Q4ALL: What are the advantages of being the Nice Guy?

CaptainObvious4000 · 2022-12-28T17:26:32+00:00

Get to spend your money on yourself.

A lot less nagging and drama in your life.

Quiet weekends focused on your hobbies.

RandomRedditGuy322 · 2022-12-28T17:31:50+00:00

so when exactly was this survey performed on men declaring most of us nice guys?

But you do have a point. Our contemporary culture definitely attempts to teach men/boys that women/girls are more valuable than them, which is what most certainly perpetuates the nice guy narrative. TRP has attempted to challenge this mainstream culture, but has mostly been swatted down by the powers that be.

And the advantage is fitting into mainstream culture. Being on the outside of the power structure and shunned by those that hold power over you is an inherent disadvantage. It's much easier to be a good little boy, shut up, and sit down while taking a lecture from gynocentric society than to stand up and challenge these notions and point out their flaws.

Steakman1 · 2022-12-28T17:36:03+00:00

It sounds like you’re talking about nice guys TM. I highly doubt most of the guys here see themselves as that.

suj1290 · 2022-12-28T17:45:17+00:00

No we ain't that pathetic but besides that

Advantages of being nice guy 1) never experience pain of breakup in young age bcz of no relationship in first place 2) Can spend money on themselves 3) Safe from conflicts 4) After beta buxx their wife will never doubt them of infedility as they are not capable of getting any attention from any other women 5) Will have lots of friends (mostly fake)

PuertoRock007 · 2022-12-28T17:37:15+00:00

You know I'm actually trying to go back to my old nice guy persona for work. I work with a lot of women in Healthcare and I think that being a nice guy would help avoid any issues with office politics. I had problems with office politics in my old job so I'm trying hard to avoid it at this one. Nice guys get friend zoned and I think that'll be perfect for me to avoid any problems with office politics.

It's funny because working in Healthcare it's the complete opposite with the women are now chasing us. Of course with #MeToo it isn't worth the risk so it's better to just avoid getting involved with them. Because if they think they are going to use you as a beta bucks and you just trying to fvck, they could easily get you fired.

Not to mention that I noticed that some women at work hate that we're high value men now and will no longer date women like them. So much better to be a nice guy and get friend zoned then get fired and lose everything. I even talk about my gf and try to paint myself as a beta bucks to her. If they know that a woman depends on my check they'll be less likely to fire me. Of course if I would have known all this before I would have chosen another field with no women. But it is what it is now.

Ebby_Plebby · 2022-12-28T17:34:34+00:00

There are none. Nice guy mindset is the worst way to move along in your life. Men will laugh at you, women will laugh at the prospect of being with you, and both men and women will walk over you.

It's way easier getting through life being a perceived jerk than it is a nice guy. At least with the latter you have your own sense of agency, which commands a modicum of respect in the eyes of many. If you want to spend your life being a nice guy, wait until you're over 70 years old, retired and out of the dating market.

Living your young ages as a self flaggelating nice guy isn't gonna garner you any pity. I learned from experience. You need to take agency, stand up for yourself and give respect to those who actually deserve it.

tired_hillbilly · 2022-12-28T17:36:22+00:00

It's not a conscious choice. They're high in agreeability, low on narcissism. They took all the blue-pill "advice" at face value, because it meshes well with the Just World bias that naturally just feels good.

Impossible_You_8555 · 2022-12-28T17:56:42+00:00

None

There is no advantage at all in life except

If you are very weak and low status no one will see you as a challenger

SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-12-28T18:04:56+00:00

The advantage is strictly for women; so you can be taken advantage of as a beta male for your money/resources.

Not only is it less attractive to women, but you also put yourself in a state of vulnerability as a man.

noafrochamplusamurai · 2022-12-28T17:32:16+00:00

None of those things you said are true.

Aromatic_Shop9033 · 2022-12-28T23:56:46+00:00

None.

There are no benefits to being "nice", save for those taking advantage of the "nice guy".

You only get one life: be an asshole, and don't take shit from anyone.

DryOutcome3407 · 2022-12-28T17:39:27+00:00

Start with a unfounded premise and finish with a lack of understanding in human behavior.

First most men in ppd won't consider themselves nice guys simple because you can't be one and have RP beliefs.

Second, is not about benefits but about knowledge. You need to understand your own situation in order to see your viable options and how the world around you works.

You could cut the first paragraph of the post because is just pretentious garbage.

John_Oakman · 2022-12-28T18:32:24+00:00

Moral virtue is independent of material results, and the pursuit of genuine moral virtues is derived from internal sources of motivations.

Ok-Expression7575 · 2022-12-28T21:07:24+00:00

There are 3 types of "nice guys"

#1: The guy who lacks confidence and will act polite because he is too afraid to act like his genuine self. He doesn't rock the boat for good or bad and comes off as boring and fake. This is a guy who is only described as "nice" because he has no other discernible features.

#2 The guy who acts "nice" in order to get what he wants, usually in relation to sex. This guy is really anything but nice and usually has a personality disorder of some sort. He will blow up in some fit of autistic rage when he is rejected. This is a "Nice Guy^TM".

#3 The genuinely nice guy. He has no reason to be mean because he is confident in himself but will act in a genuine way because he is just acting exactly how he wants to. He doesn't act nice for external validation, he doesn't act nice expecting a reward, he is nice because he is genuinely nice.

No_Reflection_798 · 2022-12-29T01:47:18+00:00

I guess I'm a Nice Guy™.

If categorizing people is necessary for research and editorial purposes, then I prefer to be referred to as an "upstanding guy", or even "sigma" or "omega". Without these types, you would not have an environment where an "alpha" could exist. This is despite the coiner of the phrase "alpha male" later saying that it was an incorrect conclusion to make. So, alpha males don't even exist. Those who are labelled as alpha males, or who say that they are alpha males, are simply just "assholes".

I enjoy this role. It's the role that my genes are programmed for. I tried the alternative male stereotype personalities a couple times, and it was like trying to untangle Saran Wrap. It felt as natural and comfortable as wearing a skin suit made by Buffalo Bill.

All of those points that you posted above are true, in your words. Here are my words:

Nice guys realize that the world is chaotic. The universe is trying to kill us. It's a fluke that we even exist. A little order, compassion, and being useful is needed to be fulfilled by someone. That someone is me, and I get reward from it.

We keep the world running. We keep the lights on in Lizzo's mansions, and gasoline in Andrew Tate's Bugattis. And, we are hated for it. But, we endure. It's our purpose in life.

The point about conflict that you stated above is true only to a point. We'll try and keep everything copacetic in order to keep the chaos to a minimum, so we'll avoid it or act nice. But, there is a line that, when crossed, we will turn vicious - just to put the chaos to an end. There is a biblical parable about it:

"Beware the wrath of a patient man."

There is a famous Cracked article from 2012 that they routinely update. I noticed in this latest edition of it they actually use the phrase "nice guy". They are not using it the way that you are using it. They are using it in a way where people who are not useful get stuff that they don't deserve. That's an analogy to today's dating environment.

Here is the article. Nice Guys™ already know all this stuff:

https://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person

Basically, I choose to not be an asshole. I choose to be useful. I expect at least some bare minimum amount of respect in return. That's all I need.

Those are the advantages.

propyl21 · 2022-12-28T17:51:21+00:00

I don't think these individuals will ever admit to that because they would be unaware that they are walking around as Nice Guys™ - that's the whole crux of it. Instead what shows is the victim complex on display.

However I have noticed different subsets here. For example there are those who out themselves as black pilled because they always bring the conversation back around to being about height. Height was never a red pill issue as far as I'm aware.

PMmeareasontolive · 2022-12-28T17:55:06+00:00

I think they perceive themselves as "average" guys more so than "nice" guys per se.

CurrentInteresting32 · 2022-12-28T19:46:33+00:00

Well it works it almost every scenario except for in sex and dating.

You basically described the perfect employee. A person who is non confrontational, tries to make other people happy, and a person trying to meet my needs without me having to ask. That is a dream employee as well as pretty awesome sounding friend and co-worker

Also the people pleasing trait is extremely useful in a school setting. Also very useful when trying to avoid bullying.

Also a good way to never get arrested.

Pretty much very useful except when you are in a position of leadership or trying to attract a woman.

AidsVictim · 2022-12-28T22:52:46+00:00

It is safe to say that the majority of men on PPD see themselves as Nice Guys. Low on the status totem pole, virtually powerless when it comes to dating and sex. They view women as ultimately more worthy and valuable than they are m, may I even say a superior species to men.

You're reading too much into the pretty straightforward categorization of women as more valuable in the sphere of dating which seems to be plainly true. It's extremely difficult to explain the asymmetric outcomes in men and women otherwise.

Mostly seems like you're jerking yourself off to be honest

SharpestOne · 2022-12-29T10:41:36+00:00

I’m a Nice Guy TM in real life. I don’t really wield it against women. It’s more of a tool to ensure nobody really knows who I am. Keeps everybody at arms length. I’ll politely talk to you all day about the weather and nothing else.

It removes distractions from my life goals. All of which don’t involve anyone else.

But I also ended up married. So I think the Nice Guy TM act paid off in the end? Depends on how you see it I guess.

Low-Salamander-5639 · 2022-12-28T17:29:42+00:00

Women aren’t a separate species

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Meihuajiancai · 2022-12-28T17:32:43+00:00

Stereotypical nice guy? No advantage and probably disadvantage

Actual nice guy? Advantages in all areas of life, including dating and sex

MistyMaisel · 2022-12-28T17:30:49+00:00

It's actually exactly what you said that is the appeal: If you see yourself as lower, a victim, powerless, etc. Then nothing is your fault. You're exempt from blame or feeling badly. It's not like you could have done anything about it and you cannot change the future. This is a surprisingly comfortable and comforting thing for a lot of people depending on what they're applying this sort of thinking to.

It also happens to be often the worst thing to tell anyone (even the genuine victims). But yeah, that's the gist of it.

Wokemadwhitey1 · 2022-12-28T17:35:04+00:00

No benefit women are not sexually attracted to nice men. Women on here say negging does not work yet in real life women show otherwise.

Barneysparky · 2022-12-28T17:55:26+00:00

An actually nice guy? The advantage is nice gals pair with you. Nice Guytm? They seem to be good at reacting in socially inappropriate ways when rejected, so perhaps no sense of shame is a benefit?

waffleznstuff30 · 2022-12-28T17:59:17+00:00

Are we talking genuinely nice or like nice as a manipulation tactic nice? Because the two are different.

A genuinely nice guy I think has a lot of advantages. Maybe he is unlucky in dating. But if he is really nice. He probably has a good support system a good circle of friends and acquaintances. He may find someone who appreciates that niceness because having a larger social circle and opportunities to meet other people. He is probably more extroverted so that gives him a leg up on a lot of people. Likely more social and outgoing which means he can talk to people easier. Because contrary to popular belief on PPD women really do appreciate a nice guy. And typically nice guys don't have to go on about nice they are because their actions speak for themselves it's sort of a given that they are nice? They don't need to announce it to everyone they meet. It's just there.

Now a "Nice Guy" typically claims his niceness is a disadvantage. Because he does xyz because he is so nice where is his reward. Or they play a character of being nice but actually aren't very nice. This is kinda the f-boy nice and the internet nice guy intersect. Is its a character they play until it gets the results they want. The nice character will be effort gradually lost especially if they got the relationship they don't need to try anymore. And it will be like oh I am comfortable now, this is good as they neglect your needs to play videogames or whatever. And gradually those kind things are gone that they used to do in the beginning. And a f-boy will be nice until he gets what he wants and then dips.

phuck_polyeV · 2022-12-28T18:27:29+00:00

There are genuinely nice guys and there are guys pretending to be nice in hopes of getting pussy.

sparklyyblueberryy · 2022-12-28T18:33:16+00:00

Purple pillers being "nice guys"? Maybe NiCe GuYs ™, but it's among the least nice people I have met. Angry, mean, bitter, resentful.

daisydaisydaisy12 · 2022-12-28T19:52:33+00:00

If your a 5/10. Get your 5/10. Enough with feeling like you deserve a 6/10.

Early-Christmas-4742 · 2022-12-28T18:05:27+00:00

There doesn't have to be a benifit to seeing yourself that way for men to see themselves that way. They see themselves that way because they think it's true.

lolthankstinder · 2022-12-28T18:36:23+00:00

It’s just classic Victim Mentality and it’s not just something exclusive to “Nice Guys”. Everyone thinks they’re the victim of something nowadays. It’s probably related to it’s bigger cousin, Main Character Syndrome. It’s what happens when you culturally ingrain generations of “you’re special”, “anything is possible if you just believe”, “true love” while commodifying love/marriage like “a diamond is forever”.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-12-28T18:39:44+00:00

The advantage of being a nice person when you are a nice person is being able to be who you are at all times. There is a big comfort in that. The problem is “nice” to some dudes here is “being nice so the girl likes you and takes off her bra on a 2nd date”.
Let’s be real. Most of us are nice-ish. But we are also selfish and self centered and especially when young. But some dude don’t want to admit that. They just want to be seen as “nice” cause they act nice, to women they like war least.

slavicslothe · 2022-12-28T19:00:25+00:00

"being a nice guy"

Lower the the autism and stop trying to masquerade as someone or something you aren't just lean into your natural strengths and develop yourself into a person someone would consider worth being with.

SingleChina · 2022-12-28T19:20:05+00:00

So what is the advantage of holding that worldview?

What is the advantage of holding a worldview that you'll never be a billionaire? What is the advantage of holding a worldview that you'll never be able to fly?

KayRay1994 · 2022-12-28T19:30:25+00:00

Thing is with being a nice guy is you’re looking for approval in exchange for friendship/love/affection/etc - its both blatantly transactional and a lot of people (especially women) can get very bored from it since this approval seeking usually becomes their whole personality. Then 9/10 of nice guys also have this entitlement of “i’m nice to you so you have to do (insert thing here)” and that ugliness tends to come out after rejection.

Be kind, be helpful and be good - but only cause you want to, but know how to stand up for yourself, don’t make those traits your whole personality and don’t feel entitled for something in return - nice guys tend to do all of the latter.

2022-12-28T20:49:15+00:00

You guys need to check out r/niceguys. That will give an insight on what is wrong with you.

wtknight · 2022-12-28T21:22:47+00:00

Guys who are nice can still attract women and still have sex with them. The problem is if these women have been with more alpha guys whether they are as attracted to these nice men compared to the men whom they've been sexual with in the past.

PsychologicalHand155 · 2022-12-28T21:28:07+00:00

If you are a good guy, you are doing it bc that’s who you are. Not because being s good or nice guy entitled you to have whoever you want fall for you
If your want someone to meet your needs then you are needy. You should meet all your own needs. If you mean wants,… no one can read your mind
No, bc life doesn’t work out that way

If you believe in those 3 things… you are immature and not a nice guy at all

throwaway164_3 · 2022-12-28T21:38:47+00:00

It feels good to be a genuinely nice person: i.e. a kind, decent hearted human being!

Sure, that alone won’t make you more attractive and lead to sex, and you’ll be prone to get friendzoned often, but being a good human being is an admirable thing!

No-Rough-7390 · 2022-12-28T21:54:18+00:00

If you want a woman to leave you alone, it will work wonders.

lostnumber08 · 2022-12-28T22:31:15+00:00

Reality: Being a "Nice Guy™" isn't what you think it is, if you are asking a question like this. Nice Guys™ think that by saying the right things and doing the correct things, that they will achieve a particular outcome. The reality is that warm-hearted, compassionate, and truly kind men who are successful with relationships do not think this way. You can be "mean" and still be a warm and compassionate man; these concepts are not mutually exclusive. The outcome is what men of value focus on, and the act/participation is what less successful men focus on, in my observation. True "niceness" is a state of mind, and not just something that you act out in order to get people to like you. Real ones don't think about acting nice because being kind to others aligns perfectly with their goals. So, this is the crux of it: are you acting nice in order to get people to like you, or are you emanating warmth and compassion as a byproduct of what you are?

Edit: spelling is hard.

Stunning-Spirit5275 · 2022-12-28T23:51:09+00:00

"If I am a good guy, then everyone will love me and like me (and people I desire will desire me)."

the only people im good to is my close friends and family. otherwise people who meet me say im an asshole. so too alot of PPD folks. ive accepted it

"If I meet other people’s needs without them having to ask, then they will meet my needs without me having to ask."

the only people whose needs i try to fulfil without asking so far have been the less fortunate, as part of the charity work i regularly do. this is an activity that obviously implies no reciprocation.

"If I do everything right, then I will have a smooth, problem-free life."

i tend to crave chaos and novelty and ultimately the conflict that arises thereof, to the point of physical injury. maybe its a feature of my career. maybe its part of my need for risk taking (which my shrink tells me is the source of uncertainty and interpersonal conflict as well as lack of stability in my life)

despite all the latter, I've been told by women that I'm "too nice". sometimes its not that you're actually nice. sometimes is that women require an element of uncertainty, chaos and drama that is not in the personality of most men. a good example for this is women's fascination and sometimes romantic compulsion towards antisocial or criminal men

shakeandbake8 · 2022-12-29T00:41:57+00:00

My theory is that in the past in a high trust society this was a successful strategy when doing these things would trigger reciprocal behavior in your fellow men

2022-12-29T00:52:15+00:00

A Nice Guy’s primary goal is to make other people happy.

There are none, its a terrible and dishonest way to live life as a person. The quote above should be changed to: "A Nice Guy’s primary goal is to make other people happy with the expectation of something in return, often sexual."

2022-12-29T01:25:58+00:00

There is nothing redeeming about being a nice guy. You can be guy who is nice but a nice guy is just an absolute push over, people pleaser.

Their entire life is fakeness. It revolves a fake form of altruism. “If I am nice people will like me.”

Thats not really nice than, its manipulation. To get someone to like you, they are putting on a fake front of what they think people want to hear.

Gentleman are respectful to people and do well onto others and people like them because they are sincere. Its who they are, they don’t expect anything back but are also quick to defend themselves.

Nice guys avoid conflicts because they have no spine. Anyone who proudly claims they are like your post description really need to understand no one respects them.

despisedlove2 · 2022-12-29T01:54:30+00:00

None beyond the slight dopamine release they get.

Specialist-Action-33 · 2022-12-29T03:57:54+00:00

You can live in the possibility that whatever you do will be equally reciprocated, although not often does.

At the minimum you will get attention from women even though its transactional like buying her stuff.

You can always believe you will prevail in the end as you means of motivation (see "nice guys finish last").

You can always be the nice guy™️ thinking eventually one girl will understand and show you compassion.

I used to be that nice guy™️ but that book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" really woke me up.

Lyzard96 · 2022-12-29T04:07:15+00:00

There's a HUGE difference between being a good guy (relationship material) and a "nice guy". What you basically described is a doormat with resentment for being a doormat. That's not good relationship material, because the resentment and anger that gets bottled up and suppressed eventually needs to be released. If you're in a partnership with that guy, since you're the closest thing to him, you're gonna get most of the fallout.

AreOut · 2022-12-29T07:14:15+00:00

less sex = less likely to catch STD

Treacle-Flimsy · 2022-12-29T07:46:49+00:00

The advantages are similar to being single:

"Ignorance is bliss" will be your motto because you have zero experience in the relationships, so if she's setting for you or you have a bad sex or she's being abusive you'll never know.

You have more money to spend on yourself

You have more time for other activities because you have no gf

SnooCupcakes9990 · 2022-12-29T09:38:47+00:00

Zero! None! Nashi! nikto! žiadny! Rien! keiner!

West-Ad-9697 · 2022-12-29T14:40:04+00:00

It's non-confrontational and a defensive posturing ensuring only arseholes will turn you away when in need.

MC-Purp · 2022-12-29T16:31:42+00:00

Well. I got a free pizza on Christmas Eve.

debatelord_1 · 2022-12-29T20:47:25+00:00

That covert contact stuff is taken straight from the nice guy book. Never understood the whole nice guy trope and why someone would behave like that.

Is there any actual empirical research on this? The whole book seemed like something Dr. Glover just pulled out of his ass with nothing to back it up besides "trust me bro"

Personally, women mostly told me that I'm an (arrogant) asshole (or something of that nature) and went off to hookup with some nice guys. I've never really seen this "girls go for assholes" thing in real life.

Trepptopus · 2022-12-29T22:21:39+00:00

Nice Guys are guided by the following three “covert contracts:

If I am a good guy, then everyone will love me and like me (and people I desire will desire me).

If I meet other people’s needs without them having to ask, then they will meet my needs without me having to ask.

If I do everything right, then I will have a smooth, problem-free life.

I disagree with the other stuff you said in your definition about Nice Guys but I think that this part is actually pretty accurate. However it is also, pretty toxic. The idea of being nice to get people to like you and to avoid conflict and to have your needs met is pretty fucking shady when you get down to it.

Nice guys aren't good guys. Good people do kind shit as an expression of their inner values, not to avoid conflict and not to put other people "in their pocket" as it were. Nice guys do shit to indebt others to them. This is inherently manipulative. So what happens is in practice, nice guys are transactional, strings attached, and cowardly to boot. Thus they trend toward negative behavior when they don't get their way. Also thus their tendency toward this "woe is me" covert/vulnerable narcissistic sob story BS.

SoldierExcelsior · 2022-12-30T01:52:47+00:00

I think I'm a nice guy not a perfect guy I don't think I'm entitled to anything but I expect certain things...

I expect respect as I give respect and that encompasses lots of things.

My primary goal is to make me happy.

I avoid conflict because it's usually not worth it we live in an age where you can get shot in the face over cutting someone off in traffic..There was a president that died after being shot in a duel over a petty disagreement.So yeah I avoid conflict I'm not a push over but I pick and choose my battles wisely.Look what just happened to Andrew Tate cause he wanted to argue with some girl.

I think being nice can get people to love you and like you and I think that's better than being hated I'll refer back to Andrew Tate

I don't have enough faith in humanity to assume people will meet my needs because met theirs but you never know sometimes good deeds are rewarded and carry favor.

No one can do everything rite that would be a perfect person AKA Jesus Christ and his life was far from problem free.

But you can try to minimize problems in a myriad of ways the best way for me is going MGTOW not getting married not getting into relationships not getting a woman pregnant and avoiding unessasry confrontations

None0fYour8usiness · 2022-12-30T09:32:12+00:00

There is no benefit. But reality doesn't care about that.

Crubbery · 2022-12-30T11:23:08+00:00

I honestly can't see any advantages of the "Nice Guy" traits you listed in your post. The women I know in real life complain about these guys all the time, or see them as pushovers and don't like to associate with them. They're honestly a joke and their motivations behind being "nice" are rarely altruistic.

Sea_Regular_3520 · 2023-02-02T00:57:57+00:00

Literally nothing.

Men don’t respect you.

Women don’t respect you.

Women don’t want to fuck you.

You snap on someone one time and all the sudden “you were faking the whole time”

You will be stepped on at every job you have by your boss.

Every man who starts about as a “good” guy or “nice” guy ends up turning into a cauldron of resentment and hatred later on when he realizes that being nice just attracts the opposite energy towards him. If you’re a nice guy, have fun with your shit life that no one wants.

Q4ALL: What are the advantages of being the Nice Guy?

Comments

metoo

Title	Q4ALL: What are the advantages of being the Nice Guy?
Author	gymbro718nyc2
Upvotes	10
Comments	172
Date	December 28, 2022 5:24 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/zxfaxu/q4all_what_are_the_advantages_of_being_the_nice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4all-what-are-the-advantages-of-being-the-nice.1145459 https://theredarchive.com/post/1145459