Can we talk about this concept for a minute and why it should bother you as a woman?

splendieindependie · 2021-05-29T22:00:30+00:00

The book "The five love languages" is an awful load of misogyny written by a priest whose main priority is to keep couples together (i.e. keep women from leaving their spouses). At one point he recommends that the woman gives frequent oral sex 'while thinking of Jesus!' to stop her husband from abusing her. The specifics of the abuse are conveniently glossed over.

It's also extremely self-congratulatory. Once he's told the women to meet the need of the husband, they lived marriedly ever after ('happy' is not the priority) and they were ever so grateful to Chapman for their help.

TERFSareawesome · 2021-05-29T23:32:42+00:00

Almost every dude I've ever heard talk about this (in fact, every single one that I've heard talk about it) has said their love language is "physical touch", which seems to translate into "spread your legs for me right now or you're neglecting me". Gee, what an odd coincidence!

eleaena · 2021-05-29T23:15:53+00:00

I don’t have a “main” love language - all 5 are important to a relationship. And if you’re not getting all 5 on a regular basis, what’s the point? Should we really have to pick & choose what’s most “important” to us and settle for only being treated special in one way?

I feel like if you have to ~communicate~ and ask your partner to start being more affectionate with you, or spend more time with you etc... just dump his ass lol. Especially if you’ve been already doing all 5 without him having to ask 🙄 do males need everything explained to them???

purasangria · 2021-05-29T22:15:17+00:00

[deleted]

marlenemermaid · 2021-05-29T22:17:54+00:00

I am so sick of this “communication” or “you should try to coMMUNICATE” thing going on. Just no. If he doesn’t recognize how he treats you or he just doesn’t care then you don’t need to communicate anything. Just leave.

haunted_vcr · 2021-05-29T22:12:45+00:00

If a dude isn't doing all 5, you know what to do 😆

nruthh · 2021-05-29T22:24:49+00:00

The more I see love languages get popularized, the more I hate them. They’re concepts, constructs, and totally fluid. They’re far from the only ways to express and receive love, and people (men) just misuse them to manipulate their partners into having sex ~ * bEcAuSe iTs hOw I fEeL lOvEd ~*

HumanAdhesiveness360 · 2021-05-29T21:54:57+00:00

As woman we're programmed, brainwashed to become little servants for men. It should not come as a surprise that most women would fall into this "love language " category, read trap. Men being thirsty constantly in need of validation. Women on the other hand typically being the primary caregiver, get touched out.

MatajiMadonna · 2021-05-29T22:46:27+00:00

“COmMuNicAtIOnn,” what if he never really listens and it’s just you doing the listening?

Platipus6 · 2021-05-30T00:50:33+00:00

Honestly, a lot of men's definition of love is mania. They confuse lust, obsession, chasing, wanting and desperation for "love". The "deprived" men on deadbedrooms describe insane amounts of manic lust for their wives, while also describing her contempt for them. Why do they "love" a woman who seemingly dislikes them and doesn't want to fuck them? They're feverish and stalkerish.

Kind of weird how they never agree to spouse swap and hook up with the other high libido women who freely and generously give the passionate love they claim to crave. It doesn't activate their obsession when they're getting their fill. They don't feel the manic love.

It's also never enough. When they claim to have rekindled the frequency, he's still dissatisfied because he perceives that she's "not really into it", not passionate enough, doesn't really desire him enough. He gets turned off because she's stopped running and he's not chasing and he's lost his mania.

So if a man says his love language is touch, he probably means he gets an addictive, anxious obsessive high from chasing an increasingly creeped out woman who never gets reassured that she's enough. And you won't get your love language in return, his mind is filled with getting his next fix.

Technical_Moth248 · 2021-05-30T06:53:12+00:00

I love gifts so you know I'm a golD DIgGer

Seriously, though, it really is unnecessary. Most men weaponize it with "I'M PHYSICAL AFFECTION GIVE ME SEX WHEN I WANT IT OR YOU DON'T LOVE MEEEEEE" and never actually use it in a decent way or take yours into account.

tomatfrogbubbles · 2021-05-29T22:50:39+00:00

Lmao I swear 96% of guys love language is physical touch 🙄

zazaleaz · 2021-05-29T22:48:51+00:00

The love languages quiz actually helped me because I realized I gave all of them and got zero in return.

Jai_Kali · 2021-05-30T09:52:03+00:00

The book is trash and the claim that there are five love languages is pseudo-science, but the basic idea that different people express love differently and feel a bit more loved when their partner does certain things compared to others is useful if you want to understand humans in general better. Thinking everyone has a main thing and as long as you cover that one you're good is offensively absurd, though.

It's also indeed a useful theory if you want to make things work in your relationship for some reason. But then again, an crazy alternative solution might be to, I don't know, find someone with whom you don't need to make things work?

MadamLeFay · 2021-05-29T23:11:59+00:00

Funny how the "love language" all my exes had was "Selfishness"...

ivy176 · 2021-05-30T06:30:08+00:00

My love languages are all of the above and so are my husband's... this idea that love is predominantly shown or desired in one way is silly

Saitschik · 2021-05-30T07:54:15+00:00

😂😂😂

So she has sex to his demand and cooks and cleans the house and now he is all happy? Is that the" physical touch" and "acts of service" combination?

CoMMuNiCaTiOn at it's best.

It's far too easy to manipulate someone who believes "love languages" are a real thing. Stay sharp instead.

millrice · 2021-05-30T03:42:40+00:00

Yuck

Twohagsover30 · 2021-05-29T22:44:47+00:00

Yeah, no thanks.

How many times have we needed to CoMmUiCaTE our needs and were ignored?!

Nah. I'm not gonna ask for basic decency. That's not a trait that can trained in.

ConstantNurse · 2021-05-30T00:49:44+00:00

Coming from a psychology perspective, the reason love languages are brought up to begin with is to open the door for communication by starting with one instance of need and building from there. The problem is it has been over bastardised and turned into a “one and done” concept.

The “Love Languages” are all pillars needed to uphold a healthy relationship. No one has one specific LL, they are all necessary and change on a case by case situation. Had a bad day at work because I made a mistake and got yelled at by my boss? I’m going to need words of affirmation to boost my confidence and physical touch in the form of a hug to help make me feel loved and fulfilled. Working too much overtime? I’m going to need some quality time in which we have a date night, acts of service where he cleans and cooks dinner, and maybe a gift of my favourite candles and bathbombs to take a bath with.

It’s not hard to be a loving and supportive partner but it does take work. Any asshole who only sticks to one of those pillars is a NVM who is a lazy jerk.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-05-30T13:31:51+00:00

Idk why but the word communication has been trivialized by men so much that I doubt they actually communicate.

Mcccy · 2021-05-29T22:25:03+00:00

How about no?

There's no such thing as "Well it's not that he doesn't care, it's just that my partner's love language is-' when you're in a relationship you can obviously tell what your partner wants or not.

If you're dating someone who likes gift and you go "weLL My loV lagUaege Is ToucH nO gifTs" you're an ass, cause you are obviously aware of what you could do to make them happy yet you don't.

Also wow gals it's almost like every guy's lOve lanGuAge here seems to be 'touch' shocked Pikachu face

libramo0n · 2021-05-30T01:22:07+00:00

The obvious answer here is he needs to perform way more oral. Why do i think this isn’t the “compromise” they landed on though?

Valerian1218 · 2021-05-30T02:22:23+00:00

Seriously, has any woman on this sub ever encountered a man whose love language wasn’t physical touch? Give me a fucking break, lol.

orangeboobert · 2021-05-30T02:30:16+00:00

Know now when a dude mention love languages early and says his is physical touch I am OUT lmao. Honestly a dude mentioning love languages at all, red flag.

KitKat1705 · 2021-05-30T08:25:03+00:00

So basically he wants to fuck and not do anything with her or for her?

me-a-troglodytam · 2021-05-30T16:33:50+00:00

My boyfriend’s main language is physical touch

That should mean hugs and making your partner feel comfortable, but to a scrote like him it probably means trying to get in her pants

vee_aye_aye_aye · 2021-05-30T01:02:39+00:00

Personally I love this. Knowing I don't do words helps. Physical touch is more cuddles than anything, I've been with plenty of cuddle-allergic dudes and ladies. Having someone that matches there isn't about sex. I find it useful honestly but I can also see how it can be used to exploit relationships. Like everything it's not going to work if anyone comes to the table with abusive and dishonest intentions.

basuragoddess · 2021-05-30T02:15:09+00:00

I disagree with these interpretations of the book. Yes, it’s a fallacy to say that physical touch only refers to sex while neglecting other forms of touch. Men’s individual misinterpretations/abuse of the concept of love languages does not mean that the whole idea that we give and receive love in certain ways is wonky.

Independent_Leather3 · 2021-05-30T07:11:35+00:00

Is there a man on this earth whose love language isn’t physical touch🤣

2021-05-30T06:28:43+00:00

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TafahaDeTerre · 2021-05-31T13:43:54+00:00

Whenever I'm made to chose between characteristics of my personality I automatically get suspicious.

Which of the 5 love languages do you use?

Are you introverted or extroverted?

Are you goal-oriented or relations oriented?

Are you logical or emotional?

Maybe I'm a complex human being and these questions make no sense detached from all situations and reality. Maybe a person responds differently to different situations.

FDS-GFY · 2021-05-30T06:23:29+00:00

The funny thing is LVX and I were the opposite Edit: downvoted? Why? I was essentially agreeing it was bollocks.

Title	Can we talk about this concept for a minute and why it should bother you as a woman?
Author	HumanAdhesiveness360
Upvotes	565
Comments	95
Date	May 29, 2021 9:51 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/nnx44s/can_we_talk_about_this_concept_for_a_minute_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/can-we-talk-about-this-concept-for-a-minute-and.774449 https://theredarchive.com/post/774449

Comments

Yuck