Do attractive men, who could easily get hookups, not need the validation from hookups?

wtknight · 2019-06-16T13:08:07+00:00

Yeah, probably. Anybody who is successful always has higher standards than somebody who is not successful. Just being able to get hookups seems pretty low on the standards chart when compared to the higher standard of love and lifetime happiness.

AndemanMan · 2019-06-16T09:38:36+00:00

Yeah. PUA and plate spinning is like eating loads of junk food all the time instead of eating nutritious meals.

rumple5skins · 2019-06-16T13:25:39+00:00

You know how when football players get flagged for excessive TD celebrations, the announcers of the game will act all indignant and say that guy should “act like he’s been there before”? It’s like that.

pngmafia97 · 2019-06-16T12:19:31+00:00

Do attractive men, who could easily get hookups, not need the validation from hookups?

Yes, because attractive men were sexually validated when they first learned that they could easily get female love and attention as teenagers. Because they are already validated, random hookups no longer serve that purpose. It's so easy that it doesn't mean anything anymore. Essentially, their sufficiently large egos are cultivated by their own high status in the SMV that stroking their own ego via casual sex is unnecessary.

Natural alphas might still hookup a lot - not for validation but just because it's fun. I think your friend is just an example of a well matured alpha.

The natural alphas I know in my life are either currently undergoing a manwhore phase or previously experienced it when they were less mature and are now entirely uninterested in random hookups.

For example, a good friend of mine is one of the most conventionally attractive guys I've ever seen. My SO (also very conventionally attractive but not nearly as much as this guy) says that when they walk down the street together women of all types unabashedly OGLE. This guy doesn't even bat an eye or notice. It's so normal to him and isn't particularly flattering - it's just his norm. It takes a woman with interesting substance to her and real compatibility for him to give a fuck.

My SO, also a former manwhore, says that random hookups have no challenge or growth aspect for him and they are also completely devoid of meaning. By definition, random hookups aren't meaningful to begin with, but they are even less meaningful insofar as they no longer serve as validation nor are they exciting and new. It's just mechanical after that many times. In out in out in out, bye! Pump and dump.

is plate spinning for men with the "beta" mentality just so that they can get the validation they need go be confidence?

Plate spinning can be fun in and of itself and it can also be a validation strategy. For those with a "beta" mentality it's probably both! Just like eating a delicious watermelon can be delicious in and of itself it can simultaneously be a weight loss strategy. When competence in casual sex is acquired its effectiveness as validation likely diminishes.

UnleashYourLife · 2019-06-16T12:01:31+00:00

Males who never had sex (or had very little of it) are easy to manipulate due to their thirst. Any competent female will easily spot such a male - and if he's attractive enough, and string him up for a relationship that will not be in his benefit.

Spinning plates is a prescription required to get thirst out of men. This is beneficial because without thirst, a man can start having some fucking self-respect, some standards, ability to call out a woman on her bullshit. The latter is important because inherently, women test men. It's their modus operandi to push the line bit by bit, and it is a man's job to not budge. If a man gives in, the female will lose her attraction, since unlike men, women are attracted to leadership and not submissiveness.

Another positive consequence of spinning plates is acquiring the ability to understand women and their personalities. This will allow a man to screen for women who will bring value to his life OUTSIDE OF SEX. Sex aside, if a woman brings nothing into a mans life beside drama and problems, then that woman is not worth his time. It is these kinds of women that thirsty men need to watch out for, as they do not have the tools to deal with them.

Too lazy to write more, but I hope you get the point here.

DREADC0RSAIR · 2019-06-16T10:20:00+00:00

I can tell you that as an "Alpha" (I never refer myself as one in person because its kinda cringe to me) I value hooking up way less than guys who are late bloomers and never got the chance to do it as much. It's one reason I don't call myself a PUA or a red pilled because after you hookup with people you eventually realize how pointless it all is. I'm not even sure why people even feel so validated from hooking up if so many people give it up easily after a drink or two.

The only hooking up that has felt meaningful are with people that I actually had a romantic passion for. I've completely forgotten about some of the random hookups I've had but I'll never forget the moments I've shared with those that were special to me.

-Mavs · 2019-06-16T12:36:42+00:00

That sounds about right, that guys who get attention don't need it which equals no need for validation.

Validation seems inherently "beta" because it's external.

v3r1 · 2019-06-16T14:29:10+00:00

Everyone who is a serial one night stand needs those one night stands to feel valued. That's why people do those things in 90% of the time. Even if not the major motivator it's always there I believe

sofis91 · 2019-06-16T09:47:41+00:00

I think it depends on why you hook up with someone. If it’s to feel better about yourself, it’s super beta. If it’s because you just feel like you need to have sex, then it’s not.

Sex is like food. Some people need more, some less. If I’m starving, I will eat McDonalds at 3am. But doing that is different than just eating McDonalds when I’m not hungry because food makes me feel better.

verdantsound · 2019-06-16T12:56:14+00:00

sounds like what happened was that he hooked up in the past and got his fill, now he's not in need of it

H2orocks3000 · 2019-06-16T15:40:22+00:00

Um, in my opinion, if you enter not the best with game and working the system that is put before us. Like I I’ll admit to being a tad quirky because I had some unresolved childhood trauma I woke up to. It screws with the social engadgment system (trauma that is). So naturally I missed a chapter or two in the social thinking book.

I’ve been healing and don’t a crap ton of personal work to the point I had a PEAK EXPERIENCE where my brain and body reorganized and integrated. (Look up peak experience on. Wikipedia and it sounded about accurate to what I had).

I def woke the F up though. And at this point it’s simultaneously a way to have fun while I can, if I need some validation so be it, though at same time I def don’t consider my self a beta, at least as far as how I understand it. And honestly I just see beta more about mindset and people who ended up on the compliance side of their childhood experience where I was the more “screw you” and the kid my narc parents never broke who is now learning empathy and boundries and everything else to boot. That peak experience unlocked my empathy for sure and made me more sensative to my environment too.

I might be an odd case. But really, spinning plates or just jumping in here and there, I don’t tend to do a ton at once but I will keep looking and considering dating people or set up a stream at once which seems to be how it happens. My interest increases for a bit then I fall of the apps, but been working the field much more Lafley and had good results.

Like really, for me it’s simultaneously, yeah I like validation and attention, on some level, we are all human, and various people have greater needs for various reasons, 43% of the population has an insecure attatchment and also 20% has a disorganized attatchment in that 43%

I think personally from how I have understood a lot of this attatchment style stuff, and then hear alpha beta thrown around as if it’s some official hierarchy that we can measure consistently and always come up with the same results - like really, that I don’t believe. There are many things women look for across the board, but you can be a total mess and have a chick find you and see you as the perfect man if you at least got a good personality and values.

A lot of it is just resolving emotional triggers we have and learning good personal boundries and if we got an insecure attatchment learning to get our earned secure attatchment.

Like really, if we want to have a bettter way to look at “true alpha” it has more to do with brain integration than it is brute strength and just what ever we typically assign to it.

Like I do know it helps to be seen as socially influencing groups, I remember the first time I had a girl see me do that she practically started sending me nudes. It actually threw me as it really was just me doing my job as normal. But I guess I have a certain presence I’ve found. I have that “command” strength in Gallup strengths finder if it makes sense.

Spinning plates, has more to do with desire to juggle that than it does wheather they are insecure too.
Seems every guy I know has a story where we have all been there and done that at least once and realized how much work it was and was like - awe screw it. Still need to do it to keep options open before committing to someone.

Also - anxious attatchments tend to seek sex more. I’m slightly avoidant and a girl I was with who was anxious was litteraly double my number and I just went wow(in my head) but overall it was cool. I liked it and given I got #2/30 pretty quick and was working on #1 and hit it at least once, I was fine with it.

Yet the avoidant people- they tend to avoid sexual intamcy a bit.

Anxious increase sex Avoidant decrease seeking and suppress.

And really, if you don’t fit the stereotypical image of an “alpha” great guess what, I’ve seen girls rate guys 1-10 and certain ones with certain features get higher and other ones like shorter than her, got lower.

well you know what, when she rated their personalities, the lowest in physical attraction was actually rated highest and in end she chose by personality.

Just develop all around and you will be good. Develop your personal power and social skills and take care of your self, and as long as your happy and keep pushing, does it really matter.

Christian_Kong · 2019-06-16T17:00:57+00:00

I assume some guys do it for validation but the majority do it because they like having sex with multiple attractive partners. I've known guys that have gone from teen years into their 30's that are all about having sex with various attractive women. I know plenty of those guys who always did well with women that are in LTR relationships and continuously have new side pieces.

Plate spinning men get enough of their relationship fill from their friends, acquaintances and lovers. The sex with multiple partners is just fun. People talk about the honeymoon phase being one of the most fun sexual phases of any relationship, and they find doing that endlessly to be more fun than the sex that comes with an LTR.

revente · 2019-06-16T19:35:46+00:00

I believe it depends a lot on the libido. I consider myself to be quite attractive but my libido is mid-lower tier these days and i prefer a good ltr than hookups. When i was single i always liked the whole process of going out clubbing, asking girls out and spit gaming. Probably much more than eventually hooking up with them. Your average pretty girl in a club has a shitty personality and is pretty bad in bed.

robertfrostt · 2019-06-16T21:37:40+00:00

I met a natural alpha (future alpha bucks) who didn't feel hookups were worth the effort or risk. He valued meaningful relationships more, but still got him high RMV women. Is spinning plates just a compensating tactic former "beta's" use to validate themselves, thereby confirming that they need the validation and have not escaped their beta mentality?

Something I have noticed is that, to get really hot girls, you ultimately have to have some sort of a relationship. As in the 9/10, big boobs, big ass, thin waist, bomb shell girls. Just my perception.

HottentotGenius · 2019-06-16T13:17:26+00:00

I don't think any man should ever seek validation from a hookup or from women in general. When your feelings of validity come from outside sources, you're already destined for failure.

So to answer your question, no I don't think most of us do. Having access to a steady supply of women keys you in to the fact, that many women are simply not worth it.

My story is very similar to your friend OP except I don't have any degree and I've never played on a team in my entire life. And instead of it being a friend who recommended Tinder, I downloaded it myself after the sudden unexpected loss of a ~10 year relationship about 6 months after the fact.

Like your friend however, I haven't felt the need to respond to any of the messages yet mostly because I just don't have the energy or excess resources to worry about women right now.

I wouldn't say I'm some crazy alpha (I'd fall into the Sigma category if we're using red pill terms) but life has taught me that no amount of sex with stray women will solve your problems.

Plus one night stands lack intimacy and any real sense of connection. It just all feels.. empty. Spinning plates is cool, but draining and ultimately leaves you exactly where you started. Plus women can be fucking crazy and most are just seeking validation from you. That shit gets stressful after a while

Helmet_Icicle · 2019-06-16T11:15:18+00:00

No. If their value is high enough to be top tier, it's because they've internalized absolutely all validation. You can't get to that point without achieving that self-reflection.

Tangentially, Tinder is pretty useless for that same top tier. There's too much garbage to swipe through and useless time grinds when you can use other candidate filters like money, status, or location to keep the dregs out.

The_Lone_Apple · 2019-06-16T11:17:11+00:00

I would hope that the reason a man would seek out sex is because he likes sex not because he has a need for validation as a man.

kandyapplez · 2019-06-16T20:52:54+00:00

meh there are guys like this for sure but my male best friend is a complete manwhore while still being naturally alpha. he has his pick of girls and it doesn't stop him. he's just now catching feelings for this one girl and is freeeeaking out about it because its so foreign for him, but he's still banging randos while its all happening lol

TheBookOfSeil · 2019-06-16T21:07:41+00:00

Is spinning plates just a compensating tactic former "beta's" use to validate themselves, thereby confirming that they need the validation and have not escaped their beta mentality?

Yes. The guys who are really "Alpha" don't really care whether they get a woman or not. They know that they can get one. Therefore, there's no need to spin plates. It's the difference between being able to go get food when you're hungry and constantly eating because you're compensating for something with the dopamine you get from eating comfort foods.

Most self-proclaimed or self-thought "alphas" on TRP are really betas playing themselves by using sex as a coping mechanism.

Akashe88 · 2019-06-17T00:18:16+00:00

I don't need the validation, but sometimes feels good, I guess.

It's mostly the thrill of the hunt and the thrill of exploring a new body, connecting with a new person.

Maybe the joy I get out of giving orgasms (and a fuckton of them) is a form of validation, I did not think about that approach before:

"Yes, this chick could not reach orgasm for twenty-something years before she met me. I'm awesome!" - Something like that could be validation, I guess.

Five_Decades · 2019-06-17T04:34:57+00:00

Is spinning plates just a compensating tactic former "beta's" use to validate themselves, thereby confirming that they need the validation and have not escaped their beta mentality?

Yup. 100% this.

A lot of people who end up in PUA, MGTOW, etc. view women as tools to obtain validation from rather than as people to have relationships with. Usually to compensate for deep seated emotional injuries from the past.

[deleted] · 2019-06-18T12:08:55+00:00

All men have been taught that their entire worth comes from how much vaginal secretion gets smeared on their penis.

It is actually quite difficult to break men of this programming.

UnleashYourLife · 2019-06-16T09:29:23+00:00

To take my question further:

If a man wants to develop his confidence, is he better off avoiding the trap of hookup culture for a sense of fleeting validation?

[deleted] · 2019-06-16T11:12:50+00:00

Of course,

most men find little interest in socialization by itself. Social status generally is only a tool to a man's real goal.

Men's goals usually are things, ideas or systems. not socialization by socialization sake.

Don't misunderstand however, like any human, men need social interaction, it is just usually not a priority if they have a minimal amount.

Spinning plates is not because of validation, never was nor ever will be. spinning plates is for satisfactory sex.

This men you found have no more value for such strategy, he is so high in the SMV that he can choose to not use spinning plates to satisfy himself. So he don't.

Sex is the goal. how you get there depends on your SMV. you could say that spinning plates are for the top 20%, doing nothing and having relationships with 10/10 women is for the top 0.1%

chaddad9000 · 2019-06-16T14:22:22+00:00

Plate spinning as beta lol proof of someone who’s never done it. Requires a ton of alpha concepts, even if it is for validation

But yes, you can be alpha and not want to spin plates. Contrary to popular belief most players aren’t looking to do that their entire lives. Ability to plate spin gives you a sample size of women to know what you really want as well as knowing your self worth and not being dependent on one woman.

Btw tinder is a terrible app now for an alpha fucks. I’m similar to your friend, and apps like hinge have much better quality women. The last time I downloaded tinder I would swipe right on MAYBE 1 in 30 women

Willow-girl · 2019-06-16T10:50:42+00:00

Risk-benefit analysis. Knocking up some THOT you met off Tinder is gonna change your life in myriad ways, probably not for the better. Some people are going to consider the risk unacceptable.

flamingoinghome · 2019-06-16T13:54:51+00:00

......dude, I think you're missing the part where men are individuals and want different things.

sadomasochrist · 2019-06-16T11:11:26+00:00

To your title, Yes.

To

So my question really is: is plate spinning for men with the "beta" mentality just so that they can get the validation they need go be confidence?

No. Competing in casual sex markets is by it's very nature not provider activities unless they cooperate with women or operate under a woman's terms (e.g. fetish culture, being a pseudo boyfriend etc)

But you are observing what is called scarcity mindset. A "beta tell."

This is why women often project as high SMV men, even median or nearly median women when talking about access to casual sex markets.

AutoModerator · 2019-06-16T09:27:53+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

imjgaltstill · 2019-06-16T15:25:21+00:00

I would imagine it is like the guy who owns the donut shop having an actual interest in cuisine.

MrHerbSherman · 2019-06-16T15:50:45+00:00

I reject your framing

Yes new pussy is validating but that isn’t the primary reason anyone does it, they do it primarily bc it feels good and is fun

PuleaSpataru69 · 2019-06-16T15:55:22+00:00

I know this 10/10 Chad who is educated, smart, ambition, fit, financially independent and he only slept with 7 women, all gfs. No one night stands.

Cyclone619y2j · 2019-06-16T16:18:38+00:00

Bullshit, I can think of several tall,buff guys who absolutely continue getting hookups from girls who look like shit.

Your friend is an outlier.

blackedoutfast · 2019-06-16T20:00:34+00:00

your so-called "natural alpha" may be king of the nerds but he is a beta. he just seems like an alpha to you and your friends because y'all are omegas.

"alpha bucks" doesn't exist, it's just something that beta dudes invented so they could tell themselves that they are alphas

Ladyofblades · 2019-06-16T23:23:17+00:00

Most of the very attractive and high-value men I know are in committed relationships (married or in long term relationships). You're talking about men who had their pick very early or at least came into it relatively early in their adult lives and have had women throwing themselves at them for more than just a couple of years. Of course hookups are going to be negligible and not the holy grail that those without abundance see it as.
These guys will walk into any club or bar and have at least 1-2 women aggressively try and pick them up before the end of the night, and many more giving IOIs.

Your varsity captain friend is pretty much typical of that kind of guy. It is extremely difficult for most guys to relate to that kind of abundance and perception because they will never have it for the most part.

kanarisblog · 2019-06-17T01:29:47+00:00

I want to ask is being the "relationship guy" really that bad?

jasonology09 · 2019-06-17T07:26:02+00:00

There is no single answer to this question. Everybody is different and do things for different reasons. To lump everyone together and think everyone has the same motivations is just lazy and ignorant.

GridReXX · 2019-06-17T13:35:10+00:00

lol at the notion of a bunch of redditgoing purple pill debate posters being in a position to answer this question

lol at the unearned sense of superiority redditgoing men are always trying to assume over "those losers over there", in this case men who are STOOPING to the vulgarity that is mere casual sex.

MisterJose · 2019-06-18T04:06:50+00:00

When you're not fucking anyone, the idea of fucking 5 women a week sounds like heaven. But most guys don't really need that, they just feel that way because they're getting nothing at that time. Once things go better for them, most realize they don't need extreme success to be satisfied.

[deleted] · 2019-06-18T19:04:10+00:00

I mean, I’ve never described myself as “alpha” but I’m fairly decent looking, workout regularly and do ok with women when I put effort into it. I like to have sex because it’s fun and feels awesome, not to validate myself.

dicklord_airplane · 2019-06-19T16:43:52+00:00

Your friend is right about losing desire for random hookups once you've had your fill. Once you've fucked enough girls to gain confidence and regrets, you become more picky.

pnadlerlaw · 2019-06-25T02:27:49+00:00

As my uncle always said, “flirting is the sex.”

Flirting is fun. There are guys who chase sex. There are guys who feel like they’re “meta” and are so enlightened and mature now, that they don’t have a desire to engage in such childish and immature behavior. Then there are guys who are honest about how fun flirting is.

I don’t need to have sex with a woman to have fun. I just need to get her to and let her want me ... and then tell her that I’m married (a fail safe 90% of the time).

That guy is right. I don’t want to risk an STD for myself or for my partner. Plus, I don’t find other women’s vaginas and naked bodies attractive or interesting. Sex may not be high on my list of priorities, but flirting is ALWAYS up there.

I’ll flirt, I’ll tease, I’ll dance, and that’s it. No more. No sex. I have no need to it. I get it at home, and once I know a girl wants me, do you really need to go through the formality of sticking your penis in her vagina to confirm or validate that even further?

It’s not even so much of a, “Am I attractive.” It’s more of a, “Heh, guess I still got it.”

[deleted] · 2019-06-16T13:11:15+00:00

They don’t, because they’ve had their fill and know they’re attractive, usually from being complimented and having hookups and interest from women from a younger age. Meanwhile men have only experienced relationship sex, but never casual sex and want their looks validated. Call me beta, I really don’t care, but being hot and having casual sex is all I’ve ever wanted.

PaintingOfJoan · 2019-06-16T10:07:15+00:00

What’s this validation like social validation?

maljo24 · 2019-06-16T11:05:07+00:00

Everyone needs/wants validation and attention. Everyone thinks they are ugly at some point in their lives.

flyinghorse1 · 2019-06-16T11:27:58+00:00

Some of us still have low self esteem due to other things (due to bad childhoods, or poor self perception etc) and the validation when young really helps you realise that you aren't totally worthless even though you feel it.

Title	Do attractive men, who could easily get hookups, not need the validation from hookups?
Author	JustChopItOff
Upvotes	90
Comments	166
Date	June 16, 2019 9:27 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/c185ag/do_attractive_men_who_could_easily_get_hookups/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-attractive-men-who-could-easily-get-hookups-not.255268 https://theredarchive.com/post/255268

Comments