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I just left my porn addicted boyfriend, he was my first everything and I feel so stupid because I am struggling so much and I want to go back to him, please give me motivation

pasifyy

March 26, 2021

383 upvotes

/r/FemaleDatingStrategy

https://www.reddit.com/gallery/mduegh

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Title	I just left my porn addicted boyfriend, he was my first everything and I feel so stupid because I am struggling so much and I want to go back to him, please give me motivation
Author	pasifyy
Upvotes	383
Comments	88
Date	March 26, 2021 5:57 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mduegh/i_just_left_my_porn_addicted_boyfriend_he_was_my/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-just-left-my-porn-addicted-boyfriend-he-was-my.1187481 https://theredarchive.com/post/1187481

Comments

[–]Unfit_NeedleworkerFDS Newbie 360 points361 points362 points 5 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]Jane1911FDS Newbie 92 points93 points94 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]RA85373FDS Newbie 53 points54 points55 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Mysterious_Midnight7FDS Apprentice 32 points33 points34 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]sassyheatherPickmeisha™️ 195 points196 points197 points 5 years ago* (8 children) | Copy Link

I want you to imagine what that could lead to. Imagine a young woman whose first boyfriend (first sex, relationship, first “I love you”) is addicted to porn. She is young and naive and inexperienced and has no idea what porn addiction is, but ofc she is brainwashed that porn is cool and cool girlfriends have no issue with it. So she has no issue with it, no issue with discussing and even watching it with him.

Oh, what’s that? She feels sad because his favorite actresses are thin with big boobs and can ride dick for days while she is flat chested and chubby? And he tells her it doesn’t mean he’s not attracted to her. What’s that? He can’t cum during sex or when she tries to please him? He can only cum when pleasuring himself telling her straight up “You can’t squeeze as hard as I can” but she’s young and naive and doesn’t know what “death grip” is.

What’s that again? She starts feeling guilty that he can make himself cum and cums with porn but not with her so she agrees to BDSM, other degrading stuff and reenacting porn, saying she likes it in hopes that “dirty talk” turns him on enough to cum.

And then she keeps feeling down and with low self-esteem, even losing her sex drive a few times and bursting out crying during sex. She hates that she ever allowed him to do such disgusting things, hates herself for repeating she likes it and actually programming herself to get aroused and get orgasms. And then years later, all this comes haunting back and results in panic attacks because she feels like all those years she was raping herself, trying to solve his porn addiction.

This is most likely how such guys’ relationships turn out. You don’t want that and you don’t deserve that. If I could stop AT LEAST one woman from falling into the same hell pit, I would feel better.

[–][deleted] 5 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link

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[–]sassyheatherPickmeisha™️ 22 points23 points24 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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[–]souredskittlesFDS STRATEGY COACH 96 points97 points98 points 5 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link

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[–]souredskittlesFDS STRATEGY COACH 12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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[–]Karolin99_GerAt-Risk Pick Me Youth 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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[–]esoldelulu 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

“Thank you for always being there for me and trying to help me and giving me a chance. I’m sorry I never gave you the chance to help me because I never went to you when I needed it.”

I quote this because I’m kinda betting that THIS text here is giving you them struggle love tingles.

Always remember, you’re reading this but you didn’t write it. Why? Because as the reader, we tend to interpret key phrases as if WE wrote them. Like “always being there for me ... giving me a chance” that’s something we can mistakenly interpret as phrases of loyalty, faithfulness, reliability, consistency.

But he typed this, and since you’re actively breaking up with him because you won’t tolerate his pornsickness, those phrases are passive aggressive and sarcastic.

And overall, in this snippet of convo ... what is he apologizing for really? Think about it. Because it’s ACTUALLY NOT the apology you need, you know?

“Sorry he never went to you when he needed it” ... What is that? When he needed to jerk off, and you were not there to supply his minute of need. That’s what he’s sorry for ... if he knew you’d be this upset and intolerant to him watching porn, he would’ve just called you for a hookup.

It’s still passive aggressive insults. But since they know women will tend to read in between the lines AND lean towards projecting our bleeding heart intonation in their words, they know this BS will pass over our heads. Assuming we stay vulnerable and keep our hearts on our sleeve like an exposed nerve.

[–]Stuffnthings1840FDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

It’s for the best. Trust me. Been there done that, as have many of us here.

Porn addiction will absolutely tear you up inside as the partner. You will always wonder why you aren’t “good enough” and potentially gaslight yourself into think all men do it, but your self esteem will slowly melt away.

Also, he is trickle truthing you. He did watch it, and he lied as you pointed out. Then he said he watching it but didn’t touch himself (I can say 99% sure he did!) then if he eventually admits to that he might say “ok I did touch myself but I didn’t watch cam girls...” “ok I did watch camgirls but I didn’t interact with them...” “ok I did interact with one but she lives far away and it was just once...” “ok yes it was an only fans girl that lives down the street but we only met for coffee...” ... you get the picture.

Trickle truth is the worst. It will make you doubt your reality so much you don’t know which way is up or down, because the truth is mixed with lies. One of my most abusive exes told me that trick - “I mix truth with lies so you never know what’s real and what’s not.” It’s a dangerous situation to be in.

You’ve done the right thing, you’ve shown you have self respect, even if you don’t feel like you do right now.

[–]queen83ccaFDS Newbie 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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[–]abstractsadgurlFDS Newbie 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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