Discussion : Let’s have some positivity :-) How many times have you shown your woman emotions and been vulnerable and it’s made her more attracted to you?

wtknight · 2023-07-07T15:36:55+00:00

Women are welcome to answer this question too and mention instances of times when men opened up to them and it made them and their partner closer, as this post is not flagged question for men.

mxp68 · 2023-07-07T14:44:57+00:00

This hit home so here’s my story: Had a partner of nearly a decade, who never saw me cry before. Then had a medical emergency in 2021 and had to go in the hospital. I was scared out of my mind, and she saw me at my worst moments, laying on the pre-op bed shaking and in misery. After that incident everything changed with us. She became distant and argumentative and within 6 months she was gone.

Here’s the positive spin! I actually enjoy living alone now, so it was for the best. And it has forced me to focus on getting people in my life that will have my back when I need them. And that won’t be my partner, it will be a trusted friend.

SolidusMonkey · 2023-07-07T15:12:35+00:00

Zero. I cried in front of my girlfriend about my dad dying - on the day he died, no less - and it ruined my relationship. Never again.

MagikMage · 2023-07-07T19:49:54+00:00

It's pretty interesting how even when trying to gather more positive instances of male vulnerability turning out for the better, it's still largely futile.

Just from my experience, my mother is the only person who seems to be okay with any emotional issues I've ever had. She's gotten me through a lot, even as an adult. Never felt judged, either.

Other than that it doesn't seem like women are capable of handling male emotions, vulnerabilities, weaknesses, and humanity without them being either turned off or becoming petty and vindictive.

TheLonerCoder · 2023-07-07T15:02:24+00:00

Never? I dont think i've ever been vulnerable and it ever being a positive. Like i've never had a partner say to me "aww, i'm glad you're opening up to me". The only people who ever did this were female friends, not lovers lol. Had this one friend who I was always pretty cold to at first but when I started to open up to her, she liked it because she felt she knew more about me.

Annual_Anxiety_4457 · 2023-07-07T18:16:13+00:00

Zero, cant remember a single instance.

eye_fuck · 2023-07-07T17:05:25+00:00

0 :)

NeveruseTren · 2023-07-07T19:43:47+00:00

Never. The end. Bye.

kochIndustriesRussia · 2023-07-07T15:50:38+00:00

Never lol. The only feeling I've every gotten from being vulnerable in front of any woman was "this was a mistake. I shouldn't have told her that". Women aren't good at receiving vulnerability from their men. They don't like it.

dt13 · 2023-07-07T16:53:01+00:00

Rarely. If you are there for her insecurities and hold her and just listen to whatever fucked up shit she went through before you, she loves that. in my case she asked me to avoid certain words or things to comfort her. But the second I opened up about my insecurities she told me she would for a while but I had to get better. I made no demand like that of he when she was telling me what words stung but I literally could not be given equal treatment. Ultimately it came back to male emotions are for the male to solve but female emotions are for the couple to solve. Like yes we were closer for a while but it showed me that women are wholly unsupportive AF to male emotions even when their own needs are supported. I dont see this problem of being held to the macho standard going away any time soon.

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-07-07T16:59:22+00:00

In 2016, my husband and I were still dating. He wanted to live together, and I did not, because I finally had achieved empty nester status and I was enjoying living alone for the first time in my adult life. So we broke up a couple of times, because we wanted different things.

The first time we got back together I was the vulnerable one. My mom was in ICU after a stroke, and I was terrified we were going to lose her. His mom is deceased and it's profoundly affected him, so I knew he would understand. I called him up, and then I went to visit. We cried together, me for my mom, and him for his. We had sex a number of times and we talked all night. We made up and dated a few more months.

But again, he wanted to live together and I did not. So we broke up again. A few days before Christmas that year, he called me at work. He was crying and he was very sick. He thought he was dying. I left work and went to his house and he did seem very ill. We thought it might be pneumonia. So I took him to the ER. As it turns out, he had whooping cough. They prescribed some drugs and sent him home. We spent Christmas together and I moved in after New Year's.

The_LightofDawn · 2023-07-07T20:25:16+00:00

Nope, never will. At best, nothing will happen. At worst, she’ll think that it’s unattractive.

Tricky_Relief_7152 · 2023-07-08T01:34:26+00:00

Let me list them:

1.

Showing women vulnerability makes them feel unsafe, which kills attraction.

Outcast_Devil · 2023-07-09T01:32:12+00:00

I opened up about my childhood sexual abuse to my girlfriend who talked about it behind my back with her friends after I told her to keep it secret. Then we broke up.

Women see emotional confidence the same way men see orgasms, I only care abut mine and not yours.

Pilling_it · 2023-07-07T19:08:19+00:00

I'm afraid -and it shows in that thread- that I don't think what men would define as actually showing their emotions work like that. Your question hit way closer to home than you wanted, sadly.

Trying to keep up with what you intended for this thread though, the only times it worked well when was I talked about a non problem so she could feel I opened up. From testing, it actually stressed women I've known if I talked about something actually bothering me. Best thing I've received are the problems that were one but I basically said I'm okay now.

Sorry that I don't have any more positive experience to give you.

platinirisms · 2023-07-07T14:45:37+00:00

First things first, define showing emotions and being vulnerable. Because everyone will have different opinions about what exactly that entails.

Is it simply about telling her how the sad movie made you feel things, or is it about opening her up to your depression and anxiety then crying, or something in between?

Lift_and_Lurk · 2023-07-07T15:33:46+00:00

I dunno, we been married a long time. There have been really good times and some hard times.
All of them bring us closer together cause we both lean on each other.

renfsu · 2023-07-07T15:59:43+00:00

Honestly? 0. It's either been neutral (she likes me the same) or negative (she likes me less). Never been positive.

MtnRnrTCK · 2023-07-07T16:57:24+00:00

Ahhh! This is so sad! And frustrating. I'm appreciative there was a post a few days back that acknowledged that unhealthy/unhealed women are usually the ones unable to handle a male partner's emotions. I'm also noticing there's a lot of need for validation in this sub (understandable), but that probably means tendencies that are going to attract unhealthy partners (narcissistic leaning), which I think highlights some reasons it hasn't gone down so well for so many here, especially in addition to societal expectations.

I, personally, am incredibly appreciative of my husband's vulnerability. Everything he's told me has brought us closer. And he has real stuff. Single mother with BPD, at least one emotionally abusive relationship, etc. Our shared interests also mean we spend a lot of time outside together getting beyond exhausted, so I've seen him at his best and worst (and vise-versa). I learned more about him and got closer to him in our first 2 years as a result than I had in my previous 5-year-long relationship.

But it took so much work to be able to create space like this. For both of us. I'm continually impressed by my husband's willingness to work on his insecurities and trauma while sharing the process with me, including crying and asking for support in moments of hopelessness. I'm doing the same. I think vulnerability and learning how to work with emotions, rather than bottle them up, getting anxious and depressed or letting them out in ways not even related to the core issue, is among the bravest and most noble things anyone can do. Learning to ride the wave! I've been working on it myself and I've seen it in my husband. It makes me feel so lucky to have him. He's both sensitive and resilient, and that comes from his emotional work. I'm so thankful we can share the journey, though it hasn't been easy.

Based on the disaster that was my relationship prior to this, I think sharing/showing emotion with your partner is healthy, so long as you don't expect them to fix you/heal your trauma (they can't. Only you can), and a partner who is uncomfortable with you just showing emotion/vulnerability needs to do the work too. They should be able to hold space without overwhelm (again, as long as you don't expect fixing). Additionally, you can't expect a partner not to have feelings about your feelings or your trauma and worry about how it will affect the relationship. These concerns need to be addressed in addition to your emotions and if you have unresolved trauma, you need to demonstrate you're willing to work on it and have a track record of doing so. This goes for both partners. I can't emphasize enough that it takes work though.

Opening_Tell9388 · 2023-07-07T14:40:16+00:00

Every time, I don't think i've ever been vulnerable to a woman and it had negative effects. I assume if you can self internalize and know how to communicate and express your emotions women really cherish the intimacy of you letting your walls down.

VastlyVainVanity · 2023-07-07T21:30:18+00:00

My ex was actually very understanding when she saw me cry or be vulnerable. She comforted me, sometimes also cried with me, etc. I really don't relate with the whole "If you show emotions to a woman, she'll despise you" thing.

But that seems to unfortunately be a fairly common experience, which is a shame.

KayRay1994 · 2023-07-07T15:17:00+00:00

idk if “more attracted” is the right word, but more often than not the woman certainly wasn’t less attracted + a stronger bond was built between us. At first, since I just flat out vented it ended poorly, but as i changed my methods and confined in the women i’ve been involved in from a “hey, help me fix this” kinda way, its been good

Lysa_Bell · 2023-07-07T16:34:53+00:00

When my fiance and I were just together we spend our first Christmas together. It was the same year his mother died. I was looking forward to spend Christmas together but he spend the whole time playing video games. Barely talking to me. I was sad and angry that he ignored me. I didn't know what was going on so I asked him on boxing day if this is how our Christmas together is going to be, because I will have a problem with it. He didn't even realise how much he shut himself out and only then it became clear to him how much he missed his mom on Christmas. He cried and apologized. All my anger went away because then I understood what was going on and I held him while he cried. It was his way to ignore his emotions at the time. This year I asked him to marry me. No vulnerability from his side ever changed my feelings about him.

saraimarsena · 2023-07-07T17:22:47+00:00

a few weeks ago actually.

my partner got some really scary news about his father. i’ve never heard him cry like that before. it hurt my heart and i genuinely didn’t know what to say to fix it (i still don’t) but i held him so tightly and he cried and cried in my arms, shaking for hours.

i still can’t wait to marry him one day. i’m still very very attracted to him. he’s still my best friend. my flair still is what it is lol. none of that changed. but he’s expressed how grateful he is to feel safe with me and i have every intention to protect his heart for the rest of our lives together.

NJFlowerchild · 2023-07-07T16:05:22+00:00

My husband's former in laws came to our house when they heard about my adopting his daughter. I had never met them and our daughter had no idea who the hell these people were either. This man began cursing at me and I took our child and left to go to my parents. He was terrified that I would leave him over their being crazy. He was afraid that I had finally seen that he wasn't perfect. I found him crying on the floor in our bedroom when I went home. The talk that came after that is the reason why I married him despite never feeling a need for it. It did nothing to break us apart.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-07-07T16:53:48+00:00

Getting more attracted would imply there was a time I didn't know he had emotions and finding out got me feeling excited, or I'm turned on by him crying or something. We've pretty much always been emotionally close and I can't even count the times he's shared emotions with me, positive or negative, easy or difficult. Last time was like, yesterday (was negative and reasonably difficult). It lets me know that he trusts me, he's honest with me and he is strong and mature.

MistyMaisel · 2023-07-07T15:07:15+00:00

I'm not a guy, but I can say I've seen my boyfriend be extremely emotional across the spectrum - anger, rage, crying, exhausted, upset, frustrated, afraid, panicked, and all the good ones too. Never reduced my attraction to him, in some cases it made me more attracted to him, in a lot of cases it brought us closer together and strengthened our intimate bond. I'd say it made me more attracted to him as a long-term partner. I don't think it's a real panty dropping moment per say, but it really does strengthen the bond and intimacy shared.

I should say compared to other people and men in the past, he's really well managed in his emotions, doesn't keep stuff from me until it's at an explosive boiling over point, and it was all pretty appropriately timed in terms of it wasn't like over trivial stuff that would make you think they've got a screw loose or super early in the relationship.

Naive_Information_41 · 2023-07-07T16:15:35+00:00

At best, you'd get a neutral reaction and sympathy but you still are a weaker man in her eyes. At worst, there'd be a palpable indifference in her towards you.

Gilmoregirlin · 2023-07-07T19:44:48+00:00

My ex and I had been dating for about six months and he was stoic very masculine type of guy. He was telling me about how he had to make the decision to put down his childhood dog in his early 20s and he started to cry. I mean full on sobbing. In that moment I fell in love with him. He showed me his heart. He showed me his deep love for animals. He was 45 at the time so years had passed but it still hurt him a lot.
I think alot of times men trauma dump and then say women reject them but trauma dumping indicates emotional instability and no one finds that attractive. That’s different than being emotionally vulnerable.

bobby995557 · 2023-07-10T03:25:24+00:00

Zero. Never show your weak emotions to a woman.

Mobrowncheeks · 2023-07-07T14:58:13+00:00

When you show a woman emotions that make you look unhinged or insane, ofcourse she’s going to be unattracted to that. I’ve never had a woman be less attracted to me because I expressed myself emotionally.

Salt_Mathematician24 · 2023-07-07T19:36:00+00:00

The first time my partner cried in front of me was a few months in after an argument when he felt he really hurt my feelings and almost lost me. From that moment forward, I knew he was the one and I am now married to him. I could never stay with a man that never cries. I am a emotional artist type, I wouldn't feel as deep a connection with someone that doesn't show that range of emotion.

I feel like if a woman leaves you for crying then she was never that invested to begin with tbh.

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Even-Equivalent · 2023-07-07T17:29:58+00:00

If you wanted positivity you shouldnt have raised this as a question friend.

The best way to show love is an us vs them mentality. For men its if he fails and not a thing changescor better yet he gets love and support. As with men love we recieve is completely performance based and can be tiring For women its showing her that you are ok with the real her and that she can be unfiltered women fall into facades far too easily as the way they deal with the weight of expectation. Before red pillers jump down my throat you don't let her walk over you you need to bring comfort during conflict. Show her things can still be ok during an argument.

Tldr everyone struggles with the weight of expectation. The way to deepen any bond is to show that failure doesn't mean love is tajen away while you're still in the relationship. This does not apply to cheating or breakups.

Stunning-Spirit5275 · 2023-07-07T22:33:04+00:00

In my experience, I'd say only 10% of women are capable of accepting men's vulnerability without judgement or consequence. Odds being, it's best to be conservative with your openness

TempoIndigo · 2023-07-08T01:58:35+00:00

So what it seems is that every single male poster has only had negative experiences and the women have a good experience with their husbands

Wonder why there’s such a stark difference

naughtychick9999 · 2023-07-08T04:56:17+00:00

My ex cried when he told me about the last time he saw his dad when he was 7 years old and always wondered if he'd ever come back. Wasn't a turn off and made me feel closer to him.

Downtown_Werewolf_44 · 2023-07-08T06:29:30+00:00

I cried in front of my wife when I learned my dad had a terminal illness, she is now my ex wife.

When women tell that they want men to open up more, I trully believe they don't want the whole package. From now on, I only display those kind of emotions:

-positive emotions: "I like..." , "I'm happy to..." "You make me feel..."

-negative emotions under control: "i'm sad/affraid/worried about .... But don't worry, I manage"

You can disagree all you want but it works wonder. And when I really need to open up, I turn to my friends.

Holden_Frame · 2023-07-08T07:23:02+00:00

After being in the hospital for a week, and on all kinds of drugs during my recovery, my then girlfriend was keeping me company and Gladiator was on.

I cried at the end (as I kind of felt like I had faced death a few days prior). It wasn't even sobbing, just tears and kind of a hand on forehead type of thing.

I remember catching her looking at me clearly confused, lost and very uncomfortable.

A few months later she would throw it in my face to illustrate how "weak" I was.

Jazzpeters · 2023-07-08T07:35:07+00:00

Damn tbh I have and it worked out/working out currently. Long as you do what’s right then it balances displaying your weakness

RedBullfrog · 2023-07-08T09:12:37+00:00

Every single time I’ve been in a relationship. I have no problem being emotional, or even crying in front of my woman. And every time that has strengthened our relationship. But there are some things to keep in mind. The problem is not that you as a man show emotion, it’s how you show it. If you go all out of control emotionally and act hysterically, she will be stupid not losing all respect for you. Do it controlled and honest. The other thing to keep in mind is it only works with a good woman who already respects you and respects that you have emotions. Never open up to a woman who doesn’t respect you.

abaxeron · 2023-07-08T09:22:37+00:00

Not a "partner" story, but.

Wanted to send a heartfelt voice message to my friend. Pre-recorded it. Started sobbing in the middle because... of basically everything. Re-listened, deleted, recorded the second time in cheerful voice, just putting a small tangent at the end "I'm actually recording it for the second time, had to delete the first cuz it was unintelligible because of all the sobbing hahah".

She admitted that she started sobbing while listening to it.

Which I can totally understand, because my sobbing voice was kind-of scary sounding even to myself.

Wattehfok · 2023-07-08T09:49:45+00:00

My missus.

We’d been dating about three months. We were hanging out when I got a call from my dad saying his dog had died.

I really loved that dog.

I kept a stiff upper lip. We talked for a bit, until she recounted a story about losing her dog as a kid; and the floodgates opened.

I was full ugly crying. She didn’t say anything - just held me till I stopped sobbing. Then made me a cup of tea. And put me to bed. And made me breakfast in the morning. She was nothing but sweet and kind.

I assume that she didn’t lose attraction to me, cos we got married a few years later.

That was 20ish years ago.

jrjr_analyst · 2023-07-08T14:43:29+00:00

This came 269 days too early.

BuiltForTruth · 2023-07-08T14:57:28+00:00

Yup, about two years ago I opened up to my gf about my struggles and how I’m in therapy. She cried and told me how much she fell for me in that moment for having the courage to be completely open with her. She said it was on that day she knew for certain that I would be her husband. We are three years strong now and I plan to propose soon. She is still very much in love with me and very much sexually attracted to me. Men—do not settle for emotionally immature women who don’t actually love you.

sayittentimesfast · 2023-07-08T18:40:30+00:00

Let me count... 1.... 2.... that other time.... four.... five....

Zero. Zero fucking times.

NothingOrAllLife · 2023-07-09T00:18:38+00:00

Are the guys here saying their partner left them going from no emotions outside of stoicism to nothing at all? Did your partner get weirded out when you expressed genuine unfiltered happiness or joy? Anger? Anxiety?

Ok-Resolve-7973 · 2023-07-09T11:58:39+00:00

Never. I had a girlfriend. Supported and helped her during her tough times and was there in the ups and downs. 2 years ago, I lost my job and was indecisive about my future for a while and was at a weak point and I expressed, eventually she found someone else.

This whole experience made me unfortunately distant from everyone.

Outcast_Devil · 2023-07-11T01:24:10+00:00

Men aren't entitled to emotional support from women, sweaty. GTFO with your incel stuff /s

forking_guy · 2023-07-11T10:47:05+00:00

Absolutely zero times. "Vulnerability" never works out well.

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