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[–]cast-away-ramadi067 points8 points9 points 5 years ago* (8 children) | Copy Link

Your job doesn't define you

It's a question of degree, not something as simplistic as a yes or no answer; the real world is more nuanced. We are all defined, in part, by our experiences and we spend a great deal of our waking hours at work. Subsequently, for a lot of people in high-commitment careers, their career does define a good part about who they are. If you have any inclination to make the world a better place through what you choose as a career, it will probably define you in part.

I was a Marine, and it defined a good bit about myself (because the Corps and the deployments shaped me so much, it still does define me to a degree even to this day). My cousin has been an NYC firefighter for 15 years, with as much time as he spends at the firehouse it sure as hell defines a large part of him. My father was a fighter pilot for ~30 years (Vietnam through retirement), sure defined a lot about him. One uncle was a preacher, which sure defined a lot about him. One brother is the proverbial troubled artist and it sure sure defines a lot about him. One of my ex-gfs was an NYC homicide detective, sure defined a lot about her. One was a teacher in troubled schools and she was very passionate about what she did, so it obviously define a great deal about her.

Now, these folks certainly had more going for themselves than just their career, but it was still nevertheless a significant part of who they are.

Honestly, if you don't have passion for what you do for 8-12 hours a day, that sounds like a rather uninteresting existence.

Or just become more interesting?

Hmm, see last comment. Also, I'd rather see people live an authentic life and surround themselves with like minded people who are out to make an impact according to their abilities and interests, as varied as they may be.

[–]Empyrean_MX_PrimeI Found Pills (And ate Them!)3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]cast-away-ramadi06-1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

Design work is exceedingly competitive, but if you're good enough at it there is significant money to be made there - even as it applies to technology.

Personally, I don't believe in the dichotomy between technology and art. I'm not terribly smart about tech, but I do know that a lot of the most successful people in that industry are able to blend the humanities with their understanding of technology. Also, one of my ex's is a math professor at a fairly prestigious university. While I couldn't follow any conversation she had with her colleagues, there was one conversation where they talked about the biggest reason most PhD students fail graduate level math - lack of creativity. That really stuck with me.

Edit: But yes, I agree that being able to do something you love and can feel passionate about is a bit of a luxury for some people, but I think it's something that's attainable by most.

[–]Empyrean_MX_PrimeI Found Pills (And ate Them!)1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]cast-away-ramadi060 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Especially in my country where the government is actively discouraging liberal arts

Which country is that may I ask?

The trouble here in the US is that, from an labor economics perspective, there's a huge skills mismatch between new graduates and businesses requirements. Even in finance, industry leaders have been saying for a few years that everyone needs to learn technology which scares the crap out of me.

If the gap continues to widen between folks with tech skills and the demand, there will be a relative increase in salary for those with those skills and a relative decrease for those without which will only exacerbate income inequality.

There are only two ways I can see that this ends well. The first is more redistributive tax policies, which I don't think some people will like. This approach risks these people leaving for places where they don't have to subsidize others; we already see that happening with people moving from Cali to Texas. The second is we will have to start putting more restrictions on what degrees are eligible for federal student loans so we can ensure a better alignment of skills with market requirements; the power of the purse strings. Academics love to talk about how the job of higher education is not to build skills but to build people. IMO, that's rather naive approach to reframe the discussion so they can avoid any responsibility that comes with the use of public funds. Since the later half of the 20th century, the entire purpose of government funding of education is to build up a higher skilled workforce. To think that governments do so exclusively or even primarily for learning's sake is incredibly narrow minded, shortsighted, and naive.

Edit: Having said all that, I much prefer the general education requirements of the US university system compared to the narrow scoping of learning in the UK system. I'd hate to see a world where techies and engineers fail to learn humanities. There has to be some sort of dystopian book about that.

[–]Empyrean_MX_PrimeI Found Pills (And ate Them!)0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]cast-away-ramadi060 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, it sounds like you have close to the UK model. In the US, almost everyone has to take some collection of basic humanities courses to graduate - history, English lit, sociology/psychology, etc. Granted, our education takes 4 years vs UK's 3 year and we have a host of problems on the quality control and pricing side of things. So I wouldn't say our system is better, but in this one specific area, I prefer people take a year longer and learn some basic himanities.

Being from a non-STEM field myself, I think we do need to start making Calc 1 & 2, Physics 1 & 2, and some sort of basic programming course mandatory for non-STEM students. When I was at Uni, they were trying to get rid of the meager math requirement when they should have upped it to Calc 1 & 2. Might more people have struggled and dropped out? Sure, but I don't see that as a bad thing. We need people who are mentally resilient enough to get through hard coursework.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Tl;dr: I think you raise a fair point, but I don’t think it applies to everyone. I think the nuance extends further, and can mend to different lifestyles. Different lifestyles will result in a career drawing upon different degrees of defining you/someone.

Continued: I personally am like you and/or a lot of your family/friends. I embrace my career as either an extension or a part of myself. I think across the board most people do, though maybe more so men than women, I’d guess.

It’s a choice, and for me, I see it as an easier way to go about life. Like you said, any job requires considerable time and dedication. In the firefighter example, your cousin can’t turn on and off the part of him that has to be able to handle those types of situations, so he has to incorporate it into his identity, full-time, but that isn’t the same for every life-path.

I used to work in bars and restaurants a lot, and amongst the low lives, the young people building their lives up, the late bloomers working to turn their life around, there were some graceful souls well twined into the mix. By that I mean, they had been working, and would continue to work, the industry forever, but it was graceful and fitting.

For instance, I knew this one guy who was a spear fisherman, surfer—general water man. He worked the bar at this restaurant I worked at, maybe pulled $150 average, 2-4 days a week. He also sold the fish he caught, and idk how much be made form that, but I think it was either comparable or better than his bartending wages. My point, is that while he was certainly a decent bartender, it didn’t require too much commitment from him. It was as though his personality was defined by the other things going on in his life, and he found a gig where he could slide that disposition into a workplace with little-to-no compromise. A lot of people could write him off as a bartender, but they would honestly just be missing the mark: he was him, as defined by xyz, and brought that into work without changing it much. I think this happens more often in society than people think, because you have to sit in one place for along time to see it, and most people are usually trying to move up.

In my case, I was sorta stuck in restaurants for awhile, so in making the most of it I got a real honest glimpse into how people can make it work, wholesomely.

In any case, I think your point is interesting and still applies, I just wanted to extend it. This sub is full of generalizations and toxic crap. I just follow+read the craziness and occasionally get involved, accidentally. Read your comment and figured you might do the same, so I thought I’d throw in a response for a record 2 consecutive civil comments in this sub lol End rant

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1 Pushing for intimacy too early.

2 making sexual jokes / comments around me

3 pushing me to drink alcohol (I’ve never had any— even at 26). Also, drinking alcohol on a date even though I wasn’t drinking would be a yellow flag.

4 trying to take me on dates to potentially unsafe locations too early (e.g. a walk in a park. A girl I knew in high school went on a date in a park and was then raped and murdered— so I’m probably a little more sensitive to date locations than normal). I’d pretty much only go on first dates to restaurants (didn’t have to be super fancy) unless I knew a guy well as they’re the easiest place to get help if you end up with a creeper for a date. You can get out of his line of sight by excusing yourself to the bathroom while he stays at the table and then ask the staff to help you exit the situation. At a movie theatre, he’d likely wait for you outside the bathroom & for coffee shops most in my area aren’t large enough to leave his line of sight. Note that if I didn’t plan on seeing a guy again, and he wasn’t a total creeper then I’d pay for that date so he wasn’t waisting money on me— but I did expect the man to pay for dates until we were in a relationship. Interestingly enough, I was rarely ever asked out anywhere but dinner back when I was dating so it wasn’t often a problem (maybe over the past 5-6 years men have started not to ask women to dinner as much or something — since it seems to be a common complaint among women).

5 making any negative comments about other women (or making negative comments about other men— but more often, they’d make comments about women than men)

6 comparing me to other women (even seemingly positive things like “you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever taken out” would ping my danger sense)

7 talking about exes

8 getting visibly angry / disturbed in front of me about anything early on. Common example would be if his order was wrong or if someone cut in front of him in line. There is an appropriate way to handle this kind of thing— if he was too much of a push over while it wasn’t a red flag, it was definitely a turn off.

My caution has served me well. I’m one of the few women I know who’ve never been sexually assaulted or pressured by a date into something they weren’t comfortable with. I was always prepared to walk away in the beginning of a dating relationship and had high standards but I also was willing to be single indefinitely until I found someone worth marrying.

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I don’t think a happy marriage is as rare as winning the lottery. I know multiple happily married couples (including my own parents, my in laws, and both sets of my grandparents) but I don’t know any lottery winners. There is obviously some luck in finding a good partner however there is also strategy. A happy marriage also doesn’t just happen— it takes work on both sides to get there. Not waisting time with men who didn’t meet my standards meant I was single and available when my husband and I met. If I’d been in a relationship with a subpar man, I wouldn’t have been able to enter into a relationship with my amazing husband.

My main concern when dating was finding a man who treats me right but at the same time wasn’t a simp for me; so I cared less about looks as long as I at least found him attractive. I also prefer more traditional relationship dynamics which means there was extra risk in choosing a man— since I’m handing over even more control over my happiness to him than most women are willing to do these days. I also don’t believe in divorce except I’m cases of infidelity or abuse. Picking wrong would be even more disastrous for me than the typical woman so i vetted men like I was interviewing them for the most important position in my life (because I was). I had to get it right the first time. I didn’t let my guard down until I was satisfied that they met my standards. I’d rather be single indefinitely than have lowered my standards— which I was prepared to do if I hadn’t met my husband.

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Lol yes. It was super common & the reason I broke off the vast majority of dating situations early on. I also waited until marriage so there were many who obviously had a virgin fetish and thus were so highly motivated to get into my pants that they failed to treat me like a human being so I’d end it. For me being a virgin while dating, the pushing for intimacy too early part was also often about kissing. I wasn’t comfortable kissing a man I wasn’t in a relationship with and SOO many tried to kiss me anyways despite me being pretty up front that kissing was for relationships (at least when I was attracted to them, I’d tell them up front to prevent myself from being tempted). I didn’t want to waist anyone’s time, so I generally told men I was waiting until marriage on a first date or even before unless there was no chemistry then I didn’t bother. If he wanted more than a side hug, he needed to commit to me first.

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[–]AntiSocialPartygoerAntifeminist but not MRA5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (116 children) | Copy Link

Listen, I get your point. But you mind I telling mine?

The point is that all those women who try to justify their shitty love lifes with those "men are trash" and "men are all the same" bullshit clichés are wrong.

They're saying that their love life is shitty because of a lack of good men. Their love lifes can be horrible by many reasons, but by a shortage of good men in the dating pool? That's plain bullshit.

There are plenty of men in the dating pool who aren't jerks. If women actually knew that, they wouldn't blame men for having a shitty love life.

I don't want fuckbois to learn how to behave. (Actually I do, but that's for another subject). Instead...

I want single women to lower their standards so the already-good men in the dating pool that try to have a shot with her finally get their chance.

Women, lower your standards. Your SO is probably a guy that tried to score you but failed because your standards were too high.

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I don’t necessarily disagree with you, but I don’t think that self reflection is the only or best answer. It’s always good to examine ourselves after a relationship has ended, but blaming a girls “picker” after a bad relationship just smacks of victim blaming to me. There should be personal responsibility at play, absolutely.

I don’t think all men are awful, and I’m certainly not bitter about past relationships, but I do think that awful men are celebrated and it’s socially acceptable to be awful to women. And until that changes, it doesn’t matter how I or any other woman behaves. If we have standards, we’re stuck up, gold digging bitches. If we lower our standards we are miserable because we compromised when we shouldn’t have. If we decide that being single is better, we’re lonely, delusional bitches. There’s no winning honestly.

The biggest issue, IMO is that the awful men are celebrated and the good men do nothing about it.

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When the sex dries up men aren't happy in their 'good' relationship.

Of course. Who wants a sexless relationship?

I've had good relationships where everything was great but I wasn't attracted to them and they obviously noticed.

That means you're not attracted to good men despite them offering you a 'great' relationship. The issue is with you then.

It's not good to have to be drunk to sleep with someone even if everything else about them is very nice.

If you're okay with never having a stable LTR then you'll be fine. Leave the decent guys for women who can appreciate them. I've never seen a woman who prioritises excitement and physical attraction happily settling for someone who provides stability, unless he's really wealthy.

The kind of man who is both exciting and yet able to offer a stable LTR is so rare he is probably off the market already. By the time most women realise they should have stayed or even chosen a decent guy, it's usually too late.

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I really don't believe that's true, that most of their options are good options. But this sub only cares about looks the most and so to them even a good looking person with a crap personality is a great option to them and then they wonder why divorce rate is so high.

When I'm doing the best of my best and absolutely killing it at life in all areas, I have tons of options too but the bulk of it is still average to underwhelming and then a increase in good looking but still crappy personalities or weak minds. Most people are just not that good, and I have this view towards both genders.

You need to be able to find a person that genuinely wants and thinks the same as you or as close as possible, at least that is my personal standard. But maybe most people are just happy having somebody to fuck and keep them company and that's all they need.

[–]mannyso1 point 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

For women its definitely hard to find the guy you that gives you that burning desire and has the long term partner traits you need.

It has been true in my experience through academia and athletics. The high value men, top 20%, are attracting really great girls. They are good looking but also very sweet, intelligent, etc. It always came to me as a surprise that they wouldn't settle down with these girls but the next one was just as great albeit slightly different. Its an abundance mind-sight for them i believe, some of the men are really excellent people as well.

I do agree about weak minds and crappy personalities. I've had the same experience so when I find someone I do click with, I get too excited over the prospect. A lot of people go through life just with the motions so they're not really thinking that deeply about it. They probably think that's what relationships are supposed to be like

[–]TheUniqueProperty0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

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Why can’t men just, idk, raise their level of self respect and values to meet the standards of women?

It’s sad because a reoccurring theme in the “nice guy” realm is they are explicitly focused on women complaining about jerks and dudes countering that with “well I’m not a jerk! Why can’t I get any ladies?”. As if they don’t understand that hygiene, self respect, physical fitness, intelligence, cleverness, generosity, creativity, loyalty, and a myriad of other attributes make up a personality.

I just read a post about a women complaining about the disgusting state of her dates apartment and not one man bemoaned “but my apartment is super clean!!”. They mostly attacked her for judging other people’s lives.

It’s a theme that most men completely gloss over every other complaint women have, insisting that “not being a jerk” is some sort of massive accomplishment when it’s literally the lowest bar a man needs to cross in order to be not just datable, but live in a functional society.

It’s not just insulting to women when men claim that they’re so hard to deal with, so foreign and obnoxious that any man willing to put up with them is worthy of their love, in spite of every other one of his flaws. It’s also insulting to men to claim that being “a nice guy” is the highest bar they should ever hope to achieve.

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No we’re not “the” problem, but we are indeed part of the problem. That’s my view and has been my view because I myself have had to work on myself to become a better man in general, but also to set myself up to be a better potential partner. I’m not ashamed of that so I have very little reason to try to excuse the behavior of toxic men.

It’s funny how you reply as if I’m making excuses for men who are objectively shit human beings when really what’s happening is men telling you that woman can be trash too, and it’s got you very upset clearly.

You’re so riled up at the audacity that men are speaking up about the toxic things they’ve experienced with women, that you seem to think calling that stuff out means I’m ignoring men’s shit behavior.

Ironically, you would benefit from worrying less about your ego…just like the men you hate would benefit from it as well.

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Also, We can’t select for a population of men that don’t exist. There’s always this attitude of “why don’t women choose better” like there have always been all these amazing options and we’re all just too stupid to see them.

77% of Indian men think hitting your wife to discipline her is justified. Now are Indian women all “choosing wrong” or perhaps it’s actually impossible not to “choose wrong” when the vast majority of the population has decided to be trash? You got an almost 8/10 chance to choose a man who thinks it’s cool to hit you. Those are impossible odds. And I bet Indian men will be using the exact same excuses of “well if you were more feminine and submissive” you’d be treated better, which is of course, horseshit.

The pool is garbage and it’s not women’s fault and no amount of “law of attraction”, therapy and self work will change that.

[–]CentralAdmin4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

77% of Indian men think hitting your wife to discipline her is justified.

"Assholes in another country are a reason why I can't find a decent partner here".

What? Since when does that even make sense?

You're using India like the standard as if the US, Canada, Australia, Scandinavian countries and most West European countries don't exist.

Why not use those as a starting point and avoid cultures that are problematic? Those cultures exist because men don't believe in treating women that way. Hell, there are plenty of women in the US who buy clothes made through slave labour or women in the Middle East who benefit from slave labour. If you're going to call the men in a culture garbage solely while ignoring women's contribution, you're willfully being ignorant.

There are women who support FGM in Africa. There are women who are very racist in the US. There are women who harm and kill their kids around the world. There are women who use men for their money and who harm their partners through deceit.

If you only notice the shitty people then all you'll have are the shitty people. Or, better yet, if you cannot find a decent partner, perhaps you're not a decent partner yourself.

[–]ThrowAway473847299234 points5 points6 points 5 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link

No one is calling you stupid. I definitely didn’t. Again, your letting your anger take over how you see things.

Pointing out the women chose toxic men doesn’t mean they’re stupid, wtf? It just means she chose a shit guy. Sometimes that’s caused by prior trauma or deep seeded issues that have no been resolved.

In regard to India, it’s a shit show over there right now, and there are many variables that contribute to it, one of which is religion and conservative views on relationship. That’s not an excuse for men to behave like animals.

Obviously the more shit men there are, the more likely you are to end up wit one. That’s a mathematical fact. However, that doesn’t somehow invalidate that women still make poor choices in men.

The problem is that people like you hear “women pick shit men” and you CHOOSE to interpret that as “what are you talking about? There are no bad men!” when that’s not at all what that means.

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Most single men, especially perpetually single men, are trash though. The good ones are typically in stable relationships. The trash ones circulate the dating pool over and over since no one can tolerate them for long. Often, they learn from experience how to masquerade as a decent guy for a while but since it’s not who they are they can’t keep it up for long. I’m happily married to a wonderful man. I know many wonderful men as well— but almost all of them have been in a LTR with the same girl since before they were 25. You’re looking at the wrong sample data— all men— when you should be looking at the sample data among single men for how terrible the dating pool is for a single women.

I’m sure the reverse is true. A lot of terrible women circulate the dating pool for years & make single men bitter about dating. It’s just that being in a toxic relationship is more dangerous for women than men due to the statistics around intimate partner violence. Now I’m not saying men should just put up with it because it’s not as bad for them— men should definitely leave toxic relationships too.

[–]ThrowAway473847299231 point2 points3 points 5 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link

Most single women, especially perpetually single women, are trash though. The good ones are typically in stable relationships. The trash ones circulate the dating pool over and over since no one can tolerate them for long. Often, they learn from experience how to masquerade as a decent woman for a while but since it’s not who they are you can’t keep it up for long.

I’m not going to do the entire thing, but you get the point…as evident by your acknowledgement. And yet that very realizations that both genders have the capacity to be toxic is ignored in favor of constructing this fantasy where men are evil and women are perfect little princesses that can do no wrong.

Intimate partner violence is one of THE MOST overlooked issues for men because our society is sexist and believe women can’t harm men, or that when they do, it causes no real damage.

In essence, you’re preaching to the choir here. I’m not someone who denies male toxicity, but I do advocate for the destigmatization of having similar discussion about toxic women.

I’m not in need of the message you’re posting because I already agree and accept your most of your points, but it would seem from the recoil of many women here that it’s women who need to hear this because by the looks of it, merely stating that women can be toxic too (not “only women” but TOO, meaning there’s shared blame) is met with gasps and cries of “misogyny”.

Long story short is I agree with pretty much everything you’re saying except your point about domestic violence, NOT because violent men aren’t dangerous to women (they are), but because society simply does not see violence by women against men as dangerous, regardless of the circumstances or severity of that violence.

Women are “more” in danger is relative when you consider if a man hits a woman, he’s going to get arrested, but a woman can hit a man and it’s chalked up to [insert literally any excuse here]. Pair that with “a woman punching you doesn’t hurt” and similar excuses made for why violence by women doesn’t need to be taken seriously.

It’s arguable that women are in “more” danger given the physical traits of men, but I’d argue that if you live in a society (as we do now) that simply doesn’t take violence by women against men seriously, it’s pretty dangerous for men given that she can assault you and basically get away with it.

In either case, I don’t like getting into the whole “who has it worst” because it’s just not constructive. My whole thing is all the things feminists and women say about men, we experience a lot of that stuff from women too, but we are NOT ALLOWED to talk about it because “misogyny”.

[–]pandora_box-0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I agree that intimate partner violence is a different kind of struggle for men in that society overlooks it— but that doesn’t change the fact that women are significantly more likely to be hospitalized or murdered by their spouse in a domestic dispute involving violence. The increased likelihood of injury or death is why it’s more dangerous for women. Violence by women should be taken seriously but they are less likely to kill or seriously injure their partners— and their violence is more likely to be driven by self defense / fear (aka in mutually violent relationships) while for men it’s more likely to be driven by the desire to control. Of course, something being more of an issue for one group doesn’t mean that the other should be overlooked. Women are still arrested for violence against their partners so it’s not completely overlooked. Men who experience violence should be encouraged to get out of that situation.

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Men “come off”? What does that even mean? Men are arrested more because they’re committing more crime. The amount of crime by women that would have to go without prosecutions to explain the disparity in arrests would have to be massive, and that’s just not the case.

And actually you are completely incorrect about how the crime rate is determined. It is generally determined by successful prosecutions for specific offenses, not arrests. There are stats on arrests, but they don’t represent what you claiming it represents.

Arrest logs have literally NOTHING to do with how crime rate is determined. An arrests simply means someone was formally accused of a crime, not that a crime was actually committed. So sorry dude, but you’re completely wrong.

One real disparity is in sentencing. Women do get lighter sentences in general. But other than that, and with all due respect, I’ll rely on my formal academic education on this matter over what you’re telling me.

I’ll also point out what your first paragraph was about crime, but then you switched up to social behavior. In that area, I agree women do get away with a lot.

Women like tall men. I don’t necessarily think tall as a preference is “shaming”. I’m a short guy myself. And it sucks that I’m automatically dismissed as a potential partner because of my height, but that’s not the same thing as being “shamed” for it.

I do agree that a lot of criticism of women’s shitty behavior is automatically dismissed as “sexism”.

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This is a thing men hear as well though.

“If she’s mean to you, she likes you.” So AGAIN, you’re making this a gendered thing when women do this shit as well and men have to deal with it too.

If she gets jealous, it’s because she cares.

If she hits you, it’s out of fear that you’re not paying attention so she needs to find a way to get your attention.

If she yells at you, it’s because she’s passionate about what she’s saying.

And one of my favorites…

If she cheats on you, it’s because she didn’t want to hurt you by leaving and instead chose to get her needs met elsewhere so she can stay with you.

lmfao…

We’re literally told that if our wive/gf cheats on us, it’s because she was trying to save the relationship. So miss me with that nonsense about being expected to just deal with abusive behavior.

And that doesn’t even touch the elephant in the room regarding domestic violence by women against men.

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Only 5% of rapists get put in jail

Would very much like to see valid evidence of this. If there is a statistic, they're reported. If it's reported, there's a mans name on a police list. If it's on the list, he's found and arrested if the charges are valid. So many reports are fake. Literally women putting innocent men in jail because they regretted having sex with those men, or simply wanted to ruin their lives.

As someone who was raped

I'm very sorry that happened to you. And hopefully the man will be behind bars one day. Come forward with evidence or at least an accusation to police.

Abuse to women are definitely romanticised. Have you watched any romance movies lately?

50 shades of gray is essentially BDSM. And exclusively a film made for women.

There are disturbing statistics about % of women that watch abuse or rape porn...

3x as many women die from abuse than men

Never said most abuse didn't come from men. Men are more aggressive, and abuse will occur more often with men as the antagonist.

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I agree. But I believe it’s important to highlight how many women enjoyed it because these issues are often ONLY framed as men oppressing women through a variety of channels including sex and relationships.

If we are going to try to “re-educate” (so to speak) men to reject the romanticization of abuse, then women need to hear that too. I simply reject the idea that the issues between men and women are EXCLUSIVELY the fault of men. Women need to be held accountable for their role in perpetuating this.

So much of the rhetoric is about what “men do to women” while we conveniently ignore the role women play. In the case of FSG, it was women who were the ones demanding this kind of content so women bare at least some responsibility.

This is just one example, but women perpetuate the same toxic male qualities they complain about by choosing these kinds of guys for sex and relationships. And it is that CHOICE that is currently being protected from the kind of criticism that men don’t get protected from.

With the sexual liberation and emancipation of women and the ability to CHOSE to make your own decisions about your sex life comes the responsibility of taking full ownership when you make poor choices. And that’s a message that is very unpopular because women don’t want to hear it, so it’s often outright dismissed as “misogyny”. Sexual freedom means you take full responsibility for your choices, including the poor ones.

By the way, my view on the movie is that it’s disgusting.

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FDS in a nutshell. (Puuurge)

Comments

1 Pushing for intimacy too early.

2 making sexual jokes / comments around me

3 pushing me to drink alcohol (I’ve never had any— even at 26). Also, drinking alcohol on a date even though I wasn’t drinking would be a yellow flag.

5 making any negative comments about other women (or making negative comments about other men— but more often, they’d make comments about women than men)

6 comparing me to other women (even seemingly positive things like “you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever taken out” would ping my danger sense)

7 talking about exes

Title	FDS in a nutshell. (Puuurge)
Author	geyejoe7
Upvotes	280
Comments	297
Date	October 18, 2020 2:21 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/jdh4ep/fds_in_a_nutshell_puuurge/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/fds-in-a-nutshell-puuurge.327728 https://theredarchive.com/post/327728