Men's greatest desire is to feel desired and special, that's why AFBB even exists as a topic of discussion.

sarkington · 2022-08-26T19:35:30+00:00

Men want to feel special for their sexuality, women want to feel special for their personhood

Same old, same old

Financial_Leave4411 · 2022-08-26T20:03:47+00:00

Sex isn’t the same for men and women. While sex might make a man feel desired that isn’t necessarily the case for women.

Women can get sex so easily form men ( weather the man values her or not) and women also don’t always get the release men get from sex while at the same time risking more consequences both physically and socially when they participate in sex; so a woman having sex with a man isn’t an accurate measurement of a man’s love and dedication for her in her eyes. Women know men want sex and while they can enjoy sex it isn’t the best part of a relationship.

With men and women feeling loved/desired in different ways it’s no wonder the genders don’t see eye to eye on this.

TotalTravesty · 2022-08-26T20:01:34+00:00

This isn’t as bad as many rants on this topic but still suffers from the common assumptions and fallacies:

“Hookup material” and “boyfriend material” aren’t always mutually exclusive. There are plenty of guys who started as a hookup and turned into an LTR or even a husband. It depends on if the two agree on what they want. Which leads me to…

If you have to put in “extra work” to get sex then obviously you aren’t desired and should probably look into why she’s having sex with you. But there are a lot of guys here who think “extra work” means a second date or knowing how to turn her on non-physically—the fucking horror! Coercion and guilt = work. Being a person = not work. A lot of guys here fumble the bag because they’re too busy whining that the girl who would’ve blown him if they went back to his place didn’t blow him in line for coffee before.

And of course the tales of “alphas” are peak apex and observer fallacies, considering a lot of the manwhores you guys aspire to get shut down a lot and only get laid a lot because they’re not fazed by failure. Your “alpha” one night was probably a beta the weekend before.

In the end “AF/BB” comes from a sexually frustrated place where guys either ragequit too soon or don’t realize when they’re getting sex just because she wants to get it over with and make you go away. Situational awareness solves a lot of problems.

DenethorsManners · 2022-08-27T02:12:43+00:00

I see your point, but consider the following; if a woman is considering a man for a relationship she is weighing the possibility of committing to him and closing herself off to all other options. If she sees Mr. "Boyfriend Material" as so high value that he's worth sacrificing her options, she might assume he is already sleeping with other women. She could become just another girl in his rotation, or she could stoke his desire to encourage him to make the same sacrifice and commit to her in turn.

ruboyuri · 2022-08-26T20:17:12+00:00

Men want sex/women want relationships, take #765,119,434, blah blah blah, I’m already bored

Your libido is your problem, and I can understand it just fine. It doesn’t mean I have to prioritize or indulge it

I’m sure the first comment, if I get any, will be some veiled threat about men burning down civilization if they don’t get what they want

hungrychick404 · 2022-08-26T20:15:29+00:00

Women also want to feel attractive and desired. That’s why it doesn’t mean much to us when some random shmuck is begging us for sex just because we have a vagina.

“Women often have a hard time understanding how men feel about all that because they are inherently desired simply by existing so they don’t have to put any work in to feel desired” oh boy. Tell that to the women who don’t get hit on, the women who get made fun of to the guy’s friends after sleeping with him cause her body isn’t perfect, and the women who put in a lot of work to their appearance so they could be desired

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2022-08-26T23:22:58+00:00

I think women's greatest desire is to feel "special"; and men's greatest desire to feel desired. So I disagree with your post.

productive_monkey · 2022-08-26T23:41:07+00:00

Greatest? I don't know about that at all. At least for myself, and I'm male.

Roxenoff · 2022-08-27T13:56:30+00:00

I think you're neglecting the work that a subset of the so called 'hookup material' guys will have put in.

A lot of these guys will have entered this category through years of hard work at the gym, strict diet etc. Some of these will have been 'boyfriend material' in the past but worked their way into getting more genuine desire from women.

My point is this; you're talking about 'boyfriend material' guys having to work harder for sex, without mentioning the effort that comes with improving attractiveness. Work that many hookup guys will have done.

_revelationary · 2022-08-26T21:58:29+00:00

I think what red pill men want most is to be in total control and have a woman who is completely dependent on and obedient to him. Which is why red pill is attractive to so many men, and those same men spend a lot of time frustrated and angry.

VexingTetrimino · 2022-08-26T20:42:22+00:00

all people want to feel desired and special. period. it's completely natural and fine as long as it is contained within reasonable boundaries.

also natural and fine is figuring out what works for you when you're younger, then having your needs change as you move through different stages of life. happens to everyone.

then enter RP which twists this idea into AFBB, which became a tool for bitter men to shame women with--to limit her life in order to serve his.

additionally, if a man deems himself a BB why must he penalize women for that? that he must get her "at the same price" as the AF?

it's like a job interview where bob isn't doing so hot. "but you hired tom so you have to hire me! nevermind that i have less experience, worse people skills, and a shitty attitude. you hired tom so you must hire me and pay me the same as him."

yeah no. bob is not tom. why should a BB get AF benefits? this is sex communism.

i also don't agree with your whole bf material thing but let's start with bob's contrived entitlement.

2022-08-26T20:55:58+00:00

The piont of a harem is to have access to many women but it does not mean they lust and desire him it is another transactional relationship. Certainly it favor the man who gets h8s variety. The harem fantasy is about having the resources to be serviced by many different women not their desire.

TheElusivePeacock · 2022-08-27T14:36:41+00:00

Cool. You can have whatever main desire you want. Just don’t cry to the rest of us like a victim when you’re 30 and hate yourself because some men will never be desired sexually. Ever. Just too unattractive. Too repulsive. Keep all that whining to yourself because the one thing you also should realize is no one actually gives a fuck that you’re dumb enough to place your one great desire in life on someone else. Just ridiculous.

dbz19_kai · 2022-08-27T01:57:41+00:00

Women seriously don't understand why AF/BB bothers men.

It's like, its fine for them to fuck chads and then marry a beta who they would have swiped left on, just cause their looks are fading and no chad wants to commit to them. They don't understand why this behaviour annoys and bothers men at all.

Then they shit their pants at a guy who fucks around in his youth but wants to settle down with a "good girl".

BoogersAndSugar · 2022-08-27T01:00:32+00:00

Let me let you in on a dirty little secret: Most of them KNOW we have a valid point. Their supposed "misunderstanding" and "disagreement" about this topic is really just manipulation to protect their own interests. If too many men start choosing to stay single instead of being settled for, or no longer trust just any supposed "attraction" to them, they'll be a whole lot harder to run game on for favors, free drinks, etc, and a LOT harder to swindle into an unhappy one-sided marriage. There's also the fear factor - we have too many dangerous guys out there, and knowing the truth would only make them even more so.

Manly_Dream · 2022-08-26T20:47:41+00:00

Who are you to say what man’s greatest desire is?

whiteKnightCARD · 2022-08-27T04:21:26+00:00

TL; DR: OP is a socially challenged scrub who gets no ass

nvkr_ · 2022-08-27T11:54:28+00:00

Don’t frame your personal desires and beliefs as something all men would agree on.

Leather-Creme2611 · 2022-08-26T19:36:25+00:00

Is this an autistic discussion?

RandomRedditGuy322 · 2022-08-26T19:39:09+00:00

Wanting to feel desired by women is not a natural male desire. In nature, men would dominate women and lower males by depriving them of food/shelter with their superior strength thus mandating women submit to the top council of males and make the lower males flee the tribe to live a life of nomadic banditry.

Consensual desire is societally constructed. Society tells men getting women and sex makes them desirable, hence men want women to appear outwardly attracted to them because they know this will prevent society from labelling them as a creep or an "I" word.

In other words, the act of taking resources, women, and sex by force comes natural to most males. But performing well in society and performing society's tap dance to make women like them voluntary does not, and was constructed by society as a means of creating stability and good worker bees. After all, the only reason we could start living in larger civilizations is when we started to practice more monogamy to keep the lower males as an abundant source of labor, and that monogamy was conditioned on those lower males following society's codes and laws put into place by the top males.

stats135 · 2022-08-26T20:20:41+00:00

Men's greatest desire is to feel desired sexually by women.

The alpha fux beta bux dichotomy comes from a simple fact: some men get easy sex while other men have to work for it.

Here's a simple counterexample. Would you rather work for the sex with a 18 yo, or be given free sex by a 65 yo? I believe most men would choose the 18yo even if they have to work for it. Its not about being desirable, its about getting something desirable, a woman's beauty and youth.

What I am trying to highlight here is that even under the most generous light, assuming women love their BB as they say they do, the BB still gets the short end of the stick.

The biggest issue with AFBB is the ordering. The alpha got the best decade of her life, and beta got the leftovers.

We can imagine a world where women married a BB when young, had kids, and around 40 yo divorces out of what she perceives as a boring marriage to ride CC. In fact we don't even have to imagine, we can just look back at the boomers that married before feminism infected all of society, and divorced as feminism hit full force. Men weren't happy getting divorced, but on the whole many men still said it was worth it, to have his wife's best years. Nowadays, women flip the ordering.

ahillbilly97 · 2022-08-27T06:42:02+00:00

im okay with that as long the guy doesn’t watch porn or look at other women and worships only me sure i will marry him and let him take my virginity. he has to be a virgin too. best thing is to make everyone wait and get free meals and never have sex with any of them🤣🤣🤣

FancyCocktailOlive · 2022-08-27T05:50:51+00:00

NOT ALL MEN. Gay men don’t feel that way. Neither do asexual men or men who are secure in their masculinity.

You can’t generalize an entire gender.

Ohyarlysmiles · 2022-08-27T05:51:58+00:00

Based on what?

You're announcing a fantasy and then projecting it onto the majority of men.

Really, greatest desire is to feel sexual desire from women?

Thata different from just having sex with a lot of women.

You guys should really interact with the so called alfalfa males you guys fetishize. Most of them are unconcerned with the level of desire present and just are fine with having selfish sex (bad for her). No fucks given to her pleasure or how she feels toward them beyond giving consent.

Valuable-Marzipan761 · 2022-08-26T20:45:16+00:00

For most men, yes. But plenty are happy with prostitutes so isn't care whether or not they're desired.

Capable-Resolve-2001 · 2022-08-27T03:13:08+00:00

I wouldn’t accept an LTR with someone that wouldn’t find me attractive enough for casual sex. Note: that’s a hypothetical. A lot of men and women don’t want casual sex. That isn’t the point. If there’s no raw sexual attraction for me, the relationship isn’t going to work.

Katatonicsnake · 2022-08-26T22:09:29+00:00

It’s a ridiculous dichotomy. Husband/boyfriend type has to have great qualities AND be good looking. No women in their right mind wants to be tied to a man who’s not handsome. Men who are only good looking didn’t have to do the work because it was never going to go anywhere else.

AutoModerator · 2022-08-26T17:37:05+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

no_bling_just_ding · 2022-08-26T20:19:27+00:00

i dont believe im special and as much as id like to feel desired i dont think im special enough for it

ThrowRAmtf · 2022-08-27T07:59:27+00:00

you forget the fact that age changes drastically this fact.

Maybe between 18 and 22 there is this dichotomy, but in the second adolescence, when for example a woman enters again the dating market after a divorce, the roles usually flip.

The woman is looking for a LTR and usually is not any more interested in being a MILF for horny boys or a nurse for elders. Sure, there might be a phase of this kind to assess again her sexual value, in that case she is willing to make all wait until she find the right one.

Of course given that the average age of redditors is lower you are somewhat right, but do not forget that life is long.

Venny-Forever · 2022-08-27T16:35:02+00:00

I desire bold men alot

DXBrigade · 2022-08-28T20:24:01+00:00

It's the opposite. The Harem fantasy is about having plethora of desirable women, not about being desired. Men have no qualms paying for sex: whether it's prostitution or sugar daddy or even only fans. Men aren't mad about being BB, they just mad it can't get them a young virgin woman like in the old days. Though you still see men buying young women in poor countries with the green card.

Title	Men's greatest desire is to feel desired and special, that's why AFBB even exists as a topic of discussion.
Author	Manly_Dream
Upvotes	150
Comments	262
Date	August 26, 2022 5:37 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/wyfab0/mens_greatest_desire_is_to_feel_desired_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/mens-greatest-desire-is-to-feel-desired-and.1129231 https://theredarchive.com/post/1129231

Comments