Mens wants dont matter

Snekky3 · 2023-12-06T13:52:14+00:00

Where does this paying for meals and doing favors fantasy come from? Thats not how friends work.

captainhowdy82 · 2023-12-06T14:36:41+00:00

Wtf my male friends do not buy me things or “protect” me or anything special that my female friends don’t do.

What sucks is to think someone has been your friend, but the whole time they wanted one specific thing from you and, if they don’t get it, they don’t want to be friends, thus proving that they never actually cared about your friendship in the first place

But once you have revealed that you’re an ass who never truly cared about your female “friend,” you honestly don’t deserve her friendship and should stay the hell away

Aromatic_Ad5473 · 2023-12-06T15:06:28+00:00

Treat your women friends the way you treat your men friends. Because you’re just friends. If you don’t pay for your men friends, don’t pay for your women friends either. If you’re only “friends” with someone because you’re trying to get in her pants, then you were never her friend. You were just emotionally manipulating her.

sonofsochi · 2023-12-06T13:39:40+00:00

Pure r/niceguys material here.

I’ve paid for countless meals for my women friends without expecting anything from them. I’ve done the same for my male friends too. That’s what friendship is.

You being a gentleman for the pure purpose of your friendship leading to something greater is not the morally superior stance you think it is buddy.

Steakman1 · 2023-12-06T12:49:23+00:00

Your rant seems to be specifically about male and female friendships. Which makes your title a bit misleading. But in regards to male, female friendships, you are not required to be friends with anyone you do not want to be friends with. If a woman gets butt hurt because you don’t want to be friends with her after she rejects you, who cares? She isn’t going to be in your life anymore. So why does it matter what her opinion is? I’ve been on dates with women before where after a month she decides we would be better off as friends. And my response was that I have enough friends and I’m not looking for friendship. They seemed understanding in the moment. But maybe they went and told their friends how much of an asshole I am. If they did, then it doesn’t matter because I haven’t seen them since.

But if you are a guy who struggles with talking to women, then having female friendships is probably a good thing for you. If you’re too scared to flirt with women, and you have no female friendships, completely isolating your self from women is only going to make you more nervous and awkward when you do get the courage to finally talk to someone.

If you’re friends with a woman and give her all this boyfriend treatment in hopes that she’ll one day want you, that’s completely on you if she ends up rejecting you. Treat her like a girlfriend when she’s your girlfriend. People don’t value things that are easy to obtain.

Safinated · 2023-12-06T15:18:57+00:00

Luckily for you, most of us don’t expect extra protection, favors or payment, and will not be your friend anymore either.

And we can have whatever opinion we like about your rejection of our friendship

sometimesthisisweird · 2023-12-06T12:01:16+00:00

Where do you live where guy friends are out paying for women friend's meals? Protecting from what exactly? I can understand doing favors, but favors go both ways.

Here is an idea for guys that want to fuck their women friends. Stop trying to fuck your women friends unless you start dating. Be friends. Hang out. Talk. Send each other expired Group On discounts to some new restaurant. Be, like a person.

engineeringAltt · 2023-12-06T12:16:39+00:00

Do you gain anything from your male friends? Like companionship or someone to talk to? Or are they buying all your meals for you? Do you think they are just waiting for you to be drunk enough to experiment?

It seems to me, you have no idea what a friend is.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2023-12-06T12:42:52+00:00

If the only benefit you see to having women friends is that at some point they might touch your penis, then yes there’s no point for you to have women friends

AnxiousApartment5337 · 2023-12-06T13:41:17+00:00

Wow this is crazy to me as a woman who works in a male dominated field and has a ton of genuine male friends. The only thing I get out of these friends is friendship and laughter because they’re all funny as hell. They’re also mostly married / in relationships so they’re not looking to screw me either. The notion that men and women can’t be friends is weird

mrs_seng · 2023-12-06T12:20:22+00:00

I've seen a lot of women on reddit and other question apps call men weird or shame men for not wanting to be friends with women, especially ones they like that reject them.

Because from her side it was just friendship, but from hia side it was a "i pretend to be her friend, but actually i have feelings for her/want to have sex with her". You see who is dishonest here?

They say he should be HER friend regardless and that it hurts the WOMAN to lose a "friend".

It does hurt to lose a friend. And that is all she thought of him: just a friend.

Women will also say he wasnt a true friend if he didn't want to be around her after she rejected him, to which I'd argue that if that guy didn't give her GF benefits like paying for meals, protecting her, doing favors for her without her showing appreiciation and giving anything in return she wouldn't be his friend either.

Multiple things thrown in the soup here because you had to spin it somehow. Fine, i'll bite.

First, the woman is right, he wasn't a true friend. True friends don't pursue a romantic relationship. Feelings might develop from both sides as the friendship progresses, but if the man knew from the beginning that he was attracted to her, but played the friend card, that's on the man.

Second, friends protect each other, might also help financially, even with raising kids (babysitting), crash at each other's places, do various favours. This is not GF benefit, this is what true friendship means.

But the difference is that he would still do those things for her as a BF or friend and more, but as a friend she wouldn't do any of that stuff for him.

Maybe she would do, if he asked for help. What kind of favour did the man ask for and she refused?

I am aware that there are sidelobed friendships where just one friend pura effort, but that is not a true friend either. I'm talking about "friends" who just call you when they need you.

My point being is men gain little to zero benefits being friends with women while women gain all the benefits to being friends with men.

What benefits are you discussing here? Is this a case of sidelobed friendships (which are encountered in same sex friendships as well)?

Thats why men dont want that as a consolation prize, its insulting.

Having friends is one of the most fulfilling things in life. Calling it consolarion prize shows how little thought people who think like this have for other people who have been there for them.

Also, it is not insulting to refuse a relationship with someone. It can be demoralizing, you can have your ego a bit hurt, but it's not an insult unless insulting words were used.

But this also confirms that women cant handle the truth and would rather be lied to.

No, women don't want fake friends who have an agenda. Nobody wants this.

Instead of just being OK and relieved that she wont have to deal with a potential creep she'd rather him lie to himself and her just to satisfy her own ego.

The fact that the woman considered him a friend automatically means she doesn't see him as a creep. Women are not friends with ceepy people. Unless they are creepy as well. And i think this applies to both genders.

Nobody asked anyone to lie. She calued his friendship. And nobody wants to lose a friend.

If a man was in her position he wouldn't shame her to keep being his fleshlight, but for some reason women think men need to be their mule. If a woman can deny a man sex he can deny her friendship.

What kind of shaming was involved? How did the shaming manifest?

All in all, i don't think the dynamic isn't always as presented in OP, but more like: man tries to befriend women hoping for pussy. Woman is not attracted to him, but sees him as a friend. Man bends backwards trying to be noticed. Woman appreciates gestures, but is not interested in a relationship. Man tells her about his feelings, woman doesn't feel the same. Man becomes bitter.

MyLastBestChance · 2023-12-06T12:18:54+00:00

Men: DON’T BE FRIENDS WITH HALF OF THE POPULATION!!!

Also men: We’re so lonely and don’t have any friends and it’s all women’s fault and women don’t care about male loneliness.

John_Oakman · 2023-12-06T12:46:19+00:00

Ulterior motives are not entitled to be fulfilled.

MistyMaisel · 2023-12-06T17:33:15+00:00

Dude, we've done this dance before. I dunno what girls you're simping for and making all these contracts with and so forth, but stop projecting that onto real male female friendships.

If a dude friend buys my food, it's only because we're working on a spot you back and forth system. Often because it's easier on waiters to do one check. He gets it this time, I get it the next time, and yes, there's going to be a next time because we're homies.

If a dude friend refuses to let me pay (I've had a few of those, they usually made more money or had some insanely odd masculine standards at play), I found ways to spot them back with baking, treats, random meals I casually brought them, and more.

I've given them rides, I've gotten rides. If I didn't have a car, I'd pay for gas, if they wouldn't let me, I'd get them a treat.

But finally, the most relevant benefit having a female friend usually brings dudes in these situations is a social benefit. Women run the social fabric and being friends with us gets you invited places you'd never get to go otherwise and treated better than most of your disagreeable asses would ever get treated without us. It also tends to mean you'll live longer when you tell us about random medical shit and we pressure you to get it seen to. The fact is, friendships with women are often full of intangible, but very real benefits that men in these corners are too socially retarded to be aware are happening. To say nothing of the emotional dumping we're going to help you work through in a semi-healthy manner.

But with all that said, don't be friends with us. It's fine. Frankly, if this is how you think about friendships, I don't think any of us want you for a friend.

lil_kleintje · 2023-12-06T12:58:14+00:00

I honestly LOVE how unhinged this sub is. Please keep it coming.

PlainTundra · 2023-12-06T12:25:10+00:00

Don't put yourself in the friendzone, it's not that difficult.

BeepBeepYeah7789 · 2023-12-06T14:06:18+00:00

As a man, you get to decide who you have as friends, whether they are women or other men. And it's in your power to decide how and when you interact with them.

It shouldn't be more complicated than that.

TWCDev · 2023-12-06T15:37:52+00:00

To be fair, Nobody’s wants matter in the frame of what you want other people to do with you. Some women might want a flock of admirers they never have sex with who treat them like gfs. I know many women (especially models) who have that interaction with many of their male friends. As a guy who is often friends with those models, i’ll tell you that the girl often doesn’t respect those guys. Nor should they, the guys often don’t come from a place of honest intentions, so they are buying a response because they don’t want to earn a response by being a funny and chill person. Nobodies “wants” matter. Screw people telling you that you should be friends with someone who doesn’t want to reciprocate the way you want.

So to recap, women don’t need to sleep with guy friends who shower them with gifts, and men don’t need to stay friends with people who don’t treat them the way they want, which applies equally to all genders. I think most people agree that men should not buy things for women they wouldn’t buy for men, and men shouldn’t be deceptive and be friends with someone hoping for sex.

There isn’t a mainstream double standard or anything, many women don’t think other women should accept gifts from men they don’t expect to do anything with. It’s just that some people “are” ok with transactional relationships; and some aren’t. The people who “want” something (maybe some guy to shower gifts on them, maybe just a true friend who will stop trying to fuck them), are very vocal but you can’t rely on numbers on the internet because the people who don’t care don’t comment.

Substantial_Video560 · 2023-12-06T16:22:47+00:00

I'm friends with men and woman. Saying that as I no longer date or do relationships I have no expectations, so friendships are strictly platonic. As long as we respect each others boundaries we're all good.

xxTheMagicBulleT · 2023-12-06T16:46:44+00:00

When i out with friends. Girls or guys. I use the honor code. I pay one time then they pay the other time.

Yes girls often are less generous then guys are. But i have like a 2 strike system. If we go out and they dont work with the honor system. Then i just cut them out off my life.

Im a generous giving people and want to be surrounded by like minded people. If people show there selfish or needy. To easy have there hands out for going to dinner or going out to do stuff.

I just cut them lose. Men or women does not matter. When we are friends i dont treat people differently.

And i dont give girlfriend privileges. For just being friends even of i like a girl. I want investment and knowing we officieel. Before i give girlfriend privileges.

Its what i have always done. Treat women or men the same.

For sure men are more generous and get the honor code more. But you do find gems of girls that way that do have a good heart.

Met my now girlfriend of 8 years that way so. Do think you just gotta keep investing in people. And cut lose the trash people.

Being good for others even if the world might be hard or selfish. Makes you will have people you can fall back on. But the selfish people will have no one in do time.

So investment in people is important you gotta give to expect to receive. In not just love. In friendships in the family.

AceOfSpadesGymBro3 · 2023-12-06T17:08:08+00:00

Tell me you inform your view on women and dating by watching TikTok without telling you inform your views about women and dating on TikTok.

Aromatic_File_5256 · 2023-12-06T17:09:24+00:00

I agree. I am a man and I do have female friends, including women who I have found attractive at some point, but that is my choice because I saw being friends as worthwhile.

But if you don't want to be friends with someone you have all the right to say no. That has to do with consent too.

Now, I do understand the outrage when a man is sneaky and hides his agenda. In my case i don't hide I am interested, and also I don't fake friendship.

bluestjuice · 2023-12-06T17:17:11+00:00

Men can have any wants they want as far as whether to be friends with women. Nobody is going to stop them.

I am going to think that’s weird and not be able to relate to it, but I also think women who only are friends with other women are weird and unrelatable.

SecondEldenLord · 2023-12-06T17:37:45+00:00

Nope, what men actually want never mattered and probably never will. Also, another thing is hoe men's preferences in this day and age are demonised but women's preferences are celebretaded.

Lonely-Illustrator64 · 2023-12-06T17:58:26+00:00

I can understand not wanting to be friends with someone you have feelings for. That’s valid. But the rest of what you said was weird. It always rubs me the wrong way when people talk about men or women as if every single person on the planet in that demographic thinks and acts the same way. Stop looking at people as men or women and start viewing everyone as an individual. I have tons of female friends, they do favours for me and stick up for me. They have defended me in fights (albeit was a screaming match). They help me without even asking- my female friend just yesterday gave me a ride to work when I was in a pickle. She went out of her way for me when she’s a busy single mother and didn’t ask for anything in return. A good friend acts like a good friend and gender has nothing to do with it.

AdhesivenessLevel379 · 2023-12-06T13:23:48+00:00

It’s funny how males here are so unfamiliar with friendships where you open up to eachother and are vulnerable they refer to it as being an “emotional tampon” rather than just like… being a friend and having a connection with someone? I feel bad for you, what an isolated existence.

SmallSituation6432 · 2023-12-06T12:57:22+00:00

This is almost always a case of guys sabotaging themselves. Lets start with the obvious: most women are not soulless vampires trying to steal your money and time. You are not that rich or interesting.

Women are not stupid. Most of the time if a dude is into them and trying to start up something they know, or at least suspect. So the only ways they are going to ignore that is if

a) They don't know you very well and haven't had a chance to make a good judgement then you do some crazy nice guy shit of calling her a whore because she didn't immediately respond to your 3rd text ever.

b) You told her you want to be friends.

My money is on b. And in case you are wondering, talking to and hanging out with someone a lot (like a coworker or something) and just avoiding saying your intentions is the same as telling her you want to be friends.

There are seriously dudes that think hanging out for 6 months is a prelude to dating and not just being someone's friend.

MrBrittle · 2023-12-06T13:23:44+00:00

I've been in the friend zone, men in this condition are nothing more than free plumbers, free computer technicians, free mechanics, free bricklayers, etc. He also ends up being the person on whom the woman dumps all her emotional trash. The friend in this situation is like a boyfriend who has all the responsibilities of a boyfriend, but without the benefits.

Furthermore, it serves as a sign of status for women, as it demonstrates the power she has to control men even without having to offer compensation.

On the other hand, I have genuine female friendships, who helped me when I was in trouble, and I also helped them in certain situations. And it's interesting that they are all married, I'm friends with their husbands, and they are friends with my girlfriend. The difference between mutual respect is stark. One of them has her own business and offered services at cost to me, I rejected it because I believe we shouldn't involve business with friendship, but this type of thing would never be offered by the type of woman who only wants to use male friends as free services.

basedmama21 · 2023-12-06T17:53:09+00:00

Those women are misandrists who have moms from hell and dads who left the chat to preserve their sanity decades ago. They were never shown that men are a vital role of society and in a marriage. So they don’t care. They view men as subhuman because of unaddressed trauma in their lives.

xxTheMagicBulleT · 2023-12-06T16:30:10+00:00

What are you even talking about...

Boyfriend and girlfriend benfits you only get when your boyfriend or girlfriend.

I wanna be a head chef. im not a head chef but i wanna have the benfits of a head chef. So pay me like im a head chef while im not one yet

See how fucking stupid that sounds.

Titles means something.

In a Friendship, you have no responsibility to the well-being or happiness or safety of your friend.

In a relationship, you do have a type of responsibility to take care and suporting your partner. So the title comes with a lot more responsibility on both sides but also a lot more perks.

But you dont give those perks without first both investing in each other and making a commitment to be more than Friends.

And if you dont wanna take that leap of faith then your not worth set commitment. Both have to investing in each other. If you dont want to dont be surprised that the other side also dont want to invest in you.

And people wonder why people have so a hard time getting relationships.

If men's wants don't matter why would men care what women's wants are? If they gain nothing why would the even bother.

Just hypocritical behavior. I want i want i want. But i don't wanna give anything in return. And then wondering why people dont investing in each other.

Gotta give to be worthy of receiving.

Crimson-Pilled · 2023-12-06T12:53:49+00:00

Friendship with women has the same problems as relationships with women: its all about providing for her, without balance. Your wants, needs, and feelings are 2nd to her own. Women would rather keep a guy perpetually suffering from unrequited love than lose a orbiting provider. I now only do friendships with men, not only because of a lack of sexual tension, but because they care for me as I am, not what I do.

Amiskon2 · 2023-12-06T13:35:29+00:00

As I said in another comment, I honestly don't see any value men can get from female friends that they cannot get more or better from male friends. That is the simple reason why men don't really value friendships with women... at best you need a lot of time to keep the friendship running, at worse it is basically being a husband/boyfriend but with no reward. So men rather have male friends that don't ask as much.

Some women say that it can help men get dates, but I disagree. Even if having a female friend helps, having a female friend only causes issues if you get a partner... she will want you to end it all.

Women should not be mad at this. You don't need male friends. Men don't need female friends. Plenty of men and women live happily with one or two friends of their own gender.

lovestocomment · 2023-12-06T15:56:10+00:00

To me this is not rocket science. If you have a female friend and you like her. Let her know. If she doesn't like you then keep it moving. You don't have to invent your time, money or attention. There is no point in maintaining a friendship only to suffer emotionally. If you don't want to be friends anymore just tell her the reason and peace out.

Or have a female friend you don't find to be attractive at all. The fact is, for both men and women. It's probably better to consider a friend for a relationship. Because the bond is already there and you already know the person. The women on here don't understand that the reason a man picks a woman to be long-term partner is because of the bond. Not just sex and how she looks. Where they pick based of how men make them feel and what that man has to offer them.

It seems like a irrational way to pick a partner but that's how the western woman has evolved.

No-Rough-7390 · 2023-12-06T15:35:44+00:00

A real friend that’s a woman would help you move. Yet to see that get taken up on.

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Keepora · 2023-12-06T14:16:17+00:00

Personally I used to he friends with more women than men. However, I noticed a pattern of them getting boyfriends eventually and then ghosting me due to various whatever reasons the most common of which was them getting a bf and ghosting me out of “respect” for him. The other main reason was one that would affect a male friend too of them just moving away and going a different path in life. Either way I had 4 stop being friends with me due to getting a bf so now I just say fuck it and don’t bother befriending women anymore as they only like being friends with you while they’re single apparently.

Ok_Persimmon_1115 · 2023-12-06T15:51:03+00:00

You came out like Mike Tyson and bit an ear with this one😂😂

wecovetwhatwesee · 2023-12-06T16:10:44+00:00

Friendship is not the Plan B of rejected romantic intention.

It's a possibly outcome, but expecting it is called entitlement.

You don't owe those who reject you a default friendship position.

Then again, a lot of women do soft-rejections using the word "Friend" when they really mean "fuck off". So, it backfires on them. Now they have a friendzone candidate hanging around. If she's not interested in exploiting such an arrangement, it's got to be a huge pain in the ass.

Both genders lie and get themselves into trouble.

They also behave like cowards.

If you want to date and sleep with someone, let them know that's your intention.

If you want to reject someone, don't give them hope of a "Friendship option". Just reject them.

No_Landscape9 · 2023-12-06T17:13:51+00:00

I have friends of both genders and i dont know man. monkey brain just goes "person friendly to monke, person and monke connect on emotional level, monke and person like same things, get along, monke likes person and reverse, monke and person are friends". what kind of thinking is "i make friendships with people who benefit me"?? im now really interested how your friendships look like. what benefits do you even gain?

Title	Mens wants dont matter
Author	Thememeboy18
Upvotes	7
Comments	223
Date	December 6, 2023 11:55 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18c2dt0/mens_wants_dont_matter/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/mens-wants-dont-matter.1240156 https://theredarchive.com/post/1240156

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