Have you ever cheated or felt the urge to, if so, why? (no judgement, just curious)

thetruthishere_ · 2022-09-17T12:14:14+00:00

No and no Ive never felt the urge either.

I know myself enough to know if I had an urge something is wrong with my relationship.

EugeneCezanne · 2022-09-17T06:13:47+00:00

People who cheat get high off of the "forbidden love" aspect. The sneakiness is part of the allure. Its not just about finding another person attractive. Otherwise they would just break up with their partner before they slept with another person.

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-09-17T14:54:08+00:00

Back when I was a young AstronautLoveShack, I was with someone who was cheating on me. He cheated with the mother of one of his sons' friends. We broke for a time and then I stupidly took him back. He then cheated with an old high school girlfriend. He probably cheated with others, I don't know, those are the two I knew about for sure. So I cheated on him, in a combination of revenge and also to boost my own self esteem which was in the toilet at that point. It just made me feel worse, but 2 weeks later I broke up with him for good and moved on with my life. So it at least gave me enough confidence to do that. I'm not proud of it. I should have kept the higher ground, but he did start it.

Hoopy223 · 2022-09-17T18:59:26+00:00

Felt the urge of course. We were engaged (literally ring shopping) living in a 2bd apartment I paid for, not having sex more than 4-5min a week, she worked maybe 10hrs a week and was claiming lupus disability (spelling?). I’d get up in the morning she would make me a baloney sandwich and I would go to work. Then she would vacuum the floor and go shopping at these health food stores for supplements. Both of us were fat as hell.

Its been almost 9 years since we split up some mornings I still hallucinate “I made you a sandwich so you can go to work”.

DarkBrandon46 · 2022-09-17T11:07:18+00:00

Yes I cheated. this was back during my Junior through senior year in high school, we were in a toxic relationship. I loved her but then she started being unfaithful and flirty with other dudes and when I'd dump her she would do psychotic shit like threatening her life and made it seem she couldn't live without me so I'd take her back.

I caught her up again and she did the same psychotic shit. I stopped loving her. but I knew she had some mental problems so I allowed her to guilt trip me into staying, but I became more distant. Stopped hanging out as much. Id hang out with other girls and occasionally would hook up with them. No regrets, my "girl" was probably doing the same. I waited to dump her right after graduation so she wouldn't get depressed and not finish school. She took it really bad, especially later cuz one of the girls told her I cheated, but she eventually understood.

Years later after I left the state and came back, she convinced me she grew up and changed and after being FWB (my terms) I ended up falling for her again. We were together for 4 years, I remained faithful, but then I caught her cheating on me with some dude from her college. You can't make a 304 into a house wife. I wish I cheated on her more lol.

VirtuouslySinful · 2022-09-17T12:19:16+00:00

I’ve never cheated. But I have felt the urge before, but that was solely due to me being in a very mentally insecure place, very low self esteem, and people kept throwing themselves at me whilst my partner showed absolutely no possessive desire over me which made me feel unwanted. In the end I made the conscious effort to actively prevent anything happening down the road because I valued my dignity, integrity, and my partner so I cut off all my friendships and contact with the people who went after me, and anytime I felt those kinds of feelings surface I nipped them in the bud. Sadly my partner didn’t take such proactive action so I saw her slowly fall in love with someone else, then cheat on me.

midwesternMD · 2022-09-17T17:40:28+00:00

Never cheated. Never felt the urge to cheat. Was cheated on. Would not wish that pain on my worst enemy.

Nephelaei · 2022-09-17T21:25:34+00:00

I’ve cheated on two of my girlfriends but only feel bad about the last one because she was the definition of a Unicorn and I blew any and all chances to get her back.

Willow-girl · 2022-09-18T01:43:15+00:00

Yes. IMO, it's a slippery slope. You meet someone that you're attracted to and cultivate the relationship rather than putting up the appropriate boundaries. (Edited to add: this was in a past relationship, not my current one, and I certainly learned my lesson from it!)

Many people seldom meet anyone they find attractive, and/or the feeling is seldom mutual, so they can manage to remain faithful despite having poor boundaries.

douchebag_throwaway3 · 2022-09-17T20:10:12+00:00

Yeah.

I was 35 and the smoking hot 21 year old secretary told me she had a sex dream about me and her last night.

We flirted at work for a couple of weeks without doing anything, then one night when her husband was working a double, I came over to her house and we fucked.

We had an affair for about 2 years.

wardenferry419 · 2022-09-17T22:05:10+00:00

Cheated=no. Urge=no. Had a few passing thoughts that were quickly buried as the most stupid thing for me to do. My parents have never cheated in close to 50 years. As far as I know, neither of my brothers have. Will not be the first to break the tradition or ruin marriage.

iamprosciutto · 2022-09-18T01:56:36+00:00

In high school, I briefly had a long distance thing with a friend online. We sexted and traded nudes and discussed shared fetishes and how we wished we could do the stuff we talked about. She knew about my real life girlfriend. My real life girlfriend didn't know about her until a few months later. We should have just broken up since I broke the trust, but we hung on for another year and a half with her becoming extremely controlling and abusive by the time things ended. I had stopped talking to all of my friends and barely had a relationship with any family anymore by the time it was over.

As an adult, I see how it isn't really ever worth it if you actually care about the person you are with, and I would never cheat now, especially not on my current partner. It's much better to just openly communicate your needs and desires with the person you are with than to allow yourself to secretly get them fulfilled elsewhere. If your partner can't or won't fulfill your needs, then you aren't going to work out long-term.

TheRedPillRipper · 2022-09-18T18:35:31+00:00

I’ve cheated numerous times. When younger, because I didn’t care. During my first marriage towards the end. During my second marriage, due to a dead bedroom.

Ultimately what I did was wrong. Though I can’t take those decisions back, I can learn from them, and do better.

ThrowawayYAYAY2002 · 2022-09-19T07:28:03+00:00

Yeah, I've done it.

Was with a woman who was doing it, but I was in the worst and lowest period of my life. But I did it back whilst with her.

Would I do it again? Probably. I think it's something that when you've done once you will always do it. And the way things are nowadays it's gonna happen eventually...

Rhubarb_Fair · 2022-09-19T11:18:38+00:00

Woman here. One previous relationship, 13 years, married (now divorced), my only sexual partner. I never cheated. I was academically curious about what other men were like sexually, but felt zero desire whatsoever to cheat. (Marriage ended because he cheated and walked out, btw).

purplish_possum · 2022-09-17T07:03:25+00:00

My relationship with my 1st ex-wife was like a low-budget version of the relationship Hank and Karen had in the TV show Californication.

jacked_degenerate · 2022-09-17T06:48:15+00:00

At the time I was getting a ton of attention from other woman, my ego was massive and so I cheated. Still loved my girlfriend but wanted external validation to feed my massive ego. Regret it to this day.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2022-09-17T08:37:20+00:00

I almost cheated on my ex with my now-boyfriend. My relationship was on a downward spiral for almost half of its' duration and I knew I didn't see myself with him in the future, God forbid married to him/having children.

I was getting a little crush on my bf as we clicked super well as friends and our chemistry and compatibility started getting impossible to ignore, but I never even really aknowledged it, let alone acted on it.

He confessed his feelings for me in a dark room alone at a party while we were both drunk. And he was also involved with another girl at the time. As much as I was tempted, I decided to be an adult and I didn't cheat.

I did return his feelings, however. I broke up soon after this, when I was ready, and we are together now. I know I made the right choice, I'm glad I didn't cheat as I don't think I could have lived with myself if I did it.

Geismos · 2022-09-17T07:55:47+00:00

Yes, because I simply don't care anymore. I used to care, I used to be like you but then I realized that same people that love you will dump you for something better once you're in a bad and horrible place. As long as you're a winner, you're attractive and amazing. No reason to take any relationship that seriously.

calfshrug · 2022-09-18T03:29:13+00:00

Sex is a drug. It is well documented that people lose the initial attraction thus requiring novel stimuli to be sexually gratified, and considering many of us were steeped in our sexual development with pornography and other heinously inappropriate and traumatic adolescences, “cheating” is just a must. Men are biologically programmed to want to “cheat”. “Cheating” isn’t malicious by default. It’s a seeking of some form of sexual gratification to scratch an incessant itch. Like Greg Doucette says about trying to get to low bodyfat percentage, at some point, the urge to binge eat is tantamount to someone punching you in the face constantly.

What’s so bad about “cheating” if you can do it without hurting anyone, and you don’t have to endure endless impulses punching you in the face repeatedly, interspersed with existential dread and fomo?

TheSongsInYourHead · 2022-09-17T06:40:36+00:00

I met up with an old friend and we had a lot of fun talking. I could feel the energy and I knew my girlfriend would never find out so I went for it and it happened.

MasterTeacher123 · 2022-09-17T11:28:01+00:00

I cheated on my first 2 GFs. I just wanted new pussy but didn’t want to give up my old one. With the second one though, by the time the cheating started happening that relationship had kinda run its course though.

BrummieAMN19 · 2022-09-17T15:24:47+00:00

Yeah I’ve cheated multiple times in my last relationship, it was because I was horny and bored so I done it. It was also annoying how previously I couldn’t shag a new girl like I used to when I was single because I am committed so I had grown resentment towards her and went with my impulses with the wandering eye. I don’t have any guilt because it’s extremely rare for me to feel it it’ll probably hit me later on when I go through further therapy and I cannot further backwards rationalise my behaviour. When it happens it’ll be extremely short and temporary though for sure.

risdeveau · 2022-09-17T16:10:23+00:00

Does finding someone else attractive count?

DerekMorganBAU · 2022-09-17T23:32:08+00:00

I cheated on every women I’ve ever dated

I did it because I love pussy

No I never felt a shred of regret I’m still cool with all of my exes except for one who ended up cheating on her now husband with me while she dated him (then afterwards she blocked me on all platforms)

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-09-17T08:42:42+00:00

I used to be against cheating but I now completely and entirely understand why people married to low libido partners cheat, particularly when the sex was frequent at the start of the relationship but then they have stopped their interest.

When they try fix it and it keeps reverting back to a dead bedroom, cheating can be the only option and in many cases I have read the low libido person hint that if they do it, to just keep it hush and don't let the Jonses know.

I actually think going through a hoe phase then getting married and giving your spouse a dead bedroom is a form of cheating anyway - it has all the effects of cheating on the partner, self doubt and loss of trust. A high percentage of people do this, most dead bedrooms are this situation. Yet we don't judge.

I don't really understand why we are so strung up about cheating these days when we have so many sex partners anyway.

A dead bedroom will completely re-define stuff like this, I don't think marriage works anymore.

ConvolutedMaze · 2022-09-17T06:40:53+00:00

Non-mongamous people don't know what non-monogamy is I guess. I'd rather be loyal to a single person. Not like men have many choices anyway. I guess the power is in women's hands to cheat these days.

greedyleopard42 · 2022-09-17T07:00:16+00:00

not a very strong urge, just a general sentiment of “the grass might be greener”. wanting to try other things in early relationships.

Laurely4u · 2022-09-17T07:31:58+00:00

Kids, money, not having another person willing to commit

AreOut · 2022-09-17T08:44:24+00:00

Nope. I did leave relationships because of other girls though. Although none of those relationships were really stable anyway.

Salkinov · 2022-09-17T10:41:49+00:00

I (M, 23) never cheated and i never had a serious urge to do, but i can't deny that i sometimes tried to test my SMV on some occasions, especially during times, where the bedroom was boring. I see it as a reminder that i have to work on myself on not trying to get validation from other women/people.

Ohyarlysmiles · 2022-09-17T13:35:26+00:00

Because I could

sex_throwaway999 · 2022-09-17T15:58:44+00:00

does fantasizing about other women count?

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toasterchild · 2022-09-17T14:10:14+00:00

No but i have been cheated on 2-3 times. You would think it would make me jaded but really i just learned that it won't break me. I can still love and if shit happens i will probably love again. In ever case it just propelled me to find something better.

ZealousidealAd7191 · 2022-09-17T14:43:04+00:00

I’ve never cheated But I’ve been in situations where I was in a bad relationship and there was another woman that I liked/liked me and I was tempted to cheat.

I’ve also been in a good relationship, where I found someone else I liked/liked me and i had no desire to leave my current partner, I just wanted her too. I was pretty happy with my current situation, but I also felt the magnetic pull towards this other woman. So I had to separate myself before I “made a move” because my current partner would have seen that as a betrayal.

Feisty-Saturn · 2022-09-17T15:00:49+00:00

I cheated once. I left my partner a week later. I had been drinking, I probably wouldn’t have done it sober. But I’m also a believer that peoples true feelings come out when they drink. The guy I cheated with was someone from my job and I had been getting way to comfortable with him the weeks prior.

After cheating I was confronted about how much I wasn’t happy in my relationship. In a relationship before this one we had serious issues and no amount of alcohol would have landed me in that position because at the time I was head over heels for that guy.

johner_0 · 2022-09-17T16:29:09+00:00

city boys up, i think

ManWazo · 2022-09-17T17:13:37+00:00

Cheated mostly because I'm too lazy to breakup, so that gave me an opportunity to do it.

Pizdamati6969 · 2022-09-17T17:31:49+00:00

Cheated? Never. Do I like getting attention from women I should not think about? Hell yes.

2022-09-17T21:32:29+00:00

No, when I'm in a bad relationship, I'm so disillusioned that the thought of finding another makes me sick.

Capable-Resolve-2001 · 2022-09-17T21:57:24+00:00

I had the opportunity, but did not and would not. I made a sacred vow, and that takes precedence over my needs and desires.

AndyBrown65 · 2022-09-18T00:02:15+00:00

Never cheated but I have had a lot of offers over the years.

Surprisingly I get the occasional woman who wants to pay her invoice in sexual favors. Usually it’s an older divorced woman.

When I was about 30 I had an old GF who was single and wanted a kid before she was 30 and wanted me to help her (turkey baster optional)

When I was working for one firm (department manager) I had one of the fellow female managers want to shag me on a business trip away.

I have had HS girlfriends try to reconnect as they were single mums looking for a father for their kid

HeartCatchHana · 2022-09-18T00:24:17+00:00

I have felt the urge before

SeasonPositive6771 · 2022-09-18T04:00:36+00:00

No to both.

As soon as I make a commitment to a relationship, I am careful and considerate of the other person's feelings. If things start going south, I just break up. I'd rather deal with that than compromise my beliefs and values.

I don't believe that cheaters are necessarily bad people, our mistakes do not always define us. However, I do judge people who are cheaters. Life is always difficult but you should still do the right thing, even if it's hard.

Khanluka · 2022-09-18T07:11:35+00:00

I am still gonno watch porn. If that counts as cheating according to some woman it does. Then yes. If it doenst then no the thought never even goes throw my mind.

Why do i watch porn to see a exprience i dont expect my partner relisticly will want to give me. Nor i am able todo

Mediocre-Sherbert528 · 2022-09-19T21:11:09+00:00

I think about it all the time, just wasn't built for one person. However don't act on it in a relationship as it's not part of the deal

HobbitShaker88 · 2022-09-20T04:03:37+00:00

Im a woman and before my husband I dated a man for a year who refused to have sex with me (he had sexual hangups from his previous abusive rel that he didnt communicate to me until towards the end of our rel) I thought he would come around, hence why I dated for a year. I was very patient and it did not pay off for me, and he otherwise was not compatible with me anyway once the honeymoon phase ended.

The thought of cheating crossed my mind, but I didnt consider it to be an actual option, to answer your question

Title	Have you ever cheated or felt the urge to, if so, why? (no judgement, just curious)
Author	Electronic-Poet-1328
Upvotes	27
Comments	192
Date	September 17, 2022 5:18 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/xgdhn0/have_you_ever_cheated_or_felt_the_urge_to_if_so/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/have-you-ever-cheated-or-felt-the-urge-to-if-so.1132740 https://theredarchive.com/post/1132740

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