When did you stop trusting men?

poppy_blu · 2021-07-20T20:43:29+00:00

I don’t not trust men. I don’t automatically trust women.

I trust individual people who’ve proven they are trustworthy.

Sophiatab · 2021-07-20T22:45:50+00:00

I developed breasts which made me a target. I would say about 11.

banalchenal · 2021-07-20T21:35:37+00:00

I never trusted "men" BECAUSE I had a decent father and brother. They were protective of me and made sure I had no misconceptions about what men are like.

Dapper_Art_8269 · 2021-07-20T21:57:53+00:00

When I started working with them.

I grew up beliveing that men were superior to me (I lived in quite coservative family). You know, this whole bullshit about men being leaders, etc. I was told that men were calm and logical. Even thought I saw men in my family throwing tantrums, being emotional and doing stupid things, I actually belived it deep down.

But when I got my first job after high school in a restaurant, as the only woman working only with guys in their therties and twenties, I saw their true faces. Grown up dudes getting angry for no reason, screaming, destroying things, gossiping (yes, they did that), having stupid excuses not to work resulted in me completely changing my view on men.

But the worst part was when one of them said that sooner or later he will "take me", so I should be always shaved, in case he feels the need. The rest of them just laughed

Then I started working in IT and it's even more visible. Grown up men destroying keyboards, getting furious when their ego get hurt because I pointed out their mistake.

Now I know that men aren't superior to me. They are just people, not some leaders I should follow (even thought I wasn't going to do that, even in my Catholic days).

Whenever I see a guy who could stereotypically fit into this masculine archetype, I remember that he for sure says stupid things, gets jelous, screams when his ego gets hurt or has other flaws that he hides from the world.

IcarusKiki · 2021-07-20T20:40:05+00:00

I never trusted men or really anybody. Have a good dad and two loving parents.

GridReXX · 2021-07-20T23:03:45+00:00

I never defaulted placed untested trust in anyone. Pretty sure my father wouldn’t approve of that.

If you’re asking when I became leery of men? I want to say circa 7.

2021-07-21T01:51:38+00:00

I trust men that I'm close with.

I don't trust men I don't know.

I'm more likely to trust a woman, though, because she is less likely to physically overpower me than a man.

Snacksbreak · 2021-07-20T21:09:40+00:00

Well I love my dad to pieces, but idk if I ever "trusted" men in a general sense. Stranger, danger was drilled into my head for one thing. Plus I think there's some inherent caution we are born with.

My dad's schizo bff tried to kidnap me from kindergarten, but I barely remember that.

I started getting harassing sexual phone calls when I was 10, and I don't know if it was someone I knew in real life or just a stranger. So that was pretty fucked up.

There's various other fucked up things after that, but what was key to understanding that other people will NOT protect you was probably the old man neighbor that hit on me/tried to groom me in front of his entire family when I was 11 through 12.

Walking in public and getting honked at/catcalled starting at 11.

All the various public transportation encounters starting at 14.

I mean, take your pick really.

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2021-07-20T19:55:49+00:00

When a preacher at a church touched me inappropriately, and tried to say it was normal and tried manipulate the situation to his benefit , saying men have spirit wives besides their original wife. Was 18 . Freaked me out cause number one I had never in my time knowing that man ever looked at him romantically , always looked at him as a father figure. So it grossed me out, and ruined church for me. Not only did he betray his position of power in the church , he was betraying his marriage. I know his wife, and his daughters were my age at the time . To this day it freaks me out, and makes me literally sick to my stomach .

quiturbitchn · 2021-07-21T00:20:15+00:00

When I started being catcalled as a teen. It’s only escalated since and I’m in my mid twenties. Has made me very cautious around men I don’t know. This comes off as short answers to questions and no extra talking. Not making eye contact and carrying personal defense even in safe areas

Reisiluu · 2021-07-21T07:59:54+00:00

I always knew they could be hormonal and get angry or inappropriate out of nowhere. That's expected since they have a lot of testosterone in their system.

What really changed things for me was finding out that they will betray your trust and disrespect you and think they are in the right. Even after you get to know them. Someone who you've been friends with will assume you're a cheating whore and ask you out knowing that you have a boyfriend. Or they will wait until you are passed out to put their hands on your body. If someone in the friend group is rejected by you, expect the other men to start avoiding you as well. Because after all, men put each other first and you'll always be just a woman to them.

I trust them to bring me a takeaway that was delivered to the wrong address and to not steal anything from my desk and to pay me back the money or favors they owe me but I don't trust them to have my best interest in mind like I trust women.

FahrenheitDog · 2021-07-21T08:51:32+00:00

I never started trusting them.

I don't trust strangers, male or female. But men start and stay at a firm level of distrust.

PSO_menareshit · 2021-07-21T00:57:11+00:00

After dealing with a lifetime of abuse, sexual assault and rape, cheating, lying, manipulative and gaslighting behavior. I will never trust a man. Ever.

All humans are shit, and I don’t trust anyone, but especially not men. For decades I gave everyone the benefit of the doubt. I gave acceptance and love and care with no judgment whats so ever. I refused to believe all men were bad.

Then I never met a good man.

EleanorAbernathyPhD · 2021-07-20T20:29:33+00:00

When I was 13 and the man sitting next to me at the movies started touching my leg. He was with his kids and I froze

death_by_1000_cats · 2021-07-20T19:51:41+00:00

I'm not really sure I ever really trusted men and I reject the premise that a woman with a decent dad and brothers will implicitly trust men. Decent dads and brothers usually warn their daughters and sisters about men.

I love my dad a lot and am close to my brothers but I also saw the women in my family suffer greatly at the hands of men so I never thought men were angels, even the ones in my own family who I loved. But to be honest I don't really implicitly trust anyone, I can't really relate to the sunshine-and-butterflies worldview a lot of people here apparently grew up with. My childhood wasn't traumatic or anything but my parents were very real with us and never tried to coddle or shield us from the realities of life.

goatismycopilot · 2021-07-20T20:13:55+00:00

No there was not one moment, there was a multitude of them.

tar444r · 2021-07-21T09:07:32+00:00

always knew they were dangerous but didn’t actively distrust them until i heard all the stories from women and girls i know about the way men have impacted their lives, plus seeing the way they act both irl and online, seeing those studies that people post around, etc. i have an awesome relationship w my father he’s the best dad i could possibly ask for & i definitely trust him but it feels like he’s yhe outlier sometimes

Comprehensive_Zombie · 2021-07-20T20:38:30+00:00

I use to think only men in my family sucked because I was sexually abused by my uncle at 6 plus my dad was never involved. I saw other kids who had good relationships with their dads and so I thought it was just a me thing. The full awareness came piece by piece throughout late childhood/adolescence as I saw women in my family or girls who were my friends get at best screwed over and at worst abused. I don’t necessarily straight up distrust all men, it’s more so a man has to give me a good reason to trust him.

superlurkage · 2021-07-20T19:40:10+00:00

When I was molested by family members

Also was told that men were dangerous perverts very early on by parents, in a matter of fact way. So I wasn’t actually surprised by the groping; the fallout, yes

milkyymochii · 2021-07-20T19:55:38+00:00

I was like 9 years old when I first got cat called by a grown ass male.

I’ve had more than enough encounters with males that were uncomfortable, creepy, and very terrifying.

It really started to peak for me in HS when males would blame women for being victims of crimes committed by males, and yet in the same stinky hypocritical breath would bitch and cry that “not all men” and women who are too careful & cautious are “rude”.

Just observing male behavior day in and day out. Seeing how males are the majority of rapists, murderers, kidnappers, pedophiles, etc. Seeing how males talk about women when they think no one is around to hold them accountable. The constant misogyny that is truly just everywhere all the time.

LillthOfBabylon · 2021-07-20T19:42:40+00:00

You shouldn’t trust anyone solely based on gender.

A lot of women seem to have had some watershed moment in puberty when they were sexualized,

12, 14, and 16.

16 really pissed me off.

12 when a 19 year old tried hit on me. 14 when a 40 year old tried to lure me into a car. 16 when a 20 year old I thought was my friend just wanted nudes from me.

NarniaFox · 2021-07-20T19:51:45+00:00

I can't say an exact age, but I think I've been actively aware that men are dangerous since 6-7 years. My mother is a lawyer, due to her work she's more aware about cases of assault, rape, molestation etc than most people, so it's understandable that she was a bit overprotective. She taught me early on that I shouldn't go with strangers, that I shouldn't help adults if they ask me to follow them, avoid cars, don't get into a lift with a man, don't unlock the door if there's a man behind me, don't enter the hallway with a stranger man etc.

I guess these were just rules I followed and some theoretical danger that I was aware about till 12-13. At this age I started get "attention" from older men and the danger became more real. Around 14 a man tried to pull me into his car. Thankfully he wasn't successful, he was utterly drunk and he let me go when some people saw us. And I wasn't "we'll formed" or anything. I didn't look my age at all, I still looked like a kid.

When I was ~15 my distant relative got into intensive care, as she got beaten up by her partner. I had met the guy before, he seemed a decent one. Turned out he had a history of domestic violence, his family had known about it, but they didn't warn her. When she got home and I saw her... still in bruises and plasters, I think it was the last drop.

So it wasn't one moment, but rather a process of losing trust. To make it clear, I don't think that all men are rapists or abusers, but I think that a man can turn out to be one, so it's better be safe than sorry. Although having said that I think that my husband has far more negative opinion about men than I do. As well as my male cousin.

Edit: also around 14-15 I got stalked. Some distant male relative who I'd never met found me in social media and we started chatting. He was well into 20s I think. I didn't notice red flags of "you're so mature for your age" stuff, but when he started writing things like "I want to kidnap you so no one else can smell you", I freaked out. Blocked and told my other cousin. He kept following me from different pages and trying to chat, so eventually I stopped posting any photos and made all my pages private. 10 years later I still avoid posting photos.

wickeduncleandre · 2021-07-20T19:36:38+00:00

When my partner of 3 years - and father of my child - came out as trans at the start of this year. 😩 I don’t think I can ever trust another man.

souredskittles · 2021-07-20T19:50:59+00:00

By 12 I knew something was up

By 16 I was on high alert

By 18 I was well versed in what men were capable of even before dating. I just noticed how other women were being treated for the past 18 years of my life.

That’s why when old dudes say they want 20-25 year old women. Just lol we are mostly on to all the tricks by then, yet still less wise than older women. Or as you guys describe it “jaded”

It also didn’t help 2 old guys tried to rob me before the age of 10

TomorrowsWar · 2021-07-20T20:05:02+00:00

I wouldn’t say I don’t trust men. There’s a baseline level of trust I have for people I don’t know but I dont “trust” anyone too much. My trust is earned. I do trust women more than men but that doesn’t mean I don’t trust men.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2021-07-20T23:22:08+00:00

When one of the girls at school got into a relationship with an older guy because "she was sooo mature for her age" and you realise he was grooming and manipulating her into being what he wanted and make her give up on her own life's dreams.

When men shouted shit at me from their cars while walking in my knee length school uniform when I was 12.

When I heard men degrade women they had sex with and then degrade the women they didn't.

I'm general though what this means to me is that I trust but verify. This means that I liked men just fine as friends but pre-selected heavily for most of my dates. I'd also make my expectations clear up front by date 3. If they didn't like it they can leave.

malin_w13 · 2021-07-21T01:40:58+00:00

when I was catcalled as a teen
when 30+/40+/50+ dudes would hit on me at work the second I turned 18 and wouldn’t leave me alone even after telling them off multiple times 🤮🤮🤮

Willow-girl · 2021-07-21T03:56:46+00:00

I can't remember a time when I was so naive as to have had blanket trust for humankind as a whole ... but then I was raised by parents who had grown up poor through the Great Depression. I was not allowed many illusions about the world, lol.

That said, I have no problem trusting people who have proven themselves trustworthy. People reveal their character incrementally over time. Pay attention.

Unteryn · 2021-07-21T17:37:36+00:00

Age 14 a 28 year old man hit on me in the street. Eww. No. You are old enough to be my dad, albeit a teenage dad.

Age 16-17, a family friend used to wait until my mother left the room and start going on and on and on about how he was stronger than me and could beat me up. (Spoiler: He wasn´t. I grappled him in martial arts class and choked him out. He had a tantrum about it for ever.) He was always making comments about my endocrine system and how I must have too much testosterone because I did martial arts, even though a little over half the class were girls. Sir...you are always fucking mentioning my adrenal glands, it´s creepy. I should have reported this to my mom and to my trainer, but it was just not in my nature to appeal to others for help, I preferred handling things myself.

Age 21 a male friend I had for about 6 years freaked out at me and threatened to rape me when I said I wasn´t interested in him. After some swearing and threats to use my pocket knife, he backed down. He then blamed me for being uptight, saying it was a joke.

It doesn´t mean I demonize men. Most men are not rapists. But one must understand that people are animals - smart animals, but animals. Women, too, can be monsters if certain circumstances and different factors line up. I read a terrifying story I´ll never forget on here once about how a woman raped a man in his sleep. She said she did it out of fucking curiosity. She said she just randomly had a thought, he´s sleeping and he has a REM induced erection, I could fuck him right now, and she went ahead and did it. That was an eye opener.

It´s like this...Consider a cat. We wouldn´t say cats are evil because they´re carnivores. We love cats, but we also don´t leave them alone with our delicate pet birds.

sad-winter-bear · 2021-07-21T18:53:03+00:00

I never trusted them

HappilyMrs · 2021-07-23T16:16:06+00:00

Probably when I was about nine and my dad introduced me to the 18 year old he was cheating on my mim with. Maybe when I was 12 and he callously destroyed my self-confidence and left me hating my body ever since. Or when I was 13 and he showed me a picture of his new girlfriend and asked me to be the one to tell my mum to "protect her feelings".

mackenzie013_02 · 2021-07-20T19:56:31+00:00

Hmmm, there’s many little ones; - around 10-15 when I kept being told (by male teachers and family members) to dumb down so that boys won’t feel threatened - around 15-17 when I kept being told (by family members) to be more of this and less of that so that boys will like me and find me attractive - being stalked and harassed around 20 - being stalked and harassed again around 25

🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Ultimately I still trust men, but I think I’m hyper vigilant to the message they’re sending me.

ChromaticVengeance · 2021-07-20T20:19:38+00:00

When my father tried to kill his wife. Mostly when he tried doing that to me.

SaBahRub · 2021-07-20T19:56:16+00:00

When I understood the news on tv

So…4? 5?

philomexa · 2021-07-20T20:41:03+00:00

I was 14 when I tried to be nice to the weird kid at school and he, in turn, stalked (creepy threatening letters, dead animals, heavy breathing over the phone, all the classics!) and violently assaulted me (he brought an equally creepy friend along for some awful tag team action) after I turned him down for a date.

Prior to that I started sensing men looking at me when I was 11 but their violent predation didn't become clear until the stalker.

ETA: I can't say I've ever implicitly trusted men, my parents kept my cloistered and safe (older men bad, don't talk to strangers, etc etc) and I suppose that naivety is what lead me to believe I could extend friendship to a peer who looked troubled and alone.

ETA2: another kick in the gut was when the whole bureaucracy (school + justice system) failed me and I had to defend myself in front of a bunch of skeptical old men. That was probably the last straw and really crystalized the breadth of misogyny in the phrase "boys will be boys".

StarchRunner · 2021-07-20T21:13:08+00:00

Long long ago, brah. Unreliable, overpromising, underdelivering, etc.

0ne0s1x · 2021-07-21T07:56:18+00:00

Pretty much when I found this sub

Mimoxs · 2021-07-20T19:56:10+00:00

The first time I was sexually approached by an adult I was 9 I think. It didn't wreck my trust but it was sort of eye opening to their nature, that men find that attractive feels wrong

I think it is natural that the more different someone is from you, the less you trust them, so it makes more sense to not trust the opposite sex by default. Although women should not trust women either, generally trust no one

Orange_Paisley · 2021-07-20T19:52:55+00:00

Probably when my grandfather died and I realized the last truly good one was gone. Really though, I don’t know that I ever did trust men. Neither my dad nor my stepdad would be what you would call strong role models. To give them credit they did both try, in their own clumsy ways. But my mom was always more my model to follow.

nemporisso · 2021-07-20T20:09:42+00:00

I don't think I've had this moment.

0ne0s1x · 2021-07-21T07:57:35+00:00

Pretty much when I found this sub

0ne0s1x · 2021-07-21T07:59:48+00:00

Pretty much when I found this sub

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-07-20T19:52:31+00:00

My dad had anger issues. If anything, reaching puberty and having men treat me nicely (even if just because I was a PYT) was when I started trusting them lol.

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Lufiti · 2021-07-23T12:01:35+00:00

when i was abused

Title	When did you stop trusting men?
Author	anglophobe44
Upvotes	12
Comments	185
Date	July 20, 2021 7:33 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/oo99xp/when_did_you_stop_trusting_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/when-did-you-stop-trusting-men.794353 https://theredarchive.com/post/794353

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