If the theory of 80/20 rule is true (which it seems to show on online dating) what explains the mismatch in attractiveness partnership irl?

drawmatoman · 2022-06-29T22:26:30+00:00

It's all about local demographics. If the percentage of attractive men and attractive women are equal in a 10-20 mile radius of a city, you will see looks-matched couples. If there are more single men than women, you will see attractive men pair up with plain looking women. If there are more women, then you will see the opposite.

Urbantexasguy · 2022-06-29T23:29:15+00:00

You're ignoring one important factor here.....the online dating app percentages. Tinder is now 4 men to 1 women in the U.S., and a staggering 9 men to 1 women in the U.K. Lots of woman have LEFT the apps. I keep saying that, but nobody listens.

Women are going to be as picky as they can AFFORD to be. Lots of us men would do the same thing, if the percentages were reversed. Whenever you examine women's online dating app behavior, you HAVE to take the percentages into account. Women KNOW the numbers are seriously skewed.....and they act accordingly.

2022-06-29T22:26:43+00:00

Look around brother, I've seen many more above-average guys with way below-average girls than vice versa. At least where I live. The ones that can get dick whenever they want never settle.

festethefoole1 · 2022-06-29T22:34:01+00:00

Hm, slightly sceptical that you're likely to see a huge mismatch between an attractive woman and an unattractive man. It happens but its really quite rare in my experience and I can only think of a couple of examples that spring to mind.

What you might be seeing is a guy who's perhaps a bit overweight and probably quite tall (just a 'big fella' in general) who might have a good looking girl on his arm. Some girls are keen on the 'big guy' build (even if they're a little chubby or scruffy), particularly for a relationship, and I just wonder if you might be underestimating the attractiveness of those kinds of guys, as there's definitely a 'market' for them.

Very, very rarely have I ever seen a genuinely unfortunate guy (say, short, balding, thin, babyfaced) with an attractive girlfriend.

Sad_Top1743 · 2022-06-29T22:44:03+00:00

Depends on entirely on location. In much of the world, particularly South America and Eastern Europe, you will find ugly guys with hot women

HazyMemory7 · 2022-06-29T22:50:30+00:00

However, it seems like more often than not it is always the women being the pretty one in the relationship and the guy just doesn't measure up at all.

Women date up in value, not exclusively in physical appearance. This phenomenon occurs for two reasons:

Men value looks more than women (but women have a higher looks threshold generally)
Men can compensate for appearance with wealth and status, women cannot. A woman must be attractive.

AcanthocephalaNew947 · 2022-06-29T23:07:00+00:00

[permanently deleted]

WilliamWyattD · 2022-06-30T01:29:07+00:00

80/20 is not strictly or dogmatically true in any milieu.

The bottom line is that women are simply more selective than men. They bear more costs for pregnancy, and based on personality traits, relationships tend to become more of an advantage for men than for women. Most importantly, female relations with men are not colored by men's testosterone-fueled, rather indiscriminate raw lust.

So yeah, forcing women to make an initial choice of men using only photos will make them even more selective. But getting hung up on exact numbers like 80/20 makes no sense.

2022-06-29T23:32:42+00:00

Alpha fucks / Beta bux

AcanthocephalaNew947 · 2022-06-29T22:29:32+00:00

80/20 rule is about casual sex. This is where women only go for the top 20%.

It looks different in LTRs where it can make sense to settle for a less attractive man, if it increases the probability of faithfulness and stability.

stats135 · 2022-06-29T22:49:40+00:00

Well, 80/20 applied to quite a few things. For one, only 20% of men are considered average or above average in attractiveness, while it is 80% for women. So its just maths that at least 60% of the pairings would be where the men are considered less attractive than the women, although their percentile in attractiveness might not actually differ.
Dating =/= Fucking. The Betas are the ones taking women out in hopes for any crumb of sex. Alpha Chads just ring her up at night for a booty call and you'd never see that in public.
Research shows that societies tend to be more conservative during economic down turns, and I would argue we certainly are in one. So you see more women leave the slut lifestyle behind earlier for more stability.

SirTruffleberry · 2022-06-29T23:11:00+00:00

Men find more women attractive than the other way around. All you have observed is that the beauty gap still exists when you narrow the population down to the taken folks.

To put it another way: Of course you find the woman to be "the attractive one" oftentimes. You probably find the majority of women attractive.

ass-thetics · 2022-06-29T23:44:33+00:00

80/20 rule means 80% are wanting the top 20%. There's no way they can all have it.

Often enough, when a girl gets hurt by a guy who didn't see her as good enough, she will take the safer option next time. I am pretty sure this is majority of said pretty girl ugly guy relationships.

Glad-Improvement-812 · 2022-06-30T07:45:47+00:00

I think most men completely underestimate how much most women are insecure about their level of attractiveness. Partially a cultural thing, partially a biological thing, partially the result of too much negging from PUAs. If you have pretty privilege, you know it. If you don’t, it’s not easy to figure out if you’re a 4 or a 7 by any other means than what the SMV is of the men that are interested in you for a relationship, and that’s never the 8+ gigachads.

NinjaOfTheSouth · 2022-06-29T22:37:20+00:00

Women will settle for men if they have something else to offer other then looks. Also if you notice couples who are mismatched in relationships, tend to be older.

Puzzleheaded_Bet7294 · 2022-06-29T22:35:21+00:00

The chads let themselves go over time

bison5595 · 2022-06-30T00:09:17+00:00

There’s a few different reasons. There are way more attractive women than men. It’s not even close. There simply isn’t enough attractive men to go around. 90% of women don’t make the first move so they pretty much only deal with the men who show interest. Most guys are going to shoot atleast above their pay grade. Men also need a bunch of other traits to be attractive, so we have devote more attention to different areas. Women will focus more on looks because that’s what we look for.

DarthFarris · 2022-06-30T01:05:09+00:00

In my experience, dating success with women is almost entirely based on familiarity. Most men are very visual people and have less anxiety about strangers (in terms of chances of domestic abuse, assault, etc.). Women, in general, are more psychologically and emotionally driven.

The couples we all see that look totally mismatched are a direct result of the fact that that guy was simply THERE. He was the best option around at the time and, therefore, his girlfriend chose him.

This isn't just exclusive to women, obviously. Think back to high school where you'd look around in every class and say to yourself, "eh, no one really stands out to me." Then, after a few months, certain people would start to grab your attention. It's not because they are necessarily the most attractive person you've ever seen, but they are the most attractive people you're regularly in contact with.

Limited pool= limited options

AelfredRex · 2022-06-30T01:24:01+00:00

OLD population distribution is 5 men to every woman. So out of every 100 men, 20 men will connect with the corresponding 20 women, therefore 80 men don't. There's your 80/20 rule explained.

In the real world the ratio is 1 man to 1 woman. So 80/20 does not apply. Different population distribution.

And if you're always going to live in terror that some better looking guy will come along and steal your girl, then you got trust issues which will push her away eventually.

bsmith440 · 2022-06-30T02:00:10+00:00

Security. If an attractive woman nabs an unattractive man, he will be easily kept around knowing he can't do any better. Other women will also be less of a threat if her man is unattractive, keeping his chances of unfaithfulness down.

Trust me it's not for the man's benefit.

80_20 · 2022-06-30T14:29:56+00:00

Because you're a woman and you don't see people in the reality in which they currently live.

Your biases show you 80-20 is a real thing, so of course you'd see ugly guys with better looking women, that's exactly what 80-20 says you should see.

The problem is men rate women on a bell curve and women rate men on much harsher curve. So you being a woman what else would you expect to see?

The problem is the math doesn't work out like that. A 5/10 (50 percentile) middle of attractiveness man doesn't go out with a 5/10 (50 percentile) middle of attractiveness woman. A man has to be a 7/10 to be abler to get with a 5/10 these days. (and you say why is she going out with that ugly guy? because you see him as a 5.)

You are biased. Women are completely unreliable in an unbiased mathematical percentage scale.

<----little women down here [MOST WOMEN HERE] little women up here ---->

<----LOTS OF MEN HERE [few men here] Almost zero men here ------->

The fundamental problem is with the way women rate men. Don't don't think the middle of attractiveness men are in the middle of attractiveness. The true middle of attractiveness man is 2.5/10 because of how mathematically challenged women vote.

Registeelurgirl · 2022-06-29T23:10:28+00:00

Women's preferences can be succinctly captured by big.

Big dick, big personality, big frame, this all explains these looks imbalances. I know one relationship where the guy looks good but in an understated average way and the girl is a knock out. One of the hottest around and they've dated for years. It's probably the most wholesome relationship(from a guys perspective) but he might have a big dick for all I know and he was always a respected assured kinda guy.

Zurinel · 2022-06-29T23:24:33+00:00

Your fundamental premise is faulty, and there is a clear reason why - as a woman, you are already inclined to view a skewed percentage of men as unattractive according to most surveys on the matter, and more than that, you are probably far more likely to view your fellow women as a gender as being inherently more beautiful than generic male physiology, and you wouldn't even be necessarily wrong on that last part since women actually have genes which increase their attractiveness over generations of sexual selection that are much less inheritable in males. Women's features are more neotenous, more smooth, more clean, they have naturally eye-catching features like their boobs, ass, curves, hair that specifically evolved in order to attract male attention, while men were more geared toward disposability and fighting, which leave them with two major noticeable features - their face, which you need to be genetically lucky for, or their muscles - which takes years of hard work to develop.

I dispute your assertion that women tend to date down in terms of looks, you probably just assign much lower ratings to men in general than to women in general. From my observations, women almost exclusively date up or evenly in terms of looks. I barely see a single ugly or fat guy in any spring break party or club or beach or festival or anywhere where women hang out with millions and millions of stereotypical looking dudebros with sixpacks and galactic-sized shoulders and chiseled faces, and if I do see them, they are standing out alone OR hanging out with other men as friends, but rarely will they have any women wrapped around their arms or even flirting with them as the hot guys would.

On the other hand, I see plenty of ugly and fat women with hot guys, why? Because all they have to do is put on the sluttiest clothes ( Which they already want to do anyway ), show off their cleavage and buttcheeks, put on some makeup for whatever they need on their face, and now they can turn around any guy's head regardless of what they were born with.

And on places like Tinder or Fetlife? "BBW" and ugly women have thousands of admirers and participate in endless orgies and satisfying each and every one of their kinks on demand. Meanwhile ugly obese guys are not celebrated as 'body positive' nor messaged by any woman whatsoever, they're expected to just sit on the bench and cheer those women on for exploring their sexuality and being 'proud of their bodies' while nobody wants to explore theirs.

AcanthocephalaNew947 · 2022-06-29T23:15:09+00:00

Your misinterpreting the 80:20 rule and don't understand females duel mating strategy.

80:20 is a law of nature. Blue pill conditioning leads us to believe relationships (monogamy) are the goal, In current times sex is the goal as sex is now given away outside (polly) of relationships to 20% of the men.

Duel mating. AF BB. After the AF cc ride. , as most woman can't secure an AFBB male they then want a 50:50 relationship, or a Beta male. From the btm 80%.

Registeelurgirl · 2022-06-29T22:43:22+00:00

Are you accounting for hair, makeup, clothes?

Siukslinis_acc · 2022-06-30T04:18:59+00:00

It's a bias as you are attracted (if you are not gay) to women, so you see the women as the attractive one of the pair. I'm attracted to men, and when men show a pair and say that the woman is more attractive, i'm a bit confused, because for me, the man is more attractive than the woman of the pair.
IRL men can leverage more than they can in online dating. Still images rarely do anything for a woman and still images are the main thing of online dating (not to mention that men tend to be bad at taking pictures). We need more body in motion (not to mention that a diffetent lighting and angle can change how a person looks). Body language, facial expressions, voice, ect. Even here, some women have said that at one point their bf/husband had shown them their online dating profile and the women would have swiped "no" on those men who they have met irl and said "yes".

2022-06-30T03:14:04+00:00

How do you know? As a guy you're not going to find many other guys "hot". So of course you'll think hot chick's are only matched with ugly dudes.

SoIlikeMangos · 2022-06-30T09:46:05+00:00

I have never ever seen a hot guy with an average girl. But I've seen the opposite many times. At least where I live.

2022-06-30T01:21:46+00:00

Ugly guys who can’t measure up dating attractive women is not that common

bbpoizon · 2022-06-30T06:43:23+00:00

I’m sure this only accounts for a meager percent of women but I know a lot of attractive ones that grew really tired of being mistreated by males that were even moderately attractive. As a result, they chose to focus more on desirable personality traits instead of looks. I’m a millennial though so that may or may not apply to the generation in subject.

Salt_Mathematician24 · 2022-06-30T09:20:23+00:00

We need an effective beauty and fashion movement for men. It would solve this problem almost overnight.

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PlayfulLawyer · 2022-06-29T22:39:44+00:00

The fact that the overwhelming majority of people in relationships settle, some a lot more than others lol

listAmbitions · 2022-06-29T23:05:58+00:00

Saw an avg chick today wirh no bra (just top)and was thinking. If I was stuck in some project with her with 20ppl in a cottage for two weeks and she'd be the hottest there I would torally go for her. Very motivated.

Since I was in a big city on a sunny day and many others were also no bra etc walking past like 200 people on the square passing by ten I would not even bother ever with her since there are so many hotter chicks everywhere that I like more. And she was like avg of 200 ie. 100 were better looking.

Basically equation is: I want some action. And best of the pool is a great choise.

Pool: 10 in cottage 10 000 in city

So I as a man can completely confirm it.

Mobrowncheeks · 2022-06-29T23:53:55+00:00

Men are the ones who settle majority of the time for their partners not women

ruboyuri · 2022-06-30T00:38:56+00:00

Money

featheredsnake · 2022-06-30T01:08:03+00:00

I have no data to back this up but I think the culprit is the unnaturalness of online dating (being able to quickly swipe between options) amplifying forces that would naturally occur to create a more uneven distribution.

sex_throwaway999 · 2022-06-30T02:50:24+00:00

what explains the mismatch in attractiveness partnership irl?

i disagree with your premise--i don't think there is a mismatch. plenty of my male friends and acquaintances settled with someone less physically attractive than them.

2022-06-30T02:56:31+00:00

I think people in general date for a combination of looks, personality and social status with different levels of importance depending on the person.

For example a true gold digger would completely forgo looks for a someone very high up in social status (melania and trump)

Most people seeking to settle down would be ok shaving off a couple points in looks for a good personality and respectable career

Whereas young frat boy / girl types may place higher priority in looks over anything else

modidlee · 2022-06-30T03:06:17+00:00

Just because a guy is more physically attractive doesn’t mean he’s an overall better man. There are average looking guys who are good in bed and above average looking guys that are bad in bed. Just like there are rich average guys and broke attractive guys. Many women realize what makes a man a good partner is more than just his looks.

2022-06-30T05:53:58+00:00

The mismatch of partnerships explains the difference between SMV and RMV.

That is all.

SDW137 · 2022-06-30T06:22:31+00:00

It's a combination of luck and their location.

thrwwayguy · 2022-06-30T07:18:21+00:00

It's simple women aren't as hung up on looks as guys. Plus there's more attractive women than men probably by human nature. For millions of years the most attractive women had children with capable men most of whom probably weren't the most aesthetically attractive.

I also think the 80/20 only applies to people's base instincts in a vacuum, social context plays a factor too. If let's say there's a group of 10 people 5 men 5 women. 4/5 of those women are considered very attractive while 2/5 guys are. Because they're around each other a lot naturally some people are going to form relationships. Chances are with that ratio any random couple would most likely be between an attractive woman and an unattractive man.

So basically 80/20 definitely exist but in the real world there's tons of other factors at play. Online dating and fake superficial relationships are the only areas where that's the end all be all.

y2kjanelle · 2022-06-30T07:25:06+00:00

Well, studies have shown that men value looks 4x more than women. Women also tend to date down in terms of looks.

Also like others have said, location has a lot to do with attractiveness differences in couples and culture has a lot to do with what is seen as attractive.

I don’t think that OLD is rigged against men. It benefits those who cater to it like anything else.

Women and attractive men do better on OLD because OLD is specifically made for people to swipe mostly based on looks. That’s what it is there for so complaining that it’s doing it’s purpose is redundant. How you present yourself is the most important aspect of OLD.

A lot of men whine about how women take long in the bathroom. That we’re more vain and care about looks and the beauty industry being so large. But these are the types of things that dating apps focus on. So naturally, taking lots of selfies and finding the right angle, wearing make up or improving skin/skincare, gua sha, being fit, basically looksmaxxing is going to guarantee more success on OLD. Because that is what it’s literally for.

If men are attention-starved or want casual sex, they need to appeal to these things. Women haven’t been “hiding” what they are attracted to. PUAs aren’t saying anything new. It’s just that women are less likely to project their sexual attraction onto others. We haven’t needed nor felt as comfortable telling the world “We Like This!”. Our cues of interest are more subtle because we ourselves are psychologically better at picking up on them. Men are going to do better (since they care less about presentation/looks for themselves) in offline social settings. Women liking tall, fit, muscular men who are confident and wealthy has been known for a very long time.

It’s just that historically, women weren’t allowed to have these preferences. They needed men a lot more. So the social change that men are experiencing is a lot more significant or like vibrant (need to find a better word). Especially with OLD becoming more common and then the pandemic rapidly popularizing it.

I think what’s also becoming more prominent and maybe wasn’t expected is that women aren’t “settling” as much as men. But there are reasons for this too. Women are innately more social. Female babies show less separation anxiety than male babies who tend to be much clingier. Schools are catered more to girls’ social nature. So now that women don’t “need” men to survive, there also comes a push not to settle because fulfillment can come from elsewhere. We rely on our peers and significant people in our lives more than men. We’re more likely to adapt to other people as well. We have more support after divorces and hard times in a relationship. This all attributes to feeling less of a need to “settle” per se for a relationship that doesn’t satisfy our needs. Which men will need to navigate as well.

SecretPepeMaster · 2022-06-30T08:28:46+00:00

80/20 rule known as pareto principle is absolutely true. And you can see it almost anywhere. Its same for dating, however, we have (as western society) put limitations on it in dating market (or marriage/dating to be precise).

I didnt observe the thing you are talking about. Im 22 and dont remember when ive seen huge gap in physical attractiveness among couples in my age. Its very rare.Also, in my recent experiance, i met attractive girl from tinder, however, she is still going on and talking about dude that she knew by sight (xD) and was passing him in hallway. Dude is 3yo older, never knew her, now - music producer (not big stuff tho).

You can take girl out of dating market simply by existing as top 20%, not talking to her once.

By the way, you know how much of my collage mates have gfs?

ladytron- · 2022-06-30T10:07:51+00:00

you can have a great personality, be really hot. and be completely unhinged.

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-06-30T11:03:23+00:00

I think your underlying assumption which is that the only value men bring is what they can provide financially to a woman, is inherently wrong. While I wouldn't never in a million years claim that I know what women want (because let's face it who the fuck knows), in my 41 years on earth I have gleaned a few things.

The first and most important one is safety and protection. Period. Does a woman feel safe and protected with you? That's the reason women love confident guys and even guys who are jerks, because a jerk is still more powerful than a some beta dork who is afraid of her.

All if it comes down to fear. If you as a man can't even walk up to a woman and express that you like her, how on earth will you be able to defeat male competitors or shield her from the big bad world out there? Men are afraid to talk to women, they are afraid to express their interest, they are terrified if a woman rejects them, they are terrified of going out and socializing, they are terrified of being honest. I mean what woman would want a fucking coward like this?

2022-06-30T14:18:20+00:00

what explains the mismatch in attractiveness partnership irl?

Debt and thirst.

Women are independent now.

U-huuuuuh. Put a fake spider on the wall, find out how true that statement is. Or don't take the garbage out.

For women, attention is widely available and there is no reason not to go after the best.

Then there's the upvote, follower and similar bots...

However, it seems like more often than not it is always the women being the pretty one in the relationship and the guy just doesn't measure up at all.

The reason why you don't see the looksmatch (if she even reaches that high), is because you generally don't see her without the makeup.

hav1t · 2022-06-30T14:20:15+00:00

"afterall, personality can be improved on, Looks cannot."

I'm assuming you are discounting EVERY woman who wears makeup. Which massively improves a woman's looks.

Which I am also assuming answers the rest of the question too.

2022-06-30T17:10:52+00:00

Today, when I went out to throw out the trash, I just saw a couple walking out as well. The man was quite fit looking, well dressed, nice hair, the woman was, might I say, rather fat and not sexily dressed.

OvalTownship · 2022-06-30T18:23:46+00:00

t seems like more often than not it is always the women being the pretty one in the relationship and the guy just doesn't measure up at all. The only explaination is therre just isnt enough attractive men to go around for the widely attraactive women.

No you're just a coping woman. Online experiments show that good looking dudes(call em chads to make it simpler) have to settle for less and its not better for guys who are gl but not as goodlooking as chad(call him chad-lite).

No such discrepancy exists and if it does it can be explained away by females using makeup or the guy being rich. Dudes have to settle for less lmao

SmakeTalk · 2022-06-30T19:01:37+00:00

Or, honestly, you don't identify the men they're with as attractive because you're attracted to women?

Why are we all assuming what other people find attractive or unattractive based on our own very narrow concept of attractiveness?

Unless someone is bi or pan they're not really in a place to determine what other people are attracted to.

zerofeetpersecond · 2022-06-30T20:32:18+00:00

Women have nothing to offer but fertility. Being pretty can be an indicator of fertility but not always. Most men who want marriage will choose 7/10 25 year old over 10/10 35 year old, because it’s about the kids. Guys who just want sex should looking for the nearest cougar.

Khanluka · 2022-06-30T20:37:41+00:00

80/20 rule means 80% of the woman want 20% of the men.

This means 20% of the woman are willing to go out with the other 80%

And that is a differnse group of woman. Not just single moms and fat chicks guys.

you can find any type of woman in that 20% percent.

isthiswhereiputmy · 2022-07-05T14:33:56+00:00

I think this likely an observation bias. I frequently see it go either way, a couple where either partner seems to more or less attractive than the other. It maybe also comes down to attraction styles, people are attracted to different things. A 10 to one person might be a 5 to someone else. I often hear women say a certain guy is hot and I just don't understand what they see in him.

Title	If the theory of 80/20 rule is true (which it seems to show on online dating) what explains the mismatch in attractiveness partnership irl?
Author	Registeelurgirl
Upvotes	34
Comments	142
Date	June 29, 2022 10:21 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/vns0rx/if_the_theory_of_8020_rule_is_true_which_it_seems/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-the-theory-of-8020-rule-is-true-which-it-seems.1122038 https://theredarchive.com/post/1122038

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