What happened to first dates?

AutoModerator · 2021-02-17T17:59:40+00:00

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spinsterchachkies · 2021-02-17T18:02:47+00:00

Omg that’s terrible! If a man treats you like this you know to block ladies

viell · 2021-02-17T19:31:30+00:00

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elementalvirago · 2021-02-17T18:18:35+00:00

It's ironic that they are crying about women wanting free food when the whole time men want free sex.

berryberrykicks · 2021-02-17T19:59:40+00:00

This is why I stopped going on first dates and started staying home.

Insane how the quality of my life went UP once I stopped doing the thing that is supposed to make me happiest?

Maude2010 · 2021-02-17T21:19:54+00:00

I’d say in the last ten years but particularly in the last few. I dated a lot between 2012 and 2017 and people still basically had that dumb three-date rule. Now it’s like people think you’re suspect if you don’t have sex on the first date and you’re a complete weirdo if it doesn’t happen on the second. But calling men “daddy” while being choked during anal sex is totes normal. It’s like upside down world.

essetea · 2021-02-17T20:05:52+00:00

They don't understand that porn isn't real and that sexual intimacy is not instantaneous

anotherdamnloser · 2021-02-17T19:42:28+00:00

Almost everyone I know does this too. I’m 45 and everyone under 40 seems to hook up first, then they might date or be in a relationship. But they all start as hook ups. I don’t get it.

Platipus6 · 2021-02-17T20:44:00+00:00

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tellmesomething11 · 2021-02-17T22:01:25+00:00

I have younger friends and my niece is 21, men may expect sex on the first date but they aren’t getting it lol. I’ve never been asked for sex on a first date but if I was, I’d decline and that’s that. Men don’t make me pay either. If a man was like “I paid for dinner so I should get sex” I’d laugh sooooo hard. It’s the quality of men you allow in your life. Just cut them off and keep it moving.

viell · 2021-02-17T19:08:54+00:00

hookup culture happened. and individualism gone mad

biggestsigh · 2021-02-17T19:09:21+00:00

Since tinder

Saitschik · 2021-02-17T20:39:25+00:00

It's ironic that they talk so much about nature, logic and biology but still have none. From this perspective it makes no sense for women to have sex without a vetting period.

They do not really expect it though,they just push for it to see what they can get. If it's not what you want, don't feel any pressure.

Also, it's definitely not the norm, no matter what some NVM tell you.

Davina33 · 2021-02-17T22:58:04+00:00

I don't care what men or anyone thinks. I'm not sleeping with a man on the first night. I have no idea where he has been and I don't trust or love him. I need to vet him for a long time and make sure he is worthy.

cassabell1894 · 2021-02-17T20:41:08+00:00

I just can't believe how focused and obsessed males are with sex. I've read and heard so often that they are driven by sex. What a meaningless pathetic existence. At least they call themselves out through wanting it on the first date. Pathetic.

LevellingUpTime · 2021-02-18T02:55:32+00:00

I have never followed this rule but the pressure is real. I got so much anxiety going on dates, I got even more anxiety when the relationship started going well because it's like damn, when is he going to start wanting sex?

Even before FDS I was kind of a hard bitch when it came to sex. I told men I was asexual so they would leave me alone. And to be honest, I genuinely thought I was because I never saw a man whose bones I wanted to jump after 3 dates. Never saw a man so handsome I could have slept with him that night.

There are so many "asexual" women out there who simply don't want to sleep with strangers. They call it "greysexual" or "demisexual" or whatever the hell, but basically it just means they can't sleep with a man they "don't know well". Yeah, there's a whole sexuality for women who need to feel an intimate connection to a man before having sex with him. smfh but I'm all for whatever helps protect us and girls in this woke male-feminist, sex positive, empowered culture we live in

warinmymind94 · 2021-02-18T01:32:19+00:00

I've had a few take me to a decent first date: they got a little dressed up, planned a dinner, and then paid for the meal. They seemed decent enough for a 2nd date.

Then they switch up when they ask me for the second date, they'll invite you to Netflix and chill/ go for a walk, or even try inviting you to their house🚩🚩🚩

The pattern for me is they expect sex on the second date

thighvalue · 2021-02-17T22:32:34+00:00

I have never ever had sex on the first date. If I want to see the guy again I kiss him at the end of the night, maybe even make out a little. But then I WALK HOME. Up until now they all wanted to see me again, and I really believe that you give it up at the first date most guys won’t call back.

Don’t respond to the pressure. Any guy who pressures you to have sex right away is NOT high value

hdost34 · 2021-02-17T22:17:48+00:00

Yes, sad but true this has been my experience as well. They really do expect sex in exchange for a meal.

frogchickenhorse · 2021-02-17T20:42:22+00:00

It’s always been that way for me from teens onwards. I’m 40. I had an early education on how gross men think by my dad.

exhalefierceness · 2021-02-18T00:04:06+00:00

I went on a date with this guy, thought he was pretty cool until he said “so...want to come over to my house? My parents are going to a party. We don’t have to do anything, we could just watch a movie.”

UH, NO. BYE.

seraphinelysion · 2021-02-18T03:35:15+00:00

Asking for sex on the first date is a serious sign of low moral character, low emotional maturity, and low empathy. Do not involve yourselves without anyone like this.

letsberealforamoment · 2021-02-18T03:48:34+00:00

Im 45. After my marriage was over, i dated men my age i met on OLD. This is how i handled things:

We always.went out on dates. When i first met them, i reached out my hand for a handshake. I made it PROFESSIONAL and created distance from the start. Boy, dont touch me unless i say so! That sets the tone for the rest of the evening. Also, there was no discussion of anything sexual prior to this.

If i liked the.guy, i MIGHT give him a hug, or.offer.my hand again. I never kiss a man on a first date. I save THAT for the third lol.

I will never let some man i dont know.put his dick in me.

t3ddi · 2021-02-18T06:16:22+00:00

I noticed a disturbing trend of some of my older male students (Grade 11/12) start flinging around the term "simp." Not sure if that is a cause or a symptom but disturbing nonetheless.

Sewud · 2021-02-18T10:24:35+00:00

Don't forget that guys sleep with uglier girls on online dating to get a little bit of experience and then treat the girl they are serious about like a lady. It's completely gross, and they try to blame this on women saying the easy women aren't wife material, but it's 100% due to how they treat women differently and the easy woman would be a lady too if he treated her that way.

Betty_Bottle · 2021-02-17T22:16:19+00:00

Damned if we do, damned if we don't 🤷🏼‍♀️

greenshadownymph · 2021-02-18T08:34:30+00:00

They don't actually expect sex on the first date they're just trying to bully women into sex on the first date.

PinkBlair99 · 2021-02-18T06:12:21+00:00

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r4nd0m-u53r · 2021-02-18T06:23:53+00:00

I got a bit tipsy on a first date and ended up back at the guys place, we started to make out. As soon as he went for my pants I set a hard boundary. He kept pushing it so I left... he was very much shocked that I wouldn't let him push me into sex and after over text he acted like I didn't like him just because I didn't want to have sex yet.

rayne_chi · 2021-02-18T00:25:21+00:00

That’s with LVM. The higher effort men I’ve dated have respected my boundaries and weren’t expecting sex on the first date. I think that’s a big red flag and not the norm.

Dontstopmenow2021 · 2021-02-18T10:50:04+00:00

Just ignore that noise!

With men I met in real life? It never happened, they'll take time to escalate and they'd rarely try to kiss me even after the first date. On tinder? I had one guy suggesting to go to his place after dinner. I think it's mostly OLD which objectifies women even further and the fact that guys you meet there don't belong to your social circle, so they're not forced to see you as a person but rather as an object.

Zirniaisuspirgais · 2021-02-18T15:31:28+00:00

The western sex culture scares me. An average person from my country has 3-4 partners in a lifetime. The way sex is treated like a handshake is horrifying.

all_or_nothing_bet · 2021-02-17T19:20:25+00:00

Hmm, I haven't noticed this at all, to be honest. None of my dates expected sex on the first date, or at least didn't vocalize it enough for ne to notice such expectation, but it could be because we are older (I'm 41). Or is it regional? Do some areas have this cultural conditioning while others do not?

greenshadownymph · 2021-02-18T09:19:20+00:00

A lot of them will play a game where they will say and do things that they think will never actually work and then keep doing it repeatedly in Hope's that eventually it will be statistically impossible for them to have not found someone who will go for it.

It becomes a kind of gaslighting though where after a while people start to think.. he keeps saying that so much..maybe just maybe he is truly sincere...he is saying it so much.....but in reality they are just playing a game of numbers hoping that eventually it will finally work. And sometimes they are purposely trying to convince the woman to believe them just by repeating it over and over. It is a legit brainwashing tactic and it does eventually work a lot of the time if the woman keeps talking to him and listening to him..mainly because it just seems so hard to believe that a person could be that fake most of the time..but a lot of men do that and are that fake most of the time they talk to women.

If you tell every guy straight up that you don't have sex on the first date and expect a real date then most guys will either weed themselves out or take you on a nice date.

Title	What happened to first dates?
Author	ReignOnYou95
Upvotes	408
Comments	112
Date	February 17, 2021 5:59 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lm0gn4/what_happened_to_first_dates/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/what-happened-to-first-dates.1192176 https://theredarchive.com/post/1192176

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