Cold approaching is seen as shallow and objectifying, but how is Tinder any better?

pooseehunter · 2021-12-18T18:29:58+00:00

I think it’s more you know everyone on tinder is looking for something while irl you can’t tell if they are.

creekcrystall · 2021-12-18T18:51:08+00:00

There’s nothing wrong with cold approaching; it’s just a matter of where, how, and when you do it. That’s it. Too many people complex it when cold approaching is just basic social interaction. You either do it right, wrong, or really wrong.

SUS_pended · 2021-12-18T19:45:19+00:00

Virtue signaling. Nobody ever values a person 100% based on personality and shit. Looks play a huge role in attraction, who says they don't, they lie. They just try to appear "moral".

You just cant' win with people on this. When you cold approach you are objectifying but when you try to get to know them first and become friends to find out how they are like then you're sneaky asshole that's trying to be friends to get sex. Damned if you do damned if you don't. I would say don't pay attention to it, people will always try to put you down for whatever you try to do. Tell them to fuck off and do your own thing, whatever works for you, that's the most important thing. If you had to do what people tell you then you wouldn't do anything at all and even then some idiot would be pissed at you for not doing anything. The moral of the story is, whatever you try do, no matter how right you try to be, there will always be some asshole that will get pissed off by it. They don't matter. Do your thing. Good luck.

poppy_blu · 2021-12-18T21:14:10+00:00

Reddit seems to pretty much agree that cold approaching strangers in real life is weird

And I’m sure career criminals “pretty much agree” that working a legit job to buy the things you want in life is weird too.

My advice is not and has never been OLD. It’s get comfortable with socializing and approaching like every generation before you had to do.

Demasii · 2021-12-18T19:04:21+00:00

Why is there such a cognitive dissonance when it comes to this topic?

Women on OLD give men permission to digitally approach. Cold approach does not.

Initial_Chemical7121 · 2021-12-18T18:56:30+00:00

You’re putting yourself on tinder to be approached and not irl by going out, so I guess that makes it better

wtknight · 2021-12-18T19:20:49+00:00

I think that swipe apps are seen as shallow, too. They are just preferred because a woman can use them at her convenience and does not have to worry about having to deal with lower value men except for the tiny inconvenience of swiping left on him.

The supposed ideal of online dating is to use the more legit sites where one is supposedly supposed to read profiles and find people with common interests, or use makeshift personality tests to "match". Of course, the most preferable ideal is still finding a person in real life while engaging in one's own interests who has a similar personality and interests.

BishonenPrincess · 2021-12-18T19:39:56+00:00

When I made a Tinder account, not only was I putting myself out there as available, I made a short bio letting people know what I was looking for, which wasn't anything serious, just dipping my toes back into the dating scene.

As a woman, it felt so much safer to reject someone online that I've never met than it felt to have to do the same in person.

Well, I matched with the most amazing man. He started the conversation with our shared interests, something you cant do with a cold-approach. Our first date was to a book sale and coffee afterwards. That was nearly 5 years ago. We are now happily engaged and completely in love. It was unexpected but we are so happy!

That said, I really dont think a majority of people are against cold-approaching if it's done in an appropriate setting.

For the record, I don't care how attractive someone is, if they cold-approach me somewhere inappropriate, it's not wanted or appreciated. I was that way long before I met my fiance. When done in the wrong setting, it makes me extremely uncomfortable. I've had men assault me in broad daylight in public, so getting approached by a stranger bigger than myself always sends me into a bit of a fight or flight mode.

Yes, it's easier for attractive men to get sex than unattractive men. Same can be said for women. Idk why men get so bitter about the fact that women also care about looks. Everyone on Earth cares about looks to some degree. Everyone has a type. There's nothing wrong with that.

Hoopy223 · 2021-12-19T04:23:55+00:00

Its shallow and objectifying to talk to a cute girl & try to get to know her? Reddit x 9000 lol.

JacobMoogberg69 · 2021-12-18T18:47:53+00:00

It's your choice to listen to Reddit randos and take someone else's opinions as gospel.

Reddisitt · 2021-12-18T21:09:37+00:00

Tbh I just don’t walk up to them lmao I’d make it about something first. Maybe compliment their jacket or hair and whatnot. If they’re wearing something expensive or have a new phone like “oh is that the new iPhone?!” And I’d start from there and do all the algebra.

But I will say, attraction for women is different than men. So for us men, your looks aren’t always gonna be good enough. Which is why cold approach isn’t good anyway unless you’re obviously like famous or whatnot. Things people don’t have to ask you to find out.

Vicky-3 · 2021-12-18T23:18:45+00:00

Because cold approach puts men “In control” so it’s demonized. It’s really that simple.

Diamond-Breath · 2021-12-19T06:52:44+00:00

Simple, Tinder is safer for women. Any obvious red flags can be dealt with a single block and delete.

okaysrs · 2021-12-18T20:33:30+00:00

reposting an old comment from iwh

It'll peak when online dating becomes the only socially acceptable way of dating. Feminists and soy subs in the past few years have been pushing the idea that it's creepy to approach women in public ("she's there to get stuff done"/"she's there to dance with her friends"), ask someone from your friend group ("you're just her friend to have sex with her"/"you're ruining a friendship"), and in the work place ("me too").

The places in the real world where (average) men can try and pursue women are slowly being eliminated. Online, women have access to high value men they otherwise wouldn't have access to in their daily lives and we get runaway hypergamy in those spaces. Once they're plugged in and see that they have a chance at snagging a chad, it affects their standards in real life. The same is true for HVM except they have access to quantity which leads to lack of commitment and an expectation of sex sooner.

LUCKYMAZE · 2021-12-18T21:38:29+00:00

If you’re ugly = creep. if good looking = confident

John_Oakman · 2021-12-18T18:58:20+00:00

The amount of post epiphany phase single mothers who are ready to settle down into LTR based on maturity and personality suggests that Tinder is moving away from being a hookup app to something more gentrified.

throwawaylessons103 · 2021-12-18T19:08:51+00:00

Depends on the context.

Example: I enjoy karaoke bars and open-mic stand up comedy. I'm much more receptive to being approached there because there's at least something to talk about/we have in common.

But if you approach me on the street, I'm going to find it desperate/weird. Same with the grocery store. Because you have almost nothing to go off of.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-12-18T19:50:03+00:00

It's reasonable to assume that someone on Tinder is actually interested in being asked out.

AquaChip · 2021-12-18T20:39:09+00:00

There is no threat of violence from a man matching you on Tinder. If he gets annoying you can just stop messaging him. If a man gets annoying in real life and you want to stop talking to him he can still follow you.

Basically women have more control over the situation when it’s from a distance via a dating app and she can select which men she wants to talk to.

thatguyoverthere098 · 2021-12-18T20:05:01+00:00

Honestly so what if I’m initially interested because your physically attractive? I don’t get it.

pubgmisc · 2021-12-19T04:08:07+00:00

Men are success objects women are sex/intimate objects to an extent. We are homosapiens, animals, get over it

DeliciousPussyNectar · 2021-12-19T04:29:34+00:00

Talking to people in real life is weird to any Redditor in any circumstance.

InfernoFlameBlast · 2021-12-19T05:31:27+00:00

I’m new to this sub, but does Reddit really think that men cold approaching women is objectifying and weird??? I’m sorry what?

Insidious-Sid · 2021-12-19T22:59:03+00:00

Why is there such a cognitive dissonance when it comes to this topic?

It's not cognitive dissonance. It's logical. Women hate it that part of the privilege of being the sought after sex they need to do one little thing: reject men. PPD women say it's a life-and death risk every time they do it, but I think it's not as dangerous as they say it is. I think they just don't like the awkward business of telling a man they'd rather live alone with cats than help him reproduce.

OLD and Tinder turn the dating experience into a shopping experience and let's just best honest. Women fucking LOVE shopping. They can swipe 10,000 times looking for the perfect shoes for a new outfit. So why not sift through 10,000 guys to swipe right on exclusively handsome men?

They can literally pre-select for only the hottest of guys.

When you point out that all the risks and alleged dangers are still there, you learn a lot about female nature and mental gymnastics that I like to call Hamsterbation"

"Well, if I'm going to risk my life it may as well be a hot guy."

If a man is approaching a woman, there is a 98% chance she wont' find him worthy. This is where HE gets to hit about his weight. (She has to reject 10,000 men, and he has to face 10,000 rejections.)

If a woman is approaching a man, he's already passed that test.

This is why average and even above average guys find OLD to be such a soul-draining shit show.

Your average frumpy woman "Bulging Becky" will swipe 10,000 times to get a good looking guy into her bed. The price she pays? Leading with easy sex to hit above one's weight in the SMP always ends in either tears or anger.

"Men are such assholes".

Naw. She's just using the slut card to bed men out of her league and then hating on ALL men for her sexual failure.

Average guys bitch about this but I think women are doing them a favour. They don't really want to be buying dinner for women who don't find them attractive. They THINK they do (or their dicks do) but they really don't.

CatoftheBanals · 2021-12-18T18:49:04+00:00

Who said cold approaching was bad? I mean, it's kind of weird walking up to a woman waiting to cross the street and bluntly ask her out, but initiating a little conversation with a woman browsing in a bookstore or at a coffee shop isn't bad.

2021-12-18T18:30:36+00:00

Cold approach and to hell with those that think you should not. Live life from a perspective of strength and tenacity.

Tinder is where dysfunctional people have sex with dysfunctional people. You might as well pick up women in the psych ward

2021-12-18T19:16:32+00:00

Why is there such a cognitive dissonance when it comes to this topic?

They don't have the heart to admit that women generally don't want to interact with unattractive men in any context, either online or IRL.

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-12-18T19:40:27+00:00

Well with Tinder that's kind of the point is to approach with cold approach in your kind of taking a gamble but it's like I've always said women will give you this list of times and places that it's appropriate to approach them but if a woman is into you it doesn't matter if you approach her at a nightclub, Library, Church, a funeral, whatever lol

ChadThundagaCock · 2021-12-18T22:16:06+00:00

Don’t listen to what mentally ill people on the internet say…you’ll be better off

CimZim · 2021-12-18T18:33:34+00:00

Tinder is digital cold approaching imo.

For the people who say it's different, however, I've seen them mention the fact you can read a short bio/profile for some of these apps. So theoretically you're not just using looks but also the barest amount of personality.

Educational-Cut4177 · 2021-12-18T18:38:18+00:00

Who says cold approaching is shallow and objectifying? EDIT: ladies feel free to respond i genuinely want to know

VanillaSkyPie · 2021-12-18T18:52:29+00:00

I’d say it depends how you use it. If you do use it and only look at their pictures to see if you like or not, then yes, I agree, it’s basically the same. If, however, you actually read what they say about themselves and decide mostly based on that, maybe not. I just don’t think many people do the latter first or weigh it’s importance more than appearance.

As someone who would probably be classified in the OP, I have a few additions - there is literal cold approaching where you know nothing about them except appearance; but there is a degree in the middle, such as - you live in the same apartment complex or work in the same location, you notice a bumpersticker on her car and it’s something you found funny… these are all things that show you have actually put some thought into them as a person. It does not have to be knowing their life story. To me, this is not that different than reading their profile on a website and having a connection to it.

SnooSprouts1580 · 2021-12-18T18:42:36+00:00

Reddit seems to pretty much agree that cold approaching strangers in real life is weird.

Reddit isn't an authority on how humans should behave. Fuck Reddit.

YoMamaz_azz · 2021-12-18T18:42:58+00:00

Because women have more control to easy reject guys with no backlash and see them as just unhuman pictures on a screen instead of an actual human being. Not saying they cant do that IRL too, but its a lot easier IRL.

cloudydays84 · 2021-12-18T19:37:38+00:00

Generally because when you get on Tinder you're more or less consenting to being approached with romantic intentions.

I would be really pissed off if someone randomly punched me in the face while I was walking down the street minding my own business.

But I'm more or less okay with being punched and kicked in the face while sparring on the mats.

SlinkyCyberSleuth · 2021-12-19T03:06:24+00:00

Consent, basically.

You upload your profile online to indicate consent in people randomly approaching you for the purposes of romantic or sexual interest.

That consent/acknowledgement isn't there in person/in public, therefore odds are high that you're trying to hit on someone who doesn't want your attention.

That's literally the only difference.

Think of it like sex with strangers - it's fine if you both agree, but extremely bad without prior consent, and odds are that most of them are probably not going to consent to it lol.

ConsultJimMoriarty · 2021-12-18T20:23:07+00:00

With Tinder, you all know why you're there.

When I'm at Coles, I'm there to get my groceries. I don't want someone hitting on me when I'm trying to work out what I need for this weeks lunches and dinners and if I need to get cat food.

Johnny_Autism · 2021-12-18T20:47:37+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-12-18T21:47:57+00:00

Well if you’re on tinder, you’re there to approach/be approached. It’s not so much that cold approaching is objectifying, but that it’s annoying when someone is just trying to go about their business. Imo there’s nothing wrong with approaching people irl as long as the setting is conducive and you’re willing to take no for an answer. Most of the time when men get called out for approaching, it’s because they were not paying attention to social cues.

BlockedAgainIGuess · 2021-12-18T22:22:34+00:00

Because the women are on there to meet men, not run errands and shit

I’ve never heard “you wouldn’t be interested if I wasn’t pretty” in regards to trying to get a date with someone, that seems like there was a misunderstanding somewhere

myopicdreams · 2021-12-19T02:51:52+00:00

How can you not tell the difference between someone who voluntarily joins a place to meet people and a random person just living their life?

WheelIntelligent1354 · 2021-12-18T19:05:54+00:00

The only thing that matters are results. Idgaf if it is shallow or objectifying as long as it works.

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BMTEJ · 2021-12-19T05:39:45+00:00

Cold approaching is not weird or shallow. Most people on Reddit are just socially anxious which is why they're on Reddit.

RPslimjim · 2021-12-19T06:16:00+00:00

People are on OLD to be dated, random people on the street may not want to be dated. Cold approaching is bad. The game has changed. You can still run game off of choosing signals. A good choosing signal is a match on the dating app.

FirsToStrike · 2021-12-19T10:50:31+00:00

I believe it isn't that cold approaching is shallow and objectifying, as much as it's the people who often do it, who are shallow and objectifying, giving the whole thing a bad rap. You can approach a girl out of the blue and have a decent conversation which shows interest in who she is as a person, despite the fact your motivation for doing so was that she was simply pretty and seemed available for a convo.

spunkystoic · 2021-12-19T12:52:58+00:00

Agreed OP.

It's a bit of a tangent but I think the whole sexbot hate is also highly hypocritical when Tinder dehumanises to a much greater extent imo.

MarBitt · 2021-12-19T15:02:17+00:00

You can smile and say that you are fascinated by her kind and non-conflicting personality, thanks to which she spreads peace all around her and you are willing to endure her ugly appearance ... but I don't know if it will help in dating. 😁

Now seriously. If the cold approach suits you and the woman doesn't like it, bad luck, you tried it, you have nothing to regret.

churron12 · 2021-12-19T20:21:41+00:00

Why do women act as though they dont like cocky assholes who approach them?

zerofeetpersecond · 2021-12-20T13:14:23+00:00

Women literally get dressed like strippers to go to clubs! Common folks stop letting them gaslight you.

OrganicGatorade · 2021-12-20T14:37:38+00:00

I’ve only ever had success with just approaching women. Im in college now but I met my current 2y relationship by just asking her out to Starbucks. That’s how I asked out all of my ex’s and if we don’t work out, that’s how I’ll ask out my next

THe1NES · 2021-12-18T23:44:07+00:00

Dating apps differ from cold approaches in that there is a shared intention in being there- to find a romantic partner/hookup, etc

Title	Cold approaching is seen as shallow and objectifying, but how is Tinder any better?
Author	Johnny_Autism
Upvotes	82
Comments	216
Date	December 18, 2021 6:26 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/rjdder/cold_approaching_is_seen_as_shallow_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cold-approaching-is-seen-as-shallow-and.1091790 https://theredarchive.com/post/1091790

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