How do you go to bars solo without looking like a loser/weirdo?

JacobMoogberg69 · 2021-09-20T17:50:44+00:00

You are the one judging yourself before you have even went out. Other people don't give a shit about you even existing.

TimeToFuckPigeons · 2021-09-20T17:45:02+00:00

[permanently deleted]

JayElectricity · 2021-09-20T18:00:53+00:00

There is nothing weird about going places by yourself. You don’t have to wait for ANYONE (no friends, no date, NOBODY) to take you to do the things you want to do in life- because you can do those things all yourself! As soon as I realized that, I was much happier. The only thing that makes you look like a loser/weirdo in public in a lack of confidence and/or social skills. The good news there is that both of those areas are SKILLS, and skills can be improved upon!

Protocol_Apollo · 2021-09-20T19:09:27+00:00

Spotlight effect.

You think the spotlight is always on you when in reality, most people barely register you there.

positivitittie · 2021-09-20T19:48:35+00:00

If you feel super awkward inside it’s probably gonna show outside. Have confidence in yourself. Be chill. Appear friendly / welcoming — without overdoing it.

It’s hard not to stare at your phone but try to put it face down for some lengths of time and take in whatever is going on around you.

Maybe throw a compliment to the person next to you (hey, that’s a cool shirt - where’d you get it?) or ask them if they could recommend something off the menu. Talk a little sports if that’s your thing.

Exchanging even a few words with strangers can help lessen any negative thoughts you might have about the situation.

Keep your expectations low. Try to just enjoy the atmosphere and your time out.

What someone else commented about becoming more of a regular is probably where you’re gonna get in to meeting new people. For me anyway — one time probably isn’t landing me a new bud.

day_dreamer9711 · 2021-09-20T18:35:29+00:00

Go on a game night or a fight night and just casually ask people who do they think is going to win or who they cheer for. Make a conversation or even a friendly bet. Make a bet on a beer, people like getting free drinks.

xdtla · 2021-09-20T19:43:41+00:00

Take a book. I did it all the time. I went to bars for me, not to meet anyone so maybe that's the difference. Even when I didn't bring a book, though, I just sit there and think.

Honestly, going with someone else inside of a life partner can get annoying. Not many people can just sit still and relax without forcing a conversation. Like, I can talk with a bestie for hours, but if someone doesn't know how to kick it with me and enjoy the silence, we won't kick it that often.

5_7pickup · 2021-09-20T21:12:47+00:00

Ive been going solo for 5 weeks now. Bars and clubs in vegas. Refer to my field reports if you want more info

Tonedosprey541 · 2021-09-20T17:35:16+00:00

Approach the first people you see whether male or female. Say hi to everyone. Walk around and don't stay in one spot. Make conversations with random people

justmuro · 2021-09-20T18:10:56+00:00

When anyone ask just say “your riding solo to see what kinda trouble you can get into” which is true because unless u have 1 friend with the same limits as you, you usually get held back

HunkSeven · 2021-09-20T21:00:34+00:00

What? Going solo make you look like a fucking legend what are you on about!

spacenuts09 · 2021-09-20T19:34:59+00:00

Go out often not just to meet girls but to just make it part of your routine. Especially on weekdays pick some bars close to your spot and build some rapport with the bartender or manager. That will phase out some awkwardness and also help you expand your social circle. Other than that pick venues where you have something to do or see such as live music or a bar which is a HQ of a sports team or a cigar lounge if you are into cigars

TheRealAlkemyst · 2021-09-20T20:48:32+00:00

I rather go out solo every time. I am looking to hook up usually or at least meet someone, I don't want to have to worry about being someone's ride or them wanting to leave before me.

I will usually get to a place a little early, talk a bit with the crew working and get to know them a little. This helps out later because if shit goes down with some asshole, they already know you a bit so hopefully would know you probably weren't the catalyst.

You also get to find the 'best' spot at the bar to people watch. As people come and go I try to be friendly and say hi. Just getting a conversation going opens up others to join in.

Don't try too hard...if someone is not interested sexually don't keep pressuring it, find someone else.

WheelIntelligent1354 · 2021-09-20T19:17:13+00:00

Talk to multiple people including the staff. People don't know who you are so will assume you know the strangers you talk to.

Edit: it makes you come across as a high social guy who is well liked by most people.

letmereaddamnit · 2021-09-20T23:44:52+00:00

Meh, I usually go to bars solo. Main problem is that in my town there will be like 43 dudes and 11 women. Not exactly a good scenario.

partypancakesbacon · 2021-09-21T03:53:50+00:00

In your mind: You’re meeting up with a friend who is in town but they are running late. So you’re chillin waiting for them to arrive. Makes for a good convo too. Eventually they cancel but you’ve decided to chat with your new friends and finish your drink.

Sunlitstream264 · 2021-09-20T18:28:34+00:00

If the bar has pool or pong or something play that, get good at it, build a reputation and the people will come to you and it’ll make approaches way easier

Woujo · 2021-09-21T04:50:13+00:00

Here is a snippet from my upcoming book:

Going out Alone

Some guys ask me whether it is ok to go out alone because they are afraid women will think they are weird. My answer is this: women generally do not give a shit if you are out alone, and even if they do, you can easily defuse their concerns: “Oh I am waiting on my friends,” “my friends are here somewhere,” “my friends were being dramatic/boring so I had to leave them,” “I had a long day and just wanted to grab a drink by myself.” Etc… I have gone out alone A LOT in my life, and women have never seen me being alone as a problem. In fact, women sometimes see being alone as impressive and a sign you do not give a fuck what others think of you.

Going out alone, however, can sometimes sap your confidence because they do not feel like the “alpha” of the tribe. Like I said earlier, your should goal be to project to women the feeling that you are the popular, high-status guy and you are “accepting” her into the cool kids’ lunch table. But you may not be able to project this feeling if you are out alone and do not yourself feel like you are at the cool kids’ lunch table, especially if you are at a strange place where you do not know anybody.

On the other hand, going out with people that suck can also sap your confidence. A shitty wingman can ruin your night, and a lot of guys feel self-conscious or weird to approach and get rejected by women in front of their friends, especially if their friends are not into gaming.

My strategy is this: if you are going to go out to approach women, your ideal situation is to have a core of friends you can return to anytime but are not beholden to. If you go out alone, you can approach strangers and make a few “friends” (fat girls, gay guys, whatever) that become your core. That way, you have a “home base” you can return to and recharge at any time. Your “core” can also boost your status in front of any woman you meet. If I go to a club and see a fun group of people I always try to introduce myself to at least one person in the group so I have an “in” with the cool kids.

If you go out with friends, it is best to approach with one or two friends at the most. A group of five guys trying to approach women very rarely works because the chances of finding a group of five women who will each want to talk to somebody in your group slim. Furthermore, groups of three or more women are harder to game because there are less likely to be out prowling for dick together.

It is, however, possible to game a woman in a big group. You just need to play a balancing game: you must make clear that you are interested in her and her alone, while occasionally paying some attention to the other members of the group so they do not feel left out or alone.

Dazzling-Being245 · 2021-09-20T17:58:22+00:00

Yeah just go and enjoy yourself. It’s easy as hell.

MuertaDeLS · 2021-09-20T21:37:22+00:00

I should thank you for posting the damn question.

Holy grail right here. C'mon people let's do some rocket science.

eazy50210 · 2021-09-20T23:06:25+00:00

You go. You order a drink at the bar. You people watch and watch whatever is in the tv. You chat with other humans if the opportunity presents. That’s it. Wear black.

starshineblueyes · 2021-09-21T00:30:08+00:00

I've been doing that since I was in my 20s. Then I was divorced and moved to a different area. I couldn't stay home and sulk. Started by going to dinner. Then places like Applebees with a bar. Then to the local dive where I started making friends.

HughBeaumont500 · 2021-09-21T01:49:16+00:00

Walk in like a boss

Sit down at the bar Order your drink

Strike up a BS conversation with anyone sitting near

If it's your night - you'll feel the eyes on you

Then you make your smiles and read the reactions

If the water is cold - hit the next spot

Did that a few times. Sometimes it worked. Sometimes it didn't. Sometimes met a cool person sitting next to me.

Better than sitting at home watching Wheel of Fortune with my hands in my pants like Al Bundy

SirNicoli22 · 2021-09-21T05:31:28+00:00

Have at least one psilocybin (mushroom) trip of at least 1 to 2 grams.

It will break down your ego while you’re on the trip and when you come back out of the trip, you will look at the world in a new and expanded light.

It helped me.

BellMaleficent6048 · 2021-09-20T18:53:53+00:00

I find it's not hard to talk to guys but here's a tip, don’t accept a drink from them or you will feel obligated to listen to their depressing stories.

1BannedAgain · 2021-09-21T00:59:35+00:00

Own it. I do all sorts of things without a 2nd human nearby

johnick44 · 2021-09-21T02:28:04+00:00

First things first, you walk in the bar with confidence, if you walk like you have never been before or you are afraid to talk to people, people will see that, next thing is forget about having the mentality of “I hope this person likes me…” and turn that shut into “let’s find out if I like this person”, remember you the one paint your bills so put some fucking value to yourself eh, after that, get a beer and some food, some people might approach you or you might approach them, and start a friendly convo, for example “what’s your favourite drink, I always drink (drink ñame) and i wanna try something new” order that shit and ask he/she if they want one too, from there introduce yourself, after that is all you ….💪🏽🔥

ikeepon · 2021-09-21T09:47:11+00:00

I go out alone fairly often. Did it just this Friday night actually. Friends went home but I stayed out. Met new friends and had fun. Wash, rinse, repeat.

21stCenturyLuther · 2021-09-20T19:49:44+00:00

Don't give a shit about what others think and enjoy yourself. That's how. It'd difficult, sure. But if you go with the mentality that you're going to enjoy yourself and have fun, then it's fun. I've done it plenty of times and have always enjoyed myself, WHEN my mentality is right and not when it's negative.

Bad_At_r6 · 2021-09-20T23:00:35+00:00

I'd like advice on this too I've done it before but had someone else tell me it was sad so I stopped. Unfortunately I don't have a social circle to go out with so if I don't go alone I can't really go at all, at least currently

putcoolusernamehere · 2021-09-20T23:11:10+00:00

Personally I don't, I prefer to do daygame

lana_del_reymysterio · 2021-09-21T00:34:42+00:00

Here's the question I have, how do you go to bars solo and approach people by yourself when the majority of people are in GROUPS (especially women)?

I can talk to individuals perfectly fine but struggle with how to approach a group and keep a conversation going with all of them at once.

recyclablebanthas · 2021-09-21T02:23:36+00:00

1

how do you go to bars solo without looking like a loser/weirdo?

The first step is to identify that this whole line of thinking is negative self-talk which everyone has to deal with and which has a predictable tendency to create problems out of nothing and make mountains out of molehills.

The truth is that going out to bars or clubs solo doesn't have a negative connotation by itself unless someone is running around actively disregarding social cues, being overly aggressive with people or something, and/or making people uncomfortable.

Actually, it's pretty common for people to be impressed if you've gone out by yourself. They'll generally ask where your friends are and then express surprise when you say there aren't any necessarily coming, followed by something like, "I couldn't do that," or "Wow..."

2

I’m new to this, so what are some tips on going to bars solo to meet people?

A.) The first thing is to get your mindset right so that you're not going into the venue socially starving or desperate.

One important thing that helps with this is finding some reason to going there that will be fun (even if you're by yourself). Something you would actually look forward to.

Finding a bar with an activity going on there, can be a good and easy way to do this.

Trivia night
Maybe the bar has fun little props and games for drunks. I've seen bars that had board games or giant adult sized Jenga sets.
Or your standard pool tables.
Special events like Super Bowl or some sports match on the TV there.

B.) Warming up through small talk with the people who work there can be helpful. Things might be busy so go easy on this. But you can often make some small conversation with bartenders and the like.

This is an easy warm-up because they're supposed to be friendly as part of their job basically. Just don't abuse it.

C ) Arriving at the venue before things get busy is also helpful. You might think it's good to get there well after things are in full swing. But getting early is actually often better.

Interacting with fellow bar patrons is easier when there are a few people because it's less chaos and pressure because people haven't gotten drunk and disorderly yet.
Plus, it's easier to warm up/chat up staff when they are not busy.

Abhi005 · 2021-09-21T07:56:30+00:00

Walk like a winner, dance like winner, dance like winner, interact like a winner, best of luck

mystylejay · 2021-09-21T14:23:24+00:00

Dude, never read "afternight" by Murakami?

The whole story starts with a person reading a book in bar...

Some hints

-Do not stay there indefinitely. Establish a timeout(30 mimutes, a beer,etc), especially the first times.

-Talk to the bartender, if possible. He/She will act as connection (and it is also hos/her job)

-Become an habitual customer of the bar. People will start knowing you, you will get confident with the settings.

-Reading a book is nice, but only if your purpose is actually reading, and if the context is a rifht one (some pubs are good for rrading, other obviously are not).

Hope it helps

TheSunshineMan · 2021-09-20T21:30:10+00:00

99% of night game has been solo.

First of all..

You need to fix your mindset if you're worried about what others think.

Nobody cares..

You're the only one.

Fix this.

Lots of other great advice in this thread.

I find that having other people with me severely hurts my night game.

Have to go where they want to go, have to worry about logistics of meet up, when people want to leave, how everyone's getting there, it's endless.

VS

Going in and out of places at will, not having to worry about anyone else.

Plus most guys suck at game or don't care.. or they'll hold you back.

I can go out alone, talk talk to a bunch of cool dudes, make some friends if I want, and talk to the hottest best looking girls in the club, grab a bunch of numbers, set up a bunch of dates for the next week, and go for the same night lay if I want to end the night.

With the way I do game, having other guys to go out with will severely hurt my game and the amount of girls I ultimately end up getting with.

the_bbutterfly · 2021-09-20T21:03:59+00:00

I never go to the bar solo I'm going with the people that are already in the bar, I just say Hi to everyone in the bar, even if I never been there before

JLtheRocker · 2021-09-20T21:17:57+00:00

You walk in, sit down at the bar, and order a drink.

Traditional_Bison472 · 2021-09-20T21:45:16+00:00

Did you mean to pick up someone?

Panama_Jack829 · 2021-09-20T22:14:43+00:00

Liquid confidence

muff_marauder · 2021-09-20T23:41:44+00:00

If you are an attractive enough man sitting around alone, women will actually cold-approach you.

They are very liberated nowadays.

Calmaxel · 2021-09-21T00:30:39+00:00

Find out the barender name and you can use at the bar, makes strangers feel welcomeď

hardpaint3 · 2021-09-21T00:38:59+00:00

Make a bet on a sports game go to a bar and you’ll be fairly invested in the game/winning/not losing money that the last thing you’ll give a fuck about is what other people think of you. If you’re going somewhere thinking how can I look less like a loser/weirdo just stay home

drunkboater · 2021-09-21T01:01:37+00:00

I go out by myself all the time. I have about two drinks per bar and then bounce to the next one until I’m drunk or run into friends.

Buno_ · 2021-09-21T01:48:13+00:00

Lots of good advice here. I do get where you're coming from in terms of say, going to a packed dance hall or super-crowded bar on a Friday. You can do that, but you'll be largely contending with large groups.

You're looking for the type of bar where it wouldn't seem weird if someone was enjoying a glass of wine or craft cocktail while reading a book. Quieter wine and beer places may be more your speed if you're not super comfortable being the center of attention.

Panik88 · 2021-09-21T06:41:45+00:00

[permanently deleted]

aprilfools708 · 2021-09-21T12:22:15+00:00

Increase your self esteem. People go to bars solo all the time. Not a big deal

brotato85 · 2021-09-20T23:26:05+00:00

No one cares. Go out with the intention to enjoy yourself.

Laizzes_faire5-3000 · 2021-09-20T23:36:31+00:00

Do it all the time. Just keep about yourself, buy some drinks, and make sure you leave a healthy tip to your bartender, because when you return they will remember you. And if a game is on tv stare at it like you have some money on it, this will keep your eyes from wandering about like gazer creep.

ObviouslyNotALizard · 2021-09-20T19:21:50+00:00

Step 1. Go to a bar Step 2. Order a drink Step 3. Decide if you like the bar enough to hang around for awhile. Step 4. Have a good time.

PoPoChao · 2021-09-20T23:27:19+00:00

It’s hard. You have to go to the bar for some reason. Be it to watch some sport or just talk to whoever is next to you. Go there for the food

subscribe20pewdiepie · 2021-09-21T00:06:19+00:00

In my city there are a lot of meetup.com meetups that take place in bars and restaurants. Join one of those groups to get started.

isisishtar · 2021-09-20T21:30:48+00:00

People do this in movies all the time. It’s a major plot engine.

oscarony · 2021-09-20T23:40:57+00:00

let me give you the real game since everyone else wants to play

make sure you’re on your phone 60-70% of the time ; don’t let anyone else see what you’re doing tho
grab a drink (or a couple) and enjoy the music
if you see a girl you like, never let her catch you looking at her more than twice
Make sure you stand tall and remain confident in your ability to talk to anyone (this will subconsciously draw ppl to you when they see you able to have fun on your own)
When it inevitably comes up in your convos, never ever say that you came there by yourself; make up an excuse saying that you were meaning to meet a friend somewhere else but wanted to stop there first to get a drink (if it’s early), if it’s late then say that you and your friend were supposed to come but that they got called into work/family emergency/anything that makes sense as to why you’re there
Don’t think too much (probably the most important)

campskills21 · 2021-09-21T05:07:53+00:00

Sit at the bar and talk to someone.

assblaster68 · 2021-09-20T23:34:30+00:00

Idk I feel like if you meet people and they ask if you know anyone hit em with “I lost my friends” and just keep partying

TrendyLepomis · 2021-09-21T00:00:10+00:00

one thing that i want to do next time i go alone is find a group of strangers i might mesh well with and buy them all a drink to break the ice

Neil1398 · 2021-09-21T01:09:54+00:00

Talk to other people

thayer_bryan · 2021-09-21T01:21:46+00:00

If you can break your anxiety with going out solo, you open up a flood gate of opportunity You can literally go to any bar in any town/city and do pickup.

FeistyTemporary184 · 2021-09-21T01:26:13+00:00

You gotta let go of the idea that other people care enough to even notice. I’ve gone out alone it’s not bad at all. I made friends with another guy and we both knew we were gonna chat, walk around and scope out girls for each other. Once you get more comfortable going alone you don’t even need to make a friend you can walk straight up to women. Even if you get rejected, most will be your friend and wing woman if you ask them to play along in a charismatic way.

mrrooftops · 2021-09-21T02:00:59+00:00

If you are there contributing to the vibe and look like you are having a good time people will automatically assume you are probably there with people. If you act all lonely and clueless, they will know you aren't there with anyone. But remember, people only fleetingly care about you if you are an extreme of either. Act socially attractive. Don't act like a lonely bewildered loser. You'd be surprised how many people you THOUGHT were at these places with their friends who were actually there alone.

MAGUS_CRAWDADUS · 2021-09-21T02:08:29+00:00

Honestly man, fuck everyone else my friend and I go by ourselves and we just start dancing no matter what everyone else is doing. You are there to have fun knock back a couple drinks and just feel the music cause honestly who cares what everyone else thinks they said they were going out to have fun yet here they are standing against the wall looking at their phones. every single time it works and everyone around us will start cheering and join in and most guys aren’t that confident so if you just say fuck it and do it women will notice. It has gotten us lucky more times than I can really think of at this point and I just turned 21 last month. The key is to be having the most fun out of everyone in the room and your energy will bring up everyone else’s energy I swear. My friend and I have turned it into a game we just pull up to bars to bring up the energy and hit the next. And I know I say I do this with my friend but I have seen him do it alone 1 million times and that’s how I knew it worked I just decided to join one day

FightKwando · 2021-09-21T02:23:20+00:00

Chest out, shoulders back, feeling like a million dollars

Bernies2Mittens · 2021-09-21T02:58:30+00:00

Try opening a set as soon as you walk in. Others will have no idea that you didn’t know them already. Go early and often and get to know the bartenders.

SomeRedShirt · 2021-09-21T03:45:30+00:00

You walk in, order a drink & listen to people talking. Iistening to convos is a great way to figure out who the owners are & who knows who. Most of the time the owners will be sitting in plain sight, just a lot of people don't pay attention

fr0ntsight · 2021-09-21T03:55:05+00:00

Go in and find a seat at the bar. After a drink introduce yourself to the bar tender and strike up a conversation about whatever with the person next to you. Have another drink and rinse and repeat.

Before you know it you wont feel strange at all. If you watch closely there are more solo people than you would think.

bitchybarbie82 · 2021-09-21T04:15:30+00:00

You stop giving a fuck and just go.

MisterBiSteven · 2021-09-21T04:19:41+00:00

Talking to everyone you find interesting whither you’d date them or not and then you are just very social.

aitaix · 2021-09-21T04:20:56+00:00

Play Pool, Billiards, or whatever game they have in the bar in your Country. Do something other than sit at a table a drink or gamble alone.

2021-09-21T04:34:05+00:00

Grab a good work out before going out to be social - get that blood flowing and those endorphins up. Also, whilst sitting at said bar - try having something already on your mind to occupy your thoughts outside of worrying about whats going on around you. It can help the notion of feeling too needy.

Try bringing a book with you, or a journal to write in - this helps with the above point and also tends to make people curious about you and what you're doing, which is good!

Unforsaken_Dick · 2021-09-21T05:22:14+00:00

Stop giving a fuck what people think and just enjoy yourself

2021-09-21T05:35:30+00:00

Head up, shoulders back, confident walk. Speak loudly, ask questions~doesn't really matter what they are, listen to the answers and ask more questions. Be noticed. Talk to anyone. Don't worry about looking like a weirdo; nobody cares.

stinkywombat9oo · 2021-09-21T07:52:41+00:00

Enjoy the place where you’re at and enjoy what ever you’re doing . I thought I’d be weird going to night clubs on my own but when the focus is actually enjoying the time out and enjoying your own company people tend to want to join in .

I was going to edm shows and night clubs alone to artists I liked and ended up meeting loads of people even though my explicit goal wasn’t to meet people , it was just to enjoy the atmosphere and the music . If going to clubs and bars is not your thing find the things you really enjoy doing and going to those places or things alone becomes 1 million times easier .

CannaLily42 · 2021-09-21T15:20:19+00:00

Bring your cellphone.

SadInvestigator77 · 2021-09-21T16:32:14+00:00

I can see going alone be kinda fun but what do i do sitting there? do I js look at people? that sounds weird. or I could js keep using my phone but that's like antisocial socially.

grimbasement · 2021-09-21T17:00:59+00:00

You just go. No one else gives two shits if you're there by yourself. What people aren't cool with though is people who aren't comfortable in their own skin and overly concerned with what others think. I've met some really cool people while doing stuff on my own.

Panik88 · 2021-09-21T17:27:30+00:00

Don't worry about how you look to others. I found out that I enjoy myself more solo than with someone a lot of the time...

yardapesbb · 2021-09-24T22:04:26+00:00

Become a regular. Go to the bar on a weeknight when its not crowded, have a couple drinks. Chat briefly with the staff/bartender. Tip good. If you do this on a regular basis you will develop a 'I belong here attitude'.

HappyLittleJoints · 2021-09-20T19:54:46+00:00

Youou

How do you go to bars solo without looking like a loser/weirdo?

Comments

Kama Sutra

Title	How do you go to bars solo without looking like a loser/weirdo?
Author	RipJaw30
Upvotes	392
Comments	168
Date	September 20, 2021 5:26 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/przhux/how_do_you_go_to_bars_solo_without_looking_like_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-you-go-to-bars-solo-without-looking-like-a.1275796 https://theredarchive.com/post/1275796