Unsuccessful men on the dating regard should just accept it and continue with their lives

impossiblyasocial · 2026-07-14T20:47:48+00:00

The title itself is 100% right but I don’t really agree with the rest of your post

You feel lonely? What is the only difference, according to many who have described it to me, between a romantic relationship and a friendship? Sex? Kisses? So why be so upset? Why isn't having friends enough?

I mean… let’s not gaslight. Certain groups of people around the world have fought (and are still fighting) for the right to love/date/have sex with/marry each other (because it was forbidden in the past). You go to any relationship/marriage-related subreddit, and whenever someone posts about how depressed and undesired their sexless marriage makes them feel, so many people bring up “therapy” or “divorce”.

Feeling loved and sexually desired is important for most people. People admit that all the time when we aren’t talking about lonely bitter men specifically, yet somehow the same people change the narrative when lonely bitter men are involved in the conversation? The whole point should be that even if it’s important, you just can’t force others to date you or have sex with you anyway. I think not lying about this topic is a healthier approach than gaslighting lonely guys who will end up bitter because they do see everyday how important sex and relationships are to most people. They’re allowed to feel sad, they just shouldn’t feel entitled to women.

a-person-who-lurks · 2026-07-14T21:09:30+00:00

Just be a sexless drone bro

Patient_Eye_614 · 2026-07-15T01:57:07+00:00

I love these posts…

“go be a eunuch and stop craving anything even close to human companionship you worthless MAN…”

Got it. Already committed. Will do… Happy as can be! Thumbs up guys!

OmegaMSK · 2026-07-14T20:58:06+00:00

Provided you are asexual, this is kinda same as telling gay people to just become straight if they feel discriminated.

brassbuffalo · 2026-07-14T21:53:13+00:00

"I don't understand why they give so much importance to something so stupid"

You get bombarded with romance in society. A huge chunk of art is about romantic love, from the tale of Orpheus to Taylor Swift's music. The idea that after all that you don't understand it tells me you either don't want understand it or you struggle with empathy.

There's an intimacy and closeness in romantic relationships most friends will never have. There's also the chance to become life partners. I'm never gonna buy a house or start a family with my friends, just as an example.

There is a societal pressure to partner, but it doesn't create a desire, it just amplifies it and adds shame for not having it.

I think you don't really care to learn. I feel nothing when I listen to the Beatles, but I don't think it's stupid that other people do. I understand how important tbe Beatles are and why. You should try to understand romantic love instead of just dismissing it.

Unique-Afternoon6316 · 2026-07-14T20:25:26+00:00

You are aro/ace and do not understand the lived experience allistic people. That is fine, but we have different experiences of the world, and how our hormones inform us of the world.

So why be so upset? Why isn't having friends enough?

I crave having someone to share a life with. Someone who is my confidant and my hers- someone to kiss, and touch. Someone to give love to, generally. And yes, I am an adult(allo) man and my body craves sex. Without me trying to prompt it I feel a deep burning for physical contact and it worsens my quality of life to have that signal fire uselessly.

The reason why they feel bad about not having a partner is, in my opinion, mainly because of how ingrained the idea of having a family and partner as a sign of success is.

I do not care about being a man or successful in societies eyes- ever, in my life. I can tell that this is a very different desire than the desire to be seen as 'worthy'.

And I also think it must be because they believe that having a partner will solve their emotional, mental, or other problems. In my opinion, they're asking too much of a person for that, it's surreal to think about that.

I think it depends on the mental issues. If someone is depressed because they don't have ice cream(hyperbolic example) and you give them ice cream, their depression goes away. sometimes it is someone's material conditions that can cause them to have mental health episodes, and a change in that condition will help the problem. Not to say women owe men their bodies to make them feel better, though.

This must also be driven by that kind of genuine, biological desire, the kind I'm grateful I don't have and don't understand, but is it really so difficult to ignore?

Yes. I genuinely hate it. I have prayed to god to have it removed from me. You'd think if it wasn't that strong and biological I wouldn't feel so strongly about it.

Substantial_Video560 · 2026-07-15T11:39:03+00:00

Some men have those qualities that attract women and some don't. It's as simple as that

I'm definately in the latter. The question is what does society do with such men in the future?

ProvigilandChill · 2026-07-14T20:33:24+00:00

"If you're homeless just stop needing a house" headahh

CokeAYCE · 2026-07-14T21:02:52+00:00

This must also be driven by that kind of genuine, biological desire

you just answered your own question

MarioWilson122 · 2026-07-15T04:58:28+00:00

If it were really that easy, there wouldn't be so many men struggling to move on. The reality is that men, on average, have a much stronger sex drive than women do. That alone makes it much harder for many men to simply decide they no longer care about dating or sex.

Hope is another major factor. Most men don't think, "I'll be alone forever." They think maybe next month, next year, or after they improve themselves things will finally work out. As long as that hope exists, they're going to keep trying because the possibility of finding someone is still there.

Friendships also don't replace what a romantic relationship provides. For most men, friendships don't involve physical intimacy, sexual fulfillment, building a family, or being someone's chosen partner. Those are different needs, so it's not surprising that having good friends doesn't automatically remove the desire for a relationship.

You're also assuming men pursue relationships because they think a girlfriend will solve all their problems. For many men, that's not the motivation at all. They simply want a relationship because they genuinely enjoy sex, intimacy, and having a romantic partner. Those are desires in their own right, not necessarily an attempt to fix deeper issues.

The biological drive is also much harder to ignore than you're making it sound. It's easy to ask why men don't just stop caring if you don't experience that level of desire yourself. For many men, it isn't something they can simply switch off. They can manage it, distract themselves, or learn to live with it, but that doesn't mean the desire disappears. That's why so many continue trying even after repeated failures.

TankfarmMurdock · 2026-07-14T20:22:10+00:00

Everybody wants to be loved, at the end of the day.

Depending on *why* you’re unsuccessful, it’s dumb to say “meh, just give up.”

John_Oakman · 2026-07-14T20:51:47+00:00

The passive and listless males have long been bred out of the gene pool (if they ever were there in the first place), what's left, even the most misshapen lumps, are the products of the drive to pursue.

It is not in their nature to lie down and die off, despite how convenient that would be for the morally virtuous.

Enough-Business-8287 · 2026-07-14T21:03:03+00:00

I hope your post won't be removed. I'm a girl and I have an autistic brother who's struggling with relationships, he isn't a virgin but he's sadly unattractive to "normal" women and fails to find any girl he'd be happy with. He luckily doesn't feel entitled to love and sex, and I'm actively helping him make and keep friends. I tell him there is no guarantee we'll be romantically fulfilled but that we're free to ground our happiness in other things. He recently told me he's still sad not to have a girlfriend but that he no longer feels so alone.

And guess what, even though I may as a woman easily find a man who'll want to sleep with me, there is no guarantee I'll find one who'll bring me joy, happiness and fulfilment, and what's the point of having sex if it doesn't bring you anything?

ComfortableJeansGuy · 2026-07-14T20:31:16+00:00

Your tag lists you as an aromantic asexual.

Obviously, meaning someone who experiences no romantic or sexual attraction to others.

Don't you think you might be incredibly biased?

I mean, you're someone who, for whatever reason, doesn't experience these issues that you're talking about.

Of course you'd feel little to no importance in romantic connections.

This feels like explaining the need for air to a fish. The fish will never understand.

It's not an issue of logic and science, it's trying to explain an emotion that you're unable to feel.

You understand anger, because you've felt anger.
You understand sadness, because you've felt sadness.

I can't explain a feeling that you've never felt in any way that will make meaningful sense to you.

I could sit for the 45 minutes and type out paragraph after paragraph, but ultimately that feels as though it would be a waste of time, as it would be akin to trying to explain a three-dimensional shape to a two-dimensional creature.

Honestly, if I were you, I'd just wrap this one up to something that you might have lucked out on not needing as others often do, and go on with life.

Edit: I don't mean to be a dick, but half your posts are in r/teenagers.
Get off this sub and try to live a life that doesn't lead you back here by the time you're decently into adulthood.

AcanthaceaeKey5113 · 2026-07-17T19:36:38+00:00

Some of us have because we realized our peace matters far more then a dating market that relentlessly rejects us. We are not obligated to expose ourselves to humiliation. When the link between effort and reward is broken, it no longer makes sense to try anymore. Peace and sanity on the other hand reward efforts to protect both.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-07-14T20:49:55+00:00

Everyone is well aware that giving up is an option for any gender or orientation

Nobody is being oppressed

Lacunaethra · 2026-07-14T20:52:18+00:00

If you don't have that genuine desire for a relationship, okay.

But assuming you know anything about what you lack of is pretty far fetched.

Neglius · 2026-07-14T21:24:51+00:00

Brother, you are literally aro-ace. You are the answer to your own question.

chamomilecloud · 2026-07-14T20:31:34+00:00

I honestly don't understand why there are so many strategies for men to get a date and attract women.

Because they want to date and attract women, lol. They have normal attraction to the opposite sex and feel the urge to partner with them.

This subreddit is for debating heterosexual dating/attraction and gender dynamics; if this is not you, why are you here?

LopsidedPen9859 · 2026-07-14T20:26:29+00:00

You may just be aromantic, asexual, or both.

Lots of men want someone to care for them and hug them and the softness of women and disgusting shit like that.

Yes, men are more physical but it isn't a sex thing exclusively

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2026-07-15T09:41:38+00:00

Well you're aromantic as you say in your flare. For most people it's really real inner desire no matter what the culture says.

The difference is you share life. If you move you might ask friends for advise but they would never move with you. With a partner it's automatically mutual decicion. They are default part of your life. You don't meet when you agree to it, they are just part of your life, automatically included in everything.

Logical_Breadfruit49 · 2026-07-14T22:17:09+00:00

Because reproduction is a biological imperative for the vast majority of organisms.

Alone_Ambition_3729 · 2026-07-14T20:43:45+00:00

This is like some weird evangelism. Why do you think your very rare situation is a model for anyone else to follow? Imagine if your sexuality was thousands of times more common than it is, and on top of that it was the biological imperative of almost all complex lifeforms in the animal kingdom. Giving advice like this would just be like straight people telling gay people "just be straight bro". "It's an abomination bro, just accept it".

Why do LGBTQIA+ (in this case "A") people think they can evangelize to other people when their entire identity has been about not being evangelized to?

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Intelligent-Insight · 2026-07-17T20:09:59+00:00

Yes, for people who are looking for that it feels lonely . And yes, sex and kisses.

So wtf do you mean "so why be so upset?" That's why. Those things are a huge deal and give life flavor. What's the point without them and when you know there's no hope to get them?

Continue with their lives why and for what? The only question then is - school or CEO?

studente_telematico · 2026-07-18T11:06:53+00:00

Because in most cases, the only essential difference between a man who has had relationships with women and a man who has never had that opportunity is simply the former’s ability to inspire trust, evoke emotions, and make women feel comfortable. These are skills that can be learned, although doing so inevitably means accepting that you’ll face rejection along the way.

Oeddmae · 2026-07-19T21:39:07+00:00

Asexuals try to have an intelligent opinion on dating and sex challenge (impossible)

slurpupsumcum · 2026-07-20T08:39:49+00:00

They should organize and take over factories, we need 2B sex bots by 2046 or we're all completely fucked.

esdebah · 2026-07-20T20:33:49+00:00

I can't tell how serious this is. Sex? Kisses?

OP seems content and well-adjusted, just probably aromantic. Ain't nothing wrong with that, but probably not full of helpful perspective for most people.

Livid-Log7463 · 2026-07-14T21:17:11+00:00

It’s very simply the biological drive to partner, and the vast majority of men have it as a very strong desire at a level somewhere comparable to self preservation itself.

Fine-Double6335 · 2026-07-15T08:25:21+00:00

I think OP is definitely a “dating regard”.

Seriously what is up with this subreddit and its terrible grammar? You guys love your run on sentences, confusing word arrangements and pretentious vocabulary.

How do you all plan to have a debate when you can barely put a string of words into a coherent idea? Please edit your OPs with chatgtp. Seriously.

matthedev · 2026-07-15T16:10:06+00:00

Most men have a strong biological drive to seek out a partner. There's no corresponding drive to sit in an office in front of a computer screen to look at computer code or spreadsheets. Work is more a means to an end for most people: basic survival and then higher-level goals like attracting a partner. People who are closer to asexual may find more satisfaction from video games and anime, though 🤷

MrTTripz · 2026-07-14T21:12:54+00:00

Are you asexual? Or generally low libido?

There is no feeling I have experienced as mind-bending and obsession-driving as that intense thirst for sex.

Masturbation is, in fact, awesome, but nothing compares to that intertwining of….

Well, enough of the purple prose.

It’s a hormone thing, or some other brain chemistry.

Perhaps there are some birds who don’t want to build nests. They look at those other birds and think “What’s the big deal?”.

That’s you.

But that doesn’t make you wrong. Just in the minority.

-JohnFortniteKennedy · 2026-07-15T01:51:32+00:00

Mama didn’t raise no quitter.

Ok-Ninja-8165 · 2026-07-15T05:11:15+00:00

Yes, it is that difficult to ignore and you don't know if next attempt will be failure or not.

Sensitive_Housing_85 · 2026-07-15T07:45:58+00:00

Everyone wants to be loved, i agree but its way more than just why cant you just give up, when they do , society tend to judge people who are uncsuccessful with relationships

EugeneCezanne · 2026-07-15T14:27:25+00:00

What is the only difference, according to many who have described it to me, between a romantic relationship and a friendship? Sex? Kisses?

The real difference isn't objective; it's something you feel. More accurately, it's many things you feel, all at once or in sequences.

Of course, not everyone experiences feelings the same way, and not everyone suffers to the same extent when they feel things or don't. But none of us can realistically do anything about our own. Feelings are preintellectual--they don't operate on logic and can't be meaningfully adjusted, except with a lot of work. Most people would rather just try to get what they want than to no longer want it.

the kind I'm grateful I don't have and don't understand

You're both blessed and cursed. It is a hassle, for sure. But when it's really working out, it's one of the greatest possible experiences life has to offer.

ScrewDaRules · 2026-07-15T15:15:17+00:00

Even if this is the overall right message (and it's not), no one wants to hear this from someone who's aroace. You may as well be a human that can fly telling another human to grow wings to be as free as you feel.

Pathosgrim · 2026-07-15T02:15:49+00:00

A real man isnt going to acquiesce

Lucr3tius · 2026-07-15T04:11:37+00:00

I honestly don't understand why there are so many strategies for men to get a date and attract women.

Because it works, is the actual answer. I'm not conventionally attractive, not particularly tall, not particularly wealthy in the grand scheme. The last woman I slept with was very attractive, and 14 years younger.

Game works, and I didn't have to shower her with money or fake internet status to hit... repeatedly.

Title	Unsuccessful men on the dating regard should just accept it and continue with their lives
Author	AlvaroXZ999
Upvotes	2
Comments	90
Date	July 14, 2026 8:15 PM UTC (1 week ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1uwjz5m/unsuccessful_men_on_the_dating_regard_should_just/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/unsuccessful-men-on-the-dating-regard-should-just.1585050 https://theredarchive.com/post/1585050

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