Marriage is a bigger commitment??? Huh!?!

proudpine · 2021-07-27T23:43:43+00:00

She is out of her damn mind. Nothing tethers you to another person more than having a child with them. NOTHING.

IndigoTR · 2021-07-28T00:04:46+00:00

My LVX was a baby daddy and he said the same thing. “I’m not ever gonna rush into marriage” oh but you rushed into having unprotected sex and knocking a woman up. Gtfoh! A child is (God willing) a lifetime commitment. A marriage can be ended.

pretty_kill · 2021-07-28T00:30:23+00:00

You can get divorced and be free of someone instantly after the divorce. If you have a kid you’re tied to that person the rest of the kids life… the kid could be 35 getting married and you’ll have to see your ex at the wedding. There is no end to it…

BxGyrl416 · 2021-07-28T01:18:43+00:00

It’s beyond my understanding how so many people consider marriage a huge commitment, yet not having children. You can get it annulled or get a divorce. You can’t “cancel” a human being once they are here. Moreover, why would you want to bring a child into such a flaky arrangement?

creamtart_ · 2021-07-28T01:42:51+00:00

People have deluded themselves into thinking rearing children is easy because that’s what we have been socialised to believe. These are the people who don’t actively parent their children. They just reproduce and make zero effort in raising their child.

Raising a decent human being is very difficult. Making sure to draw reasonable boundaries, being firm but fair, nurturing and supporting their growth and eventual independence, it’s all a tough balancing act! Any parent worth their salt will admit how difficult raising a person is.

Lovely-Clouds · 2021-07-28T01:53:07+00:00

I think it comes from the society negging women that their fertility is a ticking time bomb once they hit 30 and it'd be a miracle if they can conceive or even find a guy at that point.

But the science says fertility peaks around 28, and by 35 we still have around 50% fertility with not as much significant increased risk of birth defects. By 40, that's when fertility really tapers off for us and birth defects rates rise.

Apparently it's more convenient for society to pressure women to have kids before their brains fully developed and they've established themselves. I think a 30-35 window for having kids is totally find if you just want 1 or 2. That's pretty much my window as well.

chainsawbobcat · 2021-07-28T02:27:01+00:00

I simply would never feel at peace if I had a baby with a boyfriend.

Nor should you. Most men in marriages fail to be adequate fathers and partners, it's basically a 100% fail rate having a kid with a boyfriend. Marry you after? Haha yeah, no. More likely he'll go straight for 'we never have sex anymore!' as your vaginal tears are still healing

Platipus6 · 2021-07-27T23:53:01+00:00

Men are taking feigned incompetence to a whole new level. Spending 9 months creating a human life is NBD (for the woman), but going to the courthouse and signing documents is HUUUUUUUUGE.

hopeful_flounder93 · 2021-07-27T23:49:17+00:00

You're right, & this girl needs to take her clown makeup off.

lolmemberberries · 2021-07-28T01:04:21+00:00

Wait, what? Having a child ties you to someone for life. I would want to know that someone is willing to commit to marriage before even moving towards having children.

SkiesEclipse · 2021-07-28T04:56:40+00:00

Wtf is in the water? Is there like some PickMeisha HQ, that’s pumping out these women? When did our societies morals get so ass backward?

Geocities_SEO_Expert · 2021-07-28T03:52:04+00:00

It's a disaster that women have been shamed and convinced that it's too uptight to ask for marriage before children. Nobody would shame you for being too serious about a mortgage.

poody456 · 2021-07-28T07:37:59+00:00

I have an acquaintance who has 3 kids with her boyfriend, but her one dream/goal in life is to get married. Which is fair enough, it’s her dream. Except she’s been with her boyfriend for 10 years, and he’s never proposed. Don’t convince yourself someone with incompatible wants is your soulmate, it’s not worth it. Breaks my heart every time I hear her talk about it

mandoa_sky · 2021-07-28T03:37:10+00:00

she's weird. kids is the bigger commitment - once you are a parent, you are one for the rest of your life.

cherriesandmilk · 2021-07-28T05:13:38+00:00

Most people think that they can just abandon their children, especially men. Or pawn them off on babysitters, siblings, other family members. So they don’t see them as that big of a commitment. Whereas with marriage you’re literally merging your entire lives together in the eyes of the law. It’s ass backwards, really, but a lot of people think this way.

pikachu4me · 2021-07-28T01:03:09+00:00

Having a kid is a bigger responsibility than marriage, imo. Like, I don't understand the thought of 'I'm willing to live with and have kids with this person, but marriage - that's a big step' like...???

skyerippa · 2021-07-28T04:41:09+00:00

Women are somehow being brainwashed into thinking this its crazy

MajesticSkyPachyderm · 2021-07-28T12:14:41+00:00

That's because she was gaslit into believing a man's perspective:

Children are not a big commitment for men, because they know they can bail, they know someone will take care of the kid, so they don't have/need to. It's nothing for them if they have shitty values, just 30 second of pleasure and that's their contribution. For a woman, you know you'll put your body through the wringer and that will more often than not create a bond, a sense of obligation to that human being that grew inside of you and is so vulnerable when they're born.

Marriage on the other hand; well here they have to step up, even if only a little, because they have made a conscious decision to be there for another person, they signed a contract that says so.

Pickmes don't think any further than what the patriarchy put out in the mainstream media, so they go along with the opinion that's voiced by men, instead of thinking about what, in real terms for them, is a bigger commitment.

I will never understand women who want to have kids and get married later. Marriage is the lesser commitment for us, but if men see if as the bigger commitment, then they need to do that first to probe that they're actually ready to commit to a family. I don't think men see children born out of wedlock the same way they do children they have with their wives; I think they see the latter as "more" their children than the former, if that makes sense.

Any_Indication_2754 · 2021-07-28T07:18:50+00:00

Marriage might be a bigger commitment if you're marrying a complete manchild. I need to add, never get married to the father of your child because you have a child with him. Worst idea ever, and it gives him a lot of control over your life married and divorced. But he needs to marry you before you put your life on the line and have children with him. Your friend is ridiculous.

KAT_85 · 2021-07-28T01:44:05+00:00

I don't understand this logic at all. I would NEVER have a child with someone who wouldn't marry me first. EVER. Because I'm not a fan of the idea of being a single mom.

M1nette · 2021-07-28T09:55:28+00:00

This thinking just benefits men by protecting his assets while spreading his "germs" without any legal commitment to his partner. That's just patriarchal brainwashing.

_queeeen_ · 2021-07-28T01:26:23+00:00

First comes love. Then comes sex. Then marriage. Then the baby in the baby carriage. If you do this out of order with a man, you’re playing yourself.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-07-28T02:20:43+00:00

I would laugh in a man's face if he thought he would have access to my womb without marriage.

Ironsculpture · 2021-07-28T10:04:00+00:00

The woman who told you that is dumb as fuck.

veruscka · 2021-07-28T14:42:07+00:00

Women who have kids with a man thinking it will eventually lead to marriage are so sad.

MagnfiqueMaleficent · 2021-07-28T16:04:34+00:00

I can’t think of a better way to ensure my own future will be filled with financial struggles than to have a baby at 25 with someone who may or may not give me $400 a month in child support. 🤡

That’s not what’s best for me and it’s not what’s best for my baby. Pass.

ComprehensiveAmoeba9 · 2021-07-28T02:43:08+00:00

Yikes, I’m embarrassed for her. It’s better to wait and have children when your brain is fully developed (after 25) and you’ll have more life experience and emotional maturity vs. someone who is 24 years old. And when you’re 30, you’re going to be more established in your career so you’ll be more financially stable and able to provide for your children. As for the father of your child, he needs to be high value and show that he is committed to you by getting married and prioritizing your relationship. Your love and marriage will set a good example to your children on what a loving and healthy relationship should look like. For your sons, teach them how to respect women and be high value while for your daughters teach them how to not settle for any less and set high standards and boundaries.

PollyannaPenny · 2021-07-28T02:27:25+00:00

I don't get this mentality either. Especially when a couple lives together for years, has multiple kids, and balks at the suggestion of marriage. Like...you can make a clean break after a divorce. But having kids together will keep you tethered to the other person for LIFE!

springtulip475 · 2021-07-28T00:54:39+00:00

goddess free the females i beg😩

Julie1605 · 2021-07-28T13:23:46+00:00

I had a friend who have said that too. When I mentioned to her that I wanted to get married first, she assumed that my family will force me to do it in that order, but I just want security in a relationship before I have children. Not only for me, but also for him if I die or have complications during labor.

thelionmermaid · 2021-07-28T01:58:56+00:00

Wtf this is why I'm not into casual sex, and why I can't just "enjoy the date for what it is". Every man I view as a potential romantic interest is also a contender for being the father of my children...I am NOT taking dates lightly or considering long-term situationships. Children are entire new worlds of their own that will impact the future of our planet - they are lives that need tending and direction. No man in my life will be their father unless he can truly step up to that role.

Also, might I add, my timeline for having children is completely separate from my (teensy) desire to find a life partner and I would hope other women are able to have the bravery to feel the same. I will have children when I am financially stable and they will be fucking AWESOME no matter what because I am going to be a great mom. Oh, there's a guy who wants to be a part of the family? Cool, I'll vet him and if he's a keeper he'll be kept🤷🏻‍♀️ But marriage is not the goal. If I stay a single mom, that's cool too.

chasingshoesales · 2021-07-28T04:58:56+00:00

My LVX was like this. He was okay with having a kid with a forever girlfriend but didn’t want to get married. She was 6 months pregnant when SHE asked HIM to marry her. She gave in cause he “felt bad”. He also made it clear through our relationship that he never considered having a child a big deal. He never considered he would ever have to be a full time parent. Apparently she was an “abusive” parent (I’m hoping he was lying) and he essentially would do nothing to get full custody or even primary custody. He literally just kept sending her to court and spending both their money trying to get the courts to force her to parent the exact way he wanted her to parent. They even asked if he wanted a change in custody and he said no. I realize now he could have been lying to me about the abuse the entire time and just been harassing her through the courts.

I really hope he was lying.

Potato-Swing · 2021-07-28T13:41:43+00:00

Hey,

You make a point : marriage is definitly not a bigger commitment, except in situations (cultures, religions) where it can't be broken by divorce, maybe ?

Once that being said, I can tell that I would, and probably will soon, have a child with someone I'm not married to. The risks it represents depends on the context, and the social policy of the country you live in. From where I write, concubine couples have the same privileges and obligations to the children, in case of separation, than married one. There's no difference when it comes to the decision of the residence they stay in, or the money each parent must provide to their education. If parents are unable to agree, it's up to a judge to take the final decision. State assures financial help if needed, virtually free day care, school and health care.

You can also be confident enough about your job, to know that you'd be ok if ever you split up. You can decide that no matter what, you'll keep working because your career is an important part of your life, and because you'll never give up your financial independance.

On the affective plan, each person is different. I don't feel the need to marry, because my compagnon demonstrates his commitment every day since many years, without any doubt. We talked a lot about marriage, and it appeared to us that buying a house and saving money for the future was way more important than spending thousands in a...big party. Matter of choice.

These reasons are convincing enough to me. They let me feel safe about the children we plan to make. I'm not saying that's the only path, but I do believe the context (favorable or not to women) influences the choices we have. I thought a counter exemple could be interesting to put in that discussion.

Thanks to have red me :)

kimmysradscreename · 2021-07-28T15:42:34+00:00

Obviously what she said is ridiculous, but as a woman who shouldn't have married her husband but absolutely loves her daughter, let me explain. Parenting takes up much of my time and is obviously a huge lifetime commitment. However, it's an enjoyable commitment. I love watching my kiddo grow up. I love doing everything I can for her. The husband is honestly just as much work but I don't get anything out of it. 🤷‍♀️

thediverswife · 2021-07-30T21:44:21+00:00

The idea that a reversible legal decision is more commitment than combining your DNA with someone else’s and creating a lifelong responsibility and bond between you… hustling backwards

Title	Marriage is a bigger commitment??? Huh!?!
Author	Vanilla_only_
Upvotes	566
Comments	61
Date	July 27, 2021 10:30 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/oswtsr/marriage_is_a_bigger_commitment_huh/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/marriage-is-a-bigger-commitment-huh.795416 https://theredarchive.com/post/795416

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