Why is openly questioning "what do i get out of this relationship?" only a 1-sided discussion by societal norms or expectation standards?

EulenWatcher · 2023-12-11T00:25:31+00:00

Is it? There is a bunch of posts with Q4W tag and they have some good replies. Older posts tend to have better replies as they hadn't got too repetitive at that point and didn't feel like an attempt to dismiss and ridicule whatever women answered with.

Suzcval · 2023-12-11T03:26:37+00:00

The fact that you bring up "facts and evidence" in support of men makes me think you want something tangible that a woman brings to the table that only a woman can provide, that other women don't and that isn't already a given for any relationship, but that's just simply not the way traditional relationships work.

A lot of dudes that fit this traditional "bring something to the table" type of man are already secure in everything that's tangible - got a job, car, saving up money for a home or already have one, basically anything financial they already have covered and don't need their woman to work (in some cases outright refuse to let their woman work to begin with). In a lot of cases their lives would tangibly be better without ever getting a girlfriend at all - the reason most people enter relationships is almost entirely emotional. The way they feel when she looks at him. The way she holds him at night. How he feels when he comes home and she welcomes him with a kiss. These are all things that are indescribable in the context you seem to want because all the feelings men want to feel vary from man to man, and all the love languages women express themselves in vary from woman to woman, so it's all extremely subjective.

Economy-Shake-1448 · 2023-12-11T03:15:35+00:00

Whenever a woman says what she has to offer, men immediately dismiss it. unless she says cooking, cleaning, thinness, sexiness, youth, submission, and sex and men still dismiss this by saying they can get it from a sugar baby or prostitute.

any other answers are immediately dismissed by men

Loyalty? OP dismissed it by saying that it’s a basic standard

Charm and a great personality? Being loving and kind? Being pleasant to hang out with? Also dismissed as a basic standard.

Hobbies, goals, careers, wisdom, maturity, being a good partner, being kind and compassionate, charismatic, education, being interesting to talk to, being supportive, etc. Any of these things are shot down by men with some form of “my dog can do that” “my friends can do that” “anyone should do that in a relationship” or “men don’t care about it”

sublimemongrel · 2023-12-11T01:08:30+00:00

Whenever the “what do you bring to the table” posts are made here women get bombarded with a bunch of manospherians saying “men don’t care about that”. There’s plenty of threads on this sub however where women provide perfectly reasonable responses.

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-12-11T00:59:15+00:00

Men are the ones who have decided that what “wxmen” need to bring to the table is looks (which is immediately apparent), sex (which is implicitly expected), and service (which is also implicitly expected). If men want something else, they need to express what that is or “wxmen” won’t showcase it. Men have repeatedly expressed that they don’t care about women’s careers, education, opinions, intellect, or hobbies and dismiss those things when women present them as assets, so I’m not sure what sort of answer you’re looking for. Of course some men do care about these things, but they aren’t usually the ones asking “what do you bring to the table?” They’ll get to know her and find out. “What do you bring to the table?” is a gotcha to say women are essentially worthless, but they still relentlessly pursue them anyway.

wouldbepandananny · 2023-12-11T02:01:39+00:00

Because you ask what you get out of relationships/friendships with all women, as though they are a monolith, implying incidentally that the answer is "nothing." It's insulting, inaccurate, and getting to be rather dull.

AceOfSpadesGymBro3 · 2023-12-11T00:33:56+00:00

It's confrontational. It implies hostility and bitterness. "What do you bring to the table", but the unsaid part is "you are probably a dirty hoe with a high n count who uses men for dinners and have high standards and will treat me like a loser."

Trikger · 2023-12-11T02:26:58+00:00

Why is "what do i get out of this relationship?" such a taboo and difficult question for women to answer with a response that actually makes sense?

Because by saying this, you have now made the relationship a transactional one. You sound like an employer during a job interview. The fun part of getting to know someone is that you'll figure out what kind of person they are. It's a waste to cut that short by simply saying: "Explain how you will benefit me."

The person who asks the question also attempts to create an air of authority. The other person has to audition and try to prove their worth.

I Googled around a bit just now, and when men get the same question, they all say the same thing: money. He pays the bills, he pays for groceries, he pays for the house... It might sound valid to some until they realize it's the first date and you don't live together. What men bring to the table is the achievement that they're not homeless.

Normal men still get offended when a potential love interest asks them this question. It's something you'd imagine a narcissist would ask. There are so many ways to phrase a question like that, and you get confused when you choose the least respectful version and get unfavorable responses.

Frankly, please tell me:

What do you bring to the table?

nytnaltx · 2023-12-11T07:03:19+00:00

If you don’t value the things a woman brings to a relationship, don’t date her. If you think women in general have no value, don’t date women. Simple as that.

But as we all know, and as this sub demonstrates, men do want women, meaning they do think women have value.

Some men just want women the way you want a high performing car or quality machine, and unfortunately for them, you can’t have the separate the person from the things you can extort out of them.

They are not interested in the social aspect of relationships, only the transactional aspects. Anyone who thinks on this level can’t be characterized as a noble person. They aren’t the type of person who makes the world better. They wouldn’t do something good for someone else just for the pleasure of spreading joy. They don’t have joy- just a whole host of negative emotions which go hand in hand with self-absorption. Explains a lot about certain commenters on this sub.

obviousredflag · 2023-12-11T08:03:39+00:00

I doubt you ever asked this a woman you were dating in real life. Youtube, reddit and tiktok are not real life.

Adventurous-Fox-62 · 2023-12-11T08:34:30+00:00

It's a shitty question no matter which sex. If you want a relationship, it's never about "we must both be equally deserving of others love NOT because we actually love each other and want to care, BUT because I do this you do that. Such a shitty view. If you need to ask this question, stay alone for maximum gain

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-12-11T00:29:33+00:00

i cant make heads or tails of this after reading it 5 times

JDWhiz96 · 2023-12-11T00:12:19+00:00

Why do you type “women” like “wxmen”? It’s not a cuss word to actually say “women”. You’re not gonna catch cooties.

I do agree with your premise in that men are often shamed and/or berated for voicing their boundaries, but the whole “wxmen” thing does throw this off.

AngeCruelle · 2023-12-11T01:26:37+00:00

You seem to be referring to the "what do you bring to the table" question. That is the one I've actually seen discussed on here anyway. It's a rude question to ask a total stranger regardless of their sex. A stranger you happen to be considering romantically is still a stranger.

"What do I get out of this relationship" is something only the person asking the question can answer. If you seriously have no idea why you're in a relationship with someone maybe it's time to move on.

Safinated · 2023-12-11T11:44:49+00:00

Because men claim to be easy and have no standards, and also always deprived

Beggars being choosy = judgment

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CraftyCooler · 2023-12-11T09:54:52+00:00

Tbh i do not like this approach of treating the relationship like a joint-stock company. For me the things that i am expecting to get from my wife are harder to define - pretty much i enjoy her company, when we first met it was really nice talking to her and spending time together - no more no less, not much calculation. Our marriage is a story of lifting each other up - when I was switching my carrer my wife took an extra job to allow me to study, then I was making good money so she could not be working while taking care of our son, now I am taking most care of our son because she is focused on developing her career and I've stopped a bit. But it was never about calculation - it's just natural, we want the other one to be happy and fulfilled.

Nellylocheadbean · 2023-12-11T13:32:08+00:00

Because it’s pointless. Anything tangible men don’t care about (money, house, car etc) the non tangible things are “not enough” for the men who feel the need to ask this question (femininity, support, sex, home maker, nurturer).

MidoriEgg · 2023-12-11T19:42:00+00:00

If you’re the type of person who doesn’t genuinely enjoy the company of others and the fulfilment of a bond with someone, then you probably wouldn’t find that the other person can bring much meaningful to the relationship. These days most of us can work and be independent and don’t necessarily have to rely on others to get things.

I think people who enter relationships soley for the quantifiable perks the other person can offer them (money, sex, etc) are usually very unhappy.

If you’re looking at relationships completely perplexed as to what people get out of them, maybe relationships aren’t for you.

SmallSituation6432 · 2023-12-11T00:23:38+00:00

Its not taboo at all. To ask I mean. What is generally seen as taboo are certain answers.

If your answers are ones that are insulting and misogynistic, as implied by your whole "for wxmen to answer with a response that actually makes sense" then yeah, people are not going to want to talk about it with you.

The problem is that the answers are so consistently awful its not worth raising the question.

Nellylocheadbean · 2023-12-11T13:23:57+00:00

Anything tangible men don’t care about (money, house, car etc) the non tangible things are “not enough” for men (femininity, support, sex, home maker, nurturer) so basically there’s no pleasing men.

Ayaka_Simp_ · 2023-12-11T01:58:55+00:00

Because women are resource takers, not resource providers. Women are a net negative, and having to provide or bring something to the relationship disgust them. Women want to be taken care of. Not be the one taking care of their partner. Remember, men are human doings, so it's expected that we have to provide something.

basedmama21 · 2023-12-11T05:17:14+00:00

Modern women get offended by this because they were not shown how to embrace traditional roles. It’s not a harmful question. With my husband, obviously he gets my loyalty but I take care of the things he shouldn’t have to and Vice versa. I’m happy to be the one with the baby all day so we don’t waste money on daycare. He was thrilled to find someone who shared his views on this.

Any woman who gets triggered by that question needs some serious help.

LouisdeRouvroy · 2023-12-11T01:50:25+00:00

Because asking such question is questioning the premise onto which rests modern feminism and zeitgeist:

Women are valuable to others by themselves. Their mere existence is what brings value.

Thus asking what they bring to the table implies they don't bring anything by just being there, although it's what they want you to believe.

Hence the pushback. If you don't ask the question, you're not going to question the premise that women are valuable by themselves but men have only the value of what they bring and do.

Crimson-Pilled · 2023-12-11T00:40:44+00:00

Sperm is cheap, eggs are expensive. A man expecting reciprocity from a woman is like a homeless drug addict expecting it from a multi-billionaire. Women want to be provided for, not provide. Suggesting equality is an insult to the golden uterus she gives you just by being there.

The exception is when she meets an Alpha. A man so high value, he looks like platinum compared to the woman's gold. Then the tables turn, willing to do just about anything to keep his attention.

You're either an Alpha or a beta in a relationship with a woman. An equal relationship based on mutual interest/self-sacrifice is a male fantasy.

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HighestTierMaslow · 2023-12-11T02:58:40+00:00

Its not a taboo question. I asked that to men all the time. It was usually though before I broke up with them. If I was asking them, I figured out by then that their lists of "pros" of dating me was longer than my list of "pros" of dating them. I dont agree men dont get insulted by that question though, many of your peers do even if you dont.

myppverybighaha · 2023-12-11T17:11:08+00:00

This whole discussion feels weird, why do you need to get something out of a relationship? It’s not a transaction? You like a girl and a girl likes you, you get together and treat each other fair and nice. If that girl demands stuff out of you that you’re not comfortable with then maybe you shouldn’t be together.

DangZagnutsNewSon · 2023-12-11T19:28:16+00:00

The lowest end prostitutes cost 100 bucks per fuck. If you can fuck for free than do that. Otherwise sex is what I have to offer, obviously. Most men can't find a free steady fuck buddy they don't have to do anything for.

Mentathiel · 2023-12-11T22:17:25+00:00

On here? There's an implication when asking this question that women don't bring anything to the table, possibly with the exception of a couple of things men here approve of as proper femininity.

In general in life, I have never asked or been asked this question, it sounds like a job interview question. You sort of get too know the person and figure out what they bring into a relationship.

mcminimus · 2023-12-12T22:53:24+00:00

It is not the the responsibility of the other person to tell you what they bring to the table. You need to know what they bring to your table, what you are getting out of this relationship. An example would be you are running a business and you need help. So you decided to hire someone to help you. You need to know the exact things that you need help with, what you're looking for in the employee. It doesn't make sense to have people coming in to an interview and asking them what they bring to the table. You should know what you need from them whether or not they are suitable. A lot of people ask that as a sort of power play and it just doesn't make sense

Title	Why is openly questioning "what do i get out of this relationship?" only a 1-sided discussion by societal norms or expectation standards?
Author	DwayneCmoney
Upvotes	17
Comments	173
Date	December 10, 2023 9:28 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18fdw8c/why_is_openly_questioning_what_do_i_get_out_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-is-openly-questioning-what-do-i-get-out-of.1240457 https://theredarchive.com/post/1240457

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