Another negging tactic: Men asking your interests then telling you how they dislike them

__kamikaze__ · 2021-11-23T17:32:46+00:00

Oh my god. 90% of my experiences with OLD were like this. They’d insult my interests then proceed to tell me what they like so I’d tell them that’s shit, then delete them 😂

Scrotes love to test the waters early. Why would you start a relationship by insulting someone? It sets the tone for the disaster to come.

Sage_Planter · 2021-11-23T17:21:07+00:00

LVM are notorious for discounting any "feminine" hobby or interest, too. They think women are "basic" for enjoying makeup, magazines, TV shows, skincare, yoga, fashion...

Yet somehow they all think they're so unique with their interests of video games, sports, and porn.

kansascitydream · 2021-11-23T17:29:02+00:00

Ugh or it’s ugly cousin, the elitist neg. “ WOW you like THAT? EVERYONE likes that” “guess you’re just like all the other girls” 🤡

Antique_Fortune6974 · 2021-11-23T16:40:42+00:00

Yup so true! I remembered so-called dating this loser who would put down everything that I liked.

I remember watching spongebob at his place and he was looking at me with so much contempt.

misandryisnotreal · 2021-11-23T17:11:47+00:00

I love when that happens because it’s such an easy red flag. The trash really takes itself out this way.

Bonus points if you simply flat face the guy and respond: “I didn’t ask.” They love that.

thinktwiceorelse · 2021-11-23T17:43:51+00:00

There was a guy who had a crush on me, who trashed my favourite band everytime he had a chance. I made it clear that I'm not interested, and he started to date my friend. She liked the same band, and he made her stop listening to their music. We have another friend and her husband literally drives her to their lives in another countries.

AC7878 · 2021-11-23T17:47:57+00:00

Oooh and if they are narcissistic, they'll act like all your interests are amazing and things they either want to try, visit or will tell you how they enjoy all the same things you do. Just be aware of those types too because soon they'll hate each and every one of them. If you see a man reverse and tell you they hate it all then that's your biggest sign to walk and to keep on walking.

whiskey_and_oreos · 2021-11-23T16:53:43+00:00

Ugh I had the country one happen a few weeks ago! A guy asked about my favorites because he was planning a trip and wanted ideas, so I told him I fell in love with Germany in general but Berlin took my heart and said "I could have moved there, I loved the city so much for xyz reasons" and he makes this 😒 face like I was a child talking nonsense and Berlin wasn't a real city or something. It's like a shit test to see if you can read his mind and validate that sex tourism trip to Thailand or something.

But anyway. Tell us about Portugal! It's high on my list and the pandemic canceled my trip there.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-11-23T18:54:40+00:00

I had one guy asked me my interests. I told him: yoga, Latin dance, live music, going out with friends, etc. When I finished he told me that was too much and it didn't sound like I had time for a relationship. Lol! Bye, asshole. Go be boring and lazy with yourself.

Buggy1218 · 2021-11-23T16:57:15+00:00

Just as bad are the ones who don’t care about your hobbies and interests whatsoever. Because it’s not sustainable. Over the course of a relationship you will find that you have less and less in common and grow apart- because they don’t give a shit about things that are important to you.

When my husband and I started dating, I mentioned my favorite band to him once. I have an album logo of theirs tattooed on my arm. He listened to every album by them on his own time. That’s how a man who’s really interested in you acts. A HVM would never shit all over something you like. It’s tacky and rude.

woadsky · 2021-11-23T21:40:47+00:00

I've been negged by silence and I watch out for it now. Over the years I've had hobbies where I create something and then sometimes sell it. If I show a new romantic interest what my creative outlet is and I'm met with silence I note that. They don't have to like it, but I do appreciate a positive comment even if they don't e.g. "I can see you've worked really hard" or if they can't manage that then questions to show interest. The men who said nothing ended up not being that into me, even after future faking or telling me they "loved" me. This is my passion, and it is a vulnerable feeling to show someone something creative so I require at the very least a tactful reply. Silence and no interest = red flag.

ArtisticBrilliant491 · 2021-11-23T20:41:54+00:00

Sometimes this is just LVM negging/peacocking, but sometimes it's a sign of narcissism. They love to devalue everything in their victim...err partner's life. After 15 years of hearing that everything about me--interests, hometown, family, friends, music, parenting--was wrong in some way, I just about started to believe it. This kind of behavior is gross and damaging and a giant neon red sign for insecurities and bullshit.

tuberosetears · 2021-11-23T17:12:43+00:00

"Bitch, did I ask you what your opinion is on the music I like?"

This energy forever 😂 I love it

DiosaCordilia · 2021-11-23T17:54:33+00:00

So true 🙄 but not even with NVM/LVM but people in general. If you are interested in my interests/hobbies or whatever, I assume that you are sincere about your interest not because YOU can JUDGE me. Fuck off

Ilivetowork · 2021-11-23T19:47:26+00:00

Yeah good way to weed them out us ask them their Zodiac sign . If they go in a rant about your innocent hobby - bye bye

capresesalad1985 · 2021-11-24T04:42:52+00:00

This is my number one vetting tool. I sew. I started sewing when I was 8. I started making costumes when I was 12. I went to school for fashion and costume design. I worked as a hs fashion teacher, freelance costume designer and now a costume design professor at a college and have a fashion/sewing YouTube channel. I’m really f*cking good at it and very passionate about it, it’s a huge part of who I am.

Every single guy I dated did the pat on the head thing and acted like “awww your little sewing hobby”. One time I was getting ready to try out for project runway and one of my sewing machines broke. I was really freaking out and the guy I was dating totally blew it off and told me I was making a big deal over nothing. Sewing is considered a feminine hobby and the amount of open condescension is insane. And even if I was a hobby sewist it’s a very difficult skill that takes a lot of time to get good at and it deserves respect if someone claims they care about you.

That being said, when I first started dating my current bf he was THE FIRST guy who let me talk about sewing, and actually listened and was respectful and curious. For Halloween we do date nights building our costumes together. He lets me teach him techniques, as well as taking over parts of the costume and making it his own (this year we learned how to do foam armor together, next year we’re going to do led electrical circuits). Dating someone who respects your hobbies and interests much such an unbelievable difference!

butteryrum · 2021-11-23T18:32:24+00:00

I would be so excited if someone did to this me now because I'd just confirm they're an asshole whereas younger me might be hurt I'm smart enough today to see it for what it is. Thank you for sharing some example of the BS. It will help people avoid it.

caprisunday · 2021-11-23T20:35:28+00:00

As far as traveling goes, I avoid talking about traveling for this very reason. I hate mentioning wanting to go somewhere or somewhere I’ve visited, only to be put down with “I would never go there” or “That doesn’t seem interesting/safe/worth it to visit”. This happened a lot when I was younger and studying abroad. I traveled alone or with female friends to about 15 countries and received just as many negs like that (from everyone) than positive or supportive ones.

Portugal is also my favorite place I’ve visited! Friendly people and beautiful sights! I took the train from Porto to Lisbon then to Faro. It was such a great trip!

23eggz · 2021-11-23T18:37:08+00:00

Yea what is with some guys and ALWAYS having something negative to say about whatever you mention 🤔

dembar126 · 2021-11-23T18:13:31+00:00

Yess. This is so common. These men will make it a point to disagree & try to "debate" with everything you say. Your music choices, your job, your hobbies, your favorite movies, any & every opinion on any topic ever.

A man who actually likes you and wants to impress you will be trying his best to basically suck up to you. Not in a lovebombing way, but he should be making you feel good about yourself so that you associate his presence with positive feelings and you'll want to be around him.

woadsky · 2021-11-23T22:17:26+00:00

I find women neg women as well, especially in the workplace or in a toxic family. There can be constant competition and put downs. I like this post because it's helped me sharpen my response skills.

pinkgirly111 · 2021-11-24T00:21:21+00:00

bc it's literally the fact that men want THEM to be YOUR whole life.

they want you on call for them. if you have hobbies, pets, friends, interests, it interferes with their needs.

buttercupcake23 · 2021-11-23T21:20:08+00:00

I wonder if this is a negging tactic or if it's just a complete lack of social tact or emotional intelligence. Like what are you supposed to say when someone is like, "oh yeah that thing you just said you're into doesn't sound super interesting" - it's a total conversation killer and I don't know if these dimwits are savvy enough to be using it as some sort of manipulation tactic. I think they might just suck at talking to humans. Of course whether shitty behavior is premeditated or just unplanned shitty, it's still shitty.

In either case whichever one that is, you're right that he's obviously a waste of time and absolutely deserves a swift ticket to the land of block and delete.

mandoa_sky · 2021-11-24T00:05:29+00:00

it's like the concept of manners doesn't exist anymore

BrightIdeaGenerator · 2021-11-23T23:01:27+00:00

Re: the second one. should have asked him when the last time he traveled outside the country was. Turn it on him.

CoconutJasmineBombe · 2021-11-23T21:56:04+00:00

All of this is so true! Also Portugal is so beautiful and I want to go back!!! 😭

ThrowawayCompassion · 2021-11-24T00:23:22+00:00

Doesn’t like house music? HOW? Literally how??!!!! That’s impossible lol

lucidlotus · 2021-11-24T05:33:49+00:00

Recently heard “I know you love that sport but you should play this one instead.” No thank you, but thank you for letting me know my preferences mean nothing to you.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-11-24T11:17:46+00:00

I didn't even know this was a thing!

I would go to ex's place and bring him food after expressly telling him what I am buying and he would just bin it in my face and say he doesn't like it.

I'd bring strawberries, yoghurt, burgers for barbecue, mashed potatoes, I'd make steaks even... and this dude would just say it to my face he doesn't like burgers. but when we go out he orders a burger with fries. WTF!? he made me think I was crazy!

the same with blueberries or strawberries or raspberries. he was not allergic. he said he hated my fruit but I have seen strawberries in his fridge before. it drove me mad when he proceeded to deny he ever had them.

PerditaJulianTevin · 2021-11-24T14:57:37+00:00

It's extremely rare for me to encounter a man who doesn't insult my interest or try to quiz me to see if I'm a real fan.

Gardening, quilting, decorating = old lady hobbies to men

Basketball, residential architecture = interrogation time to men

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prettyexcitingnews · 2021-11-24T17:24:14+00:00

Oh shit I wanna do this to men 😂

afrodeasyak · 2021-11-25T05:01:56+00:00

Neg right back and cut them off - it really is that simple and they don't deserve to even get a reaction back. I used to do the "ooo..k 😒" until I realized that is the kind of reaction they want to see. Nah bruh, no more.

Carneliancat · 2021-11-25T14:51:11+00:00

A cool stare, followed by "Are you truly this insecure?" before turning your back on him and ignoring completely is also effective.

Title	Another negging tactic: Men asking your interests then telling you how they dislike them
Author	dazedandcofused_
Upvotes	1126
Comments	94
Date	November 23, 2021 4:26 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/r0gz9v/another_negging_tactic_men_asking_your_interests/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/another-negging-tactic-men-asking-your-interests.1086964 https://theredarchive.com/post/1086964

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