In my experience women don't care what you have to say and they are generally not genuinely interested in anything you are unless it aligns with them.

Safinated · 2023-10-02T04:05:01+00:00

If that were true simping would be the most effective sex strategy, and male interests/hobbies/opinions would simply not exist.

The truth is that men have little interest in women’s sports, interests, professions, media, literature, content, art, hobbies, skills, opinions and attitudes — and it hasn’t hurt them.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-10-02T06:22:22+00:00

This is literally just a human problem. Men love talking about themselves too. There's also the genuine issue that if you're not interested in something you just won't have a lot to say about it even if you want to engage with someone else who's into that thing.

yamb97 · 2023-10-02T03:50:10+00:00

This is why you should date and be friends with people whom you share similar interests with. Seems pretty obvious.

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-10-02T04:23:08+00:00

I feel the same way sometimes about men in my life. Seems like most people don't care what you have to say unless it aligns with their interests.

Welcome to life on earth buddy boyo.

BaiKingu · 2023-10-02T06:11:23+00:00

Men when they select women purely on visuals: bro why are women so boring

Then y’all come on here and say it’s women who don’t care about anything you say when in reality it’s the other way around, if you’re not attractive most men won’t even be polite to you.

Justwannaread3 · 2023-10-02T04:04:30+00:00

Eh this is a weird take.

I always showed interest in topics of conversation driven by the men who I went on dates with, even if I wasn’t directly interested in them. That’s basic social courtesy.

I listen to and engage with my boyfriend when he talks about things that really interest him, even when they don’t really interest me. Again, common courtesy.

That doesn’t mean I need to personally invest interest in whatever that topic is. My boyfriend and I have plenty of shared hobbies and interests. We don’t have to share all of them. But we listen to each other talk about things we enjoy separately, too.

Lysa_Bell · 2023-10-02T07:23:32+00:00

That's just a general thing with people. Not even dating.

I even experience that with my fiancé. We met because we are both into video games. So we have a common topic we can talk about. But we both also have interests the other can't really connect with. The trick is when it comes to engaging with the interest of your loved one is to find something that you personally can enjoy about it and not forcing you to enjoy the specific Aspekt they enjoy.

This kind of mindset usually comes with maturity. So younger people don't really get that.

Example: my fiancé is a very competitive spots player. Football and cricket are his go tos. We are together almost 6 years and he explained cricket 100s of times already to me. I always ask questions and try to understand it but it just won't stick. He tells me excited about how his team scored 40runs over or something and I still have to ask "is that good?" And then I cheer when it's good. I will always be excited for his excitement. But the game itself is just not interesting to me. What I find enjoyment when I watch him play is the atmosphere - sitting in a little folding chair in the sun, with a pick nic and some music really is relaxing to me. He thinks I'm bored. I love every second. I clap when the ball flies far away and won't be caught. Because I know that's a good thing.

I am a professional photographer and love going on walks taking nature photos and just enjoy myself. He has no idea or interest in photography. He will go on walks with me, wait for me to take my photos. Look at them. Go to museums with me. Even take some photos of things I might like and show them to me. Because he loves me. He has no actual interest in the act itself - he says he loves seeing me excited about it and he loves spending time with me. He enjoys the together aspect of it and making me happy.

You don't have to have all the overlapping topics. It's just important to show interest in what makes the other person happy and find what you can get out of it yourself.

A lot of people don't understand that. A lot of people don't care about other people enough to get into their interests.

My fiancé is one of the first people that don't judge me or ridicule me for my interests. I am still apologizing for being excited about topics that don't interest him. He always assures me I don't have to apologize and he loves seeing me excited.

TLDR: most people suck at connecting via topics they aren't personally invested in - that's just human. Not gendered or even dating related.

anon1029436292 · 2023-10-02T04:39:16+00:00

I feel the same about a lot of men I’ve seen. That’s why we date, to find someone we are compatible with.

Currently I’m with someone that has similar interests, although not the same. Similar enough we get excited about what the other is talking about or at least understand the basics enough to let them nerd out. I’m interested because I give a shit about him and he gives a shit about his interests therefore by extension I do too!

He finally is someone who listens to me (and actually listens and retains the information) more then I’ve ever experienced before, and it’s amazing.

Tovo34 · 2023-10-02T12:16:34+00:00

This is the same with every person you will ever meet, and every conversation you will ever have. Welcome to the real world.

begayallday · 2023-10-02T05:15:09+00:00

People tend to enjoy talking about themselves and their own interests. This is a pretty common feature among humans. Gender is pretty irrelevant here. I have certain subjects I won’t allow myself to talk about with people, especially if I don’t know them well, because I will keep talking about them for way longer than anyone else is actually interested.

Having super niche interests is isolating, for whatever that’s worth. I can’t even find active communities online, and one of the annual events relating to one of my interests (the one that is close enough for me to drive to and back in a day) didn’t garner enough financial support to continue. This really isn’t relevant to the OP anymore, I’m just venting.

houstongradengineer · 2023-10-02T04:01:17+00:00

Breaking fucking news: women are people, and people have their own personalities, needs, and life paths.

How old are you? And why are you here if you never even got that far in considering what interpersonal relationships are?

Antisocialite99 · 2023-10-02T04:21:10+00:00

Intellectual curiosity is so fucking hot in a woman.

It's rare tho, I mean it's rare in anyone I don't think it's a gender thing. Everyone just wants entertainment.

wtknight · 2023-10-02T15:09:17+00:00

Women are interested in the interests of the men whom they are actually attracted to. If they aren't interested in that man's interests, then it means that they are not attracted and they are either dating for validation, resources, or boredom, or that they are just eventually going to ghost the guy.

toasterchild · 2023-10-02T15:22:34+00:00

Isn't that how bonds are formed? You find the places where you have shared interests and work from there, if you have zero connection points its going to be harder.

Sometimes you have to just keep talking instead of waiting for them to engage. If they don't know anything about your job they will say "thats cool" instead of asking any questions because they won't even know what questions to ask. Sometimes its better to make a joke about it afterward or just launch into a basic explanation instead of waiting.

If it never connects then it doesn't, that is ok, that is the point of dating... figure out that it's not going to work so you can move your attention somewhere else. If you were meant to easily connect with the first person who came along this would all be so much easier.

Awkward-Western4011 · 2023-10-02T03:49:49+00:00

I'm not accusing you OP but do you think it comes off that you're asking questions for the sake of talking about yourself? Like, with your book example, you're asking what their favorite book is as an excuse to talk about your own favorite book and don't actually give a shit about what they have to say. People can tell when that's how you feel and it doesn't make them want to take an interest in what you're saying either.

RonMexico432 · 2023-10-02T09:29:04+00:00

Weird way of saying you aren’t interesting

henrycatalina · 2023-10-02T12:03:49+00:00

This is just normal. Men and women are different.

softcircuitry · 2023-10-02T13:45:15+00:00

Yes, welcome to how humans work. You’ll feel less indignant about it when you accept that you do the same thing.

purplish_possum · 2023-10-02T14:04:50+00:00

Women hang on every word hot guys say.

Women only care about what Billy Beta says if it has the potential to benefit them.

MidoriEgg · 2023-10-02T20:15:55+00:00

Honestly, most humans are like this with few exceptions. There’s a lot of things I like to talk about, that I can’t talk about with most people because unless it’s their specific interest they’ll find it boring

NonTakenNameThatIUse · 2023-10-02T07:00:40+00:00

I'mma be real with you chief, as boring as I think women in general are, what you're describing is a human problem, not a gendered one

lvoncreek · 2023-10-02T10:59:22+00:00

To my experience men blatantly do this exact thing to women

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-10-02T11:13:40+00:00

This is exactly how I feel talking to most men, except they often also don’t want to hear what I have to say on anything they are interested in either. It’s like they’re there purely to give lectures and have me be impressed by their knowledge.

Now there’s two ways we can look at this. On one hand, most people are pretty bad listeners. This is a human problem I’ve experienced with most men and women alike. But on the other hand, most people are pretty bad talkers too and aren’t great at judging the other person’s level of interest as they are speaking and knowing when to change the subject. Be honest, how much of an enthusiastic response to do you give when she’s talking about something you aren’t interested in or don’t know much about? Sometimes there just isn’t a whole lot you can say.

So how do we fix this? Depending on who you’re with, you can’t always. Some people you just won’t have enough in common with or their listening skills just aren’t up to par. Good sign to move on. With others, the key is to move back to topics you both are interested in. This doesn’t mean you can’t both talk about your individual interests, but it means you don’t stay on a topic too long when you’re not getting much engagement. You also have to actively listen when she talks if you want her to do the same for you.

Cethlinnstooth · 2023-10-02T06:39:35+00:00

Here's a question for you...if a girl is incredibly good looking AND a great conversationalist how long do you think she lasts on the market?

Drop one of your other requirements a fair bit amd see how the level of conversation improves. It's not that pretty girls are dumb it is that dating is a residual system. When you date you date the residue of everyone's attempts to pair up. Beautiful and witty... that's always been in demand.

Over_North8884 · 2023-10-02T05:16:22+00:00

Do you care when women drone on about cosmetics, chick flix, or astrology? My reaction is like a cat falling into water.

AceOfSpadesGymBro · 2023-10-02T10:30:38+00:00

Well, you should try dating better women then.

nonplussedminus · 2023-10-02T08:17:34+00:00

They care if you are attractive.

Ass-a-holic · 2023-10-02T04:44:56+00:00

I feel ya, sometimes it’s like talking to a brick wall when conversing with females.

Unless you’re “entertaining” them by being the dancing monkey she is expecting. I mean it works, but is exhausting, sometimes I just want to converse without being expected to be entertaining the entire time. Unfortunately females have a very very low tolerance for “boredom”

Actually since I’ve been doing P4P about 7 years ago I haven’t really even tried to have a conversation with a female unless for work or absolute necessity because it’s very unpleasant

Cold-Pineapple2784 · 2023-10-02T12:03:23+00:00

OP has it wrong. Women don’t care what you say unless you’re a super hot mega Chad. It’s all about physical attraction. If you’re a mega Chad you can say literally anything and she’ll likely fall for anything and talk about your interests as if were hers. But it won’t work if you’re just another boring looking average guy on planet earth 😏

DopeAFjknotreally · 2023-10-02T15:05:28+00:00

I think it’s the exact opposite. I’d you’re a confident and influential guy, girls will get into your hobbies so that they can connect with you

tadL · 2023-10-02T06:10:08+00:00

You misunderstand. The woman is "talk thinking". And you are there to listen. To nod and add. Not solve the problem.

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CombinationMore4630 · 2023-10-02T13:28:21+00:00

Bro

You sound like a woman. I think that's your problem. Seems like you talk a lot. Chicks don't like that.

Overthetrees8 · 2023-10-02T14:50:32+00:00

LOL i just saw a post on the exact same subject but in reverse

https://reddit.com/r/dating/s/8jg2oLYZYg

I honestly think it’s not a gendered thing here, people are usually just willing to talk about things that interest them rather than the opposite. Too many times we boil everything down to gender when in reality we all experience those things.

MistyMaisel · 2023-10-02T17:17:46+00:00

I'm a woman.

Finding people interesting requires taking on a perspective. I call it the late night host perspective. It requires me to act like I'm genuinely interested in everything. It requires me to act like the person is necessarily interesting and that it is my job to dig out the interesting from them. And if I take this late night host perspective, I usually do find people interesting and get interesting opinions or anecdotes from people.

It's also an exhausting perspective to take and often has an element of fakery to it because just because I got some interest or one good anecdote out of someone from talking about their "thing" doesn't mean I'm actually interested in that thing or that they're deeply interesting. It's a good and useful skill, but it often leads to faking deeper connections than are really going on.

So, what I'll say is that most people aren't interesting deeply, but are capable of light or fleeting interestingness. And when I'm on a date, I'm not interested in being the late night host. I'm trying to actually see if a person is deeply interesting or there is a real connection. And going, "wow, tell me about your favourite book" just isn't the way to do that.

Why is this? Because an actually deeply interesting and enjoyable person makes you interested in their favourite book from the jump. They don't need me to dig it out because it pours out of them naturally. Or, they'd have to be into the things I'm into, but in a way that makes it enjoyable to share in our mutual interest. (A lot of the time having a mutual interest isn't any better.) I'm not interested in faking curiosity just to keep a convo flowing on a date. Why would I? This is about actual compatibility, not fake compatibility. I was interested in your book or title. If you weren't interested in mine, you should have said, "oh cool". But interest is meant to be genuine, not some reciprocal game where because you listened to me, I'm supposed to listen to you. We aren't on a late night show and there are no advertising to be appeased. Let's have a terrible date if there's nothing real here.

Most jobs aren't cool. It sucks, but it's true. Stories about jobs can be entertaining or draw people closer together, but if you can't follow the oh cool with either a joke or a good anecdote, you know your job is lame too and you aren't even able to turn it into a human piece which is what people with charisma do.

And look, if I'm mildly interested or enjoy how someone is passionate about topics I don't care about, I'll let them go for awhile and even enjoy it. Because they're making me able to enjoy their passion and things. But even with my boyfriend, I eventually have to tease him to remind him that I'm not actually interested in this topic and now he's pushing my listening a little far and it is beginning to feel like a conversation where he's masturbating. So I'm going to tune in and out soon if he keeps going. But I'm not actually interested, I'm expressing love or enjoyment of their personality. Their topic can jump of a bridge. But these women don't love you, so of course they aren't letting you use their ears for conversational masturbation.

nytnaltx · 2023-10-02T18:21:38+00:00

What are you talking to them about? Sounds like you're just dating bad listeners. Or you're just dating women who aren't naturally curious. I have learned all sorts of things about areas of interest I didn't know about from dating different guys and engaging them on their various soapboxes. This is just a social skills issue, not really a gender issue.

TSquaredRecovers · 2023-10-03T02:44:42+00:00

It sounds like you‘ve just had negative experiences with the women you happened to have come in contact with. You can’t paint a board picture of an entire gender by having interactions with a small number of women.

In the future, it might make sense to pursue women who already have similar interests and hobbies as you do. This is a good example of why online dating is a subpar way to meet people. When you date someone whom you have known for some time through your real-life social circles, you already know a bit about them and what they’re like.

bluehorserunning · 2023-10-03T09:46:21+00:00

You mean, gasp people (women) are more interested in you when you share similar interests?!!?!?!?!!?????(!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!,!,!!,!!!! Shock! Horror! Oh, the humanity….!

2023-10-03T15:33:04+00:00

You could have a great conversation with a woman but then she will hit you with the “no spark” text.

On the other hand you could talk bullshit and banter, never mention anything about yourself or ask a thought provoking question but if your kino and banter was on point you’ll get that second date or whatever.

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