the game plan for women?

Saturn-Returns-Real · 2025-05-16T23:47:36+00:00

i just want to enjoy my life

ashpr0ulx · 2025-05-16T23:48:39+00:00

shit, i was supposed to have a plan?

Makuta_Servaela · 2025-05-16T23:52:02+00:00

Vibe.

Maybe I'll meet someone and have kids. Maybe I'll meet someone and not have kids. Maybe I'll get a great job. Maybe I'll be stable (I'd at least like to be stable). But whatever life throws at me, I want to make sure that I can be satisfied in my own company, and that I am being productive.

For my standards for partner, the only standard I have right now is that my job doesn't support another person, so he'd have to have a job that can support himself. If I get a job that can support both of us, that standard may change, though.

EulenWatcher · 2025-05-16T23:47:33+00:00

Late 20s, my husband and I have been together for more than 11 years now. We met as teenagers.

My game plan for my 30s and 40s is to get to financial stability and hopefully have a kid or two. That’s pretty much it. Thankfully and hopefully, I won’t have to seek dates with any other people ever again.

My close friend is in her early 30s, she tried dating briefly - had one LTR with proposal from him, but she plans to stay single indefinitely now. She doesn’t want kids, and she thinks she isn’t really cut out for marriage with cohabitation.

My other friend is in her late 20s, she’s working on her education. She’s been single for a few years and plans to start dating after her 30s if she ever feels the desire to.

My cousins are in their 30-40s, they’re all married and they got married mostly in their late 20s-early 30s to men who they’d been dating for a few years.

AnonPinkLady · 2025-05-16T23:51:32+00:00

Survive. Maybe get married to my bf of 2 years. idk. We'll see. Heal my mental health.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2025-05-16T23:53:49+00:00

Went to school, moved to the other side of the planet, got married, moved to the other other side of the planet , working, and I'd rather chew my own arm off than be a SAHM. No shade on the women who do, that shit is hard, and it's so not for me. Plans for the future - a kid, maybe, probably going to move again, definitely another cat.

Obsidian_Koilz · 2025-05-17T00:04:50+00:00

Sell off my merch biz and fold 62% of it into my Roth IRA in preparation for retirement. Then, using my sewing & tailoring skills, take commissions for bespoke suits, dresses, and other garments at my leisure. I'll enjoy the fruits of my frenzied youthful labors. Should a gentleman of similar means and capability provoke interest in me - then so be it. But, at this time, I'm quite enjoying my own company, provisions, abilities, and joy.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2025-05-17T01:27:54+00:00

I’m approaching my mid 30’s and my plans don’t include a man. I am currently learning the basics of different trades (carpentry, plumbing, electrical) so I can be confident in doing the majority of my own repairs around the house as well as planning my trip to Antarctica as it’s the only continent I have not visited. I’m working towards financial freedom so I can retire myself early and once I complete a few of my other goals I plan to learn another language in anticipation of retiring abroad. My life plans have changed over the years as some things went as planned and others did not however romance always sucked and kids seemed like a money pit I didn’t want to take a chance with but even if it wasn’t about finances I doubt I would ever have kids because I value my peace and quiet too highly to risk losing it with kids.

GoldSailfin · 2025-05-17T00:32:29+00:00

I am in my fifties so my plan WAS to get a degree, get a job, work and pay bills. I have done that and more.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-05-17T01:05:11+00:00

Most women work/plan to work after having kids

Bitter_Rose2 · 2025-05-17T00:36:33+00:00

I gave up on marriage and kids so now it's mainly about wealth building and community forging (I'm late 20s)

SeveralSadEvenings · 2025-05-17T00:22:58+00:00

There was never a plan, just vibes.

Luckily I vibed my way into a pretty good life with my husband and kid.

CanaryHeart · 2025-05-17T01:50:51+00:00

I’m 37. I knew I wanted to get married and have kids, but having this kind of a hyper-specific timeline is just . . . not at all how I would have approached things.

I got married at 20. I wanted to have kids immediately, but we had fertility issues and I didn’t have my first child for another 7 years. Most of my 20s were focused on trying to get pregnant.

Most of the things listed were not things I really considered when I met my husband. I wanted someone who was kind, generally shared the same values/world-view, and who was not overly ambitious/content with simple living.

waffleznstuff30 · 2025-05-17T01:50:55+00:00

I just want to live.

I got the career and big girl money. Currently really enjoying my traveling arc. I pay for solo trips abroad and just live. I don't know if I will get married or have kids. I'm not thinking about it too much. I am in a relationship. I am not thinking that far ahead as in this grand scale plan and timeline of events that just have to happen. You put too much pressure on yourself that everything has to fall into place.

ThatBitchA · 2025-05-16T23:50:15+00:00

My game plan is to vibe and enjoy life as a childfree married couple.

There are more plans than just "get married and become a mom".

AngeAware · 2025-05-17T01:02:58+00:00

If you ask any woman whether her timeline for marriage turned out exactly the way she originally planned (assuming she had one to begin with), the answer is probably going to be no.

As a teenager I wanted to be married by 21 like my mom. Looking back my parents think they married too young and had problems at the outset that probably could've been avoided with more life experience and maturity.

Ultimately I came around to their view, thought "okay, I'll wait until after postgrad to start dating." Then I met a certain cutie at a bookstore in my first year. So yeah that plan didn't work out either.

So, new plan: date the love of my life throughout postgrad and marry at the end. A lot of the women who are currently in my program or graduated have similar stories.

To answer the "standards" part: definitely wanted someone I had a lot in common with. A fellow Christian, at least bachelor's degree, shared interests and hobbies, similar sense of humor.

Tylikcat · 2025-05-17T01:53:16+00:00

I'm currently 52. I'm in a job I love, in a place I love, with a pretty good community (some work to be done there, but I just moved last summer, and the new professorship takes a lot of time and energy - though it also comes with a pretty decent community, and I have a lot of friends and family out here). I was hoping to buy a(nother) house this summer, but since I'm still in court with my ex about the house I bought that he's living in, that's on hold for the moment.

The main plan is to stay here until I retire. (Fair chance I will still be teaching part time for a bit there - the school is good about allowing us to remain active as we slide into retirement.) Still hoping my sister, her partner, and I will buy property together, and get to share some project and studio space, as well as have a bigger garden and raise sheep. A bunch of folks in my social circle have been picking out houses to grow old in, and arranging to live close to other friends as we're getting on in years. One of my mentors is in his eighties, finally went emeritus, and still spends much of his time tromping around in the woods, collecting mushrooms and doing mycology research :-) I want to grow old to be him. (Well, roughly.) I will probably date. There may or may not be long term relationships in my future. But only if they make my life better, and my life is pretty great already.

The backup plan is to take a faculty position on Sweden or Finland - the US brain drain is their brain gain (well, theirs and most other european countries, but I friends who have been encouraging me to move for the last dozen years).

Now, I was married when I was 23.* I'd already been at Microsoft for a bit by then. Also bought a house around then. My plan was to stay there until my late twenties (and vest a bunch of stock options, yo, this was the nineties when we had real stock options) and then have a kid... and probably one and possibly two more, but let's see how the first one goes. Take a few years off (and also pay for hired help because holy fuck raising kids is exhausting - see those stock options again) and when the kids started school, I'd start grad school. Software was entertaining, but there was no way it would hold my interest for the long term.

Of course, my husband - who presented himself as being totally looking for the same thing - was a total dead weight in the relationship. By the time he decided he didn't want kids after all, I'd figured out I didn't want him as a co-parent. Then he assaulted me (both sexually and otherwise, though neither ended well for him). And tried to sabotage my research. So I left him.

A kind of surprising number of men from the social circle auditioned to be the future father of my children after I left him. None seemed like the right match? But I was also pretty gun shy.

* Yes, it was too young, but I'd started college when I was 13, and moved out on my own when I was 15.

ChadChasingBReturns · 2025-05-17T02:49:56+00:00

I’m 25 and married. My standards are extremely attractive to me, adheres to Christian values, must be waiting for marriage, and he has to be a kind giving person that loves kids and animals.

As tall as me or taller- 5’9 My age +/- 2 years Money doesn’t matter at all to me. College educated

leosandlattes · 2025-05-16T23:53:25+00:00

My standards were men in my social and socioeconomic class, around my age to a few years older.

Looks: attractive to me

Height: 5’5 to 5’10

Income: $75k+

Values: matches mine more or less particularly around politics and child rearing.

Corbast7 · 2025-05-17T02:46:10+00:00

Idk, I think trying to have a life game plan is a recipe for comparison, overwhelm, and disappointment for many people. Life throws curve balls at us all the time. In many ways my 20s so far did not go as I thought they were “supposed” to.

I stopped relying on my mind to figure out my life. Now I just focus on the next decision that’s immediately in front of me, and I’m a lot calmer and happier. I do what feels right in my gut, and I try to live a life that’s principled and guided by love and authenticity. That’s all I could ask for. Everything else will fall into place.

PracticalControl2179 · 2025-05-17T05:38:10+00:00

How old are you?

Things don’t always go according to plan when it comes to dating.

You have a much higher level of control over your career:

If you go to college or not

What you study or choose to pursue

How hard you study or work

Graduate school

Etc.

But even then with a career, things sometimes don’t work out. You can spend years on a career to find out that you hate it or get burnt out. Volunteering and shadowing people only tells you so much about a career path and not everyone will let you volunteer.

You can spend years working hard and not get a good paying job for a while.

And the same for women. A woman can spend years dating and not have super high standards but still struggle to find a good husband. Or spend years with a boyfriend only to find out he cheated. Or marry someone and realize that he has a bunch of problems that he managed to keep hidden.

And things like infertility can show up and change things.

This question sounds like you are trying to covertly humble women for having standards that are too high and an unrealistic timeline.

Sorcha16 · 2025-05-17T14:23:42+00:00

Live my life and take shit as it happens.

S0yslut · 2025-05-17T03:04:44+00:00

That is basically what my plan was and what I did. I spent my 20s-30 working overtime, met husband @23 put the extra money towards paying off our house and we traveled. I worked up until I was pregnant which was a recent change. I may eventually go back to work when my kid/s are school aged but perhaps I won’t.

I was interested in men who were close to or around 30. I didn’t think about the money they would make but the majority of the men I dated were far outside my socioeconomic class. I was raised upper class and dated upper class because of that. Like family friends and school friends. I wanted someone who I thought of as highly intelligent, kind, who kids would love and someone who was religious enough to live by those values. I would not date men who have casual sex. I typically went for men with positive alpha and beta traits. I wanted someone taller than me (5’4”). I had to find them attractive, 6-8.

StrugglingSoprano · 2025-05-17T03:43:55+00:00

Go to grad school and work in research ideally, get married if I meet the right person maybe, don’t have kids

thelajestic · 2025-05-17T08:45:42+00:00

I never really had a set plan. When I finished high school my plan was to get a degree and I had no real thoughts beyond that.

While doing my degree I thought I might move abroad, but then I didn't. I got together with my now-ex while at uni and after a while plans morphed into maybe buy a house, get married, have kids. That didn't work out.

By that time I was 25 so my plans were to save up and either move abroad or buy a place myself within a year or so. Ended up saving up and buying myself a flat. I was with my husband by that point (although not married then) and we had no firm plans. We weren't sure about marriage, we weren't sure about kids. My plans were more to focus on my career and try and move up in my company or make a sideways move into a different area for more job satisfaction.

We then ended up impulsively deciding on kids, got pregnant immediately, I had a miscarriage. It was ectopic and a horrible time so we shelved the idea of kids for a bit, but the next plan was to then buy a place together. We did that pretty quickly. Then the plan was to probably get married at some indeterminate point and maybe revisit kids.

Now I'm in early 30s and we're married and I'm pregnant. During this time I also managed a promotion and then a sideways move and I'm doing a job I love. My plans now for the next few years - have a year off for maternity, then when I return work to a promotion in my current area. I'd like to earn enough for my husband to quit work or take a really drastic paycut to go and retrain or do something he really wants to do, as he dislikes his job. We're undecided on whether we'll have another kid (need to see how this one goes) so plans may well change again.

MoreSanitizerPls · 2025-05-17T14:00:08+00:00

Wherever the wind takes me, dawg. I don’t even know what I’m doing next week.

Double-Disaster7342 · 2025-05-17T15:12:48+00:00

My plan: 1. travel and have fun until I get bored of it, 2. do whatever I feel like doing after that.

Icy_Ad_4544 · 2025-05-17T15:46:44+00:00

I have ADHD so planning is not my strong suit. Nearly 40 though and I’ve accomplished most of the usual major milestones even if the order of them has been a little backwards.

Married at 21.

Had my son at 22. (Born a day after our first wedding anniversary 🥰)

Graduated college and got my driver’s license at 27/28.

Bought our home at 29.

Now I’m just working (got offered my dream job last week!) and enjoying the next four years until our son graduates high school.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2025-05-17T00:11:41+00:00

Pass the bar exam at 26 and get engaged to my boyfriend, get married at 28, have 2 kids between the ages of 28 and 33 (take 8 months of paid parental leave with each kid but otherwise keep working), open my own office by 40

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Siukslinis_acc · 2025-05-17T05:57:25+00:00

There is none. It's improv. Some things pop up and there is a short term goal (like now there is only one book left in "the wheel of time"). The long term might be just enjoying life.

LucyintheskyM · 2025-05-17T07:12:21+00:00

When I was 16 my game plan was to marry my boyfriend at 20, have our first kid at 21 and see where it went from there.

Then I started my apprenticeship in early education (at 16 yrs old), working as a toddler/preschool educator and I decided "whelp, no way, that shit can wait."

Soon after I decided it could wait indefinitely, my highschool boyfriend and I only lasted a year anyway, and my game plan was "have fun, don't fuck it up too much."

Found my current partner when I was 22 and the game plan became "have fun, save what I can because educators are paid shit and live with mum and dad as long as I can."

Bought a house together, game plan now is "have fun, raise the next generation to understand that Tolkien is the best literature to exist, craft to your heart's content, spend time with family and love them to bits, watch Netflix and game with boyfriend, spoil pet lizard and enjoy happiness."

Life is fucking great.

Slow-Narwhal486 · 2025-05-17T08:04:05+00:00

I had a plan for my life when I was a teenager. I found that setting age deadlines for when I should achieve certain things is useless. I just want to have a successful career that I also somewhat enjoy, I want to travel as much as I can, I want to have fulfilling friendships, maybe get married, maybe not- I see myself being happy in either scenario. That’s pretty much it. I’m not gonna detail my 5 year career plan, or detail my entire bucket list, so that’s pretty much it.

Powerful_Monitor3659 · 2025-05-17T08:31:20+00:00

I'm just focussed on raising my daughter right now. When she's moved out, I would like some sort of of remote job so I can travel, as I missed out on that in my twenties.

Between now and then, getting stronger and more flexible, spending more time out doors and reading lots.

anna_alabama · 2025-05-17T09:42:34+00:00

This is what my husband and I did - met at 18, engaged at 21, graduated college at 22, got married at 23, now we’re in our late 20’s

Downtown_Cat_1745 · 2025-05-18T12:46:39+00:00

So I basically lived my life like this. Got a degree at 21, but the building wealth thing didn’t work out. Dropped out of a masters program, taught abroad, tried to make it in a field that was rapidly contracting, etc.

Met husband at 28. Married at 29. Had two kids and stayed at home for 6 years because it was cheaper than childcare for two kids. Went back to school and got another degree. Now we both make money.

My standards: he had to be really fucking smart. I didn’t want a guy who couldn’t get my jokes. Also preferably a ginger. Also not a person who ran up debt. You’re allowed to be broke, but you have to act like you’re broke if you’re broke.

I found a guy who’s all of those things. He’s my favorite person. We’re celebrating 20 years of marriage in like 2 weeks.

relish5k · 2025-05-18T19:20:19+00:00

Met my now husband at 21, married at 27, first kid at 33, second kid at 35. Now at 37 i just quit my job to do freelance work so I can be more available for the kiddos while they are small (and handle most of the domestic grind of daily living). they still go to pre-school though.

I’m glad we got to enjoy being married for a while pre-kid but we ended up having kids a little later than i had initially envisioned which is somewhat of an issue as it doesn’t leave us a lot of time to have a third, if we decide we want to.

This is pretty close to the plan i had envisioned when i started thinking seriously about committing to my husband. We met when we were so young and I didn’t really have standards but then we went and got an MBA and now he has a good job at a startup.

Sonia314 · 2025-05-19T09:18:28+00:00

I’m 37. I plan to finish my degree within 5 years and then focus heavily on work for the next 5. I don’t want to have kids till my late 40s at the earliest (donor egg + husband’s sperm + surrogate womb). Unless my job gets fully automated, I’d also be fine not having kids. I want to take as little time off work to care for kids as possible. If my job gets fully automated I’d probably want to have a lot of kids though, as that might be the most interesting challenge left.

Right now I’m looking for The One. My age filters are 20 - 55, I’m 5’8” and I’ve been excited about guys as short as 5’4”, I don’t care about his income at all, being overweight is fine, but I haven’t been attracted to an obese guy before, I’ve found I can grow to see past an ugly face after a few dates. Values are the thing I really care about. He needs to be breathtakingly openminded and curious about the world, very compassionate towards both people near and far, and so smart and well read that he’s able to challenge me all the time. Despite being a devout Christian passionate about political activism, I don’t care much about labels like my future husband sharing my religion or place on the political spectrum, because I think those things are pretty superficial and good character goes deeper. We need to be sexually compatible, which rules out a lot of guys because I’m pretty kinky.

FriendlyBranch3035 · 2025-05-26T00:46:10+00:00

20-25 get educated and build up to a stable life

25 get married

28-30 have a kid or two

30-40 raise our children together while hitting achievements and making lots of money together.

My standards are for my husband to be my age or close. To at least have a job and a car. To be kind and understanding. Height doesn’t really matter tbh. I hope I can marry my bf tho

Title	the game plan for women?
Author	SuperSpartan13
Upvotes	1
Comments	211
Date	May 16, 2025 11:40 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1kof8li/the_game_plan_for_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-game-plan-for-women.1552374 https://theredarchive.com/post/1552374

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