Women, what do you mean when you say that a man’s salary doesn’t matter as long as he has ambition, works hard, and grinds?

SeveralSadEvenings · 2023-07-06T14:09:58+00:00

Be useful, don't be not useful.

My husband is a musician (now tutor), he will never make any appreciable amount of money. Therefore he contributes to our life by taking on all the domestic shit I can't or won't do.

I don't care about grinding, ambition, or any of that hustle culture nonsense, just be useful, it's not even that hard.

mlo9109 · 2023-07-06T12:45:41+00:00

It's 2023. The unfortunate reality is that it takes 2 incomes to make ends meet now, unless you're wealthy. That said, couples should "build each other up." It's not financial support as much as emotional support and doing one's share around the house or re: childcare.

My cousin is a stay-at-home dad. His wife has her own chiropractic practice. They were paying more than his salary in childcare costs for their 2 kids. He was a high school guidance counselor before. He helped build her business by providing childcare and support at home.

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-07-06T12:27:01+00:00

I actually do not say that. I say his salary doesn’t matter as long as he does not expect me to pay his bills. Ideally he would be doing a job he enjoys and feels passionate about, but that is not always possible for a lot of people. So he should at least be passionate about being able to pay his bills and keep a roof over his head.

yamb97 · 2023-07-06T12:31:13+00:00

I don’t care about salary, ambition, grind, or any of that dumb stuff. Be a real partner to me, cook, clean the house, make my life more pleasant somehow and none of that other shit matters. Most women look for money because guys are bad at domestic stuff so they think well that’s the best I can get.

ashpr0ulx · 2023-07-06T12:54:42+00:00

i prefer if my man is working at something he gives at least somewhat of a fuck about. ideally that is enough to support himself, which i also prefer. and good work ethic is sexy.

1Here4Bach · 2023-07-06T12:37:07+00:00

There’s nothing worse than for a able bodied male to be a loser. And by loser I say he has no passion, no drive, he’s lazy af. It doesn’t even matter if you’re temporarily unemployed. Just DO something. Work toward something, have realistic goals.

Don’t cry about how to world owes you and you don’t have to work because of x, y and z. You might get away with wondering aimlessly through life in your late teens and maybe early 20s but past that you’re a liability.

EulenWatcher · 2023-07-06T14:08:04+00:00

I'd be fine with dating someone who was making less than me as long as our lifestyles still were compatible and/or they had a solid plan to earn more that they were actively working on.

thetruthishere_ · 2023-07-06T16:14:39+00:00

I just want a man that can pay his own bills and support himself.

GrandRub · 2023-07-06T14:32:10+00:00

a woman wanting a man to "work hard" is an instant red flag.

AutoModerator · 2023-07-06T12:19:07+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Waschbar-krahe · 2023-07-06T12:44:37+00:00

I personally am the breadwinner of my relationship, pay half the bills and my partner is currently going to school. That's a normal occurrence where I live. I think as long as someone has a good work ethic and is willing to help out to whatever extent they can, that's good enough for me.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-07-06T14:40:13+00:00

I imagine most people mean ''I hope he can find a better-paying job in the future'' when they talk about ambition. Someone currently making less but going to school/getting additional certification/looking into changing to a more lucrative career is a person who is clearly trying to improve their financial situation, so if you like that person, I can see why the lower salary isn't a dealbreaker in that case. But if it's someone who is perfectly happy earning a lower income, I get why that isn't looked upon all that favourably.

Novadina · 2023-07-06T14:55:26+00:00

I just want my man to contribute in the ways he is able to, to make sure to do whatever he is able to to ensure we can both survive, as well as work towards our shared goals. What that means can be defined or redefined as needed really, because life happens and shit changes. So he better have the drive to “do what is necessary” basically, like an adult. If a job is necessary, he would go get one. If it’s not, then I don’t mind contributions in ways like house chores or home improvement projects.

When we first lived together I couldn’t have afforded the rent on my own (I just graduated college when we started dating), and neither could he - we had roommates, so moving together meant now we expected each other to pay half the rent. My career progressed and I started making more than him. When we first bought a house it was his income that got us a mortgage even though I made a lot more as I was self employed. So again we worked together, his job was helpful even though it wasn’t as much and most of the down payment was from my job.

My income kept increasing, so I increased our standard of living with the extra money, and didn’t expect him to pay for that increase, he still paid half our mortgage. Recently we decided to move to a nicer location, we bought a house he can’t afford half of. He went part time at work and worked on fixing up our first property to rent it out, and on home improvement and landscaping for our new house, plus most of the animal care. Meaning he does what he able to with the skills he has and knowing what we need together. If we needed more money, he would probably get a new job. Recently I had an opportunity fall into my lap and we didn’t think we could pass it up, so he quit his job and is going to run a family business we are getting from one of my family members.

It’s the fact of stepping up to the plate and doing what needs to be done that is important to me. I don’t actually care how much money he makes and never have, but that he has the drive to be an adult and do what is needed for us to live.

towerofcheeeeza · 2023-07-06T16:30:18+00:00

I would assume that they're saying if the woman makes 100k/year it's okay if the guy makes less if he's still makes money (let's say 70k) in a job where he's working properly.

Tbh I feel like most women I know who work and make good money just want to be with someone who makes similar enough amounts of money where their own lifestyle doesn't have to change to suit them.

Also sometimes people just have different incomes because of the kind of job they work. It doesn't mean they work less hard. Someone who works as a programmer might work less hour than their spouse who's a teacher, but they still make more. But that person still respects and values the other person's job.

I make less than my partner but my job is significantly more stable. So even though I make less I've been able to maintain steady income while my partner has experienced multiple layoffs in recent years.

SierraMistSoda · 2023-07-06T16:56:02+00:00

Men need to make a baseline salary. I just saw something off that stupid fresh and fit podcast about "why are women not happy with a man that makes 40k." Um 40k might be enough for yourself in your 20's in a low cost of living area, but it is certainly not enough to ever buy a home, pay adult bills, raise a family with children ect.

I know quite a few women in their 20's with degrees and careers who's boyfriends work part time jobs and don't contribute to the rent. They do that because "having a boyfriend" makes them happy rather than being single. I personally would feel embarrassed to be the women paying for the rent and bills.

Men who don't get their money up will struggle no mater what. RP men say women making more money than them is emasculating yet these men want to make 40k and have the girlfriend pay the bill at dinner without letting anyone know.

totallyworkinghere · 2023-07-06T12:59:10+00:00

Don't sit around and play video games all day basically. There's always work to be done to either earn money for the household or do upkeep for the household. The balance of money/upkeep can shift depending on circumstances, but the amount of work should be 50-50.

MathNo5413 · 2023-07-06T13:46:08+00:00

Yes, I don’t care about income because I think love and money should be a separate thing. I’ve watched my parents have so many screaming arguments about their joint money it’s not even funny, and I absolutely want separate assets in marriage. And I need men emotionally but not financially lol. No shame in women who do want to be provided for by a man financially but not everyone with a vagina is gonna be the exact same carbon copy clone

Sad_and_grossed_out · 2023-07-06T16:05:22+00:00

Most women dont want to date bums, it's that simple. It's especially true for women who want to have children. Most households need two incomes to make ends meet now. Pregnancy comes with a lot of potential complications, you gotta have a man who can make money in case the woman can't. I had one friend who was confined to the bed for the last three months of her pregnancy because she was high risk for miscarriage and couldn't work. I also knew another who was out of work for almost six months after a severe spine injury she suffered during child birth. If those women didn't have a working man who could hold it down while they recovered they would have been out on the street.

Safinated · 2023-07-06T17:36:12+00:00

I don’t get why you’re confused at all. The title makes sense to me. If you think all women care about are zeros, then lazy bums with an inheritance would be king chad

Embarrassed_Work4065 · 2023-07-06T12:57:03+00:00

It means stop playing video games and get a hobby.

I don’t know if men realize how childish and juvenile video games are. They have negative sex appeal. Nobody except your friends from middle school care about how much you can grind in vidya.

The best decision I ever made was selling my console and picking up a hobby. Now I’m on the path to a new lucrative career on that field. If I didn’t drop the video games, I’d still be at my old shit job working barely above minimum wage and spending the rest of my time alone in my room.

baiser_vole · 2023-07-06T13:30:47+00:00

Okay, I don’t know what other women mean, but this is what I mean. I am someone who could retire this instant and not have any financial issues. However, I still work and make money. I plan on having kids, and kids learn from their parents. They don’t listen to our words, but watch what we do. Usually, their minimum standard for themselves is going to be the weaker parent. I don’t plan on being that weaker parent, and neither should my man. He can make whatever amount he makes, I honestly couldn’t care less. He could even make nothing or close to nothing, but he has to be doing something productive with the desire to excel. Since I know my children are going to take after us, I don’t go easy on one’s work ethics.

BigVulvaEnergy · 2023-07-06T14:08:44+00:00

It means that we work for some 50-60 years, so their current salary isn't as important as their values to work hard.

I met my partner in our 30s. I have more education than him. We made about the same when we started dating. Both incomes have increased. I make more.

I only cared that he could financially support himself. Like I was financially supporting myself.

relish5k · 2023-07-06T15:05:13+00:00

It means that she’s ok dating a guy who makes less now, as long as she thinks he’ll make more in the future (or will at least put forward a good faith attempt to make more in the future)

Beebum5 · 2023-07-06T15:07:13+00:00

It means they want to see the potential that their partner can earn more. Like to be with them from the bottom & you think they’re on the way to the top, at least to me. Income definitely matters

Unnecessary-Training · 2023-07-06T15:13:26+00:00

are you really going to date a guy who is either in school, low income, etc but as long as he has ambition?

Why not? What is the difficulty here in your minds? My sister is married to a man exactly like this.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-07-06T15:54:56+00:00

It mainly means you want to be with someone who does something and isn't sitting around gaming and watching TV all day. Someone who does things he cares about and has hopes and dreams in life rather than settling for minimum wage and unemployment because he's given up. I am the kind of working woman you describe and I'm currently almost entirely supporting my fiancé and am likely to earn more than him for the rest of our relationship, and while I'm fine with that I'm not going to be in a relationship with someone with no goals, no self-discipline and no ambition to achieve things together.

operation-spot · 2023-07-06T16:37:46+00:00

For me it means that I don’t want to date a bum. I don’t mean a SAHD but someone without a job who’s not looking for one and is sitting my house eating my food.

I would prefer someone who is making around the same amount as me and also has a degree and I will be the first to admit that my preference is based on elitism.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2023-07-06T16:40:40+00:00

My husband was out of work when we got together that wasn’t a problem he had other traits I liked

TSquaredRecovers · 2023-07-06T17:02:53+00:00

I married someone who is relatively my equal. We’re both educated—I have my master’s degree, he has his bachelor’s degree—and we both have careers where we make close to the same amount of money. This has worked out very well. Education is very important to me, more so than income.

angelicasinensis · 2023-07-06T18:08:23+00:00

This is really going to be dependent on the individual woman- Some ladies who make bank but maybe perceive themselves as less attractive may want a man who just tends to the house and is a cutie pie. Some ladies who want to be homemakers maybe want a man who makes money so they can stay home.

A good relationship complements each other, has a good blend of different attributes where different people bring their different skills to the table. Being able to make money is one skill, but so is being good with kids, being a good homemaker- depending on what each partner is good at or brings to the table is going to change what kind of partner they want/attract.

mrmoneytrain · 2023-07-06T18:32:14+00:00

It means it’s cool as long as long as he’s on his way to getting paid

itdoesnotmatterlolol · 2023-07-06T19:33:23+00:00

Women need to feel safe and secure. If you cannot sufficiently provide resources to make her feel secure and capable of raising children then you are not a good enough provider. If you are not working towards being a provider (improving your situation by grinding) then she cannot have confidence that you will become a provider. Note that this is for younger women who have the displeasure of sorting through the sea of lost men to find men with potential. Older women won't ever settle for a man who hasn't made it already. They took risks when they were younger, got hurt by shitty men. Thus as you get older the expectation on you increases. A younger male can attract a quality woman with nothing. As that woman ages she realizes her value.

If you fail in your grind, or do not partake in the grind, then be prepared to be left with nothing. Women leave men at rock bottom. If you get injured be prepared to be left for a dumb reason. You will find your girl slowly gets resentful. The nagging starts. The bedroom dries up. She gaslighting you into thinking you are at fault. She rules you up so she can leave you and claim her virtuous escape to her friends and family validating her abuse. She finds someone else in your time apart and then one day she is gone. Because she can easily find a man who has done the grind.

80 percent of divorces are initiated by women. And most marriages end. Because blue pilled simps were not taught what is expected of them.

No-Chance-8405 · 2023-07-06T20:03:25+00:00

I don't care if he makes less than me. I don't care if he is in school. I would only care if he was lazy, had no interests other than sleeping and gaming, no dreams, no plans, if he wouldn't try at all. What am I supposed to do with him? Maybe imagine how you would feel with a woman who has no interests other than polishing her nails.

MotherPermit9585 · 2023-07-06T20:10:49+00:00

I can’t really answer this because I did marry a man who makes less than me and I’ve never really cared about men’s salary except when I was poor. I’m a very high earner though so we only need my income to be comfortable.

BunnyFlopped · 2023-07-06T20:24:58+00:00

Just work some kind of job and do something meaningful or at least attempt to grow and improve yourself.

Women do not only need men who make money. Women do not expect all people to have degrees either.

BunnyFlopped · 2023-07-06T20:25:16+00:00

Just work some kind of job and do something meaningful or at least attempt to grow and improve yourself.

Women do not only need men who make money. Women do not expect all people to have degrees either.

Mentathiel · 2023-07-06T20:39:13+00:00

I've dated men who earn less than half my salary. I genuinely don't care as long as we are able to stimulate each other intellectually and otherwise are a good match. And, the most important condition, if they're happy and not miserable and jealous of me, which ends up ruining it. I think men tend to take it way harder when we earn more than them than you might realize and avoiding that bs is one of the reason for selecting higher earners.

That being said, when women in general say that they want someone with ambition, they probably mean we're both young and not quite there yet and I'm willing to support you on your way up the ladder, but you better be willing to climb. Aka they're investing early into a guy they think has potential so he's already attached to them by the time he achieves his potential. That's how I'd understand the statements you mention. But those are not all women either way.

NarwhalsInTheLibrary · 2023-07-07T00:58:52+00:00

Most young people either are beginning their careers or haven't even started their careers yet. So a young woman looking for a man to be her life partner and raise a family is going to care more about how much that man is likely to make later in life than how much he makes now.

He could be getting a degree and have zero salary but have ambitions to have a lucrative career. If she knows that and can see he's a responsible person who works hard, she won't care much if he's broke currently.

As a person who never intended to have kids, salary was never a big deal to me anyway. I don't really care as long as he supports himself and has enough money to be able to do fun stuff with me.

edit to add: the guys who are always focused on "THE GRIND" are not really for me, because that seems to always indicate a guy is a workaholic. I respect somebody busting their ass to accomplish something, but if that is all you do for your entire life then you are not going to be a good partner for me. A guy who can never spend time with me or enjoy himself is not worth it, no matter how big his bank account is.

Morrigan2020 · 2023-07-07T01:46:11+00:00

I’ve said similar things before. To me, it’s about compatibility. I have a career I’ve worked hard to build that provides me a great deal of personal satisfaction. I’m surrounded by similar people at work. Most of my friends are similar people. If I dated someone who just had a job, who does the minimum needed to make a living, that would be a huge area of difference between us. My job pays very well, and I can afford alone the sort of lifestyle I want. So it’s not that important to me that he bring in as much financially, but I want him to be able to understand and respect how much of myself I have put into the process of getting where I am. And I want to hear similar things from him! I want him to have something he is deeply passionate about, something he works towards and is invested in. Gives us things to talk about, and helps each of us will be more understanding of the inevitable time consuming nature of our respective careers.

begayallday · 2023-07-07T05:22:35+00:00

I’m working class and every partner I have had has been working class. All I honestly care about is that they’re doing something they don’t mind doing, and ideally enjoy to some degree. And that one way or another we are able to get by.

meshsesh · 2023-07-07T12:38:58+00:00

Its just politically correct bullshit that women spew

Filmguy000 · 2023-07-07T22:37:24+00:00

Despite what women say, it is ideal (if you are male) that the male partner makes more than the female partner. There is just a greater respect that comes with that. I have seen couples where the woman earn more than her partner, and the dynamic is always off (she is clearly the more domineering of the two). Or I have seen others, where the woman earns more but she is objectively unattractive while the male partner is the better looking/more fit of the two, so it becomes kind of a pseudo toy boy situation but full time.

Women ALWAYS say that they don't care what the man makes, but he has to have "this" and "that" and "goals" and "prospects" and "passions" and "active hobbies" and "achievements". Whatever the fuck that even means to them since most people work long hours, make little money and don't live the Instagram life. But it implies that men are a utility that women want to look up to and ideally show off.

Plus you can't tell me that a female doctor who brings $400k a year to her household will follow her $60k a year plumber husband's lead. There is no way in shit that would fly in her world for the long haul.

Comments