Question 4 Women: Why do you own sex toys if you have a partner?

RepresentativeMark16 · 2023-05-06T20:27:36+00:00

He bought most of mine for me. I can use a toy when I’m going down on him. He can control another with a remote or his phone so we’ve used it when we’re out and about. We don’t live together so occasionally we video chat and I use them while he watches. Given the choice I prefer his fingers or mouth or dick, but it’s a fun way to mix things up and keep it interesting. Also it’s nice to be in a relationship with someone who’s not remotely insecure about toys and so enthused about my sexual pleasure. Let’s just say it inspires a great sense of reciprocal good will on my part…..

Zestyclose_Truth9999 · 2023-05-06T20:32:10+00:00

Why do you own sex toys if you have a partner?

Several reasons:

He bought them.
We love using them on each other.
He likes watching me use them on myself.
He values my pleasure, as I do his.

TL;DR: Men that actually have sex/enjoy sex with their partner see the benefit of sex toys.

EulenWatcher · 2023-05-06T21:09:00+00:00

It might surprise you, but most people still masturbate even when they're in relationships. You don't always have the opportunity to have sex with your partner and sometimes you just want to have a fast orgasm and not sex and, thirdly, sometimes it isn't possible.

Also I'd guess that most couples who have toys buy them not for solo use, but to incorporate them into their sex lives. Vibrators can give extra stimulation for both partners, as well as anal plugs or even dildos. Let alone stimulating lubricants, dick rings, BDSM-related toys etc.

My husband and I have toys because we both like using them when we have sex. We usually don't use them, but when we feel spicy or want to add something extra, we use one of our toys. We don't compete with each other's toys, we use them on each other.

eefr · 2023-05-06T21:54:21+00:00

Your lives should complete one another and you should find pleasure with each other and each other only as the basis of your relationship from this day forward.

"Should" according to what authority? Why must I live my life according to your shoulds?

I have sex toys to use when I masturbate, which both my partner and I still do, because sometimes one of us isn't in the mood for sex or isn't around or just wants to get off really quick without fuss.

I also use toys in my sex life with him, because it enhances our experience and can be really fun for both of us.

Does he give his consent for his wife to own sex toys?

It has never occurred to either of us that I would need his consent to own things.

How can he actually compete with something that can penetrate his wife’s vagina while a vibrating tool stimulates her anus and clitoris

He doesn't compete with it. They are completely different experiences. They are complementary to, not in competition with, each other.

If you are so insecure about your sexual performance that you feel threatened by inanimate objects, get some tips from a sex book.

There are some great ones out there. I can recommend the Guide to Getting It On by Paul Joannides as a great all-purpose primer.

Infinite_Signal90 · 2023-05-06T20:14:15+00:00

He bought me it for our anniversary. He watches me use it sometimes and sometimes I use to to stimulate him. It’s fun. You’re overthinking it dude.

NakedStreets · 2023-05-06T20:55:33+00:00

Are you under the impression that married men don’t masturbate?

Dimension597 · 2023-05-06T20:16:17+00:00

Because masturbation and sex are not the same thing. Sometimes I want a full course meal. Other times I want a light snack. One doesn’t replace the other.

Novadina · 2023-05-06T21:04:29+00:00

Now it feels like every woman out here has a sex toy even married women that have been married for years have mass collections of dozens of toys that they can use to bring themselves pleasure.

Yep, I am married, we have collected quite a few, because they are fun, I enjoy the different sizes and shapes and activities.

Where does their husband factor in all of this extra business?

Well, when two people love one another they might like to do lots of fun sexy things together and give pleasure to one another. So my husband factors in that he enjoys receiving and giving pleasure in various ways, not just some religion-approved manner or whatever. We were each quite happy to find the other enjoyed toys when we started dating - a sign of our sexual compatibility!

How can he actually compete with something that can penetrate his wife’s vagina while a vibrating tool stimulates her anus and clitoris is this really fair to the husband in all of this?

Why would he need to “compete”?? Where on earth did that come from?! Maybe you have sex for different reasons, to win some competition, but I don’t think everyone has sex like that. Sounds pretty bizarre to me. My husband and I enjoy making each other feel good, we aren’t trying to win a competition, certainly aren’t trying to win anything against a toy lmao. I feel like maybe you are using toys wrong? Have you tried sticking the vibrating part in your butt instead of trying to stage a competition with it???

Does he give his consent for his wife to own sex toys?

Why would he need to? Does a wife give a man consent to use his hand? I personally can’t get off with just my own hand for some reason, I need a dick or dildo, someone else’s hands, or a vibrator. Personally I would never be with a man who had a problem with me having toys, we just wouldn’t be compatible. So I guess they consent by seeing me and knowing and enjoying that I bring toys into the bedroom and use them to masturbate.

For y’all women here that own sex toys and have long term partners why do you use sex toys when you have a husband or boyfriend?

Because they feel great, and are fun! Why would having a husband or boyfriend mean I don’t want to have fun? If anything I want even more. I have no need for a prostate massager on my own, but it’s a lot of fun on a boyfriend! And variety is nice, we just like to do different things sometimes. And human bodies don’t exactly come with things like extra dicks, ropes, body pillows, vibrators, whips, massagers, etc. As humans, we make tools to help us out! Using them during sex/masturbation makes sense to me, why not is the real question.

I really don’t understand this method or level of thinking if your partner is supposed to be enough for you.

“Enough” what? If I use a spatula to cook dinner for my family, does it mean I’m not “enough” them? I don’t understand your point here.

How does your partner feel about sex toys or your sex toys?

Most of my toys were picked out or bought by him. He loves seeing me get off, in as many ways as he can find.

Asatmaya · 2023-05-06T20:12:14+00:00

When a man and woman partner up it’s expected that they will bring pleasure and intimacy to one another’s lives from this point forward with no need for additional tools or people. Your lives should complete one another and you should find pleasure with each other and each other only as the basis of your relationship from this day forward.

Well, bless your heart :p

mrsmariekje · 2023-05-06T20:17:01+00:00

Having a problem with your partner owning or using sex toys is basically you admitting that you value your own ego above your partner's pleasure, which is very self centred in my view, and a little childish.

Both me and my husband use sex toys, whilst we are alone and also with each other. Sex toys provide sensations that it would be difficult to experience without them. I fail to see how this is a bad thing?

Forsaken_Berry_75 · 2023-05-06T22:40:28+00:00

My ex boyfriend was shocked I had never owned one before by my early 30s, and said I should absolutely have one and he bought me a vibrator as one of my birthday presents. He was so proud, telling me he did extensive research on Amazon for a week to find the best one. He was so excited to give it to me as one of my presents he wrapped.

He was 6’4”, incredibly handsome, and extraordinarily well endowed. Take that how you’d like in regards to his lack of insecurity that other men in here seem to deal with.

hazelinside · 2023-05-06T21:47:02+00:00

Why do men watch porn when they have a partner? Why do you masturbate at all if you have a partner

Because masturbation and sex aren’t mutually exclusive. Shocking news: people still masturbate and appreciate time alone even when in relationship.

JNRoberts42 · 2023-05-06T22:03:09+00:00

Why does a man jerk off or look at attractive women on social media or porn?

januaryphilosopher · 2023-05-06T21:37:46+00:00

We both have toys. Sometimes we use them together, sometimes we use them alone, sometimes we even use them on ourselves while the other options. There are some sensations toys allow us to feel that our body parts can't, and we see no reason not to feel them, and some things we can make each other feel but would still like to feel when the other isn't available. Sure, we're enough for each other, but why not have better if we can? It's hardly like we're so bad in bed we feel like we're competing with pieces of plastic. We work with them actually and enhance our experience, and each of us feel it's quite hot to watch the show. I don't think you should be your partner's sole source of pleasure in any sense of the word; in fact, that sounds quite sad.

Vronicasawyerredsded · 2023-05-06T21:13:42+00:00

Because most men learn about woman and their bodies from pornography, which is unrealistic and not how women like to engage in sex.

Straight women statistically have the worst sexual experiences, so they have to take care of their own pleasure as teaching men correctly is nearly impossible because their idealization of what women want sexually formed and solidified years before they were old enough to have relationships.

Spirited_Peen · 2023-05-06T22:12:32+00:00

If you can purchase a meal at a restaurant, why would you use salt, pepper, hot sauce etc? It ENHANCES the experience. It does not replace the meal. It can, though not required, enhance the meal.

A sex toy should not replace the overall experience, but it can help a couple achieve experiences they are not possible as unequipped humans.

saraimarsena · 2023-05-06T20:42:53+00:00

he actually introduced me to toy usage. they’re really fun to use to add to sex sometimes.

recently he bought one that we can use together. he’s also used them on me in the past. he enjoys seeing me get off and using toys is just another way he can give that. it’s not the only way, since sex is really enjoyable without it and it’s not required for him to get me off. but it’s certainly a hot option every once in awhile to mix it up.

i don’t at all prefer it to sex with just him and i’ve told him that before. he knows i’m extremely attracted to him and he knows he can get me off so he doesn’t really see it as a threat.

Ainsleygz · 2023-05-06T22:08:57+00:00

It’s fun

Patient-Exit-3606 · 2023-05-06T22:28:58+00:00

My husband and I do bring each other pleasure with just our bodies. But sometimes my husband isn’t home, or we just want to do something than we usually different when we’re together. Or, very rarely, I’ll have sex with another woman, and neither of us has, uh, the parts that attach, to keep it SFW. We bought all of our toys together. He enjoys them.

ohdiddly · 2023-05-07T05:40:06+00:00

Because I like to masturbate and I sometimes enjoy using toys during sex too.

It’s really not that deep

Ppdebatesomental · 2023-05-06T21:49:38+00:00

Because they feel good? Is this a real post?

Your lives should complete one another

Okay Jerry McGuire.

Once you are in a long term relationship you will absolutely never masturbate again because

“you should find pleasure with each other and each other only as the basis of your relationship from this day forward”

Good luck with that.

throwabphage · 2023-05-06T20:12:33+00:00

I have a vibrator for when my boyfriend is not around and I'm horny. I still prefer finger stimulation as it's a more gradual climax, plus the emotional connection that a vibrator doesn't bring. He bought me an butt plug which has been practical in getting me 'ready' for his dick, which he uses whilst we're in doggy.

Dead4CEREALZ · 2023-05-06T21:00:49+00:00

Because my partner bought them for me, lol

Safinated · 2023-05-06T23:03:44+00:00

For fun

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-05-07T01:37:00+00:00

I have them because my husband is a horndog and he bought a few things he thought we might enjoy together. They rarely make it out of the drawer, though. We tried them out a few times for the novelty, laughed about it, and put them away. There were a few times when he was not able to perform due to illness, and we did use them then so we could stay intimate. But for the most part, they are not needed.

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-05-07T04:29:55+00:00

Because we use them together? We have a lot more sex toys now than I ever did when I was single. Men should really open up to the idea of toys both solo and with a partner. No shame in enhancing the experience.

Salt_Mathematician24 · 2023-05-07T08:42:22+00:00

We have a couple that we use on each other however I find fingers better to do the job when masturbating than toys...

lallelelu · 2023-05-07T11:58:51+00:00

So now you guys are even scared of vibrating plastic … interesting strong man

Popular_Accountant60 · 2023-05-07T13:33:43+00:00

I use them when he’s at work and I’m in the mood
We use them on me together, it’s hot

He feels nothing towards sex toys according to him. To him they’re just a fun little add on to our sex life. He also encourages me to explore and try things so he’s bought me a few himself when I’ve shown curiosity

Longspkdiamond · 2023-05-07T16:38:04+00:00

I own some simple toys, nothing crazy. I own them because I want to, and I use them when I want to. It has nothing whatsoever to do with my partner. Human beings and sex toys are not analogous.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-05-06T21:56:38+00:00

Where does their husband factor in all of this extra business?

Sometimes you are horny and your partner is unavailable. Maybe they're at work, maybe they're out with friends, maybe they're feeling sick or they're just having a really crappy day and don't feel like having sex. You can take care of your own needs.

Does he give his consent for his wife to own sex toys?

Why would I ask him for consent to buy something to help me get off by myself? He can give his consent on whether we use them while we're having sex, but that's because he's involved in that act. He isn't involved in my self-pleasure.

For y’all women here that own sex toys and have long term partners why do you use sex toys when you have a husband or boyfriend? I really don’t understand this method or level of thinking if your partner is supposed to be enough for you

Like I said, sometimes you want to get off and your partner can't help you with that. Also, sex toys can be a lot of fun in bed, they're a little extra spice you can add to your sex life. My partner got me one of my toys and we're looking into trying out other ones in the future.

JNRoberts42 · 2023-05-06T22:10:09+00:00

Men like to believe they are hornier than women, but men have no idea how uncomfortably horny the week around ovulation can be for women.

If a couple has a mutually satisfactory sex life, neither will notice when the other slips off for a quick solo. If he or she isn’t satisfied, toys or porn may be a problem.

Lost-Zebra6453 · 2023-05-06T20:31:48+00:00

We use them together, he likes watching me get off, he can do it without but sometimes if your having a quickie it’s easier to use a vibrator while you are having sex that spending 20 mins on for play and then sex.

It’s also good for when he’s not around, just like he watches porn if I’m not around. Masturbation is normal and can be healthy in a relationship if it doesn’t impact your sex life.

We have couples toys, solo toys, and all sorts of things in our sex drawer. The hardest part is locking it in a space that won’t be discovered by the kiddo

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-05-07T00:36:57+00:00

why do men watch porn and jerk off when they have a partner?

my husband introduced me to sex toys i had never had them before. many many many couples use sex toys together in bed

mass collections of dozens of toys

pornsick fantasy

Orangematcha · 2023-05-06T23:06:04+00:00

The same reason men masturbate. Toys are just tools for that. And they can be used with a partner.

Some toys aren’t penetrating which is probably why men don’t want their partners to use them. They think they’re being emasculated by a toy. From what I’ve seen the most popular ones for women are vibrators for the clit. So not even penetrating.

houstongradengineer · 2023-05-06T23:12:59+00:00

Because he ordered them for me. What kind of question is this? Alright let's actually read the post...

Where does their husband factor in all of this extra business?

Yeah, he bought them.

How can he actually compete with something that can penetrate his wife’s vagina while a vibrating tool stimulates her anus and clitoris is this really fair to the husband in all of this?

I will never turn him down for a toy. Never, not once. Can't remember the last time I/we/he even used one, to be honest. On occasion it's nice when it happens though.

How does your partner feel about sex toys or your sex toys?

Same way I feel. It's a nice cherry on top, but if OUR tote including his items disappeared tomorrow, we would not have a problem enjoying ourselves for however long.

Particularly with a vibe, if you don't use it multiple times a month, it does not form a habit. At least this is what I found. And you might be curious to how I found that. It's because we did long distance for a long time. It was never enough like he was. I was so unsatisfied. I quit altogether. That was a dark period. Well, one of my dark periods...

INFPneedshelp · 2023-05-07T00:47:03+00:00

"When a man and woman partner up it’s expected that they will bring pleasure and intimacy to one another’s lives from this point forward with no need for additional tools or people. Your lives should complete one another and you should find pleasure with each other and each other only as the basis of your relationship from this day forward. " Who told you this?

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-05-07T02:17:51+00:00

[permanently deleted]

MistyMaisel · 2023-05-07T02:32:41+00:00

If a man can't compete with sex toys, I would say he's truly admitting he's not much of a lover, just being real. And I've never used one, but I can think of many things my boyfriend does that a sex toy couldn't.

With that said, it's up to every couple how they want to handle things like sex toys and porn. Many enjoy them together and apart.

I'd be curious how many men who despise sex toys have given up porn when in relationships. Not many, I would imagine. To any man asking their woman not to use sex toys because of some sort of valuing the relationship intimacy, I'd say you first, "no more porn, no more masturbating".

volleyballbeach · 2023-05-07T14:36:03+00:00

why do you own sex toys

Because he bought them for me.

When a man and woman partner up it’s expected that they will bring pleasure and intimacy to one another’s lives from this point forward with no need for additional tools or people.

Not everyone has this expectation - my guess is most people do not

Your lives should complete one another and you should find pleasure with each other and each other only as the basis of your relationship from this day forward.

If that’s what you want in a relationship you can try to find that. You don’t get to choose what everyone else’s relationship “should” look like.

Now it feels like every woman out here has a sex toy even married women that have been married for years have mass collections of dozens of toys that they can use to bring themselves pleasure. Where does their husband factor in all of this extra business?

This will be different in every relationship. He may use them on her, enjoy watching her use them, use them on himself, or she may just use them when he’s not there.

How can he actually compete with something that can penetrate his wife’s vagina while a vibrating tool stimulates her anus and clitoris is this really fair to the husband in all of this?

Not all sex toys do what you describe. He is a real live person with a real penis, he can talk, he can hold her in his arms, he can surprise her. These are things I like about my fiancé that a toy can’t do.

Does he give his consent for his wife to own sex toys?

Probably, unless she hides them.

For y’all women here that own sex toys and have long term partners why do you use sex toys when you have a husband or boyfriend?

Most often because sometimes we don’t see each other for months due to traveling for work and we have physical needs. Also we sometimes use them on eachother.

I really don’t understand this method or level of thinking if your partner is supposed to be enough for you.

You seem very hung up on what “should” and is “supposed” to be. Every couple can do what feels right for them and you’ll probably be happier if you let go of these comparisons to others.

How does your partner feel about sex toys or your sex toys?

I imagine he likes them since he is the one who bought them and he uses them too.

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No-Rough-7390 · 2023-05-07T13:34:32+00:00

I’d say the only reason to be concerned about sex toys is if they accompany a DB. Otherwise, do your thing together.

My anecdotal experience has been that the women put their stuff on hiatus by their own accord when I’ve been with them, but to each their own. Whatever works for you.

PenOrganic2956 · 2023-05-07T14:14:08+00:00

... this guy doesn't fuck

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-05-07T17:25:21+00:00

Usually tools are meant either to enhance partnered sex or as a solo tool.

Most guys have a refraction period. Most girls don't.

Most people have sex toys because they function as a bedroom aid, just like lube.

Consider someone you're seeing. You give him the best orgasms of his life. Now consider you have some prostate stimulator or some little trick that requires a superhuman level of vibration or stimulation. You can bring his 9/10 to a 10 out of 10. If both of you are interested in that, why the fuck would you not bring him to new heights of ecstacy.

A human will give out. Toys much less frequently.

Now I personally am not a pleasure delayer, I'm not into lots of foreplay but will do it with a partner if it's exciting to them and occasionally to tease them if they like that. So toys don't always (sometimes only rarely) come into play.

But again if I can enhance someone's pleasure why wouldn't I?

Some guys take Viagra to enhance an experience. Some use toys.

Toys aren't the competition, they're a helpful tool.

A partner who is good in bed is more than enough for me. Tools are just an enhancement even on top of that.

Again, a person may be 10/10 and a toy can take it "all the way to eleven".

I personally probably use them less than other people because it takes very little to get me off and as I noted, I'm not a pleasure delayer, but some women need them to come (80% of women cannot come from penetration alone).

Why not wear glasses/contacts to see the flowers better even if your eyes can get you safely across the street?

Sophiatab · 2023-05-07T19:42:22+00:00

Are you suggesting men should be discarded in favor of sex toys?

HighlyFlashy · 2023-05-07T22:22:59+00:00

Because sometimes I’m not with my partner and I want to get off. It’s also quick and feels good.

He doesn’t care that I have them.

Title	Question 4 Women: Why do you own sex toys if you have a partner?
Author	MrHustleTopG
Upvotes	0
Comments	183
Date	May 6, 2023 8:04 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/13a0iou/question_4_women_why_do_you_own_sex_toys_if_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/question-4-women-why-do-you-own-sex-toys-if-you.1218530 https://theredarchive.com/post/1218530

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