Women positively reinforce the “bad boys” but love complaining about them

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-03-20T14:08:45+00:00

Removed for low effort

87AudreyHorne · 2022-03-20T05:58:36+00:00

I know some women who say this. I think what really matters is what is meant by bad and why. I'm sure this depends on the person but I'd say the point is that many women enjoy being "bad" too aka doing things considered fun, light and selfish rather than being saints who do virtuous things all the time.

So is it bad to go and get drunk (I think it's stupid to call that bad but some certainly think they're being very rebellious doing it), or doing some drugs? Or maybe being socially bad, telling someone who annoys you to fuck off rather than playing nice. Questioning stuff considered good to do. Things like that. Some people need encouragement they find in someone else, a "bad guy".

A good guy is on the other hand someone who'd reinforce their sense of obligation, do what should be done etc and is as such annoying and boring.

I doubt that by bad many think of a person bad to them, e.g someone who is abusive or cheats; but they fall for someone who is "bad for them" because he reinforces those instincts (and eventually is either a scape goat for it or turns out to also be bad to her as well)

I think the issue isn't that someone who wants a bad guy should want a good guy but that women who say this lack security in their own identity. If you're ok with not being stereotypically good and are capable at acting the way you want and aware of what you want out of life no matter what it includes, then you stop thinking of childish things in terms of good and bad and don't need an outlet to be yourself in someone you're dating

sarkington · 2022-03-20T05:50:41+00:00

Some women do, some women don’t

I’ve seen many women admit they enable bad boys and not complain

People can learn and stop being lazy, or stupid, or destructive

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-03-20T06:04:40+00:00

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Mrs_Drgree · 2022-03-20T06:21:51+00:00

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Cupcakelover1985 · 2022-03-20T12:55:41+00:00

Just like men reinforce “sluts” and hookup culture while complaining about it. People do illogical things and then complain at the results. They will never stop. The best you can do is complain about their complaining or ignore them.

Puzzleheaded-Lab-165 · 2022-03-20T13:24:29+00:00

Men positively reinforce beautiful women by gifting them but love to complain about them. But do less attractive women do the exact same thing to men?

holalesamigos · 2022-03-20T07:10:53+00:00

You can't really know if someone is an asshole or not by first impression, a lot of guys do the sweet talk then do the asshole thing

bubble_gummmmm · 2022-03-20T05:19:35+00:00

honestly i not sure if woman seek all that "bad boy behaviour" in man by default. The thing is that sometimes some of those bad boys happens to be physicaly attractive, then woman will fuck him regardless of the way he behaves.

youarockandnothing · 2022-03-20T08:00:57+00:00

Its moreso that society keeps giving women something they don't actually want, by creating guys who have good hearts but in a simpy/weak way that is behaviorally unsexy. I think it's actually anti-feminist to raise boys to be like that since it pretty badly shrinks women's effective dating pool, but maybe it helps prevent subpar genes from getting passed on or something.

So women gravitate towards the only guys who aren't simpy or weak, and they're just unfortunately not always the most loving people. There's a Venn diagram between Behaviorally Attractive Man and Toxic Man, and most women have to go through a lot of men from the overlapping part before they find "the one".

Need_wine · 2022-03-20T12:39:31+00:00

No different than men saying they hate loose women but watch booty models on social media all day. No different than men saying they hate women that only value them for money but then take pride in spending on a beautiful woman or woman that holds value to them.

LovesGettingRandomPm · 2022-03-20T14:24:06+00:00

Here's my own take on this,

If you assume women are dumb to do this it's because you don't look at it from their point of view and you are stuck to using logic to describe everything, just for this argument assume you are a woman looking to find the best possible mate.

Whether it's instinctual, subconscious or conscious women are smarter than you think, a partner is not just to have someone to protect them, it's having someone to make them feel secure and because of this there's a lot more that goes on underneath because what do you look for in a partner when you want to feel secure is different than what you look for just as protection, the first is a range of things and the latter is just physical, I may not be able to sum everything up but I've isolated a few things that make women feel secure: Strength, Reliability, Loyalty, Presence, Taking charge, Not letting her shit-test you, Showing affection, Being good with animals, ..

Shit-tests as you may know are used to probe whether you're susceptible to weakness from having too much compassion, in some cases, like if there's someone playing dead on the road it could put both of you in danger (extreme example). Or just if someone starts to play on your empathy it's not a good thing to select a partner who's too nice, so I believe they will just keep nice as an afterthought, or simply don't care about it thinking they can tame the beast, this is the best approach even if it gets them in serious trouble, a nice guy could turn out as abusive and they aren't guaranteed to be protected or lead a pleasant life. You pick the one who's ruthless and on top rather than scratching the bottom and having to feel anxious the rest of your life. Some women do both, when they don't get attention of one guy they go to the weaker guys that give them plenty.

As a guy you need to show affection without it being considered vulnerable, so that's part of why guys with dogs are attractive, you're caring for a dog, but a dog is also considered to be somewhat of a servant, so the fragility of showing compassion to them is balanced by the idea that you're its master.

So they pick a bad boy over someone who's gentle, now why they complain, I think most of that is natural venting of frustration built up in the entire relationship, they need to get rid of that somehow, obviously they can't predict the future and none of her selection strategies are fail proof it's impossible with how easy it is to fake certain stuff, the people you meet have a mind of their own and they don't let everything out up front, all they can do is try again and hope for the best but they're maximizing their chances of a secure life before they try to lower their bar and go after the other guys in their dms. They may adopt an independent and more dominant mindset before they arrive there from all the shit they've been through and at that point the "lower value" males are better served as well since she's more experienced and not prone to testing them which would otherwise be a real challenge since they do care a ton.

Bergensis · 2022-03-20T15:28:33+00:00

This thread has so many disappeared comments it looks like a South American junta has been here.

mysticalmermaid86 · 2022-03-20T06:44:39+00:00

What is a bad boy? The goal post shifts every time! Is it a drug dealer? Someone who abuses you? A general criminal? Because most bad boyfriends I’ve encountered have been masquerading as a good guy. You know the gamer nerd type? That was the most manipulative and psychotic person I’ve ever met. None of my friends are with criminals or abusers. They chose average guys who are less attractive than they are - who have average jobs. I only know one friend who dated an abusive guy and he was a fake ‘nice guy’ who was ugly. Basically all the bad boyfriends/husbands I’ve ever seen have been ugly “nice guys”. This assumption never made sense to me

mandoa_sky · 2022-03-20T06:03:00+00:00

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caption291 · 2022-03-20T05:36:46+00:00

I don't think women love complaining about them, I think they just have to because not complaining about them would mean they have to accept something they don't like about themselves and that's not acceptable.

Noodlesnoo11 · 2022-03-20T14:04:10+00:00

This seems like much more of a red piller debate🤦🏻‍♀️

LittleDragonMaiden · 2022-03-20T05:48:09+00:00

I’ve never dated or has sex with a ‘bad boy’ nor did most of my female friends. The women who actively pursue these kind of men are in the minority, perhaps a vocal minority because they like attention but still a minority. Women value a man that can take care of them first and foremost, a bad boy can’t do that usually.

DisturbedBurger · 2022-03-20T05:19:35+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/BorderlinePDisorder/comments/tibm99/anyone_else_totally_given_up_on_romantic/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

ConsultJimMoriarty · 2022-03-20T06:15:08+00:00

This sounds like it was written by somebody in high school.

Fit_Kiwi9703 · 2022-03-20T06:26:18+00:00

Sounds like you have had some terrible experiences.

You know, when my partner was single, he posted some pretty nasty stuff about women too (now deleted, lol). The more we got to know each other, the more we realized that neither of us fit into our previously-held stereotypes about the other gender.

When you meet the right person, the way you see the world might just change. Just saying...

-ShesACarnival- · 2022-03-20T12:01:09+00:00

3rd option to C your V, stop reading womens complaining. women have always complained about men among themselves about men and men couldnt just scroll the internet reading it. its none of your business and women are allowed to complain about whatever the fuck they want. women date desirable men. desirable men have a downside. women complain about it. the end

and as a postscript: those men in womens DMs are just men like all othe rmen, and when they get the woman theyll treat her the exact same ways shes complaining about. why on earth would you pay attention to the blandishments of men trying to seduce women in DMs

lulhoofdFTW · 2022-03-20T08:21:36+00:00

Ah yes another all women do this post smh

Spiritual-Nail-1753 · 2022-03-20T09:09:53+00:00

Not all women lol. Come on stop watching american film my gode. It's a case maybe true but it's not for the entire women community. Some of then are lesbian also ! And maybe 'the Bad boys' not appear like this IS in first place. Maybe the women love 'bad boys' in a nice way not a 'man who should be in jail' who gonna abuse. There is a difference. Even a 'nice guy' Can abuse her. You say just full or shit like an incel in all this subreddit crying about girl. But you are probably the proplem. Sexist as Fuck that's all dude

kartu3 · 2022-03-20T09:49:57+00:00

You sound as if what people like is a choice.

I have news for you.

Katatonicsnake · 2022-03-20T06:33:41+00:00

The phenomenon is not as common as you imply here, but I think at least some of those women complain because it’s socially accepted, even expected. I was with a bad boy, because being with an openly unattainable man was easier and safer than being with some of those “100 guys who would treat me better”. Because let’s be honest, they would do the same thing as those bad boys, if they could. The man I wanted (and took) for a life partner was something completely different. No one needs to tell him to be nice to women, he knows it’s the bare minimum.

2022-03-20T12:42:13+00:00

This is such a wide topic to discuss with so many very different examples.

"Last I checked, there’s 100s of guys in your DMs that would probably “treat you better”." - You have no idea how many "good guys" are the most toxic pieces of shit that don't deserve to be called a human.

2022-03-20T13:03:16+00:00

Where are all these men in my DMs?

Oh_Debussy · 2022-03-20T06:41:40+00:00

Women like a guy who doesn’t care what she thinks about him and does what he wants. This doesn’t necessarily mean he disrespects her, the man just does what he wants.

Nice guys are always trying to please their woman and nobody respects a people-pleaser.. I don’t even respect women who always want to be in my good side, I just use them for what I want but a girl who has something of a backbone is always someone I see a future with

Infinite_Seer · 2022-03-20T07:18:34+00:00

Smells like "incel" in here. Yadda Yadda

antariusz · 2022-03-20T07:19:57+00:00

Because by complaining about them, and you listening and giving a sympathetic ear, they also have positively reinforced your beta behavior.

And by you questioning their behavior and being worried about what women are doing, it has worked. You exude strong beta vibes

SuggestedAd67328 · 2022-03-20T09:24:33+00:00

Bad boy traits are attractive for girls, i.e. confident and independent. Obviously, society rewards cooperation more, therefore those ‘bad boy’ traits are failing short in long term.

When girl gets older, they want to settle down and they are looking for other traits (which bring more resources). Then decent men are expected to ignore those ‘mistakes’ because she is a ‘dIfFErEnT PeRsON noW’.

Imho, the best strategy is to fuck sluts, but then marry conservative hottie. Funny enough, she won’t hold your past against you.

magiksissclit · 2022-03-20T10:06:39+00:00

OP doesn’t get it. It’s about confidence and a guy who lacks it is prone to being even more toxic than the “bad boys” they think they’re competing with. If you’re out here blaming women for your lack of results, you’re as beta as they come.

nemma88 · 2022-03-20T11:33:07+00:00

Bad guys like what, cops? They have high DV rates yeah.

Or what about gamers, women complain they just want to game all the time and not do socials and generally not much partner stuff. Lots of complaining about introverted gamers out there.

Or guys who watch porn? FDS have this whole thing about encountering porn addicts right so now any guy who watches a lot of porn isn't worth it.

Or guys without jobs, everyone knows a half whos other half just mooched.

Guys who women complain about are... All subgroups of guys things have gone wrong with. Which is all types really as relationships fail all the time.

ohphoshizzle88 · 2022-03-20T06:58:42+00:00

Remember the "model" who as behind bars that all the women were fawning for. Ended up getting a contract after release. Quick search: Jeremy Ray Meeks

Women will say all this stuff, but it in reality they perpetuate it.

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alexaxl · 2022-03-20T07:59:09+00:00

Mind: If it’s easy, it ain’t worth it.

God: Your Pre teen prayer was answered, well maybe you ought to appreciate my gifts first.

God: Revoke! Let ego mind burning lessons begin.

lol

krischens · 2022-03-20T09:18:25+00:00

The idea is that the woman can make the bad boy settle down and change just for HER. So he will still be spontaneous, passionate, etc., but just for her.

Typo_of_the_Dad · 2022-03-20T11:06:32+00:00

A lot of abusive relationships don't start out that way though, you can't say they should just know every time. It's more on a case by case basis. And of course men do the same ie enter relationships or have sex with crazy/bad women.

Then there's alcohol and other drugs or economic factors as well.

Alburg9000 · 2022-03-20T11:12:33+00:00

Women chase storylines/entertainment

I actually once dated a girl who told me her ex literally went to jail for raping someone…and she was still dating him AFTER he told her that, this same women accused me of gaslighting when I cut her off lol

SoulRebel99 · 2022-03-20T11:20:41+00:00

Indignation, they need drama to complain about

2022-03-20T12:51:44+00:00

"Women want a bad boy who is good only for them, men want a good girl who is bad only for them" is kind of true.

Shadowcat1606 · 2022-03-20T13:10:29+00:00

Yeah, just saw something like this on another sub. Some woman complaining that she has been "used for sex" by some assholes. Girl, you're at least 50% at fault for something like that. You chose to have sex with that asshole.

Don't complain about your dog shitting on your rug if you give him a treat whenever he does it.

IHuntSmallKids · 2022-03-20T13:11:23+00:00

I want to disagree but I’ve known this problem to get so bad that one of my coworkers earlier in my life was gangraped and murdered and her body dumped in a ditch because of it

She wasn’t even 18 yet but had a “black thug” fetish specifically. Went to fuckloads of parties and had groupsex with random strangers and would brag about it at work. I tried many times to tell her why it was wrong and dangerous while on shift with her but her excuse was always that her parents were racist

Maybe…but the multiple times we saw them come in and interact with the mostly minority staff…

Elevatedheart · 2022-03-20T13:59:12+00:00

It’s a psychological problem. The women that are attracted to bad boys generally were abused as children. They continue the pattern because it’s familiar and they think that’s what they deserve. They don’t have a normal understanding of boundaries.

The good guy is unfamiliar and doesn’t always invoke the pleasure principle. Logically it doesn’t make sense but our logic and trauma experiences, don’t usually line up perfectly.

Being aware of bad patterns is the first step, but it usually takes lots of inner work to rewrite the story.

It’s not simple like we know what we are signing up for..

For centuries, we were forced to stay in these relationships. Men had all the freedom and power in the world to be selfish and abusive. Now we move into a generation where women have regained their sovereignty.. but our wiring has not caught up.

Same thing applies to why men abuse women.. the wiring has not caught up. Women can’t be blamed for a behavioral pattern that men were allowed to have for centuries, that actually causes women to be attracted to abusers..

Instead, why not blame the abusers that have made it difficult for you, the kind man.

Title	Women positively reinforce the “bad boys” but love complaining about them
Author	theogfrankcastle
Upvotes	133
Comments	265
Date	March 20, 2022 4:50 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/tidhv1/women_positively_reinforce_the_bad_boys_but_love/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-positively-reinforce-the-bad-boys-but-love.1106716 https://theredarchive.com/post/1106716

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