dread-locs. My ex expressed his love but hate for his father for cheating, and could never understand why a man would do it.

Years later I finally gave him a chance. Our friendship for nearly 6 year could have been ruined, but I went against my better judgement. He was a 1L student I didn't start yet. He would mock me for being in my mid 20's and not getting into law school. Repeating my age, and telling me how old I would be before I finally got in and finished. On V-day I expect him to take me out, he told me he wanted to realize after long studying. I was becoming fed up but I told myself it was the stress of a first year law student.

I was wrong, he was cheating on me. Upon asking him why, he couldn't explain. But I suppose like father like son. He wanted me to stay I hung up the phone and never spoke to him again. I heard he failed out of law school. Little does he know I am in my last year.

Keepers12345 · 2021-12-24T02:30:40+00:00

After his inability to treat his addiction, and admit that he wasn't in control, I got fed up.

I went to a wedding the night before breaking up with him.

The bride and groom were elated! This is how it's supposed to be. It's not too much to ask to be excited and happy in a relationship. I dreaded the idea of ever marrying him.

When I shared my feelings, he jumped straight to, "Well, do you want to break up with me or should I do it?" I said, "I'll do it. I'm done."

And I was done. I mourned for months, but was determined that there was no going back.

Today, I'm so much stronger without him.

gingerandlime · 2021-12-23T18:21:15+00:00

Here’s my best one: after relapsing into addict behaviors in a way that really took advantage of me and could have easily wrecked my life plans, he checked himself into rehab at the exact moment I was signing papers to close on my house.

(PSA: Addiction has a strong genetic component, but abusive behaviors are a choice!! Choosing to not be in actual recovery and instead talking about recovery all the time like that’s the same thing is also a fucking choice!)

Frogspocket · 2021-12-23T22:07:19+00:00

The actual break up moment is a boring story and the events leading up to it is just the classic tale as old as time story of him cheating and gaslighting (and me unraveling his story). But what’s interesting is that now (years later) he’s utterly romanticized me and regards me as the lost love of his life (even though I’m an actual stranger to him now lol). I would feel bad for his wife but I’m suspicious that she was the ‘other woman’ when he and I were together so 🤷🏼‍♀️

callmebubbles92 · 2021-12-24T03:47:21+00:00

I went over there with all his stuff he had at my apartment. He was in a really good mood. "Just doing some spring cleaning!" I said so he would have no idea what was coming. I broke up with him after I gave him ONE chance to fix something that was totally unacceptable, and he failed to do so. We went two weeks without seeing each other. I told him, this better not happen again. It fucking happened again! I think he was trying to downgrade me to a FWB. Afterwards he texted me, "You dropped a nuke and peaced out" LOL Yes I did.

Emergency-Feed8216 · 2021-12-24T07:32:03+00:00

I lived with a much older guy my first year of college. He was in the physics program and had a very covert way of humble bragging about his prodigious genius but was funny and looked like a young Tom Hanks so I overlooked a lot.

The relationship was generally peaceful and supportive but there was this unspoken sense that I was "lucky" to be with such a prize. He'd grown up rich and in powerful circles, went to the best schools, etc., which he, in his sort of alt-rock-blasé way, pretended meant nothing to him but yet made sure everyone knew.

When I transferred away to a school in NYC, he acted way too cool about it. This hurt my feelings at first but eventually my interest in him simply waned. There was no definitive breakup. He came to visit me in NY once, sulked the whole time and I couldn't bring myself to sleep with him. I wasn't a big cOmMuNicAtor at that age-- too busy.

Probably at the very moment I met someone new, he got engaged to a former friend of mine he'd previously said he'd disliked. Their way of announcing this was interesting. I was staying in Paris with my new boyfriend and my vague ex and former friend called at 4am giggling and drunk. I took the call very casually and told my then-boyfriend, who was sitting next to me when they called, that I predicted my ex and friend would wed.

I realized years later that they probably thought I was all alone and would be crushed. But at the time I just felt relieved. I felt like they were both dead weight, somehow always sourly judgy and making me feel at fault. It was like two loose ends tying themselves together.

By the time their wedding came around, I was head over heels, had landed an amazing internship and practically skipped through the wedding which made the happy couple glower and sulk. All their wedding pictures are frowning. I realized I was acting "too happy" and perhaps this was taken as upstaging their event. I tried to counter this by complaining about how creepy, filthy and dangerous NY could be in August, at which point they both announced I was probably... a lesbian(?)

Cut to three years later, they break up and she half attempts suicide with an insufficient overdose and cutting her wrists the wrong way. I hear from everyone that she blamed me for destroying her marriage. Odd since I'd avoided both of them completely since the wedding.

Then I got a filthy, drunken letter from the ex saying that at last we could be together and forget all the nonsense in between. I was absolutely horrified. I resealed the letter and stuck it in an envelop with a curt note saying I didn't think it appropriate to contact me under the circumstances. He wrote an angry postcard back which I threw out.

I had no intention of living in that college town again but it's not like I could if I'd wanted to. They both trashed me so much that I was subjected to icy treatment and glares from nearly everyone we knew in common. Ultimately I cut my losses and turned my back on the whole scene.

You'd think there was more to the story, something I left out, but there wasn't, not on my end. All I did was move away and move on. It wasn't until many years later that I learned what a covert narcissist was. It seems I'd been cast in a part in a drama that, in their minds, centered around this guy and former friend and I just didn't follow the script.

clytemnestra_23 · 2021-12-23T18:26:16+00:00

I left a LVM man after years of "communication" trying to get him to be more thoughtful, romantic, and caring. I suffer from anxiety and he would treat it as a burden, while he spent evenings glued to his computer playing video games and leaving his dirty plates, clothes, takeout containers, etc., all over the place. I had enough and left. He was suddenly so nice and sweet, even though I proposed NC. Once he heard I was casually dating 3-4 months down the line, I was suddenly an evil slut who had used him for 2.5 years together.

If I was so bad, why were you such a puppy dog trying to get me back? Weren't you glad a manipulative bitch finally left your life?

OutspokenPerson · 2021-12-23T19:50:02+00:00

I dated a NVM for THREE WEEKS and was completely f’ed in the head when he disappeared. I rebounded right into the web of lies of another NVM and lost a decade of my life.

NVM#1 did it all: love-bombing, gifts, massive flattery, soul-mates, the whole pie. And he was good-looking, drove a nice car, shared photos of himself with his three kids in matching goofy Christmas outfits, said he taught CPR to Girl Scouts and coached his son’s soccer team.

The breakup? He came over one evening, things were going lovely, then he got a call on his “work” phone. Told me a tractor-trailer upstate had wrecked and he had to go be commander-on-scene for a “mass casualty” event.

And he disappeared. Gone!

A long time later, someone at a party at my house (a social group, new person), was talking about her psycho ex-husband. Same guy!! Diagnosed personality disorder. Very dangerous.

I got off easy.

Ladies, be very wary of the ones that seem too good to be true. Vet them as if your life depended on it.

It does.

surfgreenbabe · 2021-12-24T06:37:54+00:00

I walked out of the most toxic and abusive marriage after 26years, finally reaching a tipping point. He was graduating from verbal abuse to physical abuse. He was abusive to my two adult children too. We three moved out and living in peace now. There are multiple hoovering attempts by him, but I have stayed strong not to go back. I am surprised by this strength which I was unaware of. Children are at peace and though I have triggers, I know I will get there eventually. It's been almost two years now. I could do this because of my parents and kids support.

Throwawaysealove96 · 2021-12-24T07:22:39+00:00

I dumped a man I had been seeing for 10 months. He became sullen, moody, non-communicative and borderline mean for over a week. He acted like a grumpy teenager who lashes out. When I asked why, he told me it was because of the recent mass shootings in the country and made some sarcastic remark about how I should watch more CNN. I thought that was a ridiculous response from a middle aged man, and given that I live in the United States, I didn’t want to deal with this odd behavior every other week.

pathalienation · 2021-12-23T20:03:20+00:00

Queen here: was seeing him for 12 weeks, after I knew him for many years. Met up with him in NYC. He violated an important boundary, then tried to gaslight me. No fight, I just said “This is the end of the line for me,” and walked out of our hotel, left him in the middle of Manhattan. Enjoyed the rest of my vacation like a Queen.

Edit: Adding this: All my friends blocked him when he tried that trick. Having HV friends is awesome!

myeggsarebig · 2021-12-24T10:31:34+00:00

After drawing a diagram for him (no cell phones then) about how to properly give cunnilngus, he still chose to do it “his way”. I kicked him off his own bed, had him drive me home, and told him to never call again.

He still called. He still called 20 fucking years later to “get it right.” He’s blocked from all possible forms of communication.

Throwawaysealove96 · 2021-12-24T07:13:37+00:00

What if they dump you because you won’t accept a date? Does that count? A man here was persistent in asking me out, even though I told him I wasn’t interested in dating then, and he sent me paragraph after paragraph dumping me for not accepting his date offer. It read like we had years of history, and it ended with a warning to be careful because I might end up alone when I’m 80 years old.

RBGs-ghost · 2021-12-23T20:07:58+00:00

I discovered texts between him and 2 women on his phone. I thought something was up weeks ago but had no proof, but still brought it to his attention. He called me crazy, said I needed therapy. Turns out these were the women and I HAD been right. I show him the messages, tell him "so you WERE cheating on me."

He said,"but I didn't meet them in person."

I literally laughed, told him to get out of my house, and served him with divorce papers 2 weeks later. I should have left much earlier, but I'm overly empathetic. BOY BYE

yay-strawberries · 2021-12-23T18:25:22+00:00

We dated for a few years. I tolerated so much bullshit, disrespect and mistreatment from him and his family, but I still believed in a future together with him 🤡 Six months ago he decided to ghost me, started ignoring my messages and my calls while still being active on social media and messaging apps - it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I blocked his number, his family’s numbers, and all their social media pages, completely cut them off of my life. I thought I had depression, an anxiety disorder, chronic stomach and intestinal problems... it all went away since I cut them all off months ago, and I haven’t looked back since. It was really tough, and I had a hard time coming to terms with the ghosting, but my life has improved tremendously and meanwhile I finished my Master’s degree, and, of course, I found out about FDS. Looking back I believe I was dealing with a narcissist and a narcissistic family, and I have learned countless lessons just from having those toxic and draining individuals in my life. Now I’m ready for a new better chapter of my life and I’m loving being single!

waterloosunsetjs · 2021-12-24T06:41:15+00:00

oof mine dumped me twice lmfao both of my ex’s were LVM but this latest one (2 yrs ago) really was the cream of the crop. lmao i can look back and laugh now but at the time i was so hurt anyways here it goes: we were dating for 6 months, he moves in with me the 2nd month and stays till he moves out but somehow was always at my pad. anyways one Wednesday morning we have sex before he leaves for work (he worked at a vegan restaurant as a server) and basically tries to establish a tradition of me going to his job to have lunch together since we’d be seeing each other less. I was so happy and over the moon that morning that i was gonna have a romantic lunch with my love (lmfao) i wore a nice dress and bussed it and this fucker breaks up with me as soon as i get there!!! i walked around DTLA sobbing my eyes out lmfao he ended up giving me an std and tried to blame me. for some reason (young, naive and painfully insecure) i got back with him 7 months later and he ended up breaking up with me (again!!! this fucker!!!!) around 2 yrs later. of course not without traumatizing the fuck outta me smh

lolmemberberries · 2021-12-23T22:36:39+00:00

An ex of mine dumped me for refusing to drop out of college and to move in with him (active military, stationed in another state). I later found out that he was stringing along at least two other women behind my back and seeing which of us was the biggest doormat. He quickly moved in with one of the other women, then tried messaging me to see him when he was on leave a few months later. I told him to stay out of my life, then blocked his number.

kansascitydream · 2021-12-23T20:39:17+00:00

Dated a musician/abusive/porn addict. He was a cheater too. Every time I brought up leaving , he would have a “health crisis” he also threatened to kill himself at least once a month. He hit me a few times and was super rapey and creepy.

I got excepted into two different programs for a healthcare career. He started to get more abusive, while also neglecting me, while paying more attention to his shiney “new” friend. I wanted to leave so bad , but was very afraid to. (Because of his suicidal ideation, and sob stories) I called him out on his “new interesting lady friend” So he dumped me in an email. It was pretty cowardly, as we had been together for about 2 years…….“Shiney new interesting friend” rejected him. He tricked some new pick me into dating him, just as he tricked me. I hope that she is ok, and escapes before his abuse starts.(he follows a pattern with every woman) he already is cheating on her too. I’ve had No contact for almost a year, recovered in domestic abuse therapy, got an amazing job in health care, and he is still a sad, narcissistic , abusive, porn addict. He doesn’t know how to drive, has a pot belly,and no real career prospects. I still feel pity and disgust towards him. I know in a little while, I will “feel nothing about him”.I can’t wait . I want to thank all of y’all because now I have more self respect, and better boundaries. I will never end up in a situation like this again.

legoflowers · 2021-12-24T01:45:29+00:00

I broke up with my LVX on Nov. 4th 2021. We lived together, in a house that I bought (alone) and which he hated. He complained about it constantly and made up problems with my house that were non-existent.

I broke it off with him and made him sleep in my guest bedroom. It took him until Nov. 6th to stop bringing me coffee in my room, and finally accept that it was over.

Then he stayed here until December 1st. He stayed in my house because “he paid rent” and had NO sense of dignity. I cannot believe that he literally stayed here. I would have given him back the rent for him to GTFO. But, he kept saying he couldn’t find anywhere big enough. He was one man without a couch, how big did an apartment need to be?

I’m vegan, he also ate my vegan chicken after we were broken up, because they were spicy nuggets, and he “loved spicy”. I had to explicitly tell him to not eat my special frozen vegan food. He finally got out, and didn’t leave not one night during those three weeks to give me time alone in my house that he hated to heal. What an asshole. I ended up going out to get vegan sushi and getting a number, all while he was in my house. Hilarious, truly. Imagine having so little respect for yourself that you stay around when someone has made it clear they don’t want you?!! Wow.

Solid-Liquid · 2021-12-24T02:17:14+00:00

Dated my ex for 3 years. We only really did movies (on AMC Tuesdays) and the occasional dinner. Ended it September 2019 when, during that summer, he saw me twice from May to September and texted me to, not take me out or do anything, but to come over and “get eaten out”, “hang out” or “fuck”.

He circled back this year and I told him nah

katiekat0214 · 2021-12-23T20:32:45+00:00

Ooh, scrotes mad! Just saw a downvote. Bet this one is going to get dragged like my "I refuse to date a single father" post. Be watching!

fleuretpomme · 2021-12-23T21:49:46+00:00

Mine's not super dramatic but here goes. We were living together and I was paying 75% of everything while he finished up school with the agreement he would make up the difference after getting a job.

He graduated and dragged his feet applying. I think he was averaging 3 applications a week? He thought a lot of jobs were beneath him and refused to work at anything less than dream job. One day I was looking at finances and tried to show him our expenditures and the amount I had charged on my card. I said he needed to start paying his part now that he had graduated and that joblessness was more of a choice at that point. He flipped out and started screaming at me. My response predated discovering FDS by years. I never raised my voice, I simply said "it's over, I don't date men who scream at me" He was so whiney and mopey in the proceeding month while I moved out. The wool was pulled from my eyes though, I can see he was mad to lose his live in sex maid/sugarmama.

I kid you not, since dropping him I was able to get a higher paying job and buy a house.

Anyway, surprise surprise. He got a girlfriend very soon after and started putting in 50+ apps a week to be able to move closer to her. That was the last info I knew before I permablocked him.

Just a few months ago, he removed himself from an inactive group text that hasn't been active in 4 years. It was odd imo. I forgot it even existed, it was so far down in my chat history. I think it was a weird way to passively get my attention. His little fling probably fizzled out and he thought he could play me again 🤷‍♀️

ceta913 · 2021-12-23T22:50:07+00:00

Felt like not being in love with him wasn’t a good enough cause to breakup, so I snooped through his phone trying to find a reason.

Turned out he was talking to some girl I had asked him not to speak to anymore and had still been trying to meet up with her.

Said goodbye and left his place without mentioning it (weak), texted him that I thought he was keeping stuff from me (subtle, past me) and then eventually just called him out on his lies.

Oh how could I do that to him, he couldn’t trust me anymore, we were done, I would have to earn his trust back, etc. etc.

Ended up calling me weeks later begging to get back together but I was free! My horrible plan had worked!

Free_Acanthisitta446 · 2021-12-23T21:10:34+00:00

I got involved with this amazing guy. Smart, great job, educated, romantic, met all my needs. When we met he told me his divorce was all typed up, agreed on, and sitting on the desk of his lawyer. This was October. Said it would be final in November. In the meantime he had worked out a weekend schedule of all the weekends we could spend together between then and December. He had even gotten me a Christmas gift. Cool. I’m super happy. So, one day I’m at his place and his ex stops by for some arbitrary reason. A woman he told me was manipulative, abusive, and an alcoholic who drives after drinking with her kids in the car, and won’t acknowledge she has a drinking problem. I don’t see her, but she obviously can tell someone is there because my car is in the driveway. He comes back from talking to her, I ask about the divorce and when it’s over, just a week or two? He then tells me “oh WE decided to wait until January, because then we can do our taxes together for this year and it’s financially better to do that.” Interesting. So I go home. Monday he sends me cute messages. Tuesday he tells me he misses me and can’t wait to see me again. Then we don’t talk for a few days. I message him Friday saying have fun with your kids this weekend. He says “call you later” and doesn’t. The weekend passes, I send him a quick “hope you had a great weekend” nothing. Monday he calls me and tells me his ex “out of nowhere” wants to reconcile. So for his kids, he’s going for it. Told me I’m wonderful, if his ex didn’t want to reconcile we’d be together, think well of him, I’m super great.” I hold it together and tell him I hope it works out. It took me like 2 months to process. That they had been separated over a year, divorce papers drawn up, both had bought new homes. His wife sees he’s moving on and BAM NOW she thinks they should try again. This is November of 2020. 6 months later his ex stalked me and somehow got my maiden name (I have no idea how) and reaches out to ME telling me that HE thinks I am the one, and that it’s not going to work out with them and please be nice to her kids. I get in touch with him because it’s been 6 months, and he says it’s not working out, everything is worse, he told her it’s over (again). I asked if he still,had feelings for me, he said yes, he misses me, thinks about me every day. And….haven’t heard from him since. To torture myself I looked up his Facebook page (we aren’t friends) and I saw a pic of them with a group of people on some vacation in July. So they are still together. So TWICE he told me he was getting a divorce, and twice he was lying or changed his mind. I’m still not over it. I went on one date this year but I don’t see how I’ll ever trust anyone again.

Skater_Babe_917 · 2021-12-23T18:23:42+00:00

I wrote/am writing a whole blog about the last one, waaaay too much to tell!

DarbyGirl · 2021-12-24T16:26:08+00:00

I just made a standalone post about mine. It's a rollercoaster. I wouldn't have believed it if I didn't live it.

TL/DR - emotionally abusive, narcissistic lvm. breakup his idea, side chick in the wings, emotional rollercoaster ensues from him offering to helping me move, to begging me to stay, to asking what fixtures I wanted from our current home.

blanketyblank0 · 2021-12-24T04:07:11+00:00

They all cried, every single LVM, great big crocodile tears. Then they got extra confused and pissed off that it didn't get them everything they want. One had never harmed or threatened me before but I saw what he did to someone else at a party and knew how it would go so dumped him there and then, he grabbed me and threatened to kill me if I "broke his heart" and two guys that had been watching came out to circle him and make it clear he had to fuck off now (he'd already been kicked out and was out on the street) so I took that opportunity to run back inside, a few days later he showed up at my house and held me hostage for about 12 hours, pressing a knife in my guts for the first few hours, threatening to kill me in like 100 different ways (most memorable was gutting me and leaving the mess for my family to find, dragging me out into the scrub and breaking my arms and legs to die of thirst, kicking my head in with his steel caps, he had a pretty good imagination), lots of screaming and tears and pretending to be crazy from him while I was stuck de-escalating and calmly repeating that we were no longer in a relationship while reassuring him there wouldn't be any consequences, after he ran out of threats and tears he slapped both ears at the same time as hard as he could, gave me a concussion, I could barely hold a thought for more than a few seconds but I knew how important it was to keep contradicting him whenever he claimed that we weren't broken up anymore and things would go back to normal now. At the end he was running out of options and punched my nose and threatened to kill my family and I finally snapped and figured fuck de-escalation, let's try escalation, roared at him to fuck off and took a swing at him (he easily dodged, he worked hard labor and was at least double my strength) but he backed up and got spooked, typical bully, only willing if there is zero chance of harm to themselves, he backed out the door threatening to unlive himself and leave a note blaming me, but I figured I'd be better off with the violent prick dead and dealing with some angry people that have not yet threatened to kill me than dealing with him so that was no threat at all lol. Unfortunately he didn't. Heard he dragged a woman out in the bush to threaten to kill her a few months later because she ruined his new relationship by making him cheat on his new girlfriend, she came to me for advice. Pretty sure he'll be on the news one day for tying up a family and setting them on fire.

Title	Can we hear your LVM break up stories?
Author	undertheunderbelly
Upvotes	296
Comments	89
Date	December 23, 2021 6:04 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rn1gxt/can_we_hear_your_lvm_break_up_stories/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/can-we-hear-your-lvm-break-up-stories.1090995 https://theredarchive.com/post/1090995

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