Not even surprised

Substantial-Win-7612 · 2021-04-07T09:08:05+00:00

Let’s suppose he would have stayed, how much are we going to bet that he would have cheated on her and blamed her because” our sexual life is not how it used to be and it is hurting me”... meanwhile she is a neoplastic patient. Not surprising at all, just bitter

GodILoveTheEnglish · 2021-04-07T08:21:17+00:00

What was that statistic again? Women are 6x more likely than men to be divorced if they are diagnosed with cancer? Yeah... Can't imagine how much worse that statistic could be for forever gfs

SadPersonality8576 · 2021-04-07T08:34:25+00:00

Where are all those benevolent notallmen I keep hearing about in a scenario like this? The friends, the colleagues, the dad, the brothers, the cousins? I never hear a story where they all get together and roast the dude for disrespecting a woman like that. I never hear them telling him "how fucking dare you be such a weak little scrote, get a grip".

I feel for her, it is a very trying situation to go through, and I hope she has another support system. She should concentrate on herself, and mark him as dead and buried.

2021-04-07T13:31:30+00:00

[deleted]

spinsterchachkies · 2021-04-07T08:52:04+00:00

Not surprised one bit. Not even a little bit. This is completely normal behavior for a man.

RabidWench · 2021-04-07T08:59:50+00:00

Disappointed but not surprised. Of course he dragged her along for one last nanny gig before ditching her like a brown banana.... 🙄 "Do YoU kNoW hOw MuCh I tRuSt YoU?" Bro, you'd probably leave your 4 year old with a rabid dog if it meant you could play Xbox or get laid.

avokatze · 2021-04-07T13:37:20+00:00

I didn't want to think about it, but can't help it: how many women decided to not go for a mastectomy, hoping other options would help, and later died, because their partners had the same reaction and those women didn't want to lose this trash?

GIfuckingJane · 2021-04-07T09:43:51+00:00

Holy shit... Pure evil

PinkPetalCdistbeauty · 2021-04-07T08:31:38+00:00

But did she CoMunICate enough to HIm how it makes her feel when she gets cancer and stuff?????

1Here4Bach · 2021-04-07T11:09:19+00:00

The craziest thing about this is the only thing a lot of men can offer women these days is a sense of security. Security knowing that if I’m sick or in trouble I’ll have someone to be there for me but nope. They can’t even do that right.

But hey! Men are the OnLy TrUe RoMaNtIcS, right?

_differentmentality_ · 2021-04-07T08:55:07+00:00

“my partner was super supportive saying things like no matter what they’d be there and promised nothing would get in between our love”

words really are cheap

2021-04-07T12:14:06+00:00

☹️At least she figured out that she was just a pair of breasts to him now rather than later.

Saitschik · 2021-04-07T10:40:16+00:00

Appart from him bailing because she is sick I feel "closing on a house" is somehow a death sentence for relationships.

I saw it when my parents build their own house. Plenty of the neighbors who did the same got divorced not many months/years later because one of the partners freaked out and tried to break out.

Sad, building a base together should actually be a good thing.

anywaysheresrational · 2021-04-07T08:29:48+00:00

pArtNer

When he's just a bf.

Love the special twist how tHeY (he) took the tRusT bReAcH at the swimming pool as a way to gaslight her that this was the problem. When really:

He just doesn't want to deal with the breast cancer of his girlfriend.

Dump via text, to finish the circus. Why are men ?

purasangria · 2021-04-07T12:25:10+00:00

He doesn't love her, he loves her boobs. Apparently he doesn't realize that those can be reconstructed.

This man hates her so much that he's going to subject her to the stress of moving whilst undergoing treatment for breast cancer. And all because he's afraid her boobs won't look the same.

It always comes down to "muh penis," sadly.

Exhibit 1 as to why you don't move in with a man until you are married, and you certainly don't buy a house with them unless you are married. That "piece of paper" protects your rights.

WhoDatSayDat · 2021-04-07T13:08:56+00:00

First of all, DO NOT BUY THE HOUSE! I am a licensed agent and I don’t care what you have lined up in the way of movers, plans of where to live, etc. DO NOT BUY THE HOUSE! Do not sign. This is not a partnership that is okay to be in. Buying a house is a major investment. You could set yourself up to be in financial ruin. There is no scenario I can think of where you turn out okay! Maybe he executes a Quit Claim Deed (gifting it to you) immediately after closing, but why would he? He’s still on the loan. And you still have to sign everything BEFORE he signs that. .... please, please, please... do not sign. Lose your earnest money... that doesn’t matter... please do not go to closing. Call the loan officer, call the agent, call the attorney. Tell them you will not sign, you will not be there, come what may.

Secondly, I tried to break up with my LVM when I was diagnosed with breast cancer 6 years ago. We had been on again/off again for years and I knew what I would need as a patient. Any time I am ever sick I just want/need to be left alone. I also knew that wasn’t fair to him in a non-committed relationship. He is high maintenance, thrives on a lot of attention. [okay, he’s codependent and narcissist but we’ll leave that alone for now... I didn’t have FDS at the time to OPEN MY EYES and stop giving people the benefit of the doubt all the time!]

Fast forward, he insisted we stay together. Wouldn’t even have a conversation about it.

Then I’m past it. I’m done. About 6 months after my last radiation treatment he breaks up with me. He didn’t want to break up before I went through my treatments because how that would then make HIM LOOK.

suzy_ko ~ I understand the devastation, feelings of abandon, and being heartbroken. I get it. I truly do. :’( I’m crying over here knowing how you feel.

This is a highly edited version of my story. I could tell you all the NV/LV behavior he showed... just trust me when I say that it’s better to have an open space to heal in than to have a Scrote in your presence that you keep hoping will act better.

Lean into it. Feel it. Til you don’t feel it anymore. It will be a while, but it will happen. This is part of your catharsis toward healing. He is not a part of that healthy version of you.

YOU have dodged a HUGE bullet. Someone who cannot compassionately help you talk through a major medical decision in your life (lumpectomy vs mastectomy vs nothing at all) is NOT someone to partner in life with!!!

Please DM me, if you need someone to scream to or cry at. I completely get it. I really do. .... And, really... you’ve got this. Such a gutsy post.

I’ve got a lot of tips that helped me through chemo. I’d be super honored to share them with you [and anyone else here who needs them].

kalina95 · 2021-04-07T13:29:56+00:00

I dont understand what that pool statement was all about? What did he mean by trust her? They're buying a house together and he says NOW that he trusts her with the kids?🤔

2021-04-07T13:31:47+00:00

Another case of trash taking itself out. Now she has one less tumor poisoning her life. And she knows from the start she's alone and has nobody to count on but herself.

He could have decided to play the nice guy role and just abandon her in the middle of her treatment, when she was weak and reliant upon him.

The comment about his daughter in the same pool thing was just the cherry on the shitty cake tho...

Who would want to spend a second with such a morron!

stopvolution · 2021-04-07T13:47:26+00:00

I was diagnosed with breast cancer in November of 2020 and found out I’m stage 4 in December. I’m married and my husband is doing everything right so far, but the things I’ve seen in support groups and the surprise/praise from nurses and friends when my husband does the very minimum, like coming to my appointments, is just unreal. This woman will be better off enduring even the most difficult treatment by herself than while dealing with the emotional baggage of a shitty man.

Responsible_Cherry29 · 2021-04-07T13:53:36+00:00

Story reads like a duped woman who was sold a marriage dream and took on role of step mommy and bangmaid.

This was written in a very deliberate way with the intention of hiding the “partners” gender. It’s not an easy read; it’s verbal gymnastics.

She’s protecting HIM.

Or could be the OP is trying to get unbiased situational advice, without naming him as a man. Which is sad she felt she had to write it this way.

We’ve seen this story before where wild suggestions pop up in the comments like allowing him a girlfriend, dangerous surgery, and gaslighting her failure to cOmMuNiCaTe are all rampant.

So so sad.

barbellvalkyrie · 2021-04-07T15:41:02+00:00

I work in pathology, and it is absolutely horrifying how often I see this (particularly in breast cancer cases). I always go through relevant patient history before I begin processing a case, particularly a mastectomy or lumpectomy, and the amount of women who end up opting for the lumpectomy (higher risk of positive margins) after "discussion with family/husband" makes me feel sick. I had one bil mastectomy case involving a very young woman with aggressive breast cancer that started the process engaged and progressed through it single. I still think about her every couple of days, and all I can really do now is hope she is thriving on her own. A partner who leaves you in your hardest moments and cares more about "saving the tatas!" than a woman's life is worth less than garbage.

basicbagels · 2021-04-07T14:06:04+00:00

Scrotes jump ship all the time on their ill/sick partners. Very disgusting.

IllTill3859 · 2021-04-07T12:03:53+00:00

Not surprised. NVM gave me a cold then disappeared because he “didn’t want to catch any cooties”. 5 days later he resurfaced when he thinks I am better so I can “hang out and go on a date with him.” I dumped him because that gave me a prelude to the future. I am sorry for this woman, but in most cases, the warning signs were there from the get go. We just chose not to see them. I hope she is surrounded by a tried of women and she fight Ca and wins.

iwant-to-stay-unknow · 2021-04-07T17:31:58+00:00

Sadly it’s just a statistical fact that women are more likely to be abandoned when they’re diagnosed with cancer.

I’m not kidding, there’s a comparative research study from the NIH library of medicine: Female gender was found to be a strong predictor of partner abandonment in patients with serious medical illness

dingdingdingdongbing · 2021-04-07T18:45:15+00:00

He wants a bang maid to manage his kids, but having cancer is not allowed! She's let go like a damn employee.

Remember, ladies! There's an actual research study that shows that men are more likely to dump their wives/longtime partners going through serious medical problems than women. Read more here.

Nessigrrrl · 2021-04-07T16:45:33+00:00

My ex broke up with me via text when I woke up in the intensive care unit.

Feminineprincess · 2021-04-07T18:16:41+00:00

I noticed she kept saying “they” and not “him”.

Virago68 · 2021-04-07T08:14:29+00:00

Wow! What a king size jerk! I hope you can get out of that house deal. I’m really sorry about what you are going through. How people behave in a crisis really shows what they are like deep down. He’s showing that he’s a selfish asshole.

noiinlove · 2021-04-07T13:53:07+00:00

I mean, do you even want to be with someone like this? Did you a favour imo.

Yellowsunflowerlover · 2021-04-07T15:47:22+00:00

He's an idiot. Shows he'd leave loved ones the second an obstacle appears. You dodged a bullet OP! And imagine that he has a daughter....Great example he's showing.

jkklfdasfhj · 2021-04-07T08:20:24+00:00

Good grief. This is something to always keep in mind. When you're going through something devastating, really pay attention to your partner's support of you.

all_or_nothing_bet · 2021-04-07T19:22:16+00:00

So typical. I had to go through chemo and a guy who just recently confessed his love to me behaved in the same manner - lots of support for a few weeks and then slow fade.

I'm thriving and kicking but that shit show of him slithering away like a coward certainly didn't make my recovery as great as it should be.

It was hilarious to watch and cringy at the same time, like that episode of South Park where Eric Cartman thought he was a ghost and would slowly back away, doing those weird hand gestures. Dude, I see what you are doing lol.

n3rdgir7 · 2021-04-07T20:16:00+00:00

Men don't love women, they love our bodies

lvoncreek · 2021-04-07T17:41:57+00:00

But has she tried like... TaLkInG To HiM?

TrixieFriganza · 2021-04-07T11:03:12+00:00

Wow don't men have any feelings att all? So the only thing he actually loved with her was her breast and not what's inside of her. So he actually cared shit about the person she is. Total sociopath, I don't get how he could fake care and loving her for 2 years and they even had kids. Reading this actually makes feel sick, this is so inhumane, is he even human? You just don't do something like this to another human being and specially how can you lie this badly to the person your supposed to love, the mother of your children? So men are just playing theater and nothing they say when it comes to love and feelings is actually real? I just don't get this, he seems like a robot rather than a human and why most men probably would do better with a robot sexdoll rather than an actual human partner because many of them clearly don't care shit what's inside of her. Then they couln't traumatise a person with actual feelings, though they can't of course play their mental games then

2021-04-07T13:47:45+00:00

Dipped her underwater? Genuine question: is it a part swimming lessons?

Noogirl · 2021-04-10T21:14:35+00:00

Ugh ugh ugh. 20 yrs ago one of my closest friends lost her sister to BC that she’d been fighting for years. I had only known her second husband/the kids step dad. After she died and my friend was telling me about the first husband and how her sister was diagnosed when their youngest child was 3 days old. And he left that day. Said HE couldn’t cope with losing HER so it was best all round if he detached now and left. Moved in with a “friend from work” who was female, 15 yrs younger and who he married the moment their divorce came through. She lived for 14 years, probably 12 really decent healthy years and 2 hard ones at the end. She had a wonderful second marriage, a beautiful relationship with her kids, family and friends. She was SO much better off without him but fuck me, how cold and selfish do you have to be to leave a woman who’s just had the defining diagnosis of her life and has kids who are 4, 2 and a newborn. She was a total Queen and I shall be raising a glass to her when we visit the oak tree we planted when she died later this year.

FDS-alt-acct · 2021-04-07T17:48:32+00:00

There were a bunch of “they” pronouns and no “he” pronouns so maybe this was a LVW that dumped her partner? The lack of gendered pronouns makes it a little ambiguous.

anotherdamnloser · 2021-04-07T19:55:13+00:00

I’m so angry at how much this happens

sugarplumcutie · 2021-04-08T00:29:01+00:00

I could never marry or spend the rest of my life with a man. I just can’t see myself doing it at this point. God bless this woman and every other woman who’s ended up in a similar situation.

HydraSkyFire · 2021-04-07T12:13:09+00:00

Don't want to be that person but there is no clue in this post that the partner is a male. When I read it I thought that is a woman because usually divorced males don't hang around their kids

daisy_0720 · 2021-04-08T07:14:17+00:00

"Wife appliance defective: off to buy a new model."

Title	Not even surprised
Author	suzy_ko
Upvotes	885
Comments	141
Date	April 7, 2021 8:08 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mlxbfz/not_even_surprised/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/not-even-surprised.764453 https://theredarchive.com/post/764453

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