You should absolutely never acknowledge any inherent disadvantages you have when it comes to dating.

No-Rough-7390 · 2024-09-25T09:23:38+00:00

Irrational self confidence is a good thing, even when it’s not. This is because it’s inverse is such a wildly bad idea.

ibookmarkeverything · 2024-09-25T14:38:38+00:00

All you said is that men with disadvantages in the dating world should reinforce the matrix in order to look cool and prevent conflict at the expense of his own mental health.

Careful-Inspector439 · 2024-09-25T12:54:15+00:00

I'm not sure I agree. Totally ignoring your flaws and deficits can attract attention to them: it's the equivalent of when fat people wear tight clothing or balding dudes grow a power donut.

Especially when it comes to things that can't be changed or at least are hard to change, it's best to appear like you are dealing with the situation... well.

Being too self-deprecating is not a good idea, but a mild, sincerely humourous ruefulness often comes across as the most secure. An old man that denies he can't stay up all night and run marathons anymore doesn't seem strong, just pathetic; an old man who is secure with being sensible because of his relative weakness actually comes across as stronger.

As a short guy, the right approach isn't to boast that there are small men who are packing or that you have a ripped body or whatever, it's to shrug it off, not by saying it doesn't matter at all because that's not true, but rather to suggest that since you've always been that way, the idea of being otherwise rarely occurs to you.

apresonly · 2024-09-25T14:47:24+00:00

the most socially successful people are adept at acknowledging their shortcomings without making it seem like a big deal. because they are comfortable not being perfect, they seem confident and approachable.

Longjumping-Goat-348 · 2024-09-25T03:27:00+00:00

I agree. Openly discussing your weaknesses as a man is not only emasculating, but almost guaranteed to make women lose respect for you. I’ve never felt more disgusted with myself than the few times I’ve expressed a personal insecurity to a woman.

SaBahRub · 2024-09-25T01:45:51+00:00

You can, in small doses, if you have a sense of humor

MongoBobalossus · 2024-09-25T01:48:35+00:00

Fake it til you make it, essentially.

Eastoss · 2024-09-25T13:03:24+00:00

I'm 5'5.

I tell people that being short is an issue because otherwise they'd believe by watching me, my attitude and the wife I landed that it is not a handicap. They are usually flabbergasted to hear about how some women treated or called me.

Nobody thinks I'm somehow an insecure weak person for noticing things. Because I generally am not an insecure weak person but a rather an honest and analytical person.

So the conclusion is always the same thing, it's not what you say the problem, it's how you emotionally load it, it's your body language. As a man you're supposed to care about the factual truth more than your emotions and you will be appreciated for it.

Independent-Mail-227 · 2024-09-25T01:46:33+00:00

This accomplishes a few things. It shows that you have a strong character and willpower

How does this help? The reason for the lack of success is still there, character and willpower won't make women wet.

It also may compel people to question why those negative elements would've been negative things to begin with.

It won't, people are zombies lacking any sense of self awareness and doing what the group does. The group keep mocking the short dude and nothing changes.

But you'll sure as hell get a better response compared

How do you even know?

Lanaglu · 2024-09-25T08:04:26+00:00

generally agree but it depends on the context and how you do it.

If you do it as a complaint especially near the beginning, around people you want to date, yes that's a really bad idea. People don't want negativity in dates, and coming across as insecure is going to screw you.

If you make a joke about it, it really depends, it can have the opposite effect and show you are confident and self-assured and if you're funny even better. It is possible you could mess up the joke though and there's a misunderstanding and it goes badly. Definitely wouldn't recommend even joking about it if the intention is to get sympathy.

That's all in the context with people you want to date. Insecurity is not attractive one of your first dates isn't the place to vent.

However venting about your problems isn't to make people like you, it's to make you feel better, if you can find people to talk about your problems with in a healthy way that's probably better for your mental health in the long run. If you can develop a healthy mindset about it that's going work even better than just pretending it doesn't bother you.

Flightlessbirbz · 2024-09-26T11:41:43+00:00

Well first off, if a friend is asking you if being 5’5” has negatively your dating life in front of a group of people, that’s not your friend, so keep that in mind.

Generally the best response to insulting people is to “agree and amplify.” Don’t get sad and say yes, but don’t get defensive and say no either. Something like “Well human women won’t date me, but I’m sure popular with the hobbit girls!” Humor is key, you make yourself seem funny and laid back, and the other person seem ridiculous and rude.

But overall I agree, bringing up insecurities to strangers/acquaintances isn’t going to benefit you. Close (true) friends and supportive family members are a different story.

Independent-Key4328 · 2024-09-25T10:26:56+00:00

Fuck that, I've had enough of this though man BS.

Circle_of_Steel_ · 2024-09-25T22:28:59+00:00

Women will tear you apart if they so much as sense you complaining about anything regarding dating and disadvantages. If you want to talk to women and hit on them, do not open up about how you feel about the dating market, if you feel disadvantaged, or if it has been a hard and tiresome process. They want unwavering confidence and to know that you can score other women. Pre-selection. Unfortunately women uphold the toxic masculinity they hate so much as much as men. You need to be a stoic caricature of unwavering confidence, completely unbothered by anything in life.

throwaway1276444 · 2024-09-26T07:33:16+00:00

Hey, I was unaware that my height was an issue, when I was young. And passed every shit test about my height ( some women are really not creative), each and every time. So I agree.

VWGUYWV · 2024-09-25T17:55:32+00:00

One thing I advise men not to do is talk about when you did not have a good trait

Let’s say you’re now muscular

Don’t show your new GF pics of when you were scrawny

Your journey will not impress them and they’ll subconsciously decide that you have shit genetics

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Proudvow · 2024-09-25T06:55:02+00:00

In fact, if you're pressed about it (eg a friend asking you if being 5'5 has negatively affected your dating life in front of a group of people), you should deny that you've ever even thought about it. You should actually be borderline delusional in your denial that any conventionally undesirable trait you were born with has affected you negatively.

Due to moral coding I cannot just outright lie about matters on that level. I just wouldn't engage the question.

tyyreid · 2024-09-26T04:24:55+00:00

I would just say something funny like yea I'm short and bald but I got a big old fat cock

Sadsad0088 · 2024-09-26T14:04:46+00:00

Yeah being a negative nancy isn’t fun or attractive and making the best of your positive attributes helps

EugeneCezanne · 2024-09-27T11:57:37+00:00

Even though you know that some of these elements might be holding you back, you should never acknowledge them in public.

I'm not sure this is what Shakspeare meant when he said discretion is the better part of valor, but I agree. This is a fake it till you make it kind of world. It generally pays better to behave as the kind of person you'd want to be, regardless of where you are right now.

Maybe to your closest male friends, sure. But sure as hell not in front of women

Women should be among your close friends too, and safe to confide in. But even then, male or female, you shouldn't do it too much, or else you'll become an emotional drag on them. That's what therapists are paid for.

sanslumiere · 2024-09-25T01:57:18+00:00

I agree with this advice. Confidence is sexy, whining and self-pity are not. I'd contend nearly everyone knows a short guy who cleans up, and I guarantee you that guy does not wallow in self-pity about his height at all, at least outwardly.

Plus-Opportunity8541 · 2024-09-25T01:40:20+00:00

I actually disagree, and it's for one purpose. I met a 5'4 guy who was amazing with women. Why? Because he was the first to crack a joke about it. He once got a 5'10 girl to go home with him because he said "When I eat you out later, would I be going up on you?" She literally spat her drink out. The biggest thing is to show that it doesn't make you insecure. A 5'5 guy saying he's "Never thought about it" when it comes to height will obviously be lying, but if he says he's fun sized or some crap that's funny, then he's gonna be a lot more successful.

SmokeySunDrops · 2024-09-25T01:45:18+00:00

Self-Assurance is sexy, but women can smell from a mile off if it's genuine or not. I'm not sure that just flat out denying any setbacks is the best move if you have strong feelings about it

prolixdreams · 2024-09-25T14:23:03+00:00

Honestly I 100% agree. Most people who place the blame for dating failure on something out of their control are ignoring things that ARE in their control because change is hard, and that demonstrates a lack of discipline and honesty with yourself. Making those kinds of excuses is way more unattractive than pretty much any uncontrollable disadvantage you could have, and being "borderline delusional" confident about it not being an issue is actively attractive.

I had a friend in college who was fat, mostly bald even at 20, never had any money, and he still always had girlfriends that were beautiful, seemingly way out of his league. I think it's in part because he acted exactly like you're describing here.

Title	You should absolutely never acknowledge any inherent disadvantages you have when it comes to dating.
Author	Combatenjoyer23
Upvotes	69
Comments	135
Date	September 25, 2024 1:33 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1fot0at/you_should_absolutely_never_acknowledge_any/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/you-should-absolutely-never-acknowledge-any.1531304 https://theredarchive.com/post/1531304

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